I got the suggestion from my pediatrician to start sleep training with my 4 month old son. It's been 10 days now since we started and he still cries for a good 30 minutes before he goes to sleep. I thought the crying was supposed to decrease each night? We do the whole night routine before bedtime and still his crying still seems like the first night of sleep training. How long will this take?
Hi Cristina, just wanted to say I'm not familiar with the term sleep training, but if it is self explanatory, then I understand. When my son was a baby he always had a good sleeping schedule. As he got older it was still good, but I wanted him to have a routine, so at about 7 months (maybe younger?), I started putting him down at 7:30 every night. He too, would cry for about half an hour, but eventually got over it. He's 12 now so it's hard for me to remember exactly how long it took, but hang in there, it'll work. After a little while, he started getting sleepy around 7:00. he would started getting fussy, rubbing his eyes, and then I'd give him a bottle and he would drink a little and knock out. It worked like a charm and I never questioned whether or not I did the right thing, because we had a good routine. To this day, he is still pretty much like that, his bed time is 9:00 (just recently moved up from 8:30 where he had been stuck for a while lol) and he "knows" when it is time for bed. If you hang in there, it'll be worth it. You can always count on your "me" time after he goes to sleep, and that is something I have always cherished. Good luck!!!
We did the sleep training with both of our boys too. With our second son it worked at 4 months but with our first he wasn't ready at 4 months so we tried again at 5 months. He made improvements when we did it at 5 months when at 4 months he just seemed to cry forever. :) So maybe the same would work for you too? Good luck! It will be worth it in the end to have a good sleeper!!!
We were told to put our children down, knowing they would cry, but to go in and pat them on the back at 5 minute intervals to reasure them we were still there. Do not pick them up, just pat their back. This routine worked for our four children and I'm very happy that we were told this. I know SO many people who have such a hard time. It worked great. Keep working on it...good luck!
It will not happen overnight, as you have seen. It may take a week or even two weeks. And though it may seem hard, hang in there. My daughter was sleeping through the night at 5 months! I am not sure if you are doing the cry-it-out method or a modified version of it, but, whatever you choose, don't stress yourself out and keep the temperment of you child in mind. Good luck!
Hi ,
I didnt start till mine were 7mons old. I have twins.
It took my son a lot longer than my daughter. He cried for
at least an hour and it took me a good 2 weeks or longer.
I hated every minute and I wanted to go in so bad to pick
him up. I had hired a doula to help me and she said my son had a strong will and it was just temper. Well I held out and my babies sleep from 7pm-7am ever since and I am so happy.
Its not for everyone but someone told me that I was giving them the gift of sleep and it was something I needed to teach them. I love to sleep and that helped me. Knowing I was giving them this wonderful gift .. sleep. Good luck ,, it will be hard
Hi Cristina, my advice to you is stop the sleep training, I started my babies on rice cereal at 6 weeks old before bed time, rocked them to sleep, I never never ever put an awake baby down for the night or for a nap, my babies were sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old didn't cry themselves to sleep ever, the more peaceful your baby falls a sleep the better they will sleep, I can not see letting a baby cry thenselves to sleep, reguardless of what people say about rocking babies, I wasn't still rocking them when they were 5. Julie
I waited until 9 months to start sleep training my son becase I was worried about establishing trust first. The first night he screamed for 15 minutes all 3 times he woke up. Same with the 2nd night. The 3rd he only woke up once and screamed 5 minutes. Its been 1 week and he sleeps from 9-4:30 straight (almost every night) and I feed him, then if I'm lucky he will go back to sleep until 6 or 7. I have read try it for 2 weeks then try something different. 4 months is too early in my opinion.
Good luck!
Get this book: "The No-cry Sleep Solution" by Pantley. It was wonderful.
Don't give in to the cry-it-out crowd. The only way your baby has to communicate is to cry. The last thing you want to do is let him know that communication is futile. And every baby is different; some can sleep "through the night [5 hours]" long before others can.
Good luck!
Hi Cristina,
there are differing beliefs about the whole sleep issue with children and sometimes strong feelings associated with the various methods. I happen to be a person with pretty strong feelings in this area, for sure when it comes to my own kids. I don't judge others, but it's hard for me to hear about little ones crying this way, especially ones as young as yours. I am surprised that your pediatrician would give such advice. I prefer that the doctors let us make our own decisions regarding sleep and nursing and the like.
