I have 15 year old and 2 1/2 year old daughters. After my last one my husband and I agreed we wanted to try for a boy but financially decided we could do it. We told our family that a 3rd baby just wasn't in the cards. Well, oops, we just found out I am pregnant. Now I want a creative way to tell my oldests and my in-laws.
My oldests doesn't want another baby in the house. She is a good kid but keeps to herself. The biggest concern really is telling the in-laws. My sister-n-law (my husbands only sibling, my MIL's only daughter) has been trying for a baby for over 2 years. Her and her husband are now trying fertility treatments but still aren't having much luck. When we had said we would have a 3rd my MIL said it wasn't fair how easy it is for me and not my SIL. I am afraid they will be sad for my SIL and not excited for us.
To help with the news I want a special way to tell them. Any suggestions would be great. The sooner the better. Baby will be due in May 2009.
If I were you, I would have a very quiet, private conversation with my older daughter and tell her it was an oops so she doesn't think you planned to do what you had said you wouldn't do. Then I would have the same quiet, private conversation with my MIL and put it this way, "oh mom, I feel just awful, can you help me think of how to tell SIL?"
Any "special way" you use to tell them could backfire as too much!
Also, I hope you realize that odds are that an oops will be another girl.
i think you'll want to tell your 15 year old daughter first and privatley. if she may not take the news well, give her time to process it before she has to smile in front of other people. and as someone who got pregnant before their SIL who was also having lots of trouble, it may make your SIL sad but thats understandable. i don't think you have to apologize for getting pregnant. i agree that saying it wasn't planned may help with the 15 year old. but saying you got preggy when you weren't even trying may be more hurtfull to the SIL. as for the MIL, she may be sad for her daughter but she should also be glad for you. if she isn't and if she makes more obnoxious comments then just tell her about it and leave it at that. i hope that your SIL is able to conceive but you and this child can't be punished if she isn't. be tackful and polite. don't put the SIL or your daughter under pressue to show too much excietment because this may be sad for them. but after a little time they will be happy for you as well.
I think if you're worried that they're going to be sad, I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. Not to say that it's not exciting news, but to have a big special announcement is a little insensitive. Maybe call your sister-in-law first, say, I know how difficult this has been for you, and tell her. A lot of fanfare would only make it more uncomfortable. Share your joy, but be sensitive!
All great advise. Don't know if this helps but it is something I try to keep in mind when my life, or business is on the downturn of the rollar coaster of life. There is a saying "If the Lord is blessing your neighbor, than he's IN the neighborhood! When you do speak with your SIL, privately, perhaps you can recite that statement to encourage her. Congratulations to you and your family and all the best!
By the way- Where is "Sorrento", Florida. I've never heard of it and have lived in Florida 45 years.
This is great news! Yay! The 15 year old is going to need the most careful attention. I think she is the most important one to be concerned about. She was the only one for so long. Take her to lunch, just the two of you & tell her about the baby. Make one day a week HER DAY, no matter whether she likes it or not.Reassure her she won't be asked to sacrifice.This is the age where parents can fool themselves about how much the teenager needs them cause they give you such a hard time it's easier just to leave them alone.
As far as the in laws go, let them know it was a surprise, you're happy about it and keep it low key. Your husband should be the one to tell his side of the family.
First of all, congratulations! Being in your sister-in-law's shoes myself, it won't be easy hearing the news. So I would mentally prepare myself for that. But try not to take it personally and just be happy for yourself.
My husband and I did in-vitro twice and it finally worked. I also did acupuncture, which I believe helped. I have an inspiring story on my website at www.peadabdesigns.com (About Us section). We had other complications with the pregnancy and baby, but after a lot of worrying and then surgery at 3 months old, everything with our son turned out fine. He's now almost 4 years old and the reason I started my business doing birth announcements and invitations.
Anyway, as far as a creative way to tell your family... a lot of people are doing pregnancy announcements now. I'm not sure if your family is local or not or whether you want to tell them in person. But you could do an announcement from the baby that would be very cute. That would sort of take the spotlight off you and put it on the baby. And who can be mad at a baby? I would be happy to create a pregnancy announcement for you if you'd like. Just send me an email through my website.
Good luck and congrats on your little surprise.
Lisa
Peadab Designs
Courtney, babies are gifts from God and should be celebrated no matter how easy or difficult it was to conceive them. How selfish of your MIL to even think that it's unfair that you are pregnant again. God's plans don't always match with our wants and desires. You have been given a gift and it should be celebrated and cherished for the miracle that it is.
