Hello Ladies! My husband and I have three wonderful children ages 4, 2 and 3 months. After the last one we decided we were done and the hubby had the surgery done. As you can imagine with all of these children in the house, intimacy has been somewhat rare. Coupled with the fact that I am breastfeeding AND he just got tested and was found to be "shooting blanks" you can imagine my surprise when I started having pregnancy symptoms again! I thought I was crazy and that it was probably just my hormones playing tricks on me. But I bought a test just to be sure. It was a very faint positive but still a positive. Go figure! This will not be the end of the world or anything. We love our kids very much and could gladly welcome one more. We just have to digest this new bit of information first! Anyway, I have never been able to surprise my husband with a pregnancy before because he always knew right after I took the test. This time he really has no idea and I would like to gently surprise him. Nothing TOO dramatic. :) Any thoughts? Has anyone else had this happen? I would love some good ideas about how to tell him or your stories if this happened to you. Thank you very much!
How do you tell him? Let his doctor tell him. Get an appointment, walk in with your husband and ask the doctor to explain how it is that you are pregnant.
I would make this the doctor's job. I really would.
Dawn
I would just sit him down and tell him as tenderly as I could. That would be surprising enough.
Congratulations.
It is my understanding that vasectomies are not effective immediately so although he is now "shooting blanks", he must not have been at the time of conception. But wow...what a surprise it will be to him (as I am sure it was to you).
You could hand him a card with "Ooops....we did it again! Baby #4 arriving late 2012!"
Tell him you're gonna write a letter.
Write a letter to that imcompetent doctor!
Maybe turn him into the medical board!
We outta get a lawyer!!!!
To update our wills - we're pregnant! :)
This hasn't happened to me but it sounds like my husband's worst nightmare. He always says that when we're done (we might have one more), he'll get snipped, I'll get tied AND we'll use a condom. lol. I'm glad it's not the end of the world for you. I would wait until he's had a GREAT fun day with the kids and then sit him down after the kids are in bed, tell him how much you love him and break the news to him gently. Be prepared for any type of reaction ranging from great to ok to bad and just know that even if he's not thrilled right now, he'll have 10 months to get used to the idea nad he'll love that child to pieces once s/he is born. Good luck!
This happens all the time. His doctor should have told him to be careful for a couple of months after the surgery. I have heard of men who have healed years after getting a vasectomy, poop happens. I would be honest with him and also have your OB do a test at the office just to be sure since it was a faint positive.
"Gently surprise him?"
I'm thinking that he will be concerned about how you got pregnant when he's shooting blanks.
I think if it were me, I'd call his doctor that did the procedure and ask him how this makes any sense. Perhaps call your gynecologist too. Certainly, get a professional test from your gynecologist. Get something to help you explain how he's shooting blanks, you are breastfeeding, and you haven't had much sex, yet you are pregnant.
I think your husband will appreciate that you were concerned about why it didn't work and find out if these procedures are only 95% guaranteed or what. Maybe you or he has some unusual condition that allowed this to happen. I sense that you may be happy about this so tread lightly in case he will, naturally I think, have some lesser positive feelings about whether or not you were faithful.
Also, its just me, but I would never assume that you know your partner's deepest feelings on a subject like this. They can change and we don't always share our changed thoughts with our spouses as there is thought to be no need to.
This happened to a girlfriend of mine. She has 3 children and really didn't want anymore. Her husband handled it better than she did. He went back to the doctor that performed the vasectomy and he had the nerve to imply that maybe the child was not his! Then he went on to say that in some rare cases the procedure is not successful. Needless to say my friend will be getting her tubes tied after this pregnancy.
Ummm.... a lot of men don't understand that you have to be tested every couple months to do sperm count for 1-2 years.
I knew a LOT of men in the military who'd been snipped. Every Single One of them whose wife got pregnant after the vasectomy their knee jerk response was that she'd cheated.
Fair warning.
Every single one that had paternity testing done showed dad (who'd gotten snipped) to be the father... but their GUT response was that it was impossible and occams razor to : BETRAYAL!!!
Their marriages suffered a LOT from this broken trust, on both sides. Most got over it. Some divorced over it.
YOU know he's the father, so your mind goes straight from there.
He doesn't. No matter how much he loves you, trusts you, etc.... there is no way for him to be 100% certain without a test. Most men don't need 100% surety. They go with their gut. But when their gut says "I can't be the father" it becomes an emotional minefield.
