Last night was "night 1" of the sleep lady shuffle for us. It was a traumatic experience at first. Our 6 month old daughter cried for ONE HOUR and FORTY MINUTES. (She fell asleep briefly for about 10 minutes after one hour and then woke up for another forty minutes). We stayed by her side patting her and "shh-ing" her every few seconds and we would pick her up if she got too hysterical. The only problem is that picking her up did calm her but when we put her back down, she would cry more intensely at first. The crying would taper off as we soothed her, but then it would pick up and it seemed as though she was upset that we wouldn't pick her up. So then we'd pick her up, calm her, put her down, and she'd get more upset. This continued on and off for ONE HOUR and FORTY MINUTES. Towards the end, we left the room and would check on her at 2 minutes, then 5 minutes, then 10 minutes. She seemed to cry less, but I'm not sure if us being out of the room was helping or if she was just tired from crying at this point.
She finally fell asleep and slept ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT for almost 9 HOURS straight. She was happy when she woke up this morning.
My question is: How has the sleep lady shuffle worked for you? How long did your baby cry? Did you ever have to pick up your baby to calm them? And if so, what was there reaction when you put them back down? What modifications (if any) to the Sleep Lady Shuffle did you have to make? Do you think that our "inconsistency" at the end by stopping the patting and "shh-ing" and leaving the room instead will set us back?
We're bracing ourselves for "Night number 2" and I'm just hoping to receive some reassurance that tonight will go easier...
Basically every night since then - into the bed, awake but drowsy and asleep without tears.
Quantity of sleep = 12+ hours a night.
We followed Dr. Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". We did not go in, pick up, pat, shh, or anything like that. If the 'cry it out' philosophy doesn't work for your family, then don't feel pressured to do it. I am sorry, however, that despite your request for help people still want to take the time to jab at your parenting philosophies.
It will get better and she will be fine. It might take a few more days, but no matter what technique you use just be consistent with it.
Feel free to send me a PM if you are in need of more reassurance - hang in there, mama!
I agree with the last comment. It will not be so bad the second night. I would not pick her up though. I pat my son's back and he stops crying. I let him cry for about 10 minutes and go back in another 10 minutes if necessary and then he finally goes to sleep. I know you hate to hear her cry but she will work it out and then everyone will be happy!!
I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm picking on you but I'm always so sad to read the crying it out or sleep training posts. Please do the research on the effects of prolonged crying in infants. It's so sad that society thinks "sleeping through the night" is such an important goal. It's normal for an baby to wake through the night, they don't follow the same sleep patterns as adults. Babies human nature is to expect physical closeness during the day as well as night. Babies cry when we put them down because of their built-in, ongoing need for reassurance and security through physical contact day and night.
I have to agree with Mom B. It makes me very upset to hear about leaving babies to cry. It makes you feel terrible because it is not a natural thing to do.
Be aware that this does not guarantee your baby is now "trained" forever.
I am someone who has terrible sleep issues and was left to cry as a baby....
Judy, ....Don't listen to the posts about it was wrong to let your baby cry! And don't think you are now a bad parent for letting your baby girl cry! There are some Dr's that say it is ok and there are some Dr's that say it is wrong! But it is ok, she went to sleep and woke up happy like nothing happened the night before. Good for you and stick to it.
As I am a mom to older girls 13, 12, and 8...I'm not really sure what this new method is. However it sounds very similar to the Ferber method that I used many a moon ago to get my girls to sleep. You let them cry in 5 or 10 minute intervals. Don't pick them up, pat them on the back and leave the room. It is agonizing, especially the first night... night two will be a little bit of the same, BUT within the week you would be surprised what it does. It feels like torture in the beginning, but honestly it is just teaching them to calm themselves, without using being picked up, or fed as a means of calming. After bouts of sickeness and other things that would interupt their sleep patterns, I always went back to this and it works like a charm.
Hang in there... it DOES get better. You are actually giving your child and yourself the gift of SLEEP. It is important for both of you, to sleep well, to function.
