I have 2 kids - a 3.5-yr-old son and 11-mo-old daughter. We're a pretty open family when it comes to changing clothes, baths and using the toilet. At the same time, we are teaching our son the value and need for privacy and he is understanding and doing great with this. He does notice mommy and sister's bodies are different from his and daddy's and we answer his questions matter of factly and without making it an issue.
I'm just wondering how other parents handle this whole nudity/privacy thing, esp when it comes to an older brother and younger sister as they get older. Did you have a particular age/stage when you starting teaching your kids to be more modest around family members? I grew up in a house full of girls so the girl/boy sibling thing is new to me. My dad was always modest with us girls. Just wondering what things we might want to consider in the near and distant future. Open to hearing a variety of thoughts/opinions.
As the children get older, they will want their own privacy. My friend’s son is 5 and has practically grown up with DD (we hang out and babysit a lot). In the last year, he’s shut the bathroom door, wanted his privacy, etc. We have also been teaching DD to knock and WAIT and not go in when she’s not wanted. DH has also not made a huge deal of it, but has been more private about his own habits and changing in the last year. I think the more DD started to notice, the less he wanted to be noticed, you know? So I’d just go with what everyone needs, as they need it. It was never much of a problem with SS and SD. They just grabbed a towel to walk to/from the shower and bedroom and everyone had a bathrobe if they wanted to use it.
I don’t have both but I watch a pair of twin boys and keep 4-5 year old girls. You should see them swarm around when I change diapers! Lol. It’s totally innocent and I’m not worried about it at all. We look different and that’s ok. They’ll want/need their privacy in time, but they’re still too young to realize it’s anything but couriosity.
I think that once one or more parties are uncomfortable (it will happen) then it is time to enforce it, but overall I think that general space is important.
If someone asks for privacy we give it.
Nudity in our house is just one more thing that happens in the course of the day. We don’t parade around the house nude. We don’t make a big deal of it. We teach that it’s not polite to point or tease.
I’ve got 2 boys and 1 girl as well as my husband and I. They all know what parts the others have and we move on.
As for what age, there was no particular age, it just evolved out of every day life.
Nothing wrong with nudity. Its how you view it that is the problem. If its not treated sexually, its not viewed as such.
I have 5 year old, when she was 4 she was allowed to change fully in front and with, all the boys at the pre-school. When my husband had a little bit of a problem with this, she told him " dont worry daddy, their peanuts are thiers and my privates are mine we respect each other"
We dont parade around naked in front of our kids, but if they bust in on us changing, we dont get angry or shy. They just say things like, HEY what are THOSE? LOL.
My 2 year old son still bathes with his 3 and 5 year old sisters. He often asks where is their peanuts. Totally natural and I dont think they have to worry about any of that till they are embarrassed or shy to get dressed in the presence of others.
My kids are, daughter older (9), son youngest (6).
We just change/bathe/use the bathroom normally.
My kids see us and they see each other. And this has been the case since they were born.
It is no biggie to them or us.
If a child wants privacy, they SAY so. Fine.
My son knows boys have penises and girls don’t and each gender has their own parts.
No biggie.
Nudity in our home is not a big deal. If anyone is uncomfortable or wants to change or have privacy with anything,they have that option. But for the most part everyone gets dressed,showers etc around everyone else.
When son was around 6.5 and daughter was around 3.5 we discontinued joint baths. But that was pretty much a “space in the tub” issue.
Generally, when they begin desiring privacy (while toileting, for example) then we all respect their desire for privacy. We are a bit more conservative than some of the families on this site, and tend to keep nudity to the privacy of our own rooms/bathrooms. That is just us, it may be more in line with what you are comfortable with, it may not. But your kids will let you know when they desire more privacy.
Eventually (it’s still REALLY early) your son will not want you to “help” at potty time. Ever. At some point he will begin asking to bathe on his own. etc… just take it as it comes and it will be fine.
