Hi, I just went to my doctor yesterday for my 15 week check-up. When she did the ultrasound, the baby wasn't moving and there was no heartbeat. I was at the hospital just 8 days prior for the genetic testing and I saw the baby and it was moving around and everything was fine. Some sometime between then and now something went wrong. We're pretty devastated, but trying to focus on nature taking it's course. That something didn't go right, so it just didn't work out with this little one. We go back to the doctor today for one more scan and to discuss our options. Has anyone been through this? I don't know what to expect or how to prepare myself. Any suggest or advice would be great. Oh, we are planning to do testing after to find out what went wrong with the baby. So, that is for sure. I'm more concerned with "what" actually happens, how your body heals, how long it takes, what I can do to help my body. That sort of thing. I also fear that when we try again, I'll never feel safe with my pregnancy again.
Hi Rebecca.
I too had a loss at 20 weeks. I know how devastating it can feel. Let yourself grieve and mourn your loss. Unfortunately time is the only thing that will help, as well as your toddlers sweet little face! In my experience, I had to deliver my baby vaginally and my body healed fine, the days following felt like a bad period, it was the emotional healing that was harder. I luckily got pregnant 3 months later and now have a beautiful, healthy 10 month old girl. I can't imagine my life without her and I know that I wouldn't have her if I didn't go through what I went through. You probably will not feel safe with future pregnancies... I know I did not, but you obviously can do it since you did it before! I hope you can find some peace.... don't give up hope. You WILL be OK.
I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks almost 2 yrs ago. It was very upsetting. One of the babies never formed. The other stopped growing at 5 weeks. I miscarried on my own I didn't need a D & C. When the pathology report came back it was determined to be a blighted ovum (under developed egg). So it was nothing I did and there was nothing I could do to have saved it. Knowing that helped some. But it was still hard. I got pregnant again with my daughter just 6 wks after the miscarriage. My pregnancy was very hard, not just mentally but physically. I had a bleeding problem, so everytime I started to bleed I was freaking out. Once we found out what it was it made things easier, but my whole pregnancy was plagued with worry. It would have been a difficult pregnancy even without the miscarriage. But that didn't help. The one thing you need to know, is that there was nothing you could do. There was something that happened in the developmental process that went wrong. Also, take the time to mourn the lose of this child. Let yourself cry and yell and hurt. There is nothing you can do about any subsequent pregnancies. They will be plagued with worry, and even when you've been reasured for the millionth time, you'll have doubt until you hold that healthy child in your arms. And that is o.k. we are mothers and we worry. I'm sad for you. But time will mend your heart. And that is what you need right now. Take that time before you decide to start this process all over again.
so sorry for your loss,
i have had 2 miscarriages before finally giving birth to a beautiful son 3 months ago
this pregnancy was full of worries , i was so obsessed with listening to his heartbeat every day (i purchased a fetal monitor)
there is a great website that i go to every day: its called www.babyfit.com ,,,they have great message boards, wonderful supporting mommies who went through the same things and when you get pregnant again you will have a due date club, you can communicate with mommies all throughout your pregnancy, its just a great support/vent message board, it helped me a lot to ease my anxiety about my pregnancy,
i wish you all the best and good luck with your future pregnancy!
Here is my story, copied and pasted from my own journal. I just lost my boy at 17 weeks, he stopped growing at 15 weeks.
"Our Birth Story
Adam James
born 6-9-08 at 7:08 pm
weighed 1.1 oz.
length 13 cm (about 5 inches)
This entry will be cut due to length and for sensitive topics. Please be aware it may be painful to read as I was graphic in the process of being induced to give birth to our very small 15 week baby. Please also understand that the feelings expressed were my own about my experience and are not meant in any way to minimize or not respect your experiences which may have been very different. It is just what worked for us, what we preferred and hopefully to share that women have options. We were originally told our baby would have to be removed by a D&C and can only be done by an abortionist. After much searching and praying, we found out about our rights and found a doctor who was more than willing to induce labor and allow me to birth as a Mother should be able to do, if she wishes. We were fortunate and I hope if a Mother ever wishes to go that route, our story will enable her to seek out help if she want given the option. This is our story.
