My fiance has 2 boys with his ex wife and we have been together for 4 years, but we also have a son together, and recently my fiance's oldest son told me that when his father and I get married he wants to call me "mommy", which I don't have a problem with but I wouldn't want him to get confused at home or slip up and call me mommy around his actual mommy bc she may get mad bc when the conversation came up before she started yelling saying that her boys would never call me mommy. Well bc my fiance's 2 boys call me by my first name our son has started calling me by my first name as well even though I AM his mommy lol so I just want to know, would it be ok to let my fiance's boys call me mommy bc I mean it is our house and the decision is really up to the boys anyway...
My sister’s kids call their stepdad, Daddy K (his name is Keith)…could they maybe call you Mommy M or Mama M? I definitely would want it to be something that their mom wouldn’t resent.
I think this is a GREAT conversation for all of you to have together. I understand the boys’ mom being a little hesitant to allow someone else to be called mommy, but I think it’s awesome that you have such a great relationship with the kids.
My partner and I are foster parents, and the kids who live with us are usually pretty young, and naturally just gravitate to the “mommy” name. We really try hard not to step on birth mom’s toes, so if she is known as mommy, we become Mama and Mimi. My four year old adopted daughter still calls me Mimi and I love it!
I had a friend who called her stepmom “ma’ams” instead of mom. It was close and cute and even as an adult it still stuck!
I would have had a real problem with my kids calling another woman mommy.
Maybe use Ma’Monica or something creative like that?
Your own kids will call you by your first name for a bit, my oldest did that at around age 2 or 3 when he heard my friends or my husband call me Terri… he called me Terri… and it was actually pretty funny. It was a short lived phase tho and we got him back on track.
I guess if you dont care if your child called another woman “mommy” it would be hard for you to see where the dismay could come from. Try to picture it tho…
my daughter has 2 half sisters at her dads house, and they call their step mom mommy and my daughter calls her step mom by her first name. your kids won’t be confused. i’ve heard my ex & his wife tell their daughter - that is jaidens mommy. they get it. you just have to tell them.
I know this is a little different but I still think it’s a good idea. My friend has her daughter call her Grandmas, Grandma sweetie pie and Grandma Honey. I think it’s so cute and then there’s no confusion as to which Grandma they are talking about. You could do something like that with your step son. You could be Momma sweetie pie and his Mom could be Momma Honey.
Let them decide. If she gets angry it will only make HER look bad when they point out it was by CHOICE. I always called my stepdad Dad. And even though he and my mom are not married anymore, I still think of him as my dad. My husband didn’t get a stepparent into he was an adult, and he calls her by her first name. It’s all a matter of choice. Young children often wish to use the title Mom and Dad because that is what makes sense to them. I wouldn’t worry about anyone getting confused.
Would Monny work? Like “mommy” but with n’s instead of m’s, and it’s like your name but not…
My DD has much older sibs and she knows my “real name” and calls me Mommy or Momma. The steps refer to me as her mommy. She tried the first name thing a time or two and I simply said that to HER I am Mommy.
Personally, if the boys are really young and they choose to call you Mommy or Mommy First Name, then I’d let them. It is their choice. If she gets upset then deal with it when that happens. I wouldn’t borrow trouble til I see it.
Now, I’m not going to lie and say that if my DD had a stepmom and called her Mommy it wouldn’t sting. But it doesn’t negate who I am in her life.
FYI, my stepson calls his friend’s mom “Mom” to the point where we had to get him to clarify if he meant N’s mom or his own mom. I will never be “Mom”. I always have been/will be First Name. That stung, but I had to get over it. It actually says more about how he knows his already volatile mother would blow a gasket if he called me Mom.
Now all that said, if the “mom” wears off, then just remind your little one that you are Mommy and that the other boys need to call you something with respect. I’d rather be first name than “that woman” or something nastier.
That is very sweet, but I think it would be confusing if you are all at the same event and this child calls out mommy and the 2 of you do not know who they are talking about.
