My 5 year old is starting to ask the usual questions that parents get. Those I can deal with. I'm having a hard time with others, though. I'm a Daisy troop leader and there is pledge that says she'll pledge to God to be the best person she can. I am doing my part to exclude this pledge from the meeting (it's optional), but I worry about what will happen when she encounters religion in other places. For instance she came home from school singing "he's got the whole world in his hands". After speaking with the administration, I understood that the song was part of a folk/spiritual unit and felt better. But I was upset initially. I want to prepare my children for a world where so many people beleive. I want to explain our views to them without forcing them on them. I do want to discourage them from following any religion whole still being good people--but also respecting people who are believers. I have a notion about addressing several belief systems and demonstratng similarities--and that in the end, it's mostly about being a good person and making the world a better place for everyone.
I'm interested in input from both sides of this issue, but would like it to remain neutral, please. We all want what's best for our children and through communication, hopefully if my children encounter yours it will be a friendly, compassionate meetng.
hi Meri
I send my son to a Catholic school (not because I am so religious, but because many school's in S.F. are quite lacking in formal education.. that being said, my husband is Catholic, I am not. However, I do follow some of the Buddhist's traditions and although my son does have a religion class at school once a week and HE does choose to believe in Jesus, I have offered him other explanations and traditions. Children, In my opinion naturally gravitate to certain things. My son has taught me what it means to be truly open minded as in the past I have suggested to him that perhaps Jesus wasn't the only way to go :) his reply back to me "Jesus is for me" this taught me that well ok, I can deal with that, why should I shove my beliefs down his throat when he holds such strong convictions. In the end, children grow up and will choose what they want. My son sings religious songs, but I don't care, in fact it's cute. He also enjoys other types of songs as well. Also, I figure the more he knows about the Catholic religion and other religions, the better understanding he will have of other cultures and people. The idea being that if you can learn about a culture from a very profound aspect , religion being one way, then I think you have a better chance of understanding different people. Especially in this day and age where there are so many different beliefs. I also practice what I consider natural parenting, which means to me , going with the flow. Kids can teach us a lot. If my son, chooses Jesus at this time while I am more inclined to follow Buddha, well so be it. In the end, what matters like you say is that they become good people and so far, I think my son is doing a great job of that and he is helping me and his dad.. :)
well hopefully you will be teaching your children tolerance and the joy of learning about others people's beliefs. I am disappointed that you have become one of those people who chose to "talk to the administration" about a silly song. Children love songs and it is good for them to learn other cultures. I fear people like you who remove all lessons of other cultures including learning about Christmas and Hannukah in school. Schools are becoming such a bland place because of parents who choose to spend their energy complaining about a song instead of putting their energy to actually making the world a better place. Perhaps you and your child can volunteer and spend your time that way instead of trying to limit the exposure to different cultures/beliefs that your child receives in school.
I am not religious to one religion but I think its very sad that parents like you have taken out fun activities in school that are learning opportunities about the world we live in.
Also death is a scary concept for children, a bigger question for you might be how you are going to teach them about it and ensure they will feel safe and loved if you also are teaching them there is no such thing as God. If you believe in another power or universal power, can't you teach them that God is just one of many names for that power (Mother Nature? Collective Unconscious?).
A child doesn't need to understand your philosophical questioning- they are not ready to understand it. I would rather my child feel safe at such a young age and feel they are protected by angels-- even if I may not believe it.
BTW, your question (and your supporting facts including your attempt to change the Daisy organization) are FAR from neutral so while I am not a big extremist on either side of the issue, keep in mind that you have opened yourself up big time to those that are. Freedom of religion and separation of church and state does NOT mean that religion is not allowed in public life- it means just the opposite--we are ALL allowed to express our beliefs- not just you- and for you to try to silence those that discuss their beliefs is to do your child a great disservice by supporting intolerance and silence. . .
I think it is great that you want to teach your child to be respectful of others' beliefs. We need more of that in this world. I have struggled for years about how to incorporate the good parts of religion into our lives without the dogma. We finally went to the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship and are thrilled. The UU congregation is filled with people from different backgrounds and with different beliefs, including atheist. They consider themselves "creedless" so there is no preacher telling people what to believe. Yet, the services are so deep and moving that I usually end up in tears. The children learn about religions from all over the world. The community is tight-knit and a great place for our whole family.
I have two children ages 15 and 11. We have faced this issue as well. My husband and I tell our children that all releigions are based on a set of beliefs that outline the way people should behave and that many people feel more comfortable when they have a set of rules that they know other people in their community also think they should stick to. Our own rules/morals are basically the same as most religions. We have also told them that every person's beliefs have value and that just because they believe something we do not does not make them bad or wrong. I think that this can be very tough because those with strong religious beliefs often feel they must convince everyone else that they should believe the same things. If your kids can see you calmly explaining that your beliefs are not the same as some one else and that that is okay, they will pick this up as well. Good luck!