For me, I think about the fact that babies are in our tummies all safe and warm and cozy for nine months and then suddenly they're out and trying to deal with the world. In the beginning and for quite some time they cannot do much and have very limited ways of communicating any needs and discomfort, pain, hunger, etc. I imagine a brand new baby coming from the attachment to its mother and then, BOOM, being put alone in a big room and big crib and left to themselves with no way to say something is wrong or they are scared or cold or hot or whatever other than to cry. My personal belief on the crying it out method is that they will eventually stop crying not because they have learned to sleep on their own but because they just get tired out and/or give up because they realize it's hopeless and they are helpless.
It seems if your baby is still crying after this many days and for that long that he needs something from you. There are other ways to work on getting him to sleep better if you are set on doing that now at this age. There are things such as co-sleeping or giving it a much shorter time and then picking him up to /patting him and trying again. Have you researched the Dr. Sears method? Or heard of others? There are books and I am sure online you get lots of info on different ideas.
Hope this is helpful to you.
I too recommend Elizabeth Pantley's book. Dr. Jim Sears also has a great sleep book.
There is a good book-called Twelve hours of sleep by twelve weeks-Judy Giordano. Don't let the title fool you-u can do it no matter the age. It is easy to read in a day or two and does work. My kids who are now 21/2 and 15 months sleep 11-12 hrs a night w/2naps for the 15 month old and 1 nap for the 21/2 yr old. My kids never give me trouble to go to sleep and are happy and not really ever cranky for the most part.Let me know if you have any other questions?Good Luck! LAURA:)
4 months is way too soon to start sleep training. Most folks don't recommend any sort until after 6 months, and crying it out should wait until they are at least a year. He is still so young and has many needs - he probably has just started getting adjusted to day/night. Ease up and try again in a few months.
Good luck!
I did the sleep training for my daughters when they were about 5 1/2 months old. The oldest one, I kept back and forth with the training because she was my first and I couldn't help but think something might happened to her. It took long time for she and I too succeed. But with the second one I wasn't give in easily. It took 2 weeks and foila! she is a very good sleeper until now. She's 3 years old now.
I used Gary Ezzo book becoming on baby wise and Ferber method for my oldest. My suggestion, if you are ready to do the sleep training you need to set your mind into it so you are not back and forth like I did with my first one. The age of the baby usually it will depend on you. If you think you are ready and he is ready then go for it. If you are not ready and the baby too, it is good to wait couple more months. Good luck and don't give up easily when you start the training!
Hi Cristina,
Frankly, I disagree with your pediatrician and so does T. Barry Brazelton (the baby expert). You shouldn't let your baby cry. Of course he stops after a while but that's because he discovers that he has no power to get his needs filled. At four months he's not manipulating you, he's just letting you know his needs in the only way he can. At bedtime, lie down with him or read to him until he goes to sleep. Don't get frustrated because you pass that on to him as anxiety. Just make bedtime a joyous occasion and let your baby lead you. When parents have agendas that aren't also embraced by the baby, you have negative results. Remember, baby can't accommodate to you, you have to accommodate to the baby.
Vicki
Most babies take 1-4 nights, look into something else. Good luck, sounds tough.
I do not agree with the whole "training" thing. Your child is not a dog. Babies develop at different rates, and for some it is just now the begining of when they do not need the nourishment at night. If he is only crying for 30 minutes, thats not bad for a little 4 month old. I also suggest that you, or anyone, does NOT follow the baby wize method by the Ezzo couple. It is also called; Growing Kids God's Way, or Along the Infant Way For more info on it- please see this site: http://www.ezzo.info/
I let me baby cry for a little while, but only at around 6 months. By that time he was finally able to find his "binky" by himself, which was his comfort measure. If your child does not have any comfort measure, such as a blankie, or a binkie, then you have been the comfort measure, and you are taking the only thing that comforts him away. I would wait a whil elonger to let him develop a little more, and while doing it try letting him cry only during the day. In any case your child will eventually sleep through the night. I would get advice from a different pediatrician as well. It almost sounds like yours may follow baby wize, which has been chastized in the medical community.
http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html
Children Need Touching and Attention, Harvard Researchers Say
By Alvin Powell
Contributing Writer
America's "let them cry" attitude toward children may lead to more fears and tears among adults, according to two Harvard Medical School researchers.
Instead of letting infants cry, American parents should keep their babies close, console them when they cry, and bring them to bed with them, where they'll feel safe, according to Michael L. Commons and Patrice M. Miller, researchers at the Medical School's Department of Psychiatry.
The pair examined childrearing practices here and in other cultures and say the widespread American practice of putting babies in separate beds -- even separate rooms -- and not responding quickly to their cries may lead to incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders when these children reach adulthood.
The early stress resulting from separation causes changes in infant brains that makes future adults more susceptible to stress in their lives, say Commons and Miller.
"Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently," Commons said. "It changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma."
The Harvard researchers' work is unique because it takes a cross-disciplinary approach, examining brain function, emotional learning in infants, and cultural differences, according to Charles R. Figley, director of the Traumatology Institute at Florida State University and editor of The Journal of Traumatology.
"It is very unusual but extremely important to find this kind of interdisciplinary and multidisciplinary research report," Figley said. "It accounts for cross-cultural differences in children's emotional response and their ability to cope with stress, including traumatic stress."
Figley said Commons and Miller's work illuminates a route of further study and could have implications for everything from parents' efforts to intellectually stimulate infants to practices such as circumcision.
Commons has been a lecturer and research associate at the Medical School's Department of Psychiatry since 1987 and is a member of the Department's Program in Psychiatry and the Law.
Miller has been a research associate at the School's Program in Psychiatry and the Law since 1994 and an assistant professor of psychology at Salem State College since 1993. She received master's and doctorate degrees in human development from the Graduate School of Education.
The pair say that American childrearing practices are influenced by fears that children will grow up dependent. But they say that parents are on the wrong track: physical contact and reassurance will make children more secure and better able to form adult relationships when they finally head out on their own.
"We've stressed independence so much that it's having some very negative side effects," Miller said.
The two gained the spotlight in February when they presented their ideas at the American Association for the Advancement of Science's annual meeting in Philadelphia.
Commons and Miller, using data Miller had worked on that was compiled by Robert A. LeVine, Roy Edward Larsen Professor of Education and Human Development, contrasted American childrearing practices with those of other cultures, particularly the Gusii people of Kenya. Gusii mothers sleep with their babies and respond rapidly when the baby cries.
"Gusii mothers watching videotapes of U.S. mothers were upset by how long it took these mothers to respond to infant crying," Commons and Miller said in their paper on the subject.
The way we are brought up colors our entire society, Commons and Miller say. Americans in general don't like to be touched and pride themselves on independence to the point of isolation, even when undergoing a difficult or stressful time.
Despite the conventional wisdom that babies should learn to be alone, Miller said she believes many parents "cheat," keeping the baby in the room with them, at least initially. In addition, once the child can crawl around, she believes many find their way into their parents' room on their own.
American parents shouldn't worry about this behavior or be afraid to baby their babies, Commons and Miller said. Parents should feel free to sleep with their infant children, to keep their toddlers nearby, perhaps on a mattress in the same room, and to comfort a baby when it cries.
"There are ways to grow up and be independent without putting babies through this trauma," Commons said. "My advice is to keep the kids secure so they can grow up and take some risks."
Besides fears of dependence, the pair said other factors have helped form our childrearing practices, including fears that children would interfere with sex if they shared their parents' room and doctors' concerns that a baby would be injured by a parent rolling on it if the parent and baby shared the bed. Additionally, the nation's growing wealth has helped the trend toward separation by giving families the means to buy larger homes with separate rooms for children.
The result, Commons and Miller said, is a nation that doesn't like caring for its own children, a violent nation marked by loose, nonphysical relationships.
"I think there's a real resistance in this culture to caring for children," Commons said. But "punishment and abandonment has never been a good way to get warm, caring, independent people."
If I were you, I'd stop the sleep training and look for a new doctor. At any rate, don't let him cry for 30 minutes. Even Ferber himself has recently said that babies shouldn't be left to cry for longer than 5 or 10 minutes.
When he cries, he gets less oxygen, his stress level goes way up, and he may even throw up.
Go pick up your baby! He wants cuddles!
Here's a start to some research you may do: http://www.mothering.com/search.html?cx=013923525895590915420%3Ax2lqi1tc4iw&cof=FORID%3A11&q=sleep+training#1388
Hi Cristina: One mother here,stated that she believed,having her baby cry herself to sleep, and now sleeping from 7pm to 7am (A GIFT OF SLEEP) Yeah....A GIFT TO HER) That poor baby goes 12 hours without feeding,so mommy doesn't have to get up for a thing.I don't believe in crying it out or sleep training. In my opinion, its a technique that some mother came up with years ago, who should have thought before she became pregnant.You can't tell me,that in 12 hours, A baby,doesn't become hungry,and has'nt been lying there in A soaked diaper,for lord knows how long.A baby cries for a reason....This is their way to communicate with you.In my opinion, If you ignore them,then you are neglecting your responsibilities as a nurturer, and a mother.The best to you Cristina. ( And to tammy,How about practicing what you preach? This is a forum,not an open gallery for you to post your personal disatisfactions of the forums responses or censor what we write here..Thats what the private messages are intended for.I'm ashamed for you to.