Also when they speak about mommy to their teachers, friends, other relatives… they will always have to explain which mommy.
She will always be their mommy, so guide the children to find a different endearing name.
Do you have nieces or nephews? what if they called you Aunt Monica in front of your son and he called you Aunt Monica? Would it make sense for everyone to call you Mommy in front of your son to prevent him from saying Monica? As you can see your reason is flawed.
You wrote that you want them to call you mommy and they want to call you mommy and they call the shots in your home. But think if your son called their real mom ‘mommy’ because his brothers call her that. How would you feel about that?
look at it like this; if you & your fiance split up and he starts dating someone else, would you be ok with your little guy calling her mommy? I would also take the real mommy’s feelings into consideration, if she doesn’t like it, I would ask her what she would suggest, team work makes for happy homes.
The decision isn’t up to the boys-you need to consider the other parents feelings-how would you feel if your son started calling another lady mommy? You would probably be heartbroken and angry-you and your fiancee need to sit down together and come up with a list of names that you guys like and then let the kids choose.
I would respect her wishes and maybe have your step-sons call you mama, or mom, or moms, or mummy, or mum, … or there’s a ton of other options.
Think of how you would feel if your son started calling someone else mommy.
we gave our boys the choice of what they wanted to call my husband and their step mom.
Their step mom said no… she is ( her first name).
They chose after that ( with the step mom) that they would just call each step parent by their first name. In the end it was their choice ( I think with a little help to sway one way from their step mom) what to call them. But I always tell them that no matter what they call them they have to respect everyone the same… they don’t have step parents… they have 4 parents.
Our kids once in a while will call us by our first name and we just look at them and say what is our name, silly? Then they go back to mom and dad. Or if we don’t react to them calling us our first names and still respond to them they do go back to mom and dad.
For our kid’s step grandma they call her “Grandma ______ (her first name)”. For their non-step Grandma they say “Grandma”. I like that. I think a child directly calling someone just their first name is disrespectful. We gotta have an “Aunt” or “Uncle”, etc in front… and if it is a person not in the family, we say Ms. Miss or Mr. and preferably the last name, but so many adults go by “miss _____ (their first name)” so, whatever:) So, Step Mom? “Mommy Monica” would be it in my family:) OH- and just the first letter works, too! “Mommy M”
She is their mommy, they can call you something else, like Momma Monica?
Think of an alternative.
I call my MIL “mom” but we are all adults.
I wouldn’t want my kids calling anyone else mom or mommy, especially when they were little.
How about Mama Monica? THat’s what the little girl that I nannied called me…“Mama Laura”. (I was with her for 3 years)
I would be upset as well if my boys were calling someone else mom.
Laura
Don’t let the kids make the full decision. If they choose to call you Mommy and their mother gets upset, then they are in the middle. They already have to navigate a world of complicated adult relationships in their family (no matter how much all the grown ups love the kids, there will be tension between the adults that the kids will feel). Don’t put that kind of potential pressure on them. The adults should come up with 2 or 3 acceptable options and let the kids choose from them. Any variation of mom or mommy that they already use with their mother should be off limits. The name they use for you should be specific and reasonably unique to help define relationships and keep communication simple and clear when the kids are discussing their family.
I don’t think they should call you mommy. I know that a lot people will disagree with me, but I think it’s disrespectful to their mother. Maybe they can call you “Mama Monica” or something like that. I just know that if my oldest son had contact with his birth father and called his birth father’s wife “mom” I would be livid - that’s MY NAME and I earned it, kwim? When my SD was younger, she lived with her mom and her mom’s husband and called her step-father “daddy” for a while and it really hurt my husband.
Anyway…my SD lives with us and calls me by my first name. For many years, my oldest son called my husband by his first name. The children who we had together were never confused, and they have always called us “Mommy” and “Daddy.” My oldest son’s birth father has never been in the picture so over the years my son has grown to call him Dad. My SD’s mother isn’t in the picture now but we still don’t have her calling me Mom.
You already know that this would be a problem for their mother so just come up with something else and avoid creating a problem.