We got to the hospital at 6:30 am. After a lot of paperwork, bloodwork and preparation, I got my first dose of cytotec at 9 am. You have to stay in bed for 2 hours to let the medicine melt and work, then you have 2 hours to be free before the next dose. The first dose got me mildly cramping and I had just begun to spot by the time the second dose was given. That one got me bleeding a tiny bit heavier and cramping a lot more. My mother, father and Chris were there up to this point. Just before the 3rd dose, my father left and two women I know came up, one of whom is a Doula and nurse. We spent some time talking and preparing emotionally before the cramping was really getting my attention. I then felt like someone reached in me and stretched my cervix, so I knew things were moving along. It happened again a few minutes later and then I felt a pop and a gush. After being checked we discovered my water had broken and the baby was hanging out of my cervix. About 20 minutes later, I adjusted myself and out he came. I began sobbing just knowing it was over and he was here. I didnt want to see him yet because I just needed a minute to soak in what had happened, and I didnt want all the distractions when I first saw him. I asked Cheri (doula) how he looked, and she said he looked good and not to worry. We tried to expel the placenta with no luck, but we had time. I got cleaned up and was ready to meet my baby. We still didnt know the sex yet, and just then a nurse came in and asked if anyone had told me yet that it was a boy. We cried again, thrilled at the same time and asked to see him. They dimmed the lights and carried him in wrapped in a bootie/bunting. I got to hold him first and everyone hovered over me to catch a glimpse. Everyone was crying and I whispered "I'm so sorry" to him. Everyone left the room so Chris and I could have a moment alone with him. He was a little brown, but he was perfectly formed. We looked him over and marveled at how perfect he was. So tiny, yet much bigger than we expected. I reached down and lifted his hand onto my finger and Chris took a picture. We took off our wedding rings and laid them next to his head and took another picture. We cried and held eachother for a while. We were a perfect team though. Anytime I was having a breakdown, he was strong and comforting, and anytime he had a breakdown I was calm and comforted him. Our Pastor came and anointed him with oil (us as well), we blessed the baby and talked and prayed. Our pastor offered to do a service for us whenever we were ready and if we wanted to. I'll never forget his face when he first saw the baby....he smiled and said "I've never seen a baby this small...he's so perfect!" We spent a good 2 hours with Adam taking breaks to attempt to get the placenta out. After 3 hours, we decided a D&C would be appropriate. I went in for surgery, was out in 35 minutes and was finally allowed to eat. Everyone left and we were wheeled up to the postpartum floor. We got little sleep and that afternoon I called down to have Adam brought to us. We spent another 2 hours with him before being released. He will be buried in October.
We consider ourselves very fortunate to have been able to have this experience. I brought my baby into this world, he came out in one piece, he was treated with dignity and respect. I was honored, he was honored. We've had a tremendous amount of support and love. My baby was treated as a human being and was handled and cared for with love. We honored him in death, gave him the birth he was deserving of, the burial he deserves and the closure we needed. To be able to name, touch and hold your baby is an amazing gift. It was such a beautiful experience and we will never ever forget it. We were so blessed to be able to have this experience with him. We got a memory box donated by the hospital. We got to keep everything he came in contact with including: several blankets, his bootie, a hat, his hospital bracelet, a crib card with his "Its a Boy" announcement, a footprint sheet, the tape measure used to measure him, and seashells with a plaster molding of his feet. Our little Adam. We took the seashell to a jeweler today to get an estimate to make a charm in gold of his feet. It will be around $300. It may have to wait since Chris hasnt worked in 2 weeks. We are doing a "Walk for Life" with a ministry group in the area this Saturday. Though I wont be actually doing the walk, we are making a donation in honor of Adam.
Physically I am doing great. I had no pain, the delivery was peaceful and easy and my recovery has been perfect. I am bleeding very light and feeling no pain or discomfort. Emotionally I am up and down. One minute I feel put together and am amazed how well I'm handling things. The next minute I am weeping and wonder if it will ever end. Most times you catch me staring off and not paying attention. I dont even realize I'm doing it and dont really have many thoughts either. A lot of blank thoughts and maybe a little numbness at times. I spend a lot of time thinking about Adam and the birth. Its all part of the process and I recognize that. It will take time...it will never end, but it will just become a part of us and though the pain wont ever go away, the peace and memory of his short time spent with us will be a comfort. I love our baby and wish he was still here. My belly feels so empty.
The doctor warned us about loving words that sting from family and friends. He reminded us that they mean well and are trying to be helpful, but most times the things they say are awful. We have found that to be true. Things like: "I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy!" Yeah...thanks. I'm aware how hard it is. "Well, you can always have more!" Yes, but I want Adam back. "There's always a reason." Yeah, we've come to the same conclusion...we dont need the reminder. "I know how you feel." No, no you dont. Everyone's loss is different and they cope differently. You havent a clue how I feel. I know people are just trying to make us feel better, but I think the best (and most comforting) thing so far has always been short and sweet: "I'm so sorry..." Yeah...us too.
