Hi Moms,
I have a 16 month old son who started attending Church with me when he was about one month old. He was usually well behaved.... but now he knows how to walk - and that's all he wants to do! This past week I got nothing out of mass, because I spent most of my time running after my son instead of listening to the priest.
I always bring a small container of puffs with me, but they are gone by the homily. I pack a few books but they only hold his interest for a few minutes. Other than that I am at a loss. Most of his toys play music or make noise, and the quiet toys... well he finds a way to make them noisy, too! By the way, he is also the king of temper tantrums and I can't exactly ignore them in church like I would at home.
My church does not have a quiet room. They used to offer babysitting but I'm not sure if they still do; although I wouldn't consider that to be a solution. I bring him with me so that he can learn at an early age the importance of our religion. I don't want to suddenly introduce church when he's in elementary school - I believe that he should already be familiar with it and know how to behave.
Do any of you have secrets as to how to keep a one year old quiet and well-behaved during a one hour mass? I'm desperate and I don't want to fall into another bad habit of skipping church! Thank you!
EDIT: My apoligies, my request was poorly worded and misunderstood by many (that's what I get for doing this in the middle of the night!) I don't expect my one year old to sit quietly for an hour - what I was hoping for was that moms would have suggestions of quiet toys or activities that would keep him occupied and hopefully prevent him from trying to run away. And of course, I don't expect him to actually get anything out of mass at this age. Another mom here worded it much better for me: I want him to understand that going to church is part of our weekly routine. Also, I have been attending the same church my entire life and I really love it there and would rather not switch to a different parish. I do like the idea of having a "church bag" with toys that he only gets while in church.
Thank you so much to those of you who encouraged me to keep attending church with him. I'm not expecting perfect behavior - I just want to do what I can to nip it in the bud before it gets worst.
Ironically though, when I was younger I was always amused by disruptive children at church... who knew one of them would be mine?!?
Hi Sharon,
Your church should have a special children's Mass. I attend Sacred Heart Church in Suffern and we have one at 10 AM. It has a quiet room yet the Priests don't mind if the children walk around or make noise during the Mass. That's what the Children's Mass is for, the Priests told me!
My husband's parents' Church in Massachusetts has a children's Mass at 8 AM. Check your Church bulletin, talk to your Priest, or check out the Church's website to see if they offer one and at what time.
But I hear you! Sometimes we have to take our daughter to an adult Mass and she makes noises and throws fits because she can't walk around. I always make sure to sit on the end so I can make a quick get away with her. My husband and I take turns keeping her occupied. We give her quiet toys, let her stand up on our laps and we save snacks and bottles for the homily so she doesn't disturb the Priest. I suggest you bring lots of snacks and choose a Mass time when he's more sedate. Or I would withhold giving him a nap or keep him very active for an hour or two before Mass so he can konk out. Another thing you can do is sit next to a couple who has a child so they can keep each other occupied. My daughter loves kids and she'll just watch and wave to them.
Good luck. Let me know what happens. My daughter's one year too and she's testing me everywhere!
No offense, but one is awfully young to be expected to be quiet during an entire mass. Actually 4 is still too young. The child gets NOTHING from it, you end up getting nothing from it as you are too busy chasing child and trying to keep quiet and everyone around you gets distracted by your child and you. Sorry that sounds awful.
Church should be a time of reflection and prayer, something that is enjoyed and taken seriously, a time to remember who we are and why we so believe in our faith, not just a time you have to obey and be quiet.
You are really asking an awful lot of your little boy. He is not misbehaving; he is merely being a normal toddler -- they are not programmed to sit quitely for any length of time!
It's not a bad idea to introduce him to religious rites early, but don't forget that he has no attention span to speak of, and that the abstract ideas that go with rligin are far above his ability to understand.
My suggestions: Don't bring him every week; give him a break once in a while. On the weeks that he does accompany you, sit in the back, try to keep him occupied as long as posible, then quietly leave as soon as you see that he is reaching his limit, BEFORE he gets relly antsy and cranky. If you push him beyond his limits, he will associate church with unpleasantness, and you definitely want to avoid that.