I have found that the best way to deal with teaching a child to fall to sleep themselves is to leave the room and let them cry till whenever they fall asleep provided they are 6 months or older. Your presence just prolongs the fussing. I know it is hard but in the long run, you all get to better sleep which makes baby happier much quicker. You attach to your child all day long and a night or two of cry it out by extinction method will not interfere with that attachment - you will be doing your baby a favor as my doc put it. Good luck.
It really bothers me when other parents are so quick to shun you when they don't know you're situation. Your baby will not be traumatized for life if you try this new method over a course of several days. The implication is that just be because we do this, we are not meeting our children's needs. As children get older, they will cry for candy, or a toy or something else. Are we to give into this too? PLEASE!!! Babies & children are creatures of habit. Soem habits are good, some are bad. They also are adverse to change. So if you try to change them from a bad habit (only sleeping in your bed or in your arms, etc...) they will cry. As long as you know that your baby is safe in her crib and nothing is physically wrong with her (which is why you check in on her periodically), there is nothing wrong with this method. It is simply a way to get your baby to fall asleep on her own. Once they do, it's not like you'll always leave them in their crib/bed every time they cry. Of course you'll make sure that they aren't running a fever, hurting, etc.
In my case, I didn't pick up my babies. I used Ferber as well and it worked beatifully by the 3rd night. The first night was the worst. My kids (5 & 8) are great sleepers now. We put them in bed, give them a kiss good night and leave them be. But they also know that if something is bothering them (feeling sick, scared, etc.) that they can call or come to us.
It may seem harsh mom but you have to let her cry. Check her once only to make sure she's dry and leave her. Babies know from birth how to get your attention...they cry. If you don't break the habbit now, when will you? When she 1,2, or 3? It's way too late by then. She has to learn now that you and daddy are in charge and it's bedtime. It'll be extremely had for both of you but this is something most people go thru while raising their children. Good luck.
I admit, I didn't read the other responses. I have a 2 year old, I remember when he was younger and we tried very hard to have him fall asleep and stay asleep on his own. He had always resisted falling asleep and would almost fight it, and sometimes cry because he was tired but didn't want to fall asleep! Anyway, it was tough, but we had a rule that he was allowed to cry for 30 minutes and if he was still crying after 30 mins, then we would check on him, see if he needed to be changed, if he was too hot/cold, etc, if he was thirsty-then, back to bed for another 30. That worked pretty well. He learned to give up crying and go to bed if he was tired. Same thing if he wakes up crying. Let him go for a bit and see if he falls back asleep. If not, check on him. Now, he sleeps like an angel!! I don't know if the sleep lady shuffle works-we never tried it. I think the important thing is still teaching your little one when bedtime is (they NEED to learn to fall asleep at bedtime) but at the same time, not making her feel abandoned if she may need something like changing.
Good luck!
Hi Judy, letting your baby cry it out until they fall asleep is one of the hardest things you will have do as a parent, however it is only temporary as they will learn to fall asleep on their own. It may take a few nights, it might take two weeks but the end result is putting your baby down AWAKE and they do not cry and fall asleep on their own. You can actually walk out of their room and not have to worry about waking them up, it's unbelievable! You should read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. In this book he explains the biological need for sleep and the impact it has on babies when they don't get it (waking up all night is hard on them as well!). There were nights when we were going through this with my kids I would leave the house and my husband would stay because I couldn't take it (he was stronger in this department). We started doing this with my daughter when she was 9 months old but I wish we had started earlier because the longer you wait, the harder it is to turn it around. Good Luck! We've all been there.
