My son has spent kindergarten in public school and has had some very unsavory classmate experiences. He's been exposed to quite a few less than desirable characters. It seems I have to recondition his behavior and remind him of what's expected and acceptable, a lot. I've mentioned those concerns as well as how impressionable my son is (even in comparison to other kids his age) to other moms… Several moms seem to believe Private Schools curb exposure to "bad" kids. How true is that?
i don't think it's the case. many parents think that moving a venue will make social problems go away, but kids are kids. some private schools will deal more decisively with 'bad' behavior than the public schools, but not everyone will like their solutions either.
i think private schools or homeschooling are good answers if you want a different educational experience for your son, but i don't think that moving him to lessen his exposure to unsavories will work.
khairete
suz
no, that is not true. There are bad kids everywhere, and good ones. You just need to try to help him make better choices in friends if you can.
nope. not true. the private schools in my area are almost made up half of kids who get expelled from other schools, or have been in trouble a lot at other schools. not to say in your area this is true, though
It depends. You won't really know until you are there and meet the kids. Some schools end up with kids that their parents (or grandparents) have enrolled in an effort to "rehabilitate" them. My son had a kid with anger issues in one of his classes one time. He was in and out of class a few times over the course of the year. He was a nice enough kid and my son was friends with him, but he would have outbursts and throw things. (Grandparent enrollment with the parents both "checked out").
But one of the biggest differences is that generally speaking, there is SOMEONE in the household who CARES that the child has problems and is actively trying to do something to solve them. Otherwise, why would they bother paying the tuition? And the class sizes are typically quite small so that things are seen more quickly by the teachers/staff and discipline is quick and firm.
There's no such thing as a "bad kid" at that age. It all comes down to bad parenting. Bad behavior will exist as long as parents are not doing their jobs. There are public schools with well behaved kids & private schools with poorly behaved kids. No school will have perfectly behaved kids all the time. The school can only do so much to curb unsavory behavior, but if parents aren't getting to the core of the problem at home, then the problems in school will continue.
These "moms" that you speak of... do they have personal experience with private schools? If not, then their opinions pretty much mean squat.
You will never be able to control how your child's schoolmates act, or anyone else, for that matter. Bad exists in the world & you can't shelter your child from it all. But you can teach him how to react & teach him the difference between right & wrong, etc.
It depends on the school, I suppose. In my personal experience there was bad behavior in both public and private. The private schools I have had experience with had many students who were there, because they got expelled from public school. There were kids who were put there by parents, hoping to change their children's behavior.
Private schools have bad kids - they just dress better and have nicer cars. :)
Really, public schools, for the most part, are a mix of children just like private schools. Oh, sure, the schools in the inner city of large cities are usually rougher, but the average, middle America public school is just a normal melting pot of children.
You have to teach your child acceptable behavior - and yes, you have to "recondition and remind him" often, especially at his young age. You need to teach him to find his own way and instill in him his own sense of individuality so he is able to resist peer pressure at all ages.
I grew up in New Orleans - which has some pretty rough public schools - because of which, I am product of private and Catholic schools. Even though I don't live in New Orleans, when my son was entering school I was going to send him to Catholic schools. (I am not even Catholic LOL) because "people just don't go to public school". Anyhoo, many friends told me that the public schools here were not the ones that I grew up with. I finally went and met with the Principal of my local public school. I was pleasantly surprised - so my son has been in public schools ever since Kindergarten.
Are there "bad kids", yep, but they have "bad kids" at the Catholic school I was going to send him to. It all evens out.
We cannot control those around us - but we can teach our children how to control their reactions and inter-actions to those around them.
Good Luck and God Bless
My kids go to public school right now. At their school they have things so orderly and VERY manner-focused. I know other schools in this county aren't so nice. I think we lucked out- I love the school. bad behavior is frowned upon-by most of the KIDS there. I've seen it. I volunteer. SURE, there are "bad" influences, but they don't seem to have a prevalence.
I went to private schools all but 2 years of my school-life. Yes, there does SEEM to be better behaved kids in general (i think it is the uniforms-lol)... BUT, the children seem to be much more judgmental (and I wasn't a "target" or anything) of "different" people as well... and you also have your classmates that are there because they have been expelled from public schools or pulled out due to the trouble they cause.
I don't think you can fully get away from it. I'm trying to believe that a solid home foundation is the best parents can do- not switching schools. In fact, my mom thought I was being badly influenced in a couple schools I went to and I transferred too many times. I was literally the best behaved kid I knew, and my mom didn't think so (she has some issues). ANYways, I wasn't able to form but just two close friends cause I was shy and always was the "new girl"... never established myself at a place, and I HATED the school I graduated from (private school), and LOVED the school I was at before (public school)- and I learned WAAY more at the public school because I was in a special gifted program.
