My son wants to go to a beach house after prom for an all night party with 15 other boys and girls without any adult supervision. He is being pressured by his girlfriend and friends. He would also like to go. I am having a very hard time saying yes and cannot understand how other parents fell this is an ok situation. I trust my son but I also know at 17 he does not always make the best decisions especially in a crisis. What do other parents think and do you have other ideas? I am happy to have them at my home but that is not considered cool.
Thanks for the help. Yes my son said he will be the only one not allowed to spend the night and that one of the kids will be renting the condo. I told him I was not born yesterday. I told him if there is adult supervision and I can talk to the adults, maybe. If not then he can go but will have a curfew and drug and alcohol testing. He did not like any of those suggestions. I am so glad to hear that others had the same and better ideas. Thank you so much. I will let you know how it turns out.
Well, at least he told you about it. I would give him a "cool" curfew, but sorry, he needs to come home. I would make sure I had the address to this place to go pick him up, Im sure there will be drinking at this unsupervised beach house party...
As much as you want to please him, hes only 17..
is this his prom? if so then id let him go. prom night is special and after parties are part of it.
Well.....could you chaperone the party? The homeowners are essentially responsible for any incidents, so it's strange that they won't be there to supervise since it's their belongings/property on the line.
Other parents might think their kids are complete angels, that nothing could possibly happen if their kids are in a house and not 'out partying', when they are flat out wrong. What could happen...at a beach house...unsupervised....hmmmmmm.
Remember, you're the parent, not his friend. He might not like your rules and restrictions now, but that's ok. You aren't here to please him. You're here to teach and protect him. I don't see how this ok at all and how any other parent is going along with this!
Well if MY own socially challenged sons (19 and 17) wanted to, I'd let them. But then they have ZERO interest in trouble, have HUGE grades, make good choices and are very focused on their future. But even weird kids like MINE deserve a little fun sometimes.
Course I WOULD say to them as they left, remember your GIANT academic scholarships are contingent upon graduating without incident. If you're dumb tonight, it will cost you TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.
:)
Do you want to become a grandmother? If not, I wouldn't let him go.
I agree with Carrie. If it's his senior prom I'd let him go. I would not let him go in any other case. We had a mixed sleepover after senior prom and we were all well behaved. The free kids that did sneak drinks weren't tolerated very well by the rest and they passed out early anyway!
When my kids graduated from Klein High, they went down to Galveston. However, there were several chaperons. For our daughters, the dads were the chaperons no Moms. My husband was one of the "guards" and the kids had a blast. The dads grilled out for them and then cooked breakfast in the morning.
When our son graduated, it was a different house but there were several adult chaperons. We had a huge meeting with all the parents prior to prom to go over all the logistics for photos, clothes changing and when they were leaving for the beach and who was bringing what. Do you have the names of the others? If so, see if you can contact them and ask about this party. Chances are they many not know or they may think it is a chaperoned event. Knowledge is power!!!!
We would not have permitted our kids to go to an all night party without supervison. No way!!!
No.....he'll be 18 soon enough, then he can make his own BAD decisions. Until then you and dad make the big ones. What do you think teens will be doing over night after their prom?
For a prom after party the best decision is to get there and stay there.
We had my daughter's prom after party four years ago. She hired a cop to sit on our driveway, drunks could come in, drunks could not leave.
In my opinion the biggest danger to prom parties is drinking and driving, you won't have that problem on the beach.
I would wonder what your rules were if a party at your house is not considered cool. I was home, I came out every now and then to make sure everything was fine, heck we had a cop on our driveway!
I know people think of sex and babies but really kids can have sex whenever the want. Keeping them celibate for one night isn't going to make a big difference. Believe it or not without any intervention no one tried to have sex at our party. It just isn't cool, what they did was drank, talked about school and how much they would miss each other, talked about their colleges, passed out all over the place.
Did I mention we had a cop on the driveway, car and all!
Well, go with your gut feeling what you feel is right in your heart.
As a parent, do what you feel is right, not to please your son, but as a parent what is the right thing to do? How safe do you feel it would be for your son to be in this situation? Is the unsafety mean more to you than pleasing your son? Would you regret it later?
I would only be ok w/ this with adult supervision. Find out which kid's parent owns the place and see if they would consider supervising (or some of the parents take turns). You don't have to be there for the whole thing or to watch every move but be present if you are needed.
I'd say no. Kids think they can do whatever when unsupervised, no matter how "good" they are or how well they have been raised. And if he's under peer pressure from his girlfriend and friends now don't delude yourself that he wouldn't be at the party. Until he's 18 you're responsible for him, go with your gut in making your decision. If you decide against him going he may hate you for it now, but I daresay in the years to come he would respect you for it.
Side note ~ my 17 year old cousin was raped at the unsupervised prom party she attended, right outside the house as she went to her car for something. She knew the guy, and she was treated as if she was the one who did him harm by his family and their "friends" afterwards. Parents at the party might have alleviated what happened to her from happening, we'll never know.
I am only ok with adult supervision. My 17 yr old daughter is gearing up for prom.
The group she went to homecoming with (2 HC because her bf goes to another school) BOTH stayed the night at my house and I stayed up all night with about 16 kids.
I am not sure if I am the allocated house for the prom. I have the room but I hate staying up all night.
Fortunately her group is a good group of kids and I don't have to worry with drugs and alcohol. A good portion of them are heading off to college on athletic and academic scholarships and they don't want to mess that up.
ONLY with adult supervision will we allow the after party.
HELLLLL NO!!!!!! You know what will happen right, you aren't completely ignorant, I know that for a fact! I'd sit your son down explain your reasons on why you feel it's not a good thing. I say let him go, have fun, but give him a curfew. Also, I'd let him know you'll have a breathalizer waiting for him when he gets home along with a drug test so no funny business (think he'd buy it?? :)) Also, threaten him with a pair of rusty hedge clippers if a girl shows up pregnant:)
Um NO.
Mine is 15, and I know deep in my soul that I would not let him do this in 2 years. As I always tell him - nothing good ever happens between midnight and 3am. JMHO
Teens, hormones, no supervision,peer pressure, and gosh knows what else - so not a good idea - no matter how much you trust your son.
NO WAY, NO HOW, NOT AT ALL!
It doesn't take a genius to figure someone is going to bring booze and the beach is a perfect place for skinny dipping and the house will be the perfect place for unprotected sex. AND the hormones will be fully at their maximum. At the minimum, swimming drunk is a road map to tragedy.
I bet "all the other parents" are being told none of the parents have a problem with it either. Yeah Right ! ! !
If there were 16 kids there should be at least 5 or 6 chaperones. The chaperones should cook or BBQ and provide good things for the kids to do.
Good luck to you and yours.
hahaha, oh yeah, I remember my prom after-party and I even came home! I think 8kidsdad summed it up nicely w/ no way, no how, not at all :)
No way. Even the best kids make bad decisions when faced with peer pressure and raging hormones! Like 8kidsdad said, I bet all the other parents are being told that everyone else's parents are okay with it.
Who's house is it anyway? I know I would NEVER give up my home to a bunch of unsupervised teens! That's the first clue that something is not right here!
Let him go, but give him a curfew and do buy the breathalyzer and the drug test kit and make sure he sees them before he leaves so there is no doubt in his mind what's happening when he gets home!