I would also look into arranging a toddler's group; surely you are not the only mother in your church with this issue. If the church does not have the space to set up a break room, perhaps you could arrange a rotating playgroup, leaving children with one or two parents at someone's home while the rest of the moms go to church.
I think it's great that you're introducing your child to Church so early. When my daughter, who is now 3, was that age, she had a hard time being quiet as well. When she started getting louder, we would simply leave the service and walk around the back of the church for a little while until she seemed ready to go back in. Also, make sure you're at a church that is friendly to children. Our church is small, and there are a bunch of little ones, who we all do our best to keep quiet. We also realize kids are kids, and if there is some noise during a service - well, we'd rather the children be there with their parents to make noise than not at all, so a little noise turns out to be no bother. Good luck!
We have brought our children to church since they were born. Your son is at an age where it's difficult for every child - no matter how exposed to church they are. I think you absolutely should continue going every week, however, you need to create shorter increments for your child. Make sure he is there for the singing and any other elements that he finds (for lack of a better word) entertaining. You want children to find church safe, fun - and a place they want to be. Create a system of your own for things you give him to entertain - so that he doesn't see everything all at once - it'll last longer that way.
If there's no children's room or class for him, you should either find a babysitter for him during the homily or take turns with family members/friends to walk outside with him during that time. Or you may just have to break up the mass for yourself - and that may be a different part of the mass each week - where you go for the beginning half, or the ending half. The older he gets the longer you'll be able to stay in the service. You have not failed if he cannot tolerate an hour of mass - unless the child is sleeping, no one year old should be expected to do that!
I am the oldest of 5. My parents took us to mass every week - and they still go daily. They knew it was impossible for us all to sit for an hour of mass depending on whatever age we were - and there were no children's programs/sitters. So they found a weekly mass at the local hospital chapel - it was only 20 minutes (no singing/shorter homily/no extra announcements).
Now I go to a church where the service lasts an hour and a half. My 4 year old and 2 year old are in the service for the first 30 minutes and then either go to a children's class or the nursery where they can play, and we can hear the rest of the service. There were definitely times when my children were younger that they could only last 10-15 minutes in the service - and though it's frustrating, it built up and they did what they could (and I could) at the time.
Our son has being going to temple since he was 3 months old -
he is 3 now - I too packed snacks, books, crayons anything that would keep him quiet. But kids will be kids - I was always leaving the sanctuary when he would get restless - The Rabbi took me aside and told me our house of worship was for families and our son was fine and there was no reason to get up and leave - When our son 1st started walking he boldly walked the 3 stairs up to the beamer where our Rabbi was during the service - our Rabbi picked him up and continued the service. We were very fortunate to have found a temple and a Rabbi who made our family comfortable and that I can
go to temple with out worrying. I do hope you can find the same comfort. Speak with your clergy maybe they can recommend something you are not the only mother with these issues.
It is not natural for a child to be still and quiet. Can you get a sitter or attend a church with childcare. Maybe a non-denominational church until he grows old enough to understand, like 10.
Hi Sharon,
A one year old isn't going to be quiet and still for an hour in church or anywhere else. He isn't misbehaving. A baby will not act like an adult. If your church doesn't welcome babies and their behavior, then I'd suggest it is time to look for a new church that accommodates family worship. All members of the religious community, including babies and children, should be welcome in church or synagogue.
While I appreciate your devotion to your religion & wanting to introduce your child early, he really is too young to get anything out of it. You are also being unrealistic if you expect a one year old to sit still during an hour long mass, most adults can't even do that. Maybe leave him w/ sitter while you go.
I applaude you exposing your child to church and teaching him about your religion. However as the owner of a preschool I can tell you getting a toddler to sit for more then five minutes is a miracle. Toddlers love to explore and asking them to sit for an hour is unrealistic. I think you should either get a sitter or just go for a portion of the mass for now. As your child grown his ability to sit for longer periods of time will come as well. I think the fact that you are making an attempt to go to church will be recognized and the other parishioners will appreciate the fact that you have made a choice that is best for all. Good luck!!!!
