I have two wonderful boys who play sports, do well in school, help with chores around the house and who mostly get along really well with each other. My younger son is pretty quiet. Well, actually, he's probably normal, but seems quiet due to my 12 year-old. He just never seems to stop talking/asking questions. He does this when we watch TV, go to the movies (despite repeated shushing & being told, "watch the show and find out"). He just takes over the conversation in the car and will talk over and interrupt people. I know we're so use to it that we probably only catch and correct it half the time. Our younger son has learned better how/when to interrupt (if necessary) with "excuse me." What's irritating is that the conversation is like stream of conciousness sometimes. "Look at that, I didn't know that store was over here." Just thoughts he could keep in his head. And the other irritating thing is the questions that I would not be able to answer, like "Why did they decide to close that store?" I get frustrated with the ENDLESS barrage of comments/questions. I've talked to him about not talking in the car so much to let me concentrate on driving, it's a safety issue. I've talked to him about being 1 member of a 4 person family so he only gets 25% of the conversation time. I've talked to him about letting his brother finish a story he's telling (without correcting/talking over him). I've talked to him about silence and that silence is okay. I'm feeling like I'm sort of squashing his special little spirit, but I need a break! Our close friends see this behavior as well, but when he's out with other people (hiking with his church youth group), the adults adore him, cause you know how 12-year-old can be more sullen and bored with life and hard to talk to. Not my kid, he will talk your ear off and other people love the questions, cause it makes him so easy to have a conversation with. I'd love this too, for a day. He seems to have a little more trouble connecting with other kids or perhaps most just aren't able to carry on a conversation as long as he would like to, I don't know. He reads a lot and loves learning. I put on a lot of educational science-type shows and he loves Mythbusters, but he just has ENDLESS curiousity. Does anyone have any ideas on this?
My son is the same way. He will go on and on even when you show you are not interested. It doesn' phase him. He has adhd and aspergers syndrome. One of the signs of aspergers is lack of understanding when others are not interested in your conversation. I have been really sick for the past couple of days and my son came in the room to talk about his computer. I told him please tell me later I have a bad headache, he went on and on and didn't realize anything at all. My son has a hard time making friends because he has nothing in common with children his age. This does not mean that your son has this though. I think it's great that he asks alot questions, he might just be a real curious child. He would make a great lawyer. he does have to learn not to interrupt others though. Try taking away his favorite thing when he does this again. Keep doing that, never send him to his room because that is probably his favorite place. If it doesn't work, try something else. Your last alternative would be to have him checked out by a psychologist. Remember, never put your child on meds if he does have aspergers. There are alternatives. good Luck
Oh, my, I just had to laugh when I read your request, because "I live on that street!" I refer to my 13 yr old daughter. My husband has reminded her many times that she doesn't have to verbalize every thought that pops into her head.
One idea..It has helped a lot for her to keep pad and paper around to write things down... things she can ask me later, things she can look up in the encyclopedia, etc, etc. Funny thing is, I remember talking constantly as a child, so I understand. My dad says I talked from So Cal to Washington in our VW van, and I know it's true, b/c I remember! (poor mom and dad!)I'll be praying you and your hubby come up with some fresh new ideas that are good and healthy for all of you! I'm sure your mama-friends will have lots of other good ideas that will not break his spirit, but help channel it as he grows into vey wise young man. I am so grateful that my parents never were mean about it.
Lisa
ps, We've got the dogs & turtles, but I am so jealous that you have hens! My city doesn't allow them and my neighbors won't look the other way. Lucky for you!
Oh my god are you telling me they still do this at 12?! (running away screaming) LOL. My son is the same, Mythbusters and all! My mother in law is the same way, I just figured it skips a generation or something. I wrote this to another person. Everytime I had to give him more then 3 warrings he has to give me a toy. The same goes for interupting people. At the end of the week I look back and see if he did more good then bad, and I would give him back a toy. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Worse case, I think we should get our kids together and let them talk each others ears off. I always wanted to go to hawaii! Good luck!
I guess the 8-yr old can't really get a word in edgewise! It seems the 12-yr-old hasn't really learned the value of listening. This would explain his having trouble connecting with other kids. Does he care about the feelings of others? Does he care about what is important to other people, what other people are interested in? Sounds like he is very bright, bright enough to study social behavior and/or psychology. Check out some books on inter-personal relationships and stuff like that. If he continues having no interest in what others feel, he should see a therapist.