Hi Judy,
Well, you have to do what's comfortable for you - but I'll tell you what happened with my daughter. We didn't break down and do this until she was 8 months, but I wish I'd done it earlier. Basically we just put her to sleep and that was it for the night. When she woke up, we just let her cry it out. Eventually. The first few nights I did go and pick her up, rub her back, everything you mentioned. Not only did it not help, she got even less sleep than she normally would have. Our going in and coming back out upset her and didn't allow her to relax and go to sleep - she never knew if we were coming in or not. Once we stopped doing that, it was a lot easier on her. After the 3rd or 4th night I think she realized that was how it was going to work and she was able to sooth herself to sleep. It wasn't a perfect system for a long time, but she is 23 months (today!) and bedtime is never a problem any more. BTW- do you have a bedtime routine for her yet? Stories, songs, etc? I found that to be CRITICAL. Three stories and the same three songs every night, then bed. It works like a sleeping pill on our daughter now. Once she hears the end of that third song she even reaches for bed!
Good luck,
MC
I would suggest - not picking up - just rub her back and sing quietly and speak calmly - -
My kids are 17 & 20 now - but I remember standing over the crib - while my arm was going numb - rubbing their backs - and speaking nice quiet words of encouragement. I even made up my own words to a song - which included phrases like - nighty night ... - - go to sleep. .. - and Judy is such a good girl....
picking her up - will only make your transition worse....
Hi there!
I laugh at some responses and then cringe at some others. Some people are soooo rude and judgemental. Anyway, you are an AWESOME Mom, know that. The CIO method isn't for everyone - depends on the parents and sometimes depends on the kids too! I think I did it when my kids were 6 or 7 months, and it is difficult, but now they are AWESOME sleepers, who sleep in their own bed, and all is well. But because I personally would have a hard time "listening" to my poor little one cry, I would put her to sleep (after our routine...read a book, say our prayers, then sing a couple songs), then I wind up this one music thing, then put baby down, say Sweet Dreams, I love you, close the door 1/2 way and walk straight downstairs and either go in basement and do laundry, or turn off monitor for awhile!!! You could still hear if there was real distress, but you can't hear the pitiful little attention-cry! ha!!! After a few days it gets better and better. It is true if you keep going in there though, baby will know that (they are smart cookies), and then nothing is really accomplished! Be strong and do what YOU think is right and what you are comfortable. Everything will be just fine!!! As my Mom says, that is when babies grow is when they cry and when they sleep! ha!
It makes me sad as well to read about people letting their babies cry themselves to sleep. I don't anybody is saying that you are a bad parent for choosing this particular method. It is just that their are better gentler methods available for helping you and your child to sleep well. At this a child's wants and needs are the same thing. Check out Elizabeth Pantley's 'No Cry Sleep Solution' I believe Dr Sears also has a book on sleep.
Good luck. I know sleep deprivation is rough but my kids are 13 and 7 and I'm still alive to tell about it.
This is just my opinion about the various poster's opinions of each other, not directed at you personally Judy. If you are going to post questions on a public forum you are going to get a wide variety of responses! If you do not want to hear a wide variety of responses why would you post on a public forum!? Go talk to your best friend or whoever shares your own views. When I see things I disagree with I, and others on this site- at times feel compelled to respond-not because we are bad or judgemental people but because we care about others and we hold stong views. I do not believe the crying it out method is healthy or natural; I believe it belongs to some very outmoded ideas of parenting that are passing away. But I wish you all the best, and I hope everything works out for your child.
When we first started we did something similar to ferber, except we would pick our daughter up. So cry for 5 min, then pick up and calm down, then cry for 10 min, pick up and calm down. We never let her cry for longer than 30 min. Now that she is older we just make sure everything is ok and leave, if she cries for a full 30 min then we go back in, but most nights she doesn't cry at all. She sleeps 12.5 hours each night (but she is also 16 months). I think at six months is was more like 8-9 hours each night.
I have three children and it has always worked for me. I don't pick mine up though. With my oldest it took three days and the first night was about an hour or so, then the second night was less and the third night was only about 10 or 15 minutes.
My son will go down now during the day wide awake. Night time is a little different. I have to rock him for a short period, but then I can lay him down half awake.
She's to young to cry it out. You need to wait until she is a year old to do this method. We used this for both of our children & it does work; you're just doing it to soon. Please don't go forward with "Night #2".