Not sleeping well at night.

Newborns & Infants Sleep
1

So below is my original question. My son is sleeping next to me in a bassinet, I do what it seems like he wants; rock him, hold him, feed him. He has a clean diaper, has been feed, I have swaddled him as best I can (I do suck at this) and he STILL won't sleep. Last night we were up from 7:35pm until after 4 am. I finally gave up and put him in his swing for about half an hour and I dozed for about 20 minutes in the chair by him. In the end he finally passed out in my bed with one on my hands on his chest holding his hand and another rubbing his cheek. I HATE my son sleeping in my bed. I feel like I am going to roll over on him or something. I can't sleep well. I don't know what to do to have him STAY asleep. He falls asleep but only for about 5 or 10 minutes. I don't think this is healthy for either of us. He was up for 7 1/2 hours. I don't know what to do. HELP PLEASE!!!!! He is now 3 weeks old today. He also seems to be playing more at the breast than eating. THANK YOU!
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My son is 2 1/2 weeks old and is very sweet and doesn't cry a lot. He is great during the day and is breastfeeding well and takes naps easily. The problem is at night. He wakes up around 7 or 8 and I can't get him to fall back to sleep until after midnight sometimes. He fusses and cries if I don't pick him up and breastfeed. Sometimes someone else can hold him, but he really wants mom and the breast, even if he isn't really eating. I have introduced him to the bottle b/c I am going back to work in a couple of weeks and sometimes the pacifier works. I am reading Baby Wise and can NOT figure out how to get such a little guy on a feeding schedule. I am SO TIRED. Thank you.

Is it okay for him to be awake for so long? Of course I worry about everything little thing. Also, I was wondering if he IS too young to be on a schedule.

2

He's too young for any sort of schedule. Trust me.. we have all been there. Feed on demand right now. Hold him as much as you can... you will miss those times. You might also consider a co-sleeping device so you don't have to get up each time. I don't think I got any sleep until about 6-8 weeks. Mine is coming up on 5 months and I'm still tired but it has gotten better. Be patient and see things from your son's POV... he's only been on the planet for 2.5 weeks. SCARY!!!

3

He is way to young for that kind of structure. His stomach is too small to hold enough food to sleep for more than about 2 hours at one time. His sleep well get better as he getts older. You need to wait until he is at least 6 months before trying a schedule. But if he falls into one on his own do whatever you can to keep him on it. i know you are tired but that is just the way it is right now.
Alison

4

He may be wanting to cluster feed. One of my babies did that and would eat off and on consistantly from 8 till midnight. I would just sit in front of the TV and expect to spend my night letting her nurse. She'd sleep 8 hours at night because of it. You may be putting him down to early. Whatever the case is, the first two people are right. Schedules just don't happen that early. Keep him up longer and let him eat as much as he wants. Let him call the shots and he might create a reasonable schedule for you. Give him a chance to do what he feels he needs. Good luck!

5

According to my pediatrician as well as lots of books, etc. babies cannot really be on a schedule until after their third or fourth month. This is because they are too neurologically immature to distinguish day from night, and literally need nutrition as often as 2-3 hours at time. Their tummies are so small, that they must feed frequently.

Also - our doctor said that babies tend to have a fussy period typically in the evenings. The only thing you can do is try to soothe him they way you already are. The pacifier sounds good that way he's not attached to your breasts 24/7.

I have a 10-week old, and have had the same exact experience you are having. I suggest you get The Happiest Baby on the Block DVD or book. We found it very helpful with things that really work to soothe our daughter, Eleni. Just to get you started, things that helped her calm down were swaddling, laying on her side, and white noise - like a radio turned to static. The last one sounds weird, but it works like a charm every time. The key is for it to be as loud as the baby is crying at the beginning, and that can be loud. Once the baby hears it, then you can turn it down. I've heard other babies like vacuums and hairdryers too. I find the radio convenient because I can fall asleep too.

Your guys is also really young. It will get better as the weeks go by, trust me. Little by little he will eat less frequently and sleep more at night. I suggest you try to wake him periodically during the day or keep him awake if he already is. Then he'll sleep more at night. AS far as him being up too much, he will sleep if he needs to. I wouldn't worry too much about that. Also, (and I can't stress this enough!) SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS. I didn't always do this at the beginning because I was so excited and nervous. At 10 weeks I still regret all the little naps I missed.

Last advice - get a book called Baby 411. Right now reading even more than a paragraph can be a challenge with sleep deprivation. It's a good quick reference guide to flip to for specific questions. It helps to let you know when you really need to be worried or when you are just suffering from new parent paranoia and sleeplessness (which we all are)

Good luck!

