I was just at Marshalls and they had lots of crystal stuff there. Try checking a store like that.
You don't have to get her something off of her registry. How about you get her a nice cookbook and then write her something nice inside? Or, can you go in on something with another family member? If it is thoughtful, you can't go wrong.
Good morningn Lua, may be late on this one, but I never used the registry I never believed it was right to tell someone where to shopm for your gift, Im know it's tom see that you don't get 3 of this and 5 of that, but for me I shop from catalogs and I just get something nice but thatn is in my budget. Julie
Are you positive she only registered at one place? I work retail and we always encourage brides to register for a huge range of items with different price ranges. If she really only registered at one place with such high ticket items that is a bit disconcerting.
Are you definitely invited to the shower? A shower is usually for those that are closest the the bride. It is more intimate than the wedding. The idea behind a shower is to "shower" the bride-to-be with gifts since couples usually don't have anything to start off their new life with. Usually you spend less on the shower gift and more on the wedding gift. The shower typically is for the bride whereas the wedding you are gifting two people, hence a bigger gift. I did receive everything from towels to lingerie at my shower whereas the wedding was either kitchen gifts or money. Now days some showers are modern and have gone co-ed whereas before it was strictly a female thing.
Use the invitation as you guide. Usually it will let you know just how fancy or casual both the wedding or shower is. Can you call the host of the shower and ask what kind of shower? If it's not super fancy and it's going to be girlie, Victoria's Secret is definitely ok.
The shower is where you will watch the bride open all her gifts so it does put you on the spot more. I like the idea of a little gift basket with a $50 gift cert to where she is registered. She'll have something to open rather than just a card. For the wedding, you won't see her open her gifts and I would just write a check for whatever your budget will permit.
Don't stress out too much. I never judged anyone for what they did or didn't give me. My mother died years before I got married and my father wouldn't come. I felt so much love for those that showed up for me. The gifts were just an added bonus. It was the people that made my day so special. If your cousin is a decent human being she'll just be thankful that you shared in her day and not be upset that you didn't spend over $100 on her gift.
Nothing on the gift registry for $100? She should have a range (including individual glasses, plates, cups, saucers)... it seems virtually impossible that there is nothing for that amount!
But if that is (unfathomably) the case, then go in with someone else if you can and buy something together for the wedding from the registry.
Ideally -- I think it's best to shop off of the registry, as that is what people actually want, not what other people think they want. Under normal circumstances , it's my pet peeve when people buy things not on the registry, as the bride and groom have put a huge amount of effort selecting just what they want for their home, and it just seems insensitive not to honor that. But if she's made it impossible by putting nothing in the $100 and below range, then just make sure you get her something that she can return (and include a gift slip) for the wedding.
As for the shower -- is there a theme for the shower? Usually there is one. Kitchen? Lingerie? Have they given you no guidelines? Call the gals giving the shower and ask them if there is another registry you are unaware of. If not, get her a cookbook, fun lingerie, you can be creative here -- as I think it's better to stray off the registry for the shower (but it will be opened in front of everyone so be aware that you'll have witnesses!) Good luck!
By the way.. curious when you asked everyone at your wedding for no gifts -- did they actually pay attention? Can't imagine anyone attending a wedding and not getting the bride and groom a gift no matter what the circumstance.
Wow that must be super awkward to deal with. I totally get it. Hmmm let me think. Along the lines of designer.......I work with a woman who is a Mother and Midwife. Do you like this?
http://www.etsy.com/listing/88031490/organic-maternity-dresses-by-the?ref=pr_shop
It sells at Barney's New York for around $400. Mari has it listed for $120 on etsy but it looks like you are local. How about you privately message me and I can see what sort of discount we can get you to fit your budget. It is designed by the princess of Yugoslavia! If you like it, I am sure we can make it work. Also, its a maternity sweater dress but it was originally designed for women who are not pregnant. I am not pregnant and I own one and love it. Its really beautiful either way. Just a thought.