I have a few friends in your situation. They had a few months of therapy, no meds. It may be similar to what they have. A vague case of ADHD. The therapy will help them stay focused. You can ask your Dr. Before I knew my 12 yr old nephew had this slight issue, I used to try to bribe him with $5 to be quiet for 2 minutes and his lips would burst and he would blurt out, I would rather talk. He couldn't keep in his thoughts. He went to 4 mo of therapy and is still hyper but not as bad and can stay focused now and not talk so much. Good luck!
This summer may I suggest you have your child and you look back at the questions and use this as a communication tool.
Maybe you will get a idea for a vactoin or and use this as a way to do hobbies together.
Like if asked how a building is built maybe you could get books on this,go to a building site after you get permission to, or and explore websites,like a site where you can design a house on it.
Also ask the child why he/she asks them.
It maybe away to get attention,
away to say something is wrong
away to say the child is advanced for the childs school level.
away to say they child has a hearing,memory or other problem.
Once I read all your letter to the end in one shot and not parts then answer then go part to another part a light went off in my head.
I have a person i love that does this the doctors but the child on medicne to slow the heart at night.
this childs heart goes so fast the child can not slow down.
But also it sounds like your child wants the attention your other son gets.
Reassure him both are equal and both have your attention and Dads
But also I hate to say this but maybe the child has some form of Autism like several people I know with the same sytems.
Oh the child could be overly smart and have to active a brain and Autism.
Ask a child doctor please.
And relize that he asks question maybe because he does not remember.
Good luck.
Donna
Hi Cindy! You could be talking about my 12 year old son!! He never stops talking either, or singing, or humming...he just can't be quiet! He is extrememly intelligent and does work several years above his grade level in school. The only complaint his teachers have is half the time he'll start talking about a subject and they can't get him to stop! His teachers have admitted he usually knows more than they do! He has trouble making friends but I think it's mostly because they have such different interests. There aren't too many 12 year olds interested in genealogy!! My recommendation is keep feeding your son's curiousity. Provide lots of books and involve him in extra-curricular activities. My son is in band, scouts, karate and confirmation and loves it all! I totally understand your frustration and cringe at the thought of our 2 hour road trip next week, but I'll bring some good cd's so we can sing together! (in between his interruptions!)
In a few years they may not have anything to say to mom or dad and then they'll be going away to college, and then we'll probably miss it! (maybe a little!) Good luck!
Hi Cindy, I see you posted this a month ago so you may not be interested in more responses but I just had to write because my son is EXACTLY like that - he's now 14. He's extremely bright - brilliant - and talks endlessly. I say the same thing - everyone else always compliments us about how amazing he is - after spending an hour talking with/listening to him and can't understand when I say how difficult it is to actually live with him, since he never turns it off! My son also has other issues, and goes through periods of being in therapy and his therapist at one point suggested he shows some signs of ausperger's syndrome - I'd always wondered why no one else had ever suggested that because he has ALL the symptoms. He goes to a well-regarded private school and no one there had ever suggested it before - I think they're hesitant to label him as such - but somehow it's helped me to understand why he acts the way he does. It's behavior that's not going to change. It's like asking someone who's allergic to stop being allergic - they can't.
You mentioned the educational shows and science - does your son show any other signs of hyper-intelligence like this? It's just a thought - I'm happy to correspond with you more about it!
Both of my kids, 1 girl and 1 boy, did that. I think they are just working there way to learning about the world. Sometimes I just had to say "Be quiet for a bit!". I am also famous for telling them to 'use your resources'. Meaning, look it up in the book the school gave you, or get on the internet and find it. That answers the questions, gives them more info than I could have, and teaches them to research, which will help the rest of their lives. One last thing~Enjoy it now because they will be gone soon and then your home will be very quiet!
Wow that sounds so much like my son. I was also a big "talker" when I was little. My grandmother used to bribe me in the car to stop talking when I'd go visit her. I also remember my father would say "I don't know, why don't you look it up?" when I'd interrupt him asking things like "how do they make glass" and he'd send me off to look it up in the encyclopedia. I still love researching and that actually sort of drives my husband nuts because I can get a little obsessed with new interests and wanting to know every detail about it.
At times I worry about my son because he will get really obsessed with a particular interest or toy, such as Pokemon, and want to talk about it constantly. He's not quite 5 years old so it will be interesting to see where this goes. He doesn't have some of the other signs of Aspergers but I'm not really familiar with that. He can be really quiet if he's interested in something such as artwork. When he's in Sunday school, they have to give him his snack first because he doesn't want to stop in the middle of coloring his picture to eat.