IDEALLY: Surprise him with a paternity test proving that the baby is his. I don't know if it's possible this early (or before he'd notice). If not... make an appointment for him at the doctor's office.
I would gather up all the little children around me and him and start tickling and having fun, and laughing and cooing....and then say something like this...
"Hon, you know that the effectiveness of vasectomies is only __%? (someone mentioned 95, but I don't know) Well, aren't we the the luckiest 5% of parents that fall into the uber fertile category. Some how one of your sperms found a way around it all!!!....When should we tell the family were expecting again???
Many, many blessings to you all!
My neighbor got pregnant with her 6th THREE YEARS after her husband's vasectomy!! Do yourself a favor and get your tubes tied after the delivery.
Also - I agree w/ the poster who spoke about the military experience. I'm sure the paperwork says that this can happen... but no one thinks it will be them! You know your husband best re: if you should lead w/ being willing to take a paternity test, or if he'll just roll with it. Good luck!!
Would you consider taking another test? I had problems with a faint positive once. I was over the moon and then crushed when I checked again, and couldn't get a positive. The levels of pregnancy hormone (hCG) are in the highest concentration in your urine when you first wake up - maybe try again tomorrow morning? Even have him wait with you for the results - saying you think you may be pregnant? Sorry, this isn't the sort of response you were hoping to get, but I wish I had had reason to be more cautious after my faint positive.
Good luck to you and way to be flexible about this big, big surprise.
Before you say or do anything, see your OB. Have a blood test to be sure that you are in fact preggers.
Then once you get the confirmation tell hubby "surprise"!
"Remember the doctor saying that there was a 0.5% chance that we could get pregnant after the vascectomy? Eh well lets go buy some lottery tickets tonight, honey, because we are beating the odds on getting pregnant. Maybe we can beat the odds on the lottery too."
How about leaving the "Baby Naming Book" or a list of possible baby names out on the dress, bed, counter, or somewhere he is sure to see it. Then when he asks you can say....Suprise!
All it takes is ONE sperm to make you pregnant. If he had one left and it was a determined little guy, you could be pregnant. Take the test again or have the doctor check for you in a month. If its positive then, tell him "Surprise Daddy!".
I had a friend that this happened to. He had a vasectomy and 6 months or so later she got pregnant. (She thought she had the flu and went to the doctor for some medicine.) He smiled and told her she caught the baby flu. And it took her a minute to catch on. She told him that night (Friday) and they had a very tense weekend. He went in to see the doctor Monday morning and found out the "knot" had come untied and he was no longer firing "blanks". They decided to keep the baby. He was re-fixed and she had a tubal. They told the doctor that if it happened again, they would own his clinic. He was rechecked again just after she delivered and he was firing blanks still. BTW, she grew up and was a runner up in a Miss Michigan beauty pageant (part of the Miss America series).
Congratulations.
Good luck to you and yours.
I would just tell your husband ASAP and not worry about being creative. Although your husband loves your 3 kids, such news of another one on the way so soon might not elicit the joyous reaction that pregnancy news has in the past. Because your test was only faint positive, it is possible that is a false positive. Hcg levels usually fall to "negative" status (<5 mg/dl) by 4-6 weeks after delivery but there are always exceptions to every rule. Although it is not impossible for you to get pregnant so soon after delivery and with your husband's recent vasectomy, I'd want to have a Dr/Midwife double check with a blood test. My experience has taught me that it is possible for a woman to have residual hcg still in her body from the prior delivery. Pregnancy symptoms can sometimes be confused with hormone fluctuations and PMS too. Be sure and retest in 24-48 hours at home (if it's darker in 2 days, you are probably pregnant) or see a Dr for a more accurate result. Best wishes! Nurse Midwife Mom
Yep, I agree w/another poster. Forget about creativity. This is an emergency.
Tell him and then go find out for sure. You better hope he doesn't think you have been seeing the postman, just kidding.
PS...Congratulations!!
Well, if you had a "faint" positive test I would suggest waiting a week or two and get the pregancy confirmed by your doctor. Who knows, but maybe the test was defective (it can happen!) and me personally I would want to know for SURE before I would drop something like this on my husband.
Also, I don't know your husband obviously, but I would think that the fact that you are pregnant is probably enough of a surprise for him. I think in a situation like this an adult conversation is more appropriate than a cutesy surprise. If you are planning something out and he does not react positive at first (as most men in this situation certainly would not - after all he had done his part to be DONE) you are only setting yourself up for disappointment and hurt feelings.
Good luck!