Good luck. ...and also consider the high price of a private school. IMO, though- it isn't the school that will "change" your child- just based on personal experience. He IS young however to made a switch-which is much better than if you switch him later.
In my experience, private schools do limit exposure to some of the "bad eggs," definitely. That's not to say that there aren't bad kids, and you DO have to be careful to choose a school with similar values to yours (in other words, how much bad behavior do they allow, and what do they do to rule-breakers?). My daughters went to a very good private school through last school year, and private schools just have more latitude dealing with behavior issues. For instance, one child in my older daughter's class had some behavior issues that the administration felt distracted the other children from learning. He was asked not to come back after Christmas break. This year we had to have our kids go to a public school (supposedly a really great one) due to financial reasons, and I have to say, there's not much public schools can really go about bad kids. My older daughter is bullied by one child in her class, and although she is more annoyed than upset by this bullying, I have still brought it up to the administration. They haven't done anything about it. They don't really care. They told me that unless/until this other child physically beats up my child, they're not going to do anything about it. (Whaaaat?!) I totally understand what you mean about having to re-train your child when he's at home, because I have to do the same thing now, and that was not the case when we were at private school. If you can afford it, private school (not just any school though - pick one that fits your child) is the way to go.
I think it depends on the school. There are great and not so great public and private schools.
In my case we did not like the public school that our children would have attended. It is in a troubled neighborhood and is large and overcrowded. We did not want to expose our kids to things that can go on in a troubled neighborhood. We chose a private school that we know a lot about and are very happy with it. On the other side, had our public school not been in a troubled neighborhood we may have chosen to send them to the public school.
If you're not happy with what your child is being exposed to in this particular school maybe you should look at what other school options are in your area. Then decide if there may be a different school that is a better fit for your family.
Many of the other posters have already touched on the 'it depends' theory.
Our kids have been in both, currently in a college-prep private school that costs us the same amount of a state college. They do not allow all the other kids kicked out of area schools to be admitted so we are not a landing ground for problem kids. But I have to agree with the thought that if you think your child will not be exposed to 'less than desirable characters' in a private school you are mistaken. Or I guess the question is really what you consider the 'bad' kids?
Just in the last couple of weeks we've had to deal with a child in our daughters 10th grade class make poor choices that resulted in her expulsion from the school. She is a brilliant, beautiful girl but will not be allow back because of her poor choices. Now having said that, there are several kids who kinda fly under the radar, but because they play the game, make decent grades and their parents have more money than God, they tend to get away with things. But I think some of that is because we are a smaller school, things are really brought to light sooner than later.
I would say to be careful what you wish for and make your decision with careful thought and deliberation.
I taught at a private high school and there are two things that contribute to this theory:
1. You tend to get more of the 'religious' families who are all about church and Jesus will be unhappy if you don't honor your mother, your father, and all your elders (which include the nuns who, at times are a force to be reckoned with).
2. Private schools do not have to guarantee the education for your child like publics do. So, if you screw up in a private school because you chose not to follow their stringent discipline code then out the door you go. Mom and dad are paying out the wazoo for you to go there and will NOT tolerate the nonsense that gets you in trouble.
I would go and shadow potential schools and see how your child does in the environment. Talk to parents that go to that school and get their feedback on your questions. Best wishes!
M
It depends on the private school. If it charges and they kick people out for bad behavior, the parents are much more willing to help curb bad behavior.
We are going to private school if our house does not sell. We know the kids are not perfect, but the teachers watch the kids and intervene. At our public school, in spite of being paid well, the teachers ignore many things until it is out of hand.
In my opinion you just get bad kids with money for the most part and sometimes they are worse. I do not have much personal experience with this but from what I have heard/been told this is fairly accurate.
Not always. My son is in kindergarten at a Catholic School. He is in with a GREAT group of kids. I know our school would ask "less than desirable characters" to leave. In my experience, the lower grades are okay. Sometimes in high school you'll end up with a bunch of kids in private school that were expelled from public school.
We live in a very poor school district so we send our kids to a Catholic school. I know for an absolute fact that our kids would be exposed to badly behaved children at the local public school. I had to take my oldest there for speech therapy when she was four, and quickly decided she would not be attending school there. While not every child at the Catholic school is an angel, there have been very few behavior issues so far. They are very strict and don't tolerate any shenanigans.
One of the worst kids in our neighborhood attended a private Catholic school for K thru 10th grade. He failed class after class. He got in trouble with the law over and over. He never did graduate from HS but ended up in prison for about 10 years after he turned 18. My son on the other hand went to a school in our neighborhood which isn't the best part of town, and he graduated HS, went on to college, graduating on the dean's list and is now a Federal prison guard.
Perfect kids don't go to private school teasing and bullying happen there as often as public schools and ptivate schools are where the kids who get expelled go. Also this is kindergarten when our kids go to school they are impressionable and bring home what they learng to you and they test the waters I think being firm and explaining don't say or act this way is your best bet