Also, sometimes he'll play sort of inside his head. . .like he'll be in the car and moving his hands pretending to have a conversation with his hands. When he was really young one time in the car he was playing some game with the shoe laces on his shoe and we offered to get him a coloring book or toy and he refused; he was happy to just keep playing with his laces. At the time my husband and I talked about it wondering if this was a sign of very high, or very low intelligence! We're still not sure but he's doing really well in preschool.
I hope you're able to find some good outlets for him. One other thing I notice with my son is that if I'm reading a book or doing an email. . . and he wants my attention, he has a REALLY hard time waiting for me to finish and will sit there making this little groaning noise. . .and saying "it's taking TOOO LONG!!"
I guess I need to start paying more attention to his ways and decide if it's OK or not. I have been very successful as a software tester because it lets me use a lot of that "what if" energy to try different things. I also think that I would have done really well in research. We do need people with curiosity in a lot of rolls in life. But of course they do need to be able to control the talking and listen too!
I don't know how I missed this he first time around. Your son sounds like he's "attention defisit.disorder. My son yaked and yaked like that. He wasn't able to keep his mind on one thing and went on and on like the everready bunny. He did need medication to settle him down. Hyperthyroid can cause this also. He may also be playing it up to drive you crazy at his age. Good luck with whatever it is mommy.
Your son sounds like a child who might display symptoms of Aspberger's Syndrome. I am involved with the Autistic community and there are soooooo many bright and intelligent children (boys) like your son who display the same type of characteristics - ask lots of questions, love math and science oriented fields and have difficulty interacting with their peers because of the lack of similiar interests. Check with your son's school psychologist or a pediatric Neurologist.
Good Luck,
J O'
Wow, our sons sound like twins! Mine just turned 13 and is the oldest of 6 children and the same responses that you mention are what we use. We try hard to stop him when he interrupts the other children so they can finish telling their story. In addition, when he has been talking a lot and we're together as a family sometimes we tell him that he has to wait to talk till everyone in the room has talked and shared their comments. I think that often this occurs with bright kids as their brains are constantly running. I can totally relate to the "stream of consciousness" talking. I try to answer back with a question like," why do you think the store could have closed?" or " What ARE reasons that police could have pulled over that car?" Good luck! Remember soon we will probably miss our incessant talkers as they won't be around forever.
Hi Cindy,
I noticed this is an older post but I just got it today. Lots of great comments. I'd like to offer something a little different. Have you had him evaluated for advanced services at school? It's great that you are teaching him manners, he also may need advanced work as well. He has several traits of kids in these programs. I have one child in advanced classes and your son sounds so much like many of her friends. There are lots of great books at the library about kids like these. Maybe you could check out some and just see if it sounds like your child. If he needs advanced services, it doesn't hurt to check for your other son as well. It seems to be common in siblings and they don't act the same at all sometimes. For a great website with tons of info I recommend: www.hoagiesgifted.org.
You can e-mail me with any questions.
Take care.
Cindy,
I know you posted a month ago, but after recognizing my own daughter in the description of your son I had to write. My daughter is eight and has been chattering endlessly since she started talking. It can be very difficult to have a thought in your own head when your child is talking everyone of theirs at you. I often joke with her "slow down, my head hurts!" My daughter is extremely loving and empathetic of others feelings, but she also was not able to recognize that she was having difficulty maintaining friendships because she was so intense that she could be off-putting. She also had difficulty recognizing personal space. We did go to therapy for a while and that helped a little. Ironically, one of the best friends she has is even more talkative then her and she has told me that sometimes other kids in the class are mean to her friend be she "thinks out loud"! She is beginning to develop more insight into her behavior and how others perceive it. There may be traits of ADD or Aspergers but, she is who she is and we love her for her unique qualities.
I have another daughter 21 months younger than my chatterbox and I remember one day when my younger daughter was about 18 months old we were driving in the car my baby started to say something and her big sister exclaimed "mommy our baby talks!" (the baby had been talking for sometime, but her big sister had never noticed before because she was always talking herself) Another time when the girls were about 3 and 5 the little one got exasperated because she couldn't get a word in edgewise and exclaimed to her sister "you're a chattering hog monkey!" I not sure what a "chattering hog monkey" is, but, it certainly painted a picture of what she thought! Of course, we talked to her about not calling people names but, I guess the point is others will begin to let your child know either by avoiding relationships with him or simply telling him to give it a break. You can use these opportunities to help him get some insight into how others perceive him. He'll probably always be passionate, interested, curious (nothing wrong with those traits) Think of some of the most famous people we know, but, if his behavior truly affects him socially you might want to get some professional advice before he actually gets so inhibited that he turns away from others.