Also, etsy is always good for special hand made sweet gifts. If you need more ideas, I have plenty!
I haven"t read all the responses but what if you go in with your mom or another family meber for the shower and wedding gift. I have done this before. I am not made of money.
Best of luck,
L
Hi,
I think that something sentimental or special could fit just as well. What about getting some pictures of the lovely couple together and making a nice memory book for them to enjoy or a book of "wedded bliss" advice? Unless she is a heartless soul, she won't be able to say no to such a thoughtful, loving, gift. (Also, it would be under 50 dollars to make from start to finish) Good luck!
m
Asking for expensive things on your gift registry is about the least classy thing you can do.
Not to mention, so many couples live together now, so do they really need all of that stuff?
Give her what you can afford. If she is trashy enough to say something, then you know where you stand with her.
showers usually have a theme-I have only 1 time been to a lingerie shower.
It is odd to not have affordable stuff. I actually registered at different price points, 25, 50, 75..... Maybe some a DVD and some popcorn? For my college roommate i remember giving her measuring cups and everything for making chocolate chip cookies-because taht was what we made all the time in college. and another friend a cooler full of beer. those were shower gifts. For the wedding gift I always stepped it up, and had the gift shipped.
Hi Lua, WOW you got a lot of responses! I admit I didn't read them all. Sorry if this idea is repeated.
I will tell you what I do at every wedding/shower/birthday/anniversary yes even funerals...NO "GIFTS" per se. I make a "many faces of So-And-So's event and a I ask them What do you love most about So-And-So.
Let me explain. I have my digital camera (I even did this before digital cameras! so imagine the work and the LOVE that had to go into it.) So, for the many faces book, I take a picture of EVERYONE at the wedding. For each of the pictures I ask, what do you love most about the couple? I then put their picture with their quote and make a book out of it. www.Picaboo.com is the one I use.
Now with digital camera's phones etc this can be done much more quickly, than ever before (iPad2s are FABULOUS for this!). You can pretty much have it all done in a couple of days. I then have it sent directly to them. It costs about $50 in total depending on how many pages there are, but it is THE most loved gift every time I do it. I do it for baby showers, birthdays etc. It's "the thing" I do. I was invited to a friend's wedding for June. Now she is not a very close friend, she is more of an acquaintance. I was surprised that she invited me. I was telling a mutual friend that I was surprised to get the invite...and she looked right at me and said, "are you kidding me???? she knows you will make one of those books for her gift!"
My reputation is building!
If you have any questions, please just ask. I can chat with you more about what it looks like if you want.
Barbilee
I was going to say to make her something and then I scanned and saw that you like artsy stuff. The handmade things, the stuff that can't be bought is always my favorite and stands out as special at showers. Stuff from the heart is always nicer than stuff from the registry. A registry is there to help people select a gift that the bride or mother-to-be preselected as something they would like. I actually got something I had registered for and really didn't like... oops.
Skip the registry, make her a basket of bath oils and lotions and foot massage stuff, things they can enjoy as a couple. How about a kitchen themed basket full of small kitchen gadgets and a useful cookbook loaded into a nice mixing bowl. How about collecting favorite recipes from your family members and make her a cookbook. A gift certificate to take her bridal bouquet and make it into a dried flower arrangement, plus give something too - I don't like just gift certificates, it feels anticlimactic. If they are Jewish how about a beautiful mezuzah for their new home, or something from her faith or heritage that can be used in the new home she will be creating. Maybe something reflecting a memory you would share at your shared grandparent's home. Maybe a photo album of her growing up, maybe a photo album - storybook of the bride and groom using pictures of them as kids, then through the years and how they met, pictures of them dating and ending with a current picture. A personalized picture frame for their wedding photo. Make up a Picnic For Two Basket Set. Make a vase and candle sticks for romantic dinners. Make Stepping Stone Mosaics for their garden with saying about love and the joy of finding your soul mate. Make a fleece blanket for two for them to cuddle up together and watch TV in their new home. Go take a stroll at Michaels Art Supplies or Joann's Fabrics to get inspired. The options are endless, just step out of the box of it has to be from the registry list and come up with what you can give from the heart and within your budget. You are invited to this shower because you are part of her life not to impress other people. Don't focus on the money (no gift cards!) she really shouldn't know what you spent but that you came and gave from your heart and out of the bond you share and the love you have for each other. You are different from everyone else invited to this life moment celebration, embrace that difference and make your gift different too. Enjoy the process.