Hi Meri,
I'm an atheist myself, and what I find works for me and my 6 y.o. (so far) is to explain what I believe and why, and then let him know that not everyone agrees with me, and that lots of people he loves are firm believers. That way he knows that people he loves believe both ways and he'll feel more free to make his own decisions later. If you're worried believers may come down heavy on your child when you're not around, you can coach him to say, 'I appreciate your information, and I'll think about it.' That's all he has to say.
With the utmost respect and sincerity, I continue to fail to understand why "non-believers" wish to take part or have their children take part; in organizations which have long been established by people with specific moral and/or religious beliefs, especially our belief in God and the teachings of the Bible.
Why do non-believers feel they have the right to oppose, change, sue and perhaps force the organization to modify their doctrine in order to conform to the "non-believers" wishes, so their children can be a part of an organization with a doctrine in which they don't believe?
If you don't believe in God or any specific doctrine, you have the free will in the United States, to start your own organizations for you and your children. I can promise you, that we as believers won't try to join, sue or cajole or modify the path of what you believe.
We will however, keep our arms open and will welcome your children into our organizations which are meant to make a better life, be healthy, educational and fun for all children.
All of our children will grow up and eventually make their own choices.
Greetings Meri: What an interesting group of answers you ahve gotten. I wanted to think about it before I wrote you so I hope that I am able to get my thoughts across in the same spirit that you asked.
For background I am the oldest of 10( not all with the same set of parents) andI was raised by parents that had no moral convictions of any religion. Some of my siblings have been in total states of hopelessness & others like I have found peace and comfort from our chosen ways to believe. I was about 9 before I put it together that Jesus had anything to do with Christmas. That came because I was lucky enough with my cousin to be chosen to be an Angel in the school Christmas paget. I was never taught about the 10 commandments the most basic of how to conduct ones life. I was also shown by example how to cheat on ones spouse, drink, beat a child or spouse, and sexual abuse. I TELL YOU THIS NOT BECAUSE I THINK ALL ARE LIKE MY BIRTH PARENTS BUT ONLY TO MAKE A POINT. My folks also made a point of having friends that felt as they did and we children actually did not know there was another way. After some time I was blessed to be given the chance to live around and with other family members who showed me a different path in life.
I am the mother of several children, all of which I am proud of. I was able to find through my chosen religon the many things I was not taught by my family. Morales, pride, self esteem, the love & example of Heavenly Parents. So when I needed an example I would turn and see would Heavenly Father ever stop loving his children? Always I found the answer to be no, but he often let them pay the price of their chosen behavior. I learned about unconditional love and how to accept people without strings or conditions.
Many of my siblings chose not to belong faithfully to any religion but they have raised their children to be great people, kind and compassionet & educated people. I have some children and some of my foster children that I raised, that are not in any one faith but they will come on Mother's Day to be with their paternal Grandmother who is still living (we attend different churches). They will come to family events at church and are very supportive But that means that the rest of us must be just as supportive to them in their choices. I made sure that my daughter in laws & sons in laws, understood that I would never go behind their back and do anything stupid about church because I love them and that is what counts. They all know that I will teach Bible stories and that I will teach them what I have learned in a natural way not to push it on them but only to add to the teachings that I know their parents are already doing so they are good and wholesome people. Music is a natural form of life for small childen and teens. The more positive the better. We chose to talk about the positive aspects of it and the way it makes us feel and does it make us happy and want to improve something in our lives when we hear it rather than just the hymns that people sing at church. Do you remember the song There is a season for living and dying, that came from scripture and most everyone sang it because it was just a great song.
Recently when my husband of 40 years died, it was easy to explain to all the children our beliefs and they just wanted to know and be given something concret to hold onto and not fear that he was lost to them.
I honestly know from my experiances that you can teach children simple ways of respecting those who are "seriously" and "mostly" religious & that if they are not putting them down then they should get respect in return.
Recently my son that is disabled came home very hurt and up set because someone mocked his beliefs and told him that his God was a fairy tale and crutch as well as many other things. In talking to the kids and yes parents it turns out they are NOT LIKE YOU, but are teaching what I learned as a child --hopelessness. I really wish you well in your journey in parenthood and the great adventure that it is. I know that not all I have said is a direct answer to your question but I hope it does help to show you more views. Just please keep in mind that many children ask the basic questions of who am I, where did I come from and where in the heck am I going when I leave here. Give them solid answers that are hopeful and they will be o.k.
My thoughts and prayers are with your family, Nana G
Don't worry so much. I grew up in a home with similar beliefs to yours, and sang all those songs, and was a girl scout for many years. Honestly I didn't recognize many of the religious parts of the music and traditions, without the context at home. It was only later that the meanings of the songs made sense, and by then I was old enough to understand that I didn't need religion to be a good or moral person, and because my parents showed me to treat everyone with respect no matter what their beliefs, I did, and still do. It sounds like you are teaching your children similar view and showing them how to be in this world, so I wouldn't worry.