My 4 year old son has trouble focusing many times. He is quite hyper, as am I, however I can't get him to just look at me. Sometimes I can call his name many times and he either never answers or it takes a while. I know he hears me. I've asked him, did you not hear me or were you ignoring me.... he has said ignoring me. I have insisted he answer me so now he says "OK" to whatever I tell him but has no idea what I've said. I think he has trouble concentrating and focusing. Any suggestions on excercising his focus?
I have a son who is now 19 years old who had similar issues that turned out to be Aspberger's syndrome (high functioning autism) with ADHD as a side effect. You could have him evaluated at your local Regional Center, adn/or you could try this diet:
Take out ALL dairy and wheat from his diet- no dairy including Caisine (spelling may be incorrect) which is a milk dirivative and is found in 'Milk free' and Soy cheeses, so none of them either, and no gluten. You can buy almost anything gluten free. You have to be VERY VERY careful that he gets NONE of either, not the tiniest bit. If you see a change in him, and it would be fairly soon, within a couple of weeks, then you know he has whats called "leaky gut syndrome'. You can look that up on the net and get links that will explain this diet. Good luck and God Bless you. Crystal A.
I'm not saying this to be glib, but he's four. Generally, four-year-olds are so busy with what THEY want to do: ) You might try having him repeat what you said to him. This way you know he's heard you and it reinforces the message. If you feel that there is more to it, you can always get him tested. My little soapbox: I think we expect too much of children at such a young age, esp boys. They need to expend a lot of energy and to expect them to concentrate for extended periods is just not fair. This may be completely unrelated to what you are going through with your child, but just a bit of a rant: )
Jen
I completely agree with the previous post that too much is expected out of kids, and not only do parents expect too much, but they expect it without any explaination of the expectations or without any modeling. That said, make sure that when you speak to your child you aren't just yelling from the other room- go to your child, get down to his level, then talk. And two books I would suggest- "The Mommy Manual" (can't remember the author) has some ideas on excersizing focus- The author is super Christian, but a lot of what she says applies to anyone (I'm not, I mean I'm Christian but not super, and I got a lot out of it). She has like five adopted kids with Downs Syndrome in addition to her own kids (I think she had three), and she is a firm believer in Maria Montessori's teachings, which is what she bases her focus excersizes on. Also, read Marc Bledsoe's "Parenting with Dignity" which is one of the best discipline books on the market (and I'm a child development person). I used it before I had kids in my classroom, and I use it now. And while of course you should talk to your pediatrician, don't jump to any conclusions. I think often (at least in my experience) parents just decide that their child has ADHD and there is no talking them out of it- I really like the way your request is worded, though. You obviously want to try everything else, first. Good luck!
My 5-year old daughter is the same! It drives me crazy!!!! So I know where you're coming from... I personally dont know what to do, so if you find good advice let me know.... Please, oh yeah and also about the previous comments, at a parenting class I had gone to I was told that usually we dont expect much from our kids, so I dont understand, first we dont expect much then we expect too much, I dont know but if u find a solution please let me know! Good luck!
I also am a stay at home mom to two little boys, and your situation sounds very similar to my own experience a few years ago. I am also a high energy person, and I come from a really academic family ( I was labeled gifted at 5 ). My youngest was very distractable and difficult to get to focus on non-preffered activities. Call your school district and get an evaluation. There are so many great programs to help you get your little guy prepared for Pre K/Kindergarten...but DO NOT delay. Act now. I know it may seem drastic to go this route, but you will be so relieved when you can get professional assesments done and get asistance and guidance. I wish you and your son all the best.
I by no means am a doctor, but I would get your son tested for ADHD. It could be why he's not paying attention and why he is hyper. I studied psychology in undergrad school (even got a BA in it) it almost seems like he may need to see someone to at least rule out the chance that he could have ADHD or to confirm it. Just a suggestion please don't take offense.
Take all food with food dyes out of his diet. Does he get ear infections? If so, take him off dairy. Please visit my website
www.victoryoveradhd.com
I raised twins with ADHD and it was natural medicine that cured them.
Deborah Merlin
Mother/Author
Have you taken him to his pediatrician? Has the doctor looked at him and diagnosed him? I have a suspicion; however, am not qualified to diagnose, hence, suggest strongly you go see his doctor and discuss that with him or her. You can then run some tests and get verification on what is needed to be done with your son to help him. It doesn't sound like early temper tantrums to me like the 2 and 3 year olds have. It could be something else and early detection or diagnosis would help all of you out!
