I have a very quirky 6 year old. She really doesn't like receiving things, stickers, presents, etc. Even for trick or treating she would only go out trick or treating if the candy was for her dad and I ( she did have a few pieces) and if we are at a kids event and they have crafts or prizes we have to ask her to make or get something for us or else she won't do it. She has a lot of toys that we have gotten and collected through the years but I honestly can't remember the last time we walked into a store and she said I want that. I have a bag of unopened toys from her birthday to donate to Toys for Tots this year and family is asking what to get her for Chrustmas when I have no idea what "Santa" is going to get her. I would really like to keep gifts to a minimum because I hate for people to waste the money but people just laugh and say oh that can't be true every kid likes presents! I have told a few people gift cards for Chuck E Cheese or Dave & Busters so we can do family events there and also some clothes. I have googled daughter doesn't like gufts but cannot come up with any results because whoever heard of such a thing, LOL! I think its more of a control issue because she likes to be the boss of a situation, a habit I slowly see her getting a little more relaxed at but she is an only child with 6 grandparents who have doted on her for her whole life. Last night I was telling her a story of how I would circle everything I liked in the toy book every year ( a story my family will never let me forget) but she just says does Santa have to bring me something? Weird post I know but has anyone ever had this issue?
Does she have any interests? Perhaps Santa could bring her a year of Yoga classes or Piano lessons?
Wow, I am a little shocked : )But what about seeing if she would like to volunteer this holiday season? She may enjoy giving out gifts to needy kids and families. Then you could tell gparents to give gift cert.s for fun places she enjoys or you could save towards a trip to disneyland?
Nearly. I once baby sat a kid, who as about 7 at the time. He absolutely hated compliments and was outspoken about it.
I explained that while he might not enjoy the compliments, he should nonetheless recieve them gracefully because no one meant him ill by voicing them, in fact they were trying, in their own way to be nice and kind.
You might try the same lesson on your daughter and explain that there is joy in giving as well as in receiving, and that she should be careful not to ruin the joy others have in giving.
As for the bossiness, let that play out in a good way, she can take those unwanted presents and re-gift them to charity.
Another, and empowering thing you can do for her is allow her to take a stand. Have her explain that she doesn’t want gifts, but those who feel so inclined can donate to XYZ instead.
Have her send a heartfelt thanks for either abiding by her stated wish not to give her a gift, or for making a donation to charity. A cordial thank you will do in the case that a giver chose to give a gift to her instead.
Good luck to you and yours,
fanged bunny
I would talk to her. I would ask her why she doesn’t want presents and what she would rather have - like an outing. Maybe tickets to the movies would appeal to her more, or a gift card to get what she wants vs having people choose for her. I would only be concerned if her behavior seemed to be that she was unwilling or unable to see her own value or extreme in her need to control the situation.
There was a kid in my class that was this way (also an only child). He was just tired of so much stuff. He turned down a new car for graduation because his old bronco worked just fine, thank you. He turned out very nice and level headed.
When people ask, tell them she is more interested in experiences than things. Gift cards, memberships, magazines, and tickets would be more to her liking.
That’s odd. Really odd.
Perhaps you could get her excited about giving gifts. Go through the process of thinking about what each family member likes to do, collects, or likes to wear. Make a list of gifts for each based on that information.
Then put her name on there and ask her what SHE likes to do, collects, or likes to wear. Maybe she’s crafty, collects pretty stones, and likes to wear necklaces. Viola! Make a box of necklace making supplies with lots of pretty stones and crystals from Hobby Lobby. Maybe she likes to play soccer, run a lot, and likes to wear sporty clothes. Viola! Get her on the soccer team and give her soccer gear and a ball her size for Christmas.
Basically, instead of giving her some toy that’s hot right now, give her what you know she loves and is interested in, based upon what she tells you.
We’re remodeling our basement this year for a family gift…there will be a movie area and a air hockey table (probably used) down there.
My oldest is getting guitar lessons, and my youngest is getting signed up for a hip hop dance class.
She sounds like me! When my husband asks what I want for Christmas I ask for things like theatre tickets, underwear, shampoo or stuff I need for the house. I already feel like I have everything I need, and it is exhausting trying to figure out what to do with everything if people give me more stuff that I don’t need. I think the gift cards are a great idea. You could also suggest memberships or passes for places like the zoo, the museum or the YMCA.
i was like that for a little while when i was younger.. i was an only child and only grandchild on both sides.. every time i was in a store with anyone if i even so much as glanced at something it would be like o0h do you want that? you can have it ill buy it if u want.. i was spoiled but looking back on it i never asked for any of the things i had.. i wana say around middle school that changed lol and i would actually say what i wanted for christmas or my birthday when asked instead of just saying i dont know.. once i got out of highschool i went back to the i dont know i dont need anything really (once the real world kicked me in the butt n i realized how much money it costs to support yourself lol)
If she doesn’t like to get things, perhaps get her “experiences” - trip to the zoo, aquarium, etc. Sometimes quirky is good. Or gift certificates so she can buy books, etc.
Let your child be the giver…take her to a children’s hospital and a shelter so she can see how much those children will appreciate her kindness.
my dd might be like this a bit, She would rather BE with us than be given a toy and told to play in her room by herself.
Is the problem the fact that when she gets gifts she HAS to be the center of attention and HAS to say thank you and HAS to kiss Grandma Gertrude who smells funny.
