I don't know why I thought at a shower you get your friend a negligee or a gift certificate to Victoria's Secret.... Then again I guess I'm not very savvy since my husband and I had a tiny wedding and asked everyone for no gifts at all.
My cousin is getting married. I am thrilled that she invited me to her wedding. We don't see that much of eachother but I do like her alot and I hope we will see more of each other as we get older.
The problem is that she has extremely expensive taste. Like, more expensive than registering at Neimens for all the fanciest stuff.
I literally cannot afford to buy her anything off of her registry, and now I am beginning to see that I am supposed to get two presents from the registry--- one for the shower and one for the wedding. Can this be right??!!
I think it's greedy to register for crazy expensive stuff... I'm sure some people think that it's classy, but I just don't.
I usually get people some lovely kitchen stuff from anthropologie if all the good stuff is gone off of the registry (which is very nice, in my opinion), but based on her registry she wouldn't like anything that wasn't gold, silver, crystal or made by a designer.
I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to be rude but I seriously cannot afford any of the items. I have a cap at $100 but I still think even that is a bit much.
Her shower is soon. Can I get her a gift certificate or something?
I don't want to be rude.
HELP!
ps. She will also think that I just didn't want to spend the money on her since she knows that we were both recently given an inheritance. I put every cent of that into an account for my children's college fund- so I'm not digging in to that! Her wedding and shower gifts are coming out of our monthly budget which is super tight right now. But I can't tell her all of this--- and I don't want to offend her!
You're not obligated to buy anything off her registry, the items on it are "suggestions" and she should know that. Don't worry about what she will think, give what you feel comfortable with, like a $100 (or less) gift card to the store, and don't feel you need to buy a gift for both if you cannot.
Can you go in on a gift with someone else that's attending the shower that you know? With stuff that spendy, I'll bet others are feeling the same way you are! Just a thought....
Get her a gift certificate in whatever amount you can afford and don't worry about it. I'm sure you are not the only one, and if she is offended, she's the one who is being rude. Gifts are not supposed to be expected - they are just that, GIFTS. You accept whatever you happen to receive graciously and not carp about it. To only register for really pricey items in the hope that that is what you will automatically receive is in very poor taste. When I registered for my wedding, I think the most expensive item was maybe $200 and if I didn't receive it, I didn't care. I had plenty of things under $100 (some were only $15 or $20) and I got a lot of gift cards too that I could use toward the items that I didn't get. I did that with my guests in mind, instead of expecting them to spend stupid money just because it was on my registry. And what you choose to do with your inheritance is nobody else's business.
The $100. gift card is just fine. That will do as the Shower gift and the Wedding Gift.. Or you can purchase 2 $50. Gift cards to the same place.. One for the Shower and then send her the other for her Wedding gift.
This is done all of the time.
She can use it towards the things she will not receive.
Can you go in on a gift with someone else? I had some things on my registry in a variety of price ranges and expected that for the more expensive items, people would go in on a gift together (and they did). Do you have another relative who would like to split a gift with you?
Also for the wedding, where I live it's OK to give money (as in a check or cash inside a card that you leave in a basket at the reception, not something tacky like a money tree) as a gift and in most circles, it's preferred. Customs might be different where you live, but ask around and if people normally give monetary wedding gifts, give whatever you wish to give and can afford. A wedding invitation should not be seen as an invoice for a gift (a shower invite, on the other hand, actually is very much like an invoice for a gift and you do have to give something).
If you can, try to find somebody else that you can buy a present with and divide the cost. I have a rich aunt and when her daughter had her Quincianera, everything was so expensive, so between me and my mom got her something.
I am sure she understood, I also understand that her circle of friends can afford those things and I do not expect for her to lower just for me and my mom. It would be nice if they could put a few things on the lower side, but.
Don't let this stress you, if you can't find somebody to divide the present buy what ever you want (can) I am sure is all right.
People don't get married just to get nice stuff, they married because they love each other and the party is a way from them to share that amazing day with loved onces, right?
She doesn't have anything in her registry for 100 dollars?? That's actually not nice of her. She can't expect people to spend a lot more they would want to by having all expensive things in her registry.If you like her a lot, and if really are worried that she will be offended if you don;t buy from the registry , then maybe you can share one gift with somebody else who has been invited. I am sure many of them are in the same dilemna as you are. :)
Or I would suggest buying a gift card for 100 dollars for the store she has registered for or a generic visa gift card.
You are not obligated to buy items from her registry, they are merely suggestions, nor are you obligated to spend more than you can afford and you do not need to justify the amount you spend to anyone. Choose a gift you can afford that you think she will enjoy.
When I got married I got gifts that cost $10 and gifts that were extravagant. Everything was genuinely appreciated.
Ok, I agree that you do not have to get her anything off the registry per say it is a suggestion, a guide for those who need it. I would get something like a Massage Envy gift certificate his and her if you like or just for her for the Wedding Shower and a certificate for where they registered or an iTunes card if they have iPods for the plane ride to the honeymoon!