Best Wishes
Janine L.
I just received this post today, also. I agree with another April 5th poster - your son sounds as if he's quite capable of accelerated classes. I shy away from saying 'gifted', because all of our children have gifts. I remember asking a question in response to my son's questions. We sent him to Illinois Math and Science Academy in Aurora...or he 'sent' himself...LOL. My response would be "What do you think a good answer would be" ....or "No, son, I don't really know....tell me".....For questions you don't know the answer to, which is zillions of questions, really, the idea of writing them down is excellent. Try, also, to carry a really good dictionary with you in the car and have at least one, maybe two, in the house. Some questions can be answered by responding...."let's check the dictionary". Better than the internet, sometimes, because it gives your son a chance to bring the book to where you are and look it up to discuss (when you have time). It also slows down the process a little ..he can certainly use the internet, but the skill of researching, using books, is a good one to have. Sign him up for extra classes in the summer or after school, science or engineering or whatever is his interest, graphic design, web design, foreign language....he sounds like a great kid.
Our 6 year old son talks constantly. The teachers complained about it so much we took him in to be evaluated at OHSU (the Child Development and Rehabilitation Clinic which deals with ADD and lots of other stuff). The report was Non-Verbal Learning Disorder with a very high verbal IQ (not Aspergers and ADHD which had both been suggested). Mostly we look at this just as who he is (and it's somewhat easier with an only child), but it can be exhausting. I've explained that because I'm an introvert--I sometimes need quiet time to feel friendly. I don't really have helpful advice, but know you're not the only one out there! Good luck.
Hi Cindy - I am very much like your son, and struggled for years to understand why people didn't think all my thoughts were nearly as interesting as I did... though I have to admit that I also would tune out to the others around me and just be telling the story to myself (not realizing I was still engaged with others). That was definitely unhealthy and I could recognize it afterward but had no idea how to pre-empt it. I was miserable and embarassed about it starting at a very young age.
I have found a very happy balance as an adult and wanted to share that with you. First, learning about why I am the way I am, and why others are not the same, has been REALLY helpful. I'm very analytic, after all, so understanding this "system" has really helped. I discovered the explanations through the Myers-Briggs personality tests that therapists use. You can get a good sense of it from the book, "Please Understand Me." It explained that I'm an extrovert, and extroverts process thoughts by talking through them. Introverts, however, need to think through thoughts before they can process... and when I was able to identify key people like my husband and some of my best friends as introverts then I realized (empathized) that I needed to give them time to think through things before continuing to talk, if I loved them and wanted to respect them. Sometimes I have to say, "Okay, I need to leave now so you have time to think through this" and get myself physically away so I can honor their need for silence. I also had a boss one time who understood these personality traits. He told me he loves my energy adn intelligence, and wants to get the most out of them... and asked that each time I come into his office to discuss something, to please write down my main points so we're sure to cover everything I need to discuss. That was SO helpful - it flattered my ego initially, and gave me a "process" to make sure I was heard. Worked like a charm and I STILL make little lists of bullet points fo rall sorts of conversations (professional and personal). I'm guessing your son would find this book & concept fascinating!
Also, I was finally diagnosed as an adult as Obcessive-Compulsive, and am taking some medication to help slow down my thoughts. I wouldn't suggest meds for a child, but as an adult they have REALLY helped me channel all my energy and thoughts into a very successful career and really healthy relationships. Again, though, your son might find researching these types of conditions interesting if he loves to learn about things as much as I do. I, obcessively, spent days reading all about OCD and figuring out where I sit on the spectrum (mild) ;-)
In the end, it's who your son is and when he can find the right channels for his energy he can also be incredibly successful and happy in his life! Don't lose hope, or let him lose hope - it's a waste of energy!
Good luck, I have a 19 year old special needs son who "talks incessantly". What my husband and I do is tell him periodically that we need a "time out", that we just cant take any more in.
Here is an amusing story, when our son was younger , maybe around your sons age we were on a plane trip. My son kept asking my husband questions like Where are we going? What if the plane crashes? How do we get out of the plane? , etc. The guys in front of us requested to be moved because they said our son "was talking too much and it annoyed them".
I will think some more on your dilemna and see if I can think of some other solutions.
Margaret Briggs