Or is it that the gifts she is given aren’t suited to her interstest and age level? so she has given up on caring or getting excited.
Think about that a bit and see if you can figure it out more, I mean she has to be the boss of the situaton sort of sounds like she only wants attention on her terms. but i’m a ilttle unclear on what you really lmean by that.
If it is just a power struggle, is it because she wants to hurt peoples feelings or that she doesn’t want to have to say thank you.
intersting quesiton.
This is curious for sure. I think Lillym brings up some food for thought though.
You may want to ask her some of those questions…like is the presents she doesn’t like or that she doesn’t like to be the center of attention, etc. I know she’s only 6, but she probably has a reason.
After that I guess I would just ask her what she wants to do…like straight up tell her that the gparents are asking you about what to buy her for Christmas and you don’t know what to tell them.
Give her some options…Ask her if she wants gift cards for events or places (like zoo, museum, etc.) or for clothes or for things like toothpaste, shampoo, etc.? Some kids like to have gift cards so that they can be in charge of what is purchased and this is a good way to let her be in control. I know grandparents don’t necessarily love buying gift cards, but if she’s up for it maybe that would work.
If she isn’t thrilled with that idea then I would ask her if she’d like to collect money or toys for a charity, hospital or shelter. If she’s attune to that idea, then I guess you’ll just have to tell the extended family to buy for that. As far as Santa…geesh, well I guess maybe Santa will have to follow suite! If you go this route help her find a charity that she likes and maybe look specifically for ones that take “things” like toys, clothes, etc. so at least the shoppers are shopping for something.
I haven’t had this issue, but I love your idea of asking for gift cards. Let her pick out the gift. Another idea I had was asking for family memberships at places she likes to go, like Science World, Aquarium etc, if you live close enough to one of those, or a money to use toward lessons of some kind - swimming, skating, dance, horse back riding, biking…whatever she is into. Do you have a theater in town? You could ask for tickets to movies, live theater productions, ballets, concerts…what does she like to do?
Our out-of-town relatives to purchase “event” or “membership” gifts online, and then a card arrives for us in the mail. Another option is a magazine subscription for her (who doesn’t love to get mail?). My kids get a couple of Science/Nature magazines that they really enjoy. (check out the National Geographic website for ideas)
could you get her something like gymnastics for a year? giftcards to the movies. a pass to the local pool (rec center) Ive never had that issue all I hear is I want this and I want that. It would be nice to have a happy medium
Have them donate to a charity in her name. Let her pick the charity.
We are asking for season passes to the local water park for the four of us. Maybe something like that.
Maybe she’s just not up for all of the attention that comes along with receiving gifts. Everyone staring as you open the packages, eagerly anticipating your excitement, and maybe sometimes having overly high expectations of how excited SHE should be about how great the gift is. Maybe people were getting things that just didn’t match her interests? I’m thinking with all of the grandparents doting on her, she may just want to not be in the spotlight so much. She also may be very smart, and she’s using this little tactic, saying she doesn’t want gifts to get a reaction and attention from people. I wouldn’t make a big deal of it. I agree with more of the “experiences” gifts, and also tell her it is OK she doesn’t like gifts, but you still expect her to be polite and thank anyone nicely who brings her a present. Later, she may choose to donate her gifts instead of keep them if she’d rather. It’s OK if she does not want them, because another little girl who has very little may be really happy to receive them. I would have no problem with requesting no gifts from Santa, or maybe just one. Nothing wrong with that.
Lol, every single commercial my daughter sees she wants Santa to bring it for her, even boys toys, cookware, things she doesnt even know what they are.
Does she like to draw or craft? Fresh markers, crayons, colored pencils, paper, glue, beads, any art stuff is good, as it runs out, dries up. Maybe beginning sewing kit, with fabric and large needles and thread.
A camera?? They have kiddie ones that are real digital cameras.
Does she like to help bake or cook in the kitchen? Maybe her own small pie dish, cake pans, mixing bowls and some cake mixes and frosting.
Board games you can play together? Or a video game system with games, maybe a wii or xbox kinex.
Books or an e reader? An ipod with gift card for downloading music?
homeade gift cards for things she likes to do, or not do, like get out of cleaning my room today.
Hi There, I just had to post this to tell you that your kid is not the only one like this. My daughter had her 5th birthday last Friday, and I have 10 photos of her totally disinterested in her own birthday party at PreK. Afterwards we took her to 3 different toy stores before she finally picked “something”. We discovered that she was nervous about the whole party thing and in general, she’s just not excited about toys. Last Christmas, we got her a princess ATV and a ton of other “stuff” that we thought she would love. She was grateful, but not overly excited about any of it.
I’ve been told that children who do not have siblings, are more adult like because mom and dad are usually their playmate…
By the way, I returned her birthday present (cause she did not want it) and purchased her some kid friendly bakeware and we have been baking cookies, making jello and all sorts of mom/daughter stuff in the kitchen…she’s been really excited about that. Maybe you can give that a shot.
Wish you the Best,
Christina
You’ve received some great suggestions (I especially liked Annette’s & Fanged Bunny’s responses).
As for the attention of the 6 grandparents, you may have already thought of this but how about contributions to a college savings account (a 529, if you can). Four years at a decent college will cost at a minimum $200,000 – more, once you add in books, any travel or extras. This would reduce pressure on your daughter and help the givers feel like they’re really helping and giving what she needs.
Good luck!