I wonder what moms do to give guidelines for cell phone use for young teens. Do you restrict minutes, texting, share costs, restrict time they can use it?
Do everything you would do for yourself, and understand that teens will text much more than they will talk. If they go over they have to come up with the money to pay for their overages. Use a family share plan. If they repeatedly go over they lose the phone for a certain amount of time. I have seen this work really well in the past. Generally they only use the phone to talk during unlimited time anyway so it shouldn't be a problem. The other option that I have seen is a prepaid monthly plan. You agree to pay a certain amount every month, and as soon as they go over the minutes, the phone is shut down by the company until more minutes are added(payment received).
My minutes are shared with my daughter (450 monthly; free nights and weekends) We do not text although she has said that she wants to and will pay for it. It was given to her as a Christmas present in 6th grade, 1 1/2 years ago (bought a phone w/ a good promotion and I pay about $14/approx. additional-including tax each month). I was going to wait until 7th grade (new school) but my husband and I were gone each Saturday rehabbing his mom's home so - I wanted to be connected. Also, in 7th grade, there were a few instances that happened at school that I was grateful she had access to me quickly. I told her at the beginning that 8:00 pm the phone gets turned off and I just didn't want to see her on it all the time. Every now and then, I take a look at her phone to see who she has been calling. I made it very clear that I was still in charge of all phones in the home and any "phone abuse" (long time on the phone, breaking any rules about the phone, photographing or video taping anything inappropriate, setting passwords that would deny me access....) would result in consequences. She's been trustworthy and I thought she could handle it. He dad will even call her before me sometimes because he can get her quicker. Good luck. (EDIT) For those people who say they would NEVER get a cell phone...this year my daughter called me from her school, whispering "Mom, police are surrounding my school and we don't know what is going on???" Yes....it is worth every dime I spend!
My daughters and I have Virgin Mobile pay as you go plans. You have to add $20.00 every 3 months to keep the phones activitated. I told them I would be responsible for the $20.00 every 3 months. If their phones run out of minutes before that it is their responsibility to add minutes. They get phone cards from their aunts and uncles at Christmas and thier birthdays which helps them out. It has really taught them to be more responsible. If they are on their phone too much it will "cost" them, so it does help. My daughter did look into getting a different plan now that she's working and realized how expensive cell phones really are!!
My thought is, why do young teens need cell phones?? Let there friends call your house phone. If they need a cell phone for a special outing occasionally they can borrow yours. They don't need to be in touch with their friends ALL the time. This is how my parents handled it and it is how I plan on handling it when my kids get older. Good luck!
EDIT-- After reading some of the other posts I just wanted to add that just because someone has a different opinion does not make them judgemental. I hope people realize that ): Thanks for listening.
I've had my son on our family plan for five years. Yes, he has abused it at times. However, I feel that being able to control the cell phone gives us an advantage in monitoring his use and knowing here he is at. If he goes over on anything, he has to pay the difference. If he doesn't answer when we call, we take the phone. Any infringement on rules bore the consequence of losing the phone for a day, a week, or a month, and if he didn't have a phone where we could call him, he couldn't go out. He is now 18 and has a job. He must pay for his portion of the bill including he wanted unlimited texting and insurance. I am keeping a deposit in his bank account to cover any unwanted downloads. I also have gone in and programmed his phone to not allow him to download anything. I maintain a high amount of minutes but it's easier than getting stuck with a huge bill every once in awhile. Regarding texting, even if he keeps his use down, his friends (especially girls) are constantly texting him with messages like: "hi, what are you doing?" or "Call Me" or something like that. Every time they text it cost me too if he doesn't respond. I often thought of just getting him the call as you go but many of his friends had that and when they used up their minutes their parents could not locate them. Having him on our plan seems to work better.
I would never get my teens a cell phone.
I understand that parents want to know their kids are save and all that stuff,but I don't agree with that.
It always makes me cringe,when I see all these children running
around with their phones in their hands constantly texting and talking.....
I call it the entitlement generation!!!
They can't afford it,they shouldn't have it.
Plus they do link brain cancer to constant use of cell phones.
That is just my thought.
hi Linda,
They all have cell phones now, so denying it is almost like denying a necessity for them. Also - it is one of the few things you can take away as punishment once they get into their teens, which becomes much more challenging. He would get truly 'bummed out' when we took his phone away and would do whatever it took to get it back.
We started my son with one of those 'pay as you go phones' - got it at Target; it's called 'Boost'. We liked it because there's no contract and we use Nextel / Sprint with the two-way walkie talkie feature which could be added to that. (so we could chirp him whenever we pleased at no cost to see what he was up to).
