My, very laid back, toddler has become a disaster when it comes to getting dressed lately. Typically if we are going somewhere I can get him dressed drama free by talking about where we are going. The issue is getting him dressed for bed, it has been a nightmare. He is having 20 minute tantrums and fighting me the ENTIRE time I attempt to get him dressed. I feel like I am doing all I can but any other advice is welcomed. What I have been doing is: letting him choose his pajamas, allowing him "naked" time prior to bed time, counting down to when I will get him dressed such as in 10 min, 5 min, 2 min etc. While I dress him I try to sing, ask him to help, and give him something to manipulate with his hands. NONE Of THIS IS WORKING!! After the drama I put him right to bed because he doesn't calm down until he gets in the crib. I feel awful afterwards, almost like when you have a shouting match with your spouse. I am not sure why I feel so awful because I am using the good parenting techniques and not yelling or hitting, although it crosses my mind!! My only thought is to start the process earlier because maybe he just so tired by the time I start. Anyway ANY advice would be appreciated!!!!
Hi Jennifer,
My 21-month-old just started doing the same thing. I wonder if it's developmental?
I just keep going until he's dressed and then he's usually find once it's done.
Best of luck!!!
Michelle
I agree with Michelle. I have 3 children and they just having a power struggle with you.I think you mean good but to many countdowns.Some things just need to be done,like brushing teeth and so on.They always test you.The best thing for me is, keep dressing and stay as calm as possible.Good luck
Marion
You are doing a great job. My dear sweet little girl did this to me too at that age. My only suggestion is to use a timer instead of telling him two minutes, because he has no clue what two minutes are. I used a regular old kitchen timer all the time, at the park, zoo, bedtime and so on. Just be clear with him that once that timer goes off it is time to clean up and get his pj's on. You will have to be firm. If he begins having his fit, don't fight him. Put him in a safe place (I used a little area rug that wasn't near any furniture) and walk away don't give him an audience. Not exactly a time out, but a cool down. And then get him dressed. Don't worry this too shall pass. Good luck!
yup. around same age, same thing. What seems to work for us is "do you want to put on your shirt or do you want mommy to help?"
and he ALWAYS says "mommy" and i'm amazed he lets me do it!
My son (2 1/2) went through this phase for a short time. What worked for me was giving him some control with choosing what he was wearing - which I know you've done. Maybe if he fights you, you can just let him "try" to do it himself. He may be trying to establish some independence. Stand by and let him struggle with trying. I doubt he'll be able to do it on his own 100% at this point. Be there when he gets frustrated and will finally want your help.
My son now does NOT want to take off his jammies in the morning and will go from a great mood to a crabster as soon as we have to take off the dinosaur jammies.
Oh, the fun of a toddler. Never a dull moment. ;)
Toni
Jennifer, look at what's going on from the outside. YOU are being controlled by a two year old. When you have young children, they are going to constantly try to fight you for control. They want to drink something particular, they want to play with something particular, buy something, eat something other than what you've given them, talk a certain way, go to bed later than bedtime, basically if you want them to wear something black, they want it white! This is just part of them learning about life. They are learning about restrictions, and they will by nature fight them until they are taught that fighting only results in punishment.
If my child were doing this, you better believe that they would get a spanking. I don't care how many people nowadays don't believe in spanking their child. The fact is, it works, and was always the main form of punishment until recently when we've all decided to follow the new "trends" of parenting. When your child is acting out like that, you can NOT allow it! If you do, you're only teaching them that that particular behavior is acceptable! As their parents, it is our job to teach them about how actions = consequences. If we don't, we're only hurting them! What will your son do when he goes to preschool and the teacher says it's time to read or whatever and he throws a fit because he wants to do what HE wants to do? It's not fair to our children. Yes, you may feel bad about punishing him, we all do, remember that saying our parents used to say? "This hurts me more than it hurts you" Well, now we're living right smack in the middle of that line! There is no reason for a child to have to be warned that they're going to have to get dressed in 10,5,3, minutes. That's absurd and I hope that my saying that opens your eyes a bit and helps you to realize that the control between the two of you is quite backwards. Don't let it go because dressing is nothing! Wait until it really matters! Wait until he hits kindergarten and says he doesn't want to do his homework. Believe me, if you don't start them from the beginning with the knowledge that YOU are the parent and THEY are the child, and that YOU are in charge, they will only test you and defy you more and more as the years go by. You are not their mother so you can be their friend and keep them from ever getting upset, you are their mother to nurture them, provide them with things they need, and teach them the tools they need to go out into the world someday and become something spectacular! It starts from the very beginning! So start gaining that control back now!