Hope this helps.
A little about me:
Was a nurse for quite a few years, also a teacher and a mom.
Have you looked into having him tested for some sort of attention deficit disorder? You wouldn't necessarily need medication for that, but I think knowing what you're up against could help you deal with it. Also, he could just be telling you he's ignoring you without really knowing what that means. Maybe he doesn't hear you, maybe he's really distracted. In either case, you should have him tested so that you know what it is you're truly dealing with.
From your description, I think it would be worthwhile to look into whether your son may be ADD/ADHD. I suggest you go to the website "naet.com" and order the book "Say Good-bye to ADD and ADHD," as sometimes the behaviors are the result of a body's reaction to things it perceives as allergens. If you decide to pursue treatment, you can find an NAET certified doctor through the website. I (and 2 of my grand children) go to Dr. David Karaba for other allergy related treatment (freedom) in Fullerton and absolutely love him. His phone number is 714 871-7118. If you want to do further research, you can also visit narfnet.com. Here's the information on the book:
Say Good-bye to ADD and ADHD
By - Devi S. Nambudripad, M.D., D.C., L.Ac., R.N., Ph.D.
This book explains how ADD and ADHD are related to food, chemical, environmental factors, vaccinations, drugs, and other factors. In Say Good-bye ADD and ADHD, Dr. Nambudripad, the developer of NAET® (Nambudripad's Allergy Elimination Techniques), provides an innovative and natural solution to ADD and ADHD, the most common problem plaguing many children and adults today. This book will provide guidelines to help self-evaluate and recognize the symptoms of ADD and ADHD or educate the parents to observe and evaluate the child's behaviors from a very young age by guiding through a list of abnormal behaviors or patterns in the child. If any abnormality is suspected, then the parent could seek appropriate medical help at an early age. This book show you how certain commonly used foods and environmental substances can cause attention deficit and hyperactive disorders in your child; how you can test your child and detect the culprit causing the child's sudden abnormal behaviors in your privacy of your own home using the Nambudripad's Testing Techniques described in the book. This book will educate you how your child's health problems can relate to allergy and, how allergies can manifest in myriad symptoms that might seem unrelated. The author also provides a few effective home-help procedures that might temporarily get your child out of trouble. The book also helps you find the help in assisting your child find the help he needs to reduce ADD or ADHD or even eliminate permanently and help the child lead a normal life. The book is supported by case studies from NAET® practitioners, and testimonials from patients who have been treated successfully by NAET®.
Lauren, you may want to consider having him evualated. This sounds really scary but an evualation will confirm he's a robust and precocious four year old or if he needs some additional assistance from Mom and Dad...simply a tool for both of you. This tool will enable you to make a plan as to how to best help him. It could be something as simple as creating a reward system for good behavior (sticker chart) or something more involved. In my humble opinion, the earlier we're able to help these little guys in their lives the sooner we can put them on a successful path in family life and eventually scholastic life.
Absolsutely no sugar (or sugar substitutes)...and watch out for the high fructose corn syrup. Even juice is high in natural sugar. Our son gets crazy after a little juice, so we have always given him water. have him eat a little something with protein every 2-3 hours to keep his blood sugar stabilized. I bet in a week, he's doing better.
Also, some kids get bored easily, so make sure you give him activities to channel that energy into that he enjoys. Nobody can focus on something they aren't enjoying.
One last thing, this Detox-Aid from: http://www.kirkmanlabs.com/ has worked wonders for patients of mine and their sons, especially, who can't focus. 1-2 each day and the parents are shocked.
Hope this helps!
I highly suggest you get him allergy tested IGG, IGE. Also, you must consider autism. I have twins, one of whom is autistic. I suggest you get him evaluated. A DAN (DEFEAT AUTISM NOW) doctor can get the blood test done. We found our daughter was severely allergic to eggs, milk, beef, etc. It seems scary but you need to look into this. Changing his diet could do wonders.
The scratch test is not nearly as accurate as the blood test (IGG, IGE), We see Dr. Marty Carlson Marty Carlson [email protected] who got the tests going (your pediatrician will most likely not suggest or administer this). He is calm, wonderful and we just love him. He is located in Murrieta off of Hancock.