Bridal Shower is where the "naughty" items are given
Wedding Shower is where wedding/couple gifts are given
I think over time it turned to a Bridal Shower because guests were bringing gifts to the Wedding Event vs the Wedding Shower or sending them to the couple's new home. And I would laugh at ANYONE if they expected me to pay more than 100 for a wedding gift - honestly soooooooo not acceptable I care not what your taste level is.
Do what you can afford and if she doesnt appreciate it, then she needs to grow up and humble herself. Is her and all her family and friends rich?
Im sure a lot people feel the same way as you and wonder why she expects such expensive things from her guests. Personally, I think its tacky, not an ounce of classy.
Get her a nice photo album or something for her wedding or honeymoon pics. My sister did this for me and I thought it was really cool, she had my wedding invitation framed for me. Very thoughtful.
I have a feeling shes not going to get much from her registry, her fault....
She registered for her bridal shower?! TACKY! Gifts at a shower should be small home type items or sexy panties depending on the overall mood of the bride and the party, they should come no where near the expense of the actual wedding gift. She is being insensitive and greedy. I would skip her registry all together and just get her something you feel is nice. I hate registry's anyways, I feel like they are asking for gifts, which is something we have all been taught is bad manners. I have never looked at one, nor done one. I give thoughtful gifts I can afford, and if that is not good enough they can shove it, so to speak. and honestly, I can't remember who got me what for my wedding anyways, except the really personal gifts, like the hand made quilt my grandmother made.
Seriously, it's the thought that counts and not the cost. I personally take registry's as wish lists, and if I can't get something on it, I use it to inspire me so I can find something that would also be appreciated.
If she gets her panties in a bunch cause you didn't spend tons of your money on her, then too effing bad.
She may be in for a major reality check cause I doubt you're the only person having these thoughts.
What I would do...get two $50 gift certificates from her store she registered at and she can put that together and make a purchase and pay the difference for her over priced items. I can't see asking that everything be over $100. WOW. Not classy to me.
It's really too bad for her that she doesn't have anything reasonably priced on her registry! You are not the only wedding guest with a budget (especially in this economy), and most guests will NOT go over their budget on a wedding gift. She'll end up with a bunch of things that AREN'T on her registry OR nothing at all. You may want to call the store (or tell another close relative) and have them advise her to add things to the registry that are more reasonably priced. This is GOOD advice that any decent store clerk would advise a new bride. They should advise her that unless she has a variety of price points, she'll end up with a hodge podge of things that neither coordinate nor are returnable!
Alternatively, the gift card route is a great way to go. During our first year of marriage, we had a drawer of "cash equivalents" - gift cards from our wedding & showers. We were able to use these to round out sets of gifts that were incomplete, or buy extras of something (like silverware). And gift cards unrelated to the registry are also awesome. Get them movie tickets for a post-honeymoon date night, etc. Also, you can do something sweet and homemade & personal for the shower, and then do a gift card for the wedding gift. Totally acceptable, and it should be graciously recieved and appreciated!
I'd give her $35 gift card for her shower and $65 gift card for the wedding. Stick with her registry. I hate "stuff" and registered for things we actually needed and use. I got crystal candlesticks that I returned. I got expensive picture frames that I returned, if I could. I ended up with a house full of things I didn't want or need. Honestly, I'd rather have nothing than useless stuff. Get her what SHE wants, NOT what YOU want to give. There is a registry, no matter how expensive it is, so stick to it and do what you can with it.
I love what you wrote, so write this in her card:
We don't see that much of eachother but I do love you a lot and I hope we will see more of each other as we get older.
Don't you dare break you budget just because she doesn't have a clue. Give her a check or a gift certificate for her favorite store and stick to your principles. It is up to her to be grateful for your gift and use it for good.
What do you get someone who has everything? It's time to think outside the box. Here are some ideas. Put some creativity (thought) into this gift to make it special. It doesn't have to be expensive, but you can give her something good quality that is unique, memorable and useful to their lifestyle. I would go to a craft store, buy a nice gift basket and some fancy ribbons or bows (hopefully colors that match her shower invitation or style). Since you live in CA, I presume that you have alot of trendy stores and boutiques with some really cool stuff. I would do maybe a spa/bath type basket with fancy soaps or perhaps a basket with Godiva chocolates, coffee, wine from a local vineyard, etc. or even a basket made of potpourri, candles, etc. You get the idea. Just make sure that the items in the basket fit her and her fiance's personality or lifestyle (make it all about "them"). Then if you can afford to, just add the $50 gift certificate to where she is registered in the basket.
Honestly, you don't sound thrilled at all to be invited to this event. I can see why you don't spend much time with this relative and don't forsee that you will be spending much time together in future. You seem sort of bitter and jealous....not a good feeling to bring to a wedding or shower. A hundred dollars could easily purchase one or two nice presents.
If you truly can not afford to buy anything on the register, I would suggest something hand made (one of a kind gift)...if you are not artistic, you could find something at a gift shop or craft faire. There is nothing written in stone that you must purchase something from a gift registery.