Your not alone, my 3 yr old is a nightmare when we get dressed in the mornings. She hates to take her jammies off. She is very particular and what she likes to wear. I think it is an independence thing. I agree with the one post that said dont give him an audience. When he is throwing a fit, leave the room dont pay him attention. Come back when he is done. I have found if I am more relaxed then so is she.
Yep...never a dull moment with a toddler...
My toddler went thru a phase like that. I just kept my poker face and didn't show any reaction. After some time she got tired of fighting and realized it was no use.
She also had a phase where she'd throw a huge tantrum when it was bedtime. I would just go about our bedtime routine (even if it meant holding her down while brushing her teeth) and after 3 weeks, she finally stopped throwing tantrums.
Even now, my toddler hates getting her shirt off in the mornings. So I've taken to putting her to bed with the shirt on that she would wear the next day, so there is no hassle of trying to yank off her shirt.
So this is a common thing toddlers do...Don't give him an audience, be stoic, keep being persistent in dressing him, and it will pass.
I think you've gotten some good advice from other moms other than the hitting. Of course children always will test their boundries but teaching them violence if they don't get dressed is ridiculous. Yes, children need to do as they are told and know that you mean what you say by staying firm. Maybe he will get dressed by himself with help afterward straitening.
Been there done that. Do you have a bed time routine? We would start with a bath (you have to put jammies on after a bath) then of course a bed time snack that is really yummy and very motivating! We would eat the snack in a fun place(on a bunch of pillows in a corner) as we read a book and sang songs(make it fun and relaxing). Then it was time for teeth brushing and bed. If there was any fussing about the jammies then no snack or book or song. It only takes a few times for them to discover what great fun they are missing by pitching this fit. You have to be consistent so that he can predict every time how you will handle it. Good luck!
That happenned a couple days last week! Turns out when I examined the days, her naps where shorter so she was more tired!
Maybe start earlier! I too give my daughter naked time, but it's like 2-5 mins. Because all the running around before bed just wires them up.
I would be insane too if I had to give my kids a countdown. I think he may be to young to understand reverse counting.
I would try to start earlier and cut down on the naked time. Of course he is going to be mad that you are cramping his toddler time, but after a couple days he'll get used to it.
PS maybe reread the Happiest Baby on the Block while you unwind from this. Good Luck!
My little one went through the same thing and it lasted for about 1.5 years. I decided I wouldn't mess with pj's at night. I would have the same getting dressed problem at night as the morning.
I figured out what sorts of clothes he liked. For my guy it was baseball, basketball, soccar, numbers, and he had to wear jeans everyday. I would let him pick out his clothes for the next day. If he couldn't decide within 5 minutes, then I gave him two choices. He could choose one or the other shirt/pants/shorts/etc or I would choose. I gave him the count of three to make a final decision. I would dress him in his clothes for the next day and put him to sleep like that. The next day I put his shoes, coat, gloves, etc on him a few minutes before I have to leave and out the door we go.
I know it doesn't sound very comfortable to sleep in, but you have to put the decisions and time management in your control. Your little one is ruling your house and found a way to push your buttons quite well. Start counting to three during the day so he knows you mean business. Put him in timeout for a couple minutes. In the morning I don't have time for timeout, so I count to three and give him a wee little spank. Not enough to hurt, but the whole action of patting his hand or butt hurts his ego and he knows I mean business.
-Stacee
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