As for ideas, I'm afraid mine may not be the most creative but here it goes. With my first child, I visited my parents with a little photo album that had the first ultrasound pictures in it. I told my parents that I has some special pictures to show them...and that is how I told them about baby #1. With baby #2, it just happened that we were invited to my parents house for dinner and I had to decline a glass of wine...that is how we shared the news for that one. And I cannot remember how I shared the news with #3. My mom shared the news of her pregnancy with my sister to my dad by wrapping a pacifier in a little box with baby paper and that is how she told my dad she was pregnant. Whatever you decide, embrace this wonderful gift for the miracle it is.
Don't tell. It will naturally show and when they ask if your pregnant answer yes.
You cannot control what makes other people sad or happy, that is a personal choice. When they find out and say sad remarks, just remember them how many positives things they have that they should be grateful for. Count your blessings.
Hi Courtney -- congratulations!
I don't have any advice regarding sharing the news with your older daughter or SIL... I agree that they probably both should be handled privately so they each can react without an audience. They may surprise you, but I think it shows them a lot of respect if you give them the opportunity to respond without having to fake enthusiasm initially.
For your younger daughter and then the rest of the family, who will hopefully be thrilled... may I suggest what we did this summer? I have an embroidery machine and do custom embroidery. I made a shirt for my daughter that said had a picture of a girl pushing a baby in a carriage and said, "I'm going to be a Big Sister!" She wore that to announce the news. Everyone is super excited for the little girl, it shows your enthusiasm too and may take the pressure off the oops-factor. Do you have a friend that does custom embroidery? See if she can help. (or contact me for other suggestions.)
You can see it here: http://janaysquilts.blogspot.com/2008/05/annalieses-new-shirt.html
Hope that helps, or spurs on other ideas!
~Janay~
The way we did it was to write a "Thank you" card to my parents, thanking them for being Grandparents to our children and then we wrote a poem that, in the end, said that they would be adding their next grandbaby in the months to come, or "#9". My mom was reading the card outloud, by request, and they just kind of squealed and said, "Are you serious?" They were glowing all day and showed the card to everyone.
Since Grandparents day is coming up on September 7th, that would be a great time.
Another thing I did, when I told my husband, was to place infant diapers as a trail from the doorway to our bed room and then it led to the bed, where I placed our positive pg test. He was ecstatic!
There are so many ways you can express it.
You can deliver flowers to them with a card that expresses what you want to say. You can have the kids involved.
As for the 15 year old, it is kind of embarrassing to that age to tell their friends that their parents are having a baby and they are all about peers at that time.
Try to include her in decision making and make sure she is the first one that you tell. But sit down with her and have a heart to heart talk. Let her know that you might need her to help you make some of the decisions, because you value her opinion so much. Let her feel like she is a very important part of it. She needs to feel connected to the new baby in some way.
As for the SIL, I would visit with her and gently tell her. Then ask her if she can help you to be sensitive to her needs and understand how to make her feel comfortable when talking about the pregnancy.
I went to the dollar store and got a baby themed frame, wrapped it up, and wrote "You're going to be a Grandma/Grandpa..." whatever fits inside where the picture part is. You could also put, "Baby #3 is on it's way..." or "Congrats on being a big sister, again!" for your 15 year old. These frames can be used again later after the baby is born.
I don't think it's fair that your MIL said anything about it not being fair how easy it is for you and not for your SIL. We all know life isn't fair... these comments just make you feel bad for your blessings. Your DH should address this and remind her that she can have these fleeting thoughts, but she should never voice them. It just does NOTHING to add to anyone's day ~ in fact, it undermines it! (I'm sure she will feel sad for your SIL... I'm sure you all do... but with this reminder, she should see what great news this is for you and her whole family!)
CONGRATULATIONS and I'll send hopes of "little blue wishes" to you.
Congrats on #3! Fortunately, God has plans for us and he doesn't always let us in on them! You have several items to deal with!
Your 15 year old is completely embarrassed that her parents do "it". She could deny it - but the baby is proof! Once the baby is here she'll be fine.
Your mother-in-law is hurting for her daughter - her initial response may not be positive. I agree with the responder who said to take your sister-in-law aside and tell her privately, You and your hubby - she and hers. You're family.
Telling them on Grandparents Day is great! You could also wrap little gifts from each of the children - when they see there is an extra gift....