6

Ah, I recall this period....my sister & I called it the bewitching hour. Her twins (now 8 yrs) & my 3 yr old all did this at about the same age & the same time. You just have to ride it out. I nursed my son off & on during this time period & after about 2 hours he'd finally fall alseep. I remembering meeting a friend of mine for a walk during this period & leaving my husband w/a screaming baby....just happily walked out the door! So, it will pass but ya just gotta bear w/it. At 2.5 weeks old, your son still hasn't really figured out the difference between night & day yet & being outa that cozy womb. Forget about trying to put him on a schedule....it will only drive you crazy. At this age, babies generally just want to nurse & be cuddled A LOT! Maybe try some baby massage. Keep having his dad try to give him a bottle, rock him, walk the floors w/him. Even tho he's so young, he also may be picking up on your anxiety & stress so, remember, if the crying gets too much, it's OK to lay him in his crib & take time out for yourself. Hope this helps & good luck!

7

Oh dear, at 2 1/2 weeks, this is what they do. I do personally think this is way too young to be worrying about schedules and such. I just read yesterday that sleep training research has never been done on small infants younger than 6 or 4 months, and I don't think it's worth the risk to leave a tiny infant alone to cry. My advice would be to try to hang in there and revisit the schedule thing around 6 months. But you can start now to create routines and such for night time, which may help.

8

One thing our pediatrician mentioned is that babies start off basically nocturnal -- they get lulled to sleep in the womb when we walk and then wake up with the rush of blood sugar from mom's dinner and the lack of movement when we lie down to sleep. Remember the budding Olympian you were sure was in your belly? It takes time for the baby to learn to be diurnal. Our doc suggested never turning on the baby's light at night (a small nightlight or falshlight was sufficient for any diaper changes, feedings, etc.) and not talking to or being playful with him in anyway when he wakes at night (certainly go in to comfort him/feed him, but no talking or acting fun). This isn't to say be mean to your baby at night; you just do not want to give any signals that this is playtime or provide more stimulation than you absolutely have to. In the summer, you might need blackout shades because of how late the sun sets. Following these rules helped with our baby. A great book is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby" by Weisbluth. In one or two small areas I felt he was too harsh, but the overwhelming majority of what he says is very helpful. I just ignored the one or two items with which I was not comfortable. Other posters are right that your baby is way too young for a schedule. Four months is what I recall for that. Congratulations on your new baby. It is exhausting, but I promise it gets better eventually!
Karen
Karen

9

there is great controversy RE babywise. some pediatricians have even called it "abusive." i know some moms swear by it. i have never read the book myself, but thought i would pass on the concerns and advise i received which is that yes, 2.5 weeks is far too young to expect a newborn to be on a schedule. the baby needs to eat when he is hungry and, unfortunately for new moms, will sleep when he is tired--whenever that may be. a fussy period is often totally normal, as well, especially if it coincides to his birth time. if it does, you can talk to him about the birth and let him know he's safe and that it is totally normal for him to need to work through his feelings around the scary process of going from your safe belly into an unpredictable world where he has to rely on others for his needs. this is one reason why trying to schedule a newborn may be so unfriendly to them. imagine that contrast! my ped. and midwives recommend feeding a newborn whenever he wants it especially in the early days. you may want to try a baby sling to carry and walk with him when he's upset. it will help him to feel secure and the motion will likely lull him to sleep.

10

they all gave great advice. do you cosleep? He can nurse and dose on and off. I did that for a little while just to get sleep.

11

Brina-
You are in the midst of the fourth trimester! The first three months of your baby's life are totally involved with arriving on the planet and finishing off the body systems. It is a very hard adjustment. I hope you have a little more time off before you have to start working again. If you can afford night help, so you can get some more sleep, get it! Your son won't be ready to schedule for another couple of months. Bay Area Baby Nurses and Doulas has great people and a very reasonable agency fee - 800-899-1889. Hang in there!

12

Hi, Brina,
It looks like you got a lot of good advice from everyone already, but I just wanted to send you moral support. I have a 3 month old and he cried quite a bit his first month of life. Babies just do that. They are adjusting and having lots of things to get used to. What we did and still do is to co-sleep with the baby. It is great and I would not have traded it for anything in the world. I realize our culture mostly frowns on this practice, but I have loved cuddling with my little boy this way AND he sleeps through the night and has since he was born. He will wake up to eat, but then fall right back to sleep, so I never really went through sleep deprivation like most mothers. I lay him down, breast feed him on my side and then let him fall asleep. his first month of life, he would sleep on top of me or my husband's chest. The second month of life, he transitioned to sleeping next to us. Now, at three months, he is slowly learning to fall asleep on his own. So that is great. But at night he sleeps and when he does wake up to eat, it is only to eat and then right back to sleep, so I don't lose much sleep at all. Do what feels right to you. hold him a lot if you can (sometimes I can't because I have a three year old I have to also tend to) and you might try using a pacifier if that helps. My little guy doesn't want it, but my first one loved it. Good luck to you! Enjoy this time. It is over too fast.