2 more ideas: for a wedding I was in another friend made a doll of the bride and groom which then was displayed in their home. I loved our wedding invitation framed gift we got and 20 years later it still hangs in our home.
One last one and back to work: One of our favorite gifts was a membership to a nice museum and a walking tours of our city book, something we would not have done for ourselves and made us create Date Days, that maybe with a picnic basket - creative and romantic.
Oh, I am so with you on gift registries, Lua. I grew up in the South where weddings, showers, and bridal parties are a very big deal. But here's the thing, doing what your friend did would be looked down upon in a major way. The whole purpose of getting wedding gifts (which are NOT EXPECTED!) is to help set up the new (young) couple with their new lives together. The kind of extravagance you describe would be seriously frowned upon. It is extremely bad taste and shows her to be quite gauche. A wedding isn't a chance to be a princess for a day and get a bunch of princess stuff. A wedding is about two people beginning their lives together, and, if you're religious, making a vow before God to love and support each other through thick and thin.
So what do you do? Like you, I hate giving gift certificates. Were I in your shoes, I would go off-registery. You say you like to get kitchen stuff from anthropologie? Do it! That's lovely! It's from the heart. It took thought and effort. It's a gift given with love. Spend what you can afford or what you would like to spend. No more. If she frowns on that? It's a reflection on her, not you. It is not her damn business what you did with your inheritance, and, frankly, the fact that you invested it in college savings shows wisdom and class on your part.
And another thing we do in the very manners-conscious South: If a guest gives a gift at a shower, they are not expected to give another gift at the wedding. Again, weddings aren't gift grabs. They're a celebration of love and new beginnings. Period.
If you get a gift that is not from her registry, just include a gift receipt. Get her something from your heart, and if she doesn't care for it, or if she received multiples of the same item, she can return it, no skin off your nose. I love registries because it helps give me direction, but if there's nothing on the registry that's in my budget, I go elsewhere with a gift receipt. Her expensive taste doesn't need to break YOUR budget. My best friend got married last year, and knowing her love of cooking and cookbooks, I got her the book "Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day", and got her the things she'd need for the bread (a round baking stone, a 5 quart container, a pizza stone, etc.). It wasn't from her registry, and I'm sure it wasn't the most expensive gift she got...but it was a reflection of our friendship, because I knew it was something she would love. Gifts shouldn't be about "how much money", they should be "how much love"...and love doesn't have to cost a lot of cash!!
You do not have to get something off of her registry! Check the registry to see what colors and themes she's going with (blue bath towels, red kitchen appliances, that sort of thing) and then buy something reasonably priced from wherever you choose. Do NOT feel bad about it, and do NOT feel you need to explain to anyone!
Since you mentioned that she likes silver, I do have a suggestion. Buy a silver photo frame (you should be able to find a very reasonably priced one, especially if it's 5x7 or smaller). Then take it to a trophy shop or other engraver, and have their names and wedding date engraved on it. It will be gorgeous and personal.
First off, she registered for a bunch of overpriced, extravagant stuff, which is incredibly tacky.
That being said, the nice thing for you to do would be to get her something thoughtful, and within your budget. A gift card may be the best course of action. We received a bunch of gift cards and cash for our wedding, and those were greatly appreciated to put toward the more expensive items that we did not receive or register for.
A gift card in the amount you are willing to spend to the store at which she is registered would be perfectly sufficient for the wedding present. For the shower, skip the registry and get something personal. A pretty picture frame, one of those fancy aprons in her taste, couples massage oils, anything. The sentiment can outweigh the price tag If she's ungrateful or thinks you're cheap then she's a brat.