Dear Courtney S,
I recently went through the same situation. My sister and her husband have been trying for their second child for over a year now. They already have a 5 year old boy who was conceived after a year of trying. They have been going through fertility treatments and were both taking medication to aid on fertility. I already have a two and a half year old daughter with an abusive ex-husband who I left when she was five months old. I managed to get my life back together and went back to work with the help of me family. I met a wonderful man who already has a seven year old child and we started dating. Eight months later we found out I was pregnant. Of course we were happy and excited but I still wished my sister who was more "prepared" to have a chid, conceive. I knew they were going to get pregnant with the help artificial insemination in the coming weeks so I kept my secret until then. During that time my partner was wanting to tell the family our good news but I insisted we wait. He thought of this child as a blessing and gift. He got upset that I had to "hide" the pregnancy thinking I was ashamed of being pregnant. I was not ashamed in the least I was just hoping that soon my sister would tell me the news she was pregnant as well. Eventually she said my brother in law may have a tumor that was preventing them from getting pregnant and it may be a while before they concieve. I didnt want to hurt anyones feelings any longer. My partner was excited and didnt want to hide it anymore and I knew my sister was not going to get pregnant in the near future. I was nervous what people were going to say. Even though I have a good education and a full time job I had no business having another child according to others. The medical director at my job mentioned an abortion. Coworkers said congradulations but would whisper behind my back " What she is pregnant!". "Oh no!".Earlier in our relationship both my mother and sister said they would stop believing in God if I got pregnant. So you can imagine why I was a bit secretive. After four months of hiding our pregnancy I decided to tell my sister. She had accepted the fact that it may take longer to get pregnant and decide to get her National Boards which is hard and time consuming. I knew they didn't mean what they had said about not beliving in God if I got pregnant. I went to her house and just sat down with her. I said I have to tell you something. She said " I think I already know, you are pregnant." I said yes I am sorry I didnt tell you earlier I was just praying and waiting for you to get pregnant as well. She was understanding but not overjoyed like most people are at the news of a baby. I expected that from just about everyone. She said she was glad I didnt tell her earlier because she would have been upset. I know they will get pregnant in the next few years and look forward to a new neice or nephew.If anyone deserves to have anotherchild it is them. I know it is hard to keep a beautiful baby a secret. This should be one of the happiest times in our lives not a quiet secret. Just like you I had nothing to be ashamed or worried about. God decided to bless us with another baby and we should be grateful and proud. I know you are worried about your sisiter-in-law, and MIL's feelings. Hopefully they will be understanding and happy. My sister has said she is excited about a new baby even if it is not her own. You can expect your sister in law and MIL to be a bit disappointed at first but if they have any heart what so ever they will be supportive and happy. I know it bothered my sister just a bit for a while but she has been kind and supportive since she found out. Hopefully you tell them sooner before later. You will feel a HUGE sense of relief that it was not as bad as you thought it would be. Good Luck and Congradulations.
I don't know if creative is the best idea here. It's sounds as if you are trying to rub it in. YOur safest bet is to just tell your daughter matter of-factly, privately, and the same with your inlaws. I have 4 and my sister is infertile. She has been trying for over 10 years to have a baby. I told my mom and asked her to tell my sister for our last. That way she had time to adjust to the news and didn't have to pretend to be happy for us right away. Once she adjusted, she was able to talk to me. Unfortunately, you sister in law may never be able to 100 % thrilled for you. You are going to have to accept that. We will never know the quiet desperation of wanting a child and not being able to have one. I never downplayed my pregnancies, yet I didn't expect my sister to show up at any showers either. Respect her feelings. It's easier to be happy for people when they aren't right there in your face with stuff. You may have to take the more mature high road, if you want to keep peace in your family. I know you are excited for this baby, but the fact is, this child exists,and is going to have plenty of time to delight, amaze, and impress your inlaws. You don't have to do it now. I strongly suggest the more quiet approach with all the factions going on. There are plenty of other people inyour life who will be so excited for you and be able to squeal and jump at every little baby thing. Don't force it on those who are of two minds.
Good luck,and congratulations! I love babies!
I dressed my son in an "I'm the big brother" t-shirt. The looks on my husband's and other's faces were priceless.
Sherry www.createwealth.myarbonne.com
I really don't have any ideas for the special way to tell your family, but I do have some advice for you and your SIL.As an infertility pt myself with no children, I can almost be positive she will not be real excited about your news, although she probably will not tell you or act on her true feelings. To maybe find some suggestions on how to ease the pain for her a little, you could check out these 2 websites, INCIID & RESOLVE. THese are both infertility non profit organizations that help educate families and support patients with the emotional & financial stress that infertility causes.I personally go to both sites frequently. There is sections on how to deal with your dilemma there. Also if she doesn't know about these sites, they are great for info and even have online support groups & chat rooms, chats with professionals, and blogs from other inferility patients. Some people even have "Cycle buddies" that they only know thru these websites and chat rooms. Another personal suggestion would be, to allow her to be as much a part of the whole pregnancy, birth, etc, that she can (if ya'll are that close) or maybe ask them to be "God parents" or something of that nature-you could call it whatever you wanted!