13

I suggest sticking to a 3 hour schedule (that's all day and night) and in the middle of the night you do have to nurse and wake the baby up after 3-4 hours to ensure proper nourishment until his 4th week when you allow him to wake up during the middle of the night on his own (trust me, he will). Your baby needs to be on a schedule b/c this will help regulate his metabolism, which will help him sleep through the night when his body is ready. Right now, he can't distinguish between day and night. He's got his days and nights mixed up. That's normal for all newborn babies. With a schedule, it will help his body get used to sleeping more at night and being awake more during the day.

At 2.5 weeks old, a 3 hour feeding schedule would work as long as the feedings aren't snacks, so nursing and burping can take up to an hour long. Anything longer than 1.5 hours of being up would be too much and he will end up crying for a long time due to over-stimulation or fall asleep then wake up crying. Not much "wake time" is needed after a feeding at this age. And you need to keep the baby awake and not let the baby dose off while nursing or he will be snacking and will wake up usually 40-60 mins after for more. Try taking off his socks or just having a onesie on with a thin receiving blanket. Being too warm with a half full tummy will make him dose off even though he wasn't quite finished.

Night feedings are quiet and relatively dark. We used a flashlight. No TV, music or talking during this feeding. Try to do this feeding as quickly as possible.

We had both our daughters on the babywise method. Controversy or not, it works. And babies are able to sleep long periods after 8 weeks (6-7 hours). As your baby grows, the hours at night increase, while the number of feedings decrease and the baby will take in more food at each feeding.

Our daughters did well with a schedule and didn't have problems with weight gain or sleeping through the night. In fact, both slept 11-12 hours a night by their 6th month. My 8 y/o still needs 11 hours. The long hours of sleep help with proper brain development, which is needed for focusing, learning, absorbing and remembering information. Our 8 y/o learned to read at 2.5 y/o and is now reading 5th-6th grade material (assessed by her 2nd grade teacher). I truly believe it was from all the sleep she had as an infant, which has enabled her to be a success in school.

Any book that helps get your baby to sleep through the night is worth reading and following. Many friends and relatives we know have been successful using the babywise book (parent direct feeding method).

If this book doesn't help, try another. They basically have the same concept of having a schedule/routine. However, it doesn't mean your baby's body will follow it right off the bat. You have to be consistent when you wake and feed the baby and after a few weeks of consistent feedings at a certain time, your baby will start to follow the pattern.

Good luck!

14

Just my opinion, but he's way too young to be put on any schedule but the one that he thinks is right for him. My son was about 4 months old when he went through a month or so where he REFUSED to go to bed for the night until 4am, but nothing I did changed it. I even tried keeping him up instead of taking an evening nap and tried to wake him up sooner from the nap so he'd be tired earlier, but nothing worked. I finally just resigned myself to the fact that it would eventually change, and it did. He's now 19 months old and goes to bed at 8:30pm. Good luck, and try to trust your own instincts instead of focusing on what everyone else says SHOULD be going on. (I learned that one pretty quickly!)

Also, when you go back to work, things may turn around fairly quickly because you ALL will be on a schedule!

15

i haven't read the other responses, but i say he's only 2 1/2 weeks old, give him what he wants. could you sleep with him and do the lying down breast feeding position? i think that babies are still so fresh and new they don't know what's going on at this point; he will figure it out. he will change so much in just a couple of weeks, i wouldn't stress over whether this will be a problem when you go back to work.

schedules like the books suggest did NOT work for our family, but they do for some. and i say wait until 3 months before imposing a schedule on a baby. given the freedom, they will create their own schedule.

you're doing a good job and you will make it. good luck!

16

If he's not losing weight then he's probably eating enough. It might take a little while for you and he to get into the nursing rhythm. as for the sleeping,if he'll only sleep in bed with you perhaps you could look into a cosleeper for the time being. That way you'll be able to get some rest without feeling like you're going to roll over him. He won't have a feeding schedule for a little while yet. Remember he just came from a place where he was with you and being fed 24/7.

I'm not sure what a similar place is in SF but in the east bay a place called Bananas has really good (free) newborn classes, they could be a great resource for swaddling help etc. Or, if you can afford it, i would suggest getting the help of a postpardum doula.

17

Thanks for all your advice! My son actually slept really well last night after I made sure that he ate every 3 hours all day. Hopefully this will continue. The night before wiped me out. I am going to continue today with the 3 hour feedings.