Lauren,
You don't mention your pediatrician. Have you talked to your doctor about this?
A way to get anyone to focus is by taking bothe their hands in yours and saying their name. They will look at you and hear you. It always works.
Please take your son to his doctor and tell him what you are seeing. This is not something to be ignored.
Gods Blessings
Della
Have you discussed this with your son's pediatrician? It sounds like you'd be best getting a professional evaluation of your son's development and their recommendations for how to handle it. This way you know you're dealing with the real issue and not just symptoms, which could lead you down an incorrect path. It could be something simple or something a bit more complex. While these things can be scary, it's also better to get information and action plans sooner, rather than later. Best wishes.
I have 2 nephews w/similar issues. Coffee has helped with the one that is the worst. I tried helping out with the chocolate covered espresso beans - because he doesn't like the coffee. The beans are quicker and overwith a lot easier. He had had a lot of trouble at school and when he takes his beans/or has coffee, he's able to focus better & keep himself more on task. He's very bright but just has trouble remembering what was just instructed to him regardless of who is instructing him. The beans and/or coffee have really helped. It takes the regimen and regularity though. Sometimes my sister doesn't make him take them and he has a bad day at school - it is hard to say he is in trouble when he doesn't seem to be trying to be bad you know? I know when it is regularly done, it works regularly. Coffee seems to have the adverse reaction for someone who is hyperactive and potentially attention deficit disorder. Without, he will start to go brush his teeth as instructed, and then walk back and ask, what was I suppose to do? I hope this all helps you too! The beans can be like candy. I have gotten them at Trader Joe's.
I have a son, now 23, who faced the same challenges. Part of the problem is that we teach our kids not to pay attention to us by talking too much!! :) But what is probably adding to his lack of focus could be food allergies. I could go on and on about the brain-gut highway but I will tell you with all the confidence in the world if he is eating foods with preservatives in them (BHT, MSG, etc), eating foods with aspartame, eating sugary cereals (most cereals off traditional market shelves is loaded with both preservatives and sugars), drinks sugary juices or sodas...does not eat veggies or fruits, and consumes too many carbohydrates (finger foods such as crackers, etc) ...all these things add to his inattentiveness. Check out Feingold on the internet. It is an organization that specializes in ADHD and the affects that food allergies have on children. Hope this helps...it did help with my son. Good luck!! :) Mostly, be a calm and strong mother. Your strength will remain with him long after he leaves home.
Candace Conradi
I am a 54 year old mother of four, ranging in ages from 23 to 36, with one granddaughter. I work with a health and wellness company as an independent consultant and sold health foods in the 90's for five years. I healed myself of chronic fatigue syndrome with the help of a naturopath and nutritionist. Our diets and what we use on our skin DO make a difference and influence our ability to think and behave...and certainly impact our health.
I am also the author of "Diamond Moms, A Mother's Guide to Raising a Baseball Player." While my book is centered around baseball, it is mostly about being a focused, strong, and loving parent. A child with boundaries and calm, strong guidance is a brave and courageous child and grows up to contribute in a positive way to the world we live in.
one thing you might want to consider is his diet. food sensitivities and allergies can cause lack of focus, restlessness, etc. there is an interesting book called "is this your child?" by Doris Rapp that discusses how diet, sensitivities to environment and chemicals, etc can cause changes in behavior. i read parts of the book, it's interesting, but a mom can go nuts worrying about every little thing, so what i've found is to just do little things that make life more healthy, cutting down on processed sugar, junk food, eating more healthy food, drinking water more than juice, and creating more balance like less tv, computer, video games, and limiting exposure to those things and spending time out to get fresh air and sunshine. i think these days with our lifestyles and technology, we lose a natural balance. little changes too, like incorporating organic foods and fabrics and natural cleaners i think helps too. no parent is perfect and we can't keep our kids being exposed to everything, but balance is key. sometimes we have junk food and watch tv, but i realize my kids are much different and calmer when they are living more with things that nurture their bodies, minds, and attention spans!
good luck!
-janice
I agree that you should have him tested by a good doctor. Then- if you have a TV get rid of it. YES- throw it away. If you google tv and children you will find several studies that definitively have proven that tv watching makes permanent neurological changes in young children. If your little one already has a hard time focusing on communication with you, I think this is an essential step. It will be harder to keep him occupied only at first.