Hello Moms- Does anyone have any advice about step parenting? I would like to hear from the step moms out there. I have an 11 year old step son and I have been in his life since he was 3 years old. The issues is that he's getting to a point where he's no longer listening to me (otherwise he's a good kid) and his dad stopped parenting when he was 8. His mom is Disney mom and he lives us more as his dad has primary custody. I love my in-laws and get along with all of them. This issue here is they feel it is that they sure feel it is okay for me to stay at home with him but feel it's dad's place to parent him...........which he no longer does. I've done a lot for him over the year I feel like being a step parent is a thankless job. Any ideas/help/suggestions? I appreciate it. Thank you.
Dear Megan,
With no disrespect intended, your in-laws can have their opinion, but that's all they can have. You're the parent who is raising this boy. I don't know why or when he stopped listening to you, but time to nip it in the bud. Also, time to re-engaged his father.
If your stepson doesn't obey the house rules and take part in family activities and chores, then he needs to be disciplined. I'm sure his room is probably equipped with all the usual 11-year-old items and he has friends and activities that he enjoys. Time to sit down (the three of you) lay down the law and if he doesn't listen time take some things away and ground him.
If you can't get your husband involved, seek some counseling for you and your stepson. Since you have been in his life since he was three, do you really consider him a STEP? This kid may be feeling abandoned by his father and mother; sounds like you are the only rational adult in his life.
Blessings…….
I'm not a step-parent but my son has been step-parented. Most of parenting is thankless, whether it's your biological child or not. Keep parenting this boy, he needs you.
My kids barely listen to me, and I'm their bio mom. But in any case, believe it or not, they listen to you more than they let on.
One day you'll get your thanks. And here and there, when you least expect it, you will find joy in this experience.
(if "Disney mom " means what I think it means, I love it! That says it all, doesn't it?)
It's very hard. My oldest never has really listened to me, and the younger two had a long transition (about 2 years). The younger ones do listen now, but I'm expecting this could shift at any time, especially with puberty.
Puberty my be the reason for the change in yours, by the way...
Try to be super-consistent!
I must say, if his Dad really stopped parenting him three years ago...have you considered that maybe he is trying to get his Dad's attention through you?? Your in-laws may be thinking about this too, in their own way---you are the only active parent, but you should not be the only one. Maybe they are not trying to de-value you as a parent, but are just thinking that their son needs to step up and be the dad he is supposed to be! Maybe if all three of you go to your husband as a unit, working together to convince him to be a dad...
A boy needs his Dad involved, and he probably wants his Dad involved, and maybe he is acting out a bit, feeling like dad might step in?
Anyway, without more details this is how it looks to me. But puberty can also cause changes in behavior, so that is something to think about.
It is really hard. Be strong. I am sometimes afraid none of my boys will ever call me "Mom"...but I do think they will know as they get older what my role was, and all that I did for them, and how little their bio Mom did--no matter how much they love her.
Hi ML - it sounds like I'm in a similiar situation. My step-son is now 14 and I've been in his life since he was 6. I feel that I am more of the parent than his dad as my husband has a much higher tolerance level than I do and I will not tolerate being disrepected and talked back to. He does do this more to me than he does his dad and because of this I find myself holding a grudge towards my step-son. I'm just having a hard time because my step-son is a lot like his mom - very selfish and lazy - and myself and my family that I've grown up with are not like this at all (even my husband). We are all hard working and caring people that don't expect things to be handed to us like my step-son does. I keep hoping for the day that this 'tough love' will work and my step-son will one day become the responsible, caring and hard working young man that I know he can be, he just has to want to be.