The general rule of thumb for us is that everyone needs to be comfortable. If a child running around the house in front of guests/grandparents makes them uncomfortable, then the child should either be in the privacy of their room, or put on something so that the guests aren’t uncomfortable. It is courtesy. And if the child is uncomfortable being naked in front of anyone, they are entitled to cover up or close the door, etc.
As I said, in our household, that trends more to privacy. My husband has never been one to go shirtless even. He just prefers to have on a T-shirt instead of nothing unless he is going to bed. I don’t know why, I’ve never asked. My father never went around the house without a shirt of some sort either. Our son follows Dad’s footsteps and wears a shirt of some sort, too, when he is up and about. btw, our son is 14.
I, for one, think modesty is not a bad thing. It doesn’t mean you aren’t comfortable with your body or that you have any issues with sexuality.
Nudity is not a big deal to me. I never had to teach my girls about the nudity/privacy thing, it came naturally. Around the ages of 8-10, most girls start going through the covering themselves up/ not wanting anyone to see them naked phase. That was when they started changeing in privacy. My boys never went through this. But to make the girls feel more comfortable, we started changeing in privacy.
It really should be a natural evolution. When the brother or sister are feeling uncomfortable, You’ll notice.
I have an older bro and we actually shared a room for a long time until … … he was not comfortable with sissy around:) He told my mom outright why he wanted/needed his own room.
I have found when the kids hit the age where they need privacy they do a very good job of making sure they get privacy. With my girls that was around 10 and my boys 12, not sure why there is a difference but there you go.
There is a huge difference between a dad being modest and a child. An adult is aware a child is not. When they hit that age of awareness, as listed above, they become modest around everyone. Until then they are innocent, let them be innocent. They will have to majority of their life to be aware, ya know?
Love Gamma’s scare stats. If you have kids that are having sex with each other don’t you think more came into play than just seeing their sibs nude?
When a person goes to college and studies psychology it opens a whole world up of stuff a normal person would never even consider.
In a human sexuality class we learned that of 60% of all REPORTED incest is between siblings and that those families were lax when it came to teaching privacy and didn’t keep the kids of different genders in different bedrooms and all this other stuff.
So I don’t think this can be started too young.
I know that these statistics are old but the theme is always going to be there.
Siblings who are familiar with their siblings in that kind of way have more issues with temptation and as they get older, fantasies. I think that you are doing okay, he needs to not see you or dad or sister in the nude or partially nude. Those are images he will have come to mind later in life, like around 11 or 12 or 13 when he is starting to be aroused.
You may not think anything of it now but he is “making a photo album of memories” right now. Are those the images of you or other family members that you really want him to have?
I agree with a lot of what others have written. Privacy is a natural thing that develops in kids. Yours are still pretty young so you don’t really need to worry about it much right now. I have a daughter almost 7 and boys 4 & 1.
Up until a year ago the older two took baths together. We chose to stop it for modesty and because they took up too much space in the tub. Plus my daughter likes to shower now and my son takes baths. Both kids will still sometimes take baths with the baby boy. My daughter will beg for privacy while changing but then call her brother into the bathroom while going potty to talk to him. So it is all what they feel comfortable with at the time.
I have started just recently to be more careful changing around my 4 year old. He does see me breastfeed the baby so that is talked about too. My DH is super modest and doesn’t want any of the kids to see him change. I think it is kinda funny. I remember last spring that DH took our son potty when we were at a rest stop on a trip and my son came out and told me that “Daddy has a big penis.” I laughed and said yes, my husband was mortified.
We are starting to encourage privacy and modest for my daughter, but not pushing it or making her feel ashamed of her body. I just want her to learn what is good and proper for a girl to do.
i was the only girl in a houseful of boys. we were very casual about clothing, and my parents tended to answer questions very simply. maybe too simply (i didn’t know how sex worked until i learned it in school around the age of 10) but there wasn’t any shame or silliness. modesty just happened organically a little before the onset of puberty.
your kids are very, very young. for me it wouldn’t be an issue at all. but i have to add that i’m a clothing-optional mom so my pov is probably not the norm.