Give her gift cards to the places she registered at - a $25 for her shower and a $75 for the wedding. That is completely acceptable and generous.
I think people should register for what they want. I registered for All Clad cookware from Macy's, even though most of my guests were Wal Mart shoppers. I told my mom that people didnt HAVE to shop off the registry, or they could give a Macy's gift card that I would put toward the cookware.
I really agonized about the decision, and knew that my mom was disapproving and wished I had registered for a less expensive set - but I love the cookware and would not have been happy with something else.
Dont criticize your relative for registering for what she wants, but dont spend more than you are comfortable with.
It goes against all etiquette to list where you are reigistered or to make a money/gift grab on invitations. That is the ultimate in rude.
Also, it is rude to expect people to make a SACRIFICAL gift. It should be a gift cheerfully given and accepted.
If you want to go, go. Some people wait until the wedding to give gifts so no one should be pointing out "Hey, Susan didn't give us a gift." That is also rude.
I understand liking someone and hoping to get closer, but your values are so different I do not see this working out well.
wait, what’s the difference between a wedding shower and a bridal shower…? I thought they were the same thing!
also… there is nothing at this store that costs less than $100. It’s like registering at prada. And yes, all her friends are wealthy and can probably afford it, so I will be the only one without a gift from this store…
I also don’t know anyone else personally that’s going.
Grrrrr.
Gosh. I really do wish a Target gift card were acceptable but I’m guessing not.
Thanks EVERYONE!!!
I guess I’ll just go to the store where she’s registered (it’s not a chain store) and get her a gift certificate. I feel like it’s boring to get her a gift certificate but I guess it will actually go to more use in the end— filling in on things she didn’t get, like you said.
I think I just have a problem with the whole expensive registry thing. I know so many people who have crazy expensive registrys, receive loads of gifts, fill up their kitchen with crystal and then get divorced a year later. I’m thinking of one specific friend who sat in her kitchen unpacking all of her gorgeous new gifts and confided to me that she didn’t really want to get married but said yes because she wanted to have a wedding and parties. It made me sad because my husband and I had seriously stretched ourselves to buy her a place setting of her desired china… They were divorced less than a year later.
I guess I just feel that weddings and registries have gotten out of control.
I’m not jealous of my cousin. I’m happy she’s found someone she loves and I hope they’ll be very happy together. She’s had a rough life thus far. My life has been pretty easy compared to hers and I am very happily married with two wonderful kids, a home we flat out own, and plenty of ikea, target, anthropologie, and cb2 kitchen things! We entertain all the time and I have never once wished I had something crystal! Once you have kids, anyways, don’t you just wish everything was plastic so it wouldn’t break? Well, that’s my mini rant.
Thank you to everyone who responded. I’m still not sure if I should get a gift for both the wedding and the shower because it seems that there is some question as to that. I guess I will get the shower gift now and see where we are within our budget at the wedding month.
ADDED:
The shower invite is quite fancy— so I guess that means that the shower is fancy, right? The registry is right there on the shower invite— the store she is registered at.
There is ONE thing, when I looked, that is under $100 but it is literally something that would cost $3-$5 dollars if it wasn’t made by a well known designer. I cannot spend $85 on this one thing and wrap it— it would be silliest gift ever (here’s your $85 toothpick!)— and honestly hurt my soul to spend so much on something so overpriced. But if, like some of you say, she will be opening gifts at the shower, then I should have something nice and not just a gift card to give her.
I like the cookbook idea.
Thanks, everyone!
ps. yes, when we got married, my husband and I asked for no gifts at all. We run in a sort of artsy, humanitarian, green-living type circle so it didn’t seem odd to anyone that we asked for no gifts. We suggested that if people wanted to do something as a gift, then they could make a piece of artwork or have a poem to share at our wedding. Several people created works of art that we have now in our home and several people read poems or played songs at our reception. Best gifts ever, in my opinion.