One rule was that if we called or chirped and he did not respond within 15 minutes, automatically lost his phone for 48 hours. This is also nice when they are out with friends and you want to check on them without disturbing friends' parents.
Basically you pay a flat amount for the phone and then can add minutes either by phone, computer or phone cards. That way we did not have to worry about him going 'over' minutes.
They all text like CRAZY, personally I did not allow my son the texting feature after awhile because 1. he used it ridiculously (100s per day) 2. it interfered with school (they can text undetected); and 3. he needed to learn better verbal communication (he sounded like a real 'dunce' when he talked on the phone - hence the texting (I mean that in a loving way) Any moms of teen boys will understand.
Later on when he got older we did add him to our family plan which turned out to be a HUGE mistake. He went behind my back and added not only texting but internet access as well. You can imagine our delight to learn that we had subscribed to 'porn of the week'... not to mention going WAY over our agreed-on minutes. He would pay us back and swear not to do it again, but lo and behold everytime that monthly bill would come we would be furious. He was actually going on-line and pretending to be me in order to change it...even when I would change my password - no idea how he managed it....argh. Anyway we ended up shutting it off and telling him to get his own phone (he is now 19).
So I guess it really depends on your teen and how much you can trust them as far as adding to your family plan. Thanks for giving me a platform to vent on that.
best of luck to you.
W.
Linda,
My daughters got cell phones once they were in extracuricular (sp) activities in school. This way they were able to contact me when they were on thier way back to the school or needed tobe picked up after practice.
We use Virgin Mobile pay as you go. They work for thier money to "top-up" the phone. If they don't do work for me or go overboard using the phone, like TEXTING, then oh well, thier out of luck. My oldest has a job now so she pays for her own and my 14yr watches my 10yr after school for an hour so I give her 20.00 a month. But if she needs more, she works it off.
My girls also ask for cards for birthdays and holidays. They don't need to have a "real plan" as they call it. But it is nice to be able to get in touch with them when I need to.
If you have already decided to do this, don't listen to the judgmental people who say they would never ever do this. I was probably one of them once, and then my daughter grew up and she was in sports and after school activities and maybe at the park with friends or at the pool - and when she needed a ride or when the event was over (if I wasn't there already) I could come get her. They are a great convenience and there is nothing wrong with the safety thing as well -- being in contact. I would do a pre-pay plan or add them onto your plan. Sometimes there are great deals for doing this. I would check around. The texting is what gets crazy, and you would have to have rules upfront about this. They can really run up a bill with that, and my daughter wasn't allowed to have texting on her phone until she got a job and could pay for that herself.
I have a 17 year old that has had a cell phone since he started high school. He just recently graduated and we never had any problems with the phone. I guess I was lucky but we did have a few rules. First he was responsible for his phone and if he lost it he would have to buy a new one. Second he knew that I would be looking each month how many minutes he used and he was alotted about 500 minutes + free nights and weekends + free cingular to cingular calls. Third we talked about texting and I will quote him, "if I want to talk to someone I will call them, texting is lame." So we never worried about that but with the unlimited texting plans you can get know that should not be a problem. My girlfriend pays $29.95 per months for the family to have unlimited texting. She found she could lower her phone use minutes because that is all the do is text their friends.
Forth as for cost his phone costs me $9.99 + tax per month, we have never asked him to pay for it because are business picks up the cost but I don't see any problem with asking them to pay for that monthly fee.
I also do not see a problem with restricting the time the phone is being used or time texting. The phone is a luxury and is a privilege. You are the mom the phones be long to you, you make the rules and there is no reason why they can earn the privilege of having a cell phone.
One Last Comment:
Some of the moms say that a phone is a necessity. A CELL PHONE IS NOT NECESSITY AND JUST BECAUSE EVER ONE HAS ONE DOES NOT MEAN YOU NEED TO GIVE YOUR BOYS THIS PRIVILEGE. Necessities are food, clothes and a roof over their heads. Our children have it good and they sometimes need to see what is like to have to wear second hand shoes and go with out a cell phone. I am not telling you to take their phones away I am just saying "A CELL PHONE IS NOT NECESSITY"
Good Luck with those 3 boys....
Sigrid
I have a 15 year old daughter with a cell phone. She is on our family plan with unlimited texting. Her texting quantity because an issue. We had to set rules that she could not call or txt friends between certain hours. We told her the first time we see usage during that restricted time, she would lose her phone. So far, she has been good about it - she definitely doesn't want to lose her phone. After a specific time, she must give her phone to me or dad. The bottom line is, its not the cost of the phone, its the amount of time spent texting or talking that could be spent studying. Good Luck.