Adam means "from the earth." The earth is a realm in which we can plant and yield fruits, giving rise to new life which was not there beforehand. Man's kinship with the ground, therefore, hints to his greatest potential.
All in all we are doing well and the whole process has been very healing. I'm sure I will update from time to time to just get some feelings out. We really appreciate all the love and support from you. This entry is locked because it was a very private and intimate experience we only wanted to share with you. If anyone would like to see a picture of Adam, they are welcome to, but be aware they are a little graphic and hard to look at. But I do have to say he gives new meaning to the phrase "Sweet Baby." He's the sweetest most precious thing I've ever seen and I am honored to have been chosen to give him life, though in heaven and not on earth. His purpose there was far greater than here and he's being cared for and loved more than we could ever offer. What a way to go...you spend your whole physical life in a warm peaceful place of comfort and love...your mother's womb, only to be sent to a place where the streets are paved with gold and angels flutter by. He is a lucky baby!"
I have pictures of him if you want to see them. I so badly wanted to see pictures before his birth because I wanted to know what to expect as far as seeing him goes. I was so worried he'd look scary, but he didnt. I would be happy to share his pictures with you, so you can have an idea how big your baby is and what to expect. I have to add that going through the process of giving birth and seeing him and naming him has been tremendous for our healing. I felt it was the least I could do for him, give him a dignified birth, because there wasnt anything else I could offer him. As awful as it was, it was the most beautiful experience of my life. I hope you find peace and healing with whatever you decide. Good luck, and if you need anything, please e-mail me. [email protected]
*edited to add: I just got my period back today, at just under 7 weeks postpartum. I also forgot to add this site:
http://pregnancyloss.info/
Hi Rebecca,
I am sorry, it does mean that something was not right. I was at the same stage when I lost my second child. We were devestated as well of course. After the ultra sound was done and they could not get a heartbeat the doctor told us our options. We were to wait and see if my body did what it needed to do on its own, which it did I went into labor at home I did not have to do a D&C ( which gave me nightmares, kept thinking what if they are wrong) Of course they weren't docs take great care but it still unreasonably crossed my mind. If you go into labor it will not be as painful as a full term, but still painful. If you are at home Be prepared to bring the little one to the doc office, I had to so they could find out what went wrong. That was very difficult to do. Conclusion they didn't find any clinical reason,the pregnancy was falty. You will mourn as with any loved one. You will still have post partum and the usual things after pregnancy. They may differ slightly, hopefully unnoticable. Same time frame heeling. Ask your doctor it may be changed at this time. You can start anew when the doc gives the ok, or wait till you are comfortable trying again. We tried again almost 1 1/2 years later. My next pregnacy I was a very worried person and my husband wouldn't let me do anything, very frustrating, had a healthy boy. I'm sorry to say You don't stop worrying. The doctor will monitor you more closely, meaning more visits possibly more tests than the usual. I have 5 children now.
God bless,
Robin
So sorry for your loss.
I had 2 miscarriages before I finally had my son. It was determined that my cervix was to blame. However, I know it was meant to be, even though at the time it SUCKED (going through healing and lactation was aweful)...I cried for days.
When I got pregnant with my son I had a stitch put in my cervix, was on bedrest, and still I worried everyday. The surgery itself at 12-13 weeks could have caused a miscarriage. I'm so blessed to have my son, who is 6 years-old and my daughter who, came 4 weeks early, is now 4 years old. They were meant to be here with my husband and I. I believe it whole-heartedly.
I am so sorry for your loss! It is just really, really devastating! I had multiple miscarriages...one at 20 wks and one at 17 weeks...also a couple of early miscarriages at around 6-8 wks. I had to take a blood thinner (injection) and/or baby aspirin with my pregnancies (I have 4 children). I believe the condition is called (please excuse my spelling) anticartilipin anti-bodies...in any case it has to do with a clotting factor. Good luck! I saw Dr. Reavis in Patchogue, NY (although he did not diagnose the condition, it was so long ago...I cannot recall who I saw. My oldest is 12 and I have a 9 year old and an almost 8 year old and my youngest is 2)...I do not think he is a specialist but was able to deliver 3 of my babies...the first was delivered by another doctor...with that pregnancy I only had to take baby aspirin.