My story was a classic whirl wind, we fell in love quick, moved in quick then started a family quick. Then I started to see the person I was with was not at all who I had thought.
I have been in a relationship that I knew was doomed for quite some time now. I wanted to make it work desperately for the sake of the family but I will never be happy in this relationship and have realized I may be doing more harm to my child by staying than splitting up. It is heart braking to think of splitting up the family but it has to be done neither of us are happy and it shows as does the lack of respect for each other which is a terrible example for the kids.
With my partner, to whom I am not married, I have our son who is 2 and my partner has a daughter of 13 from another marriage who I adore and is an amazing big sister. We have her for one week every other week.
My concerns are many, how to support myself, how the children will adjust, will I see his daughter any more and how much, will my son get to see his sister enough. But one that was fairly unexpected was that my boyfriend has threatened taking my son away from me. I don't think it's possible legally, though he seems to think so because I have family members who are "known to smoke weed". I worry about him up and taking our son away but don't think that is likely mainly because of his daughter.
Basically I'm looking for advice on any and all of this. Mainly, what do I need to do legally before I try to split up? Do I need a lawyer? Maybe a mediator? Does anyone know the steps that should be taken?
I'm a planner so I wouldn't do this impulsively I need to know everything is in place before this is done. It has been bad for a while but I don't want to make any moves till the end of the school year, his daughter is having a hard enough time in school as it is and our break up will crush her as I think I am one of the most stable people in her life.
Some more background information. I am in school now finishing up my Bachelor's in Psychology with a minor in Family studies/Human development. I have been a very proactive mother and am very patient and respectful of my children which some see as being too soft or overly permissive, I disagree. I am also working, I have just recently gone back to work and have become the main contributor to the bills ect. My boyfriend is incredibly incompetent with money as was his dad and grandmother although he some how doesn't see it and will argue that he is great with money (I had to make him close his checking account when I was pregnant after giving him $500 just to get his account to zero. When I asked him if he saw a problem with his account always being overdrawn, he said no.) I own the condo we live in and have been employed at the same salon (I'm a hairstylist) for over 8 years.
Him thinking he could gain custody of our son in my opinion is insanity not to mention I don't think he is responsible or competent enough to be a single father. I don't think there is any chance but the thought of it is scary. He does use my son to get to me because he knows how much it affects me, which I think, is disgusting though he would deny he does this.
I do want this to be a smooth break, I would like to be mature and focus on the kids and work together to make this as painless as possible for the kids but he can be overly emotional and immature at times. I would like and need to share custody, so that I can still work and go to school and so that my son sees his father and continues to develop a strong relationship with him.
Thank you for listening, any advice is welcome and appreciated.
--Fonta