ETA there are actually college psych classes where the ‘normal person’ learns that nudity and sexuality are not the same thing, and the children who grow up familiar with the human body are not all perverts. really. khairete
suz
My kids of both sexes all bathed together until my oldest was like 9 or 10. Then the oldest didn’t want to do it anymore and it just stopped. They stopped seeing each other naked when they didn’t want to be seen.
IMO there is no problem with 1 and 3 year old siblings seeing each other naked, and nothing should be said or done about it. There is nothing wrong with a nude body (well, some bodies are better off clothed), and the situation will take care of itself when required.
Gotta COMPLETELY disagree with Gamma on that point. A normal kid will not lust after his/her sibling, regardless of seeing him/her naked. In cases of incest, something else was the cause. I don’t think much of your psych. teachers, Gamma.
Sorry but I think the more “normal” nudity and the human body is, the less “forbidden” or “exciting” it seems. My friend whose parents were practically nudists never was fascinated by men and was a healthy relationship virgin type well into her 20s. And likewise her brother was never a horndog teenager but always very respectful of women. My 7 year old is starting to want some privacy around undressing in front of daddy but not me or her younger sister.
It does not matter who oldest. There nothing with a brother older than sister or sister older than brother. The rule of thumb. Respect, honest, trust, caring, understanding. There is no double standard rules for boys and girls.
They can be a great blessing to each other as they grow and develop. Brother and sister is a excellent place for them to understand each other, be supported of each other. Learn thing for adulthood. Do not apply sexually with nudists. They can be nudist all the way up to adulthood. Do not get erotic with them see each other naked. Ye, and yes, and yes. They will see each other genitals. So what. They are not going to do anything unless someone put something in their head. Be sure others are not ininvolve in them being nudists till they get older and they decide who they what to see them naked. You be sure others (female mostly) respected their privates. Nudism is a family business. At a younger age you let them know be naked is family business only. When other family members come over let them know they do not have to be nude. The can be modest till the guest leave. There is no double standard rule. If you daughter what to be dress when company come than son is also dress. There is an attitude about boys do not have same rights as girls. There is no strip of the boy and having him nude with a group of women or girls when visited.
I am a mother with two sons who are 9,12, two daughters who are 7,11. They been nudists all their life. They do not have any issues of this because we have total respect for each other. Older brother is no differ than older sister. We have other families who are also nudists. There is no forcing others to be nude. At anytime they feel at home when we have company that they can put clothes on. Most of the time they are dress when company come unless it one of the families we do nudists activity with. They careless about body parts. The girls having no issues of boys bodies. Brother and sister in a family can be of great help to each other in learning and understanding each other. It not any harm for children of one family and another family children seeing each other nude. W have one family near us who has two girls who are 11, and 8. My sons has been a great help in them learn what they need to know. The parents of the girls love my sons as if they were theirs. Get off this sick drama about boys. It not real, it a lie, dram, gossip. Boys are wonderful, caring, understanding, loving. The reason why my children do not have any issues is because we build each one of them being special, wonderful. Being a boy is cool, being a girl is cool. No gender junk in our home. We female praise the boys for the beauty in what their bodies does. They are not shy or shame at all. My oldest son is so support of his younger brother and sisters.
They do put clothes on and they do go naked. It on their own term.
I have read everyone post. I notices something we need to deal with. I am a female. I will lay it like it is. We women have this attitude boys do not have same rights as girls and their bodies can be seen against their will. Boys have the same rights as girls. He will decide who see him naked. Unless you see danger. I mean what I am staying. Women think they can do as they please in other people home. When I go to check on my children in the bathroom, I do not have a women or a girl hang on my tail to come in on my children. My mother does not see the children naked. There is attitude about boys and their bodies. The one who has this attitude is us females. We think we can do as we please. I never been like that to my husband or my sons. The reason why my 12 year old is so open to his sisters and brother in what happen to him is this. All these years they have gone over broad to see that others did not see him unless he what them to see him. I do not have conversations with other moms about his genitals. This stupid drama about boys is just drama, gossip. In general women have an issues with boys. The issues is the woman. Thank you
khairete