You kind of have to work through it...We feel the same way with our boys (they are now 3 and 5 1/2), and went through a period of time where we'd be lucky if we got through half of the church service. With our first son, we'd take him to the crying room (visual, but no audio to the worship space), but by the time our second son arrived, our church was under renovation, and we didn't HAVE a crying room. (With the renovation, we got audio and video to the worship space, so whoever is in there with the boys can still "participate" in the service.) By taking them every week, knowing full well we might not last the entire service, they still "got into the habit", and we just kept extending their time in church until they now sit through the whole thing. (Even after 45 minutes in Sunday School, first!) Oh yeah - and we still go loaded with snacks and juice, and quiet toys for my older son. My younger son is happy playing with the hymnals!
I don't think there's any hard and fast rule...BUT, practice makes perfect! Here's some tips that some "older and wiser" moms gave ME when my baby learned how to run out of the Sacrament Hall:
1) Practice at home. Have the baby sit quietly in your lap for SOME period of time, either reading or playing with toys.
2) Bring more snacks. ;-) Oh, and make sure they aren't in those noisy, crinkly plastic bags. I did that last week. Oops.
3) If your baby simply MUST leave the main chapel room, then go sit in the hall...let your baby learn that EITHER way he must sit in your lap. Either in the chapel with all the interesting things to see and hear, or in the hall with NOTHING to look at.
I know it's hard with a one year old. My daughter is turning 2 in a few weeks, and has just recently come to the point where she can sit through our one hour services. Figure out, every week, what your baby can do. At first, I was proud of her if we stayed in services for 15 minutes. After that, we went out to the hall and I let her play quietly there. A few weeks later, we were up to half an hour of quiet time in the Chapel...and so on. At this point, if she were to get rowdy in services, I would use ALL of the advice above and we'd be in a classroom somewhere with her screaming to get off my lap.
I hope that helps! I KNOW it feels like, at this point, it would be much more STRESS FREE for you to stay home, but stick it out - all of the other mothers understand what you're trying to do, and where you are right now. We have three hour services (the last two hours are classes) and I used to spend those ENTIRE two hours in the hall, just following after my 13 month old. It felt like a waste of everyone's time, but she learned within a few months how to deal with the three hours there. (We have a nursery that takes the kids for the last two hours, after they're 18 months old, and that has been a LIFESAVER.)
First of all, I give you credit for taking your son to church. I too went through the same thing with each of my four children, and while some days I thought I didn't get much out of the Mass itself, eventually we got through it. It is a long time for a child to sit still, but please don't give up.
I used to tell my children on the way to church that we were going to practice being as good as we could for as long as possible. It was a game in a way. They had their usual moments (noise, fidgeting, wanting to get up and run) but I would tell them that it was the priest's turn to talk and not theirs so they'd have to be quiet. I would also say that Jesus was watching so it would be best to be the nicest they could be to make Jesus happy. Since my kids are now 13, 11, 8 and 6 it's hard to remember exactly what worked best, but I do remember making the comment that I had survived the weekly wrestling match after Mass!
Occasionally I would take my wiggly child to the back of the church and stand near the entrance or even go into the vestible as we don't have a nursery or cry room either. I spent some time there pointing out the stained glass windows and having the children point out the angels in them, or have them look for something else in the church. When the homily was over, we'd go back to our seats.
One year old is probably the hardest stretch of this because he's just getting mobile and wants to explore, so possibly you could stay after Mass and let him walk about the church. Most of the priests I've known have been very understanding, even making sure that people who commented on noisy children knew that it's best to have the children in church because they will have had it as part of their lives from before they have solid memories.
I don't think what I have to say is going to be helpful, other than brining more food and board books.
I thought it was an awesome thing that the pastor of our church encouraged not only participation, but allowed children to go where they wished during the service. Granted, it was a small service, but it was a very common site to have a four year old quietly playing under the altar and watching the service from the floor by the windows. He has since grown up to be a 16 year old boy who is actively questioning and participating in religion/service and is at 16 more knowledgeable about the church than I was or many other children I knew.
I thought that important when finding a church when I became married, and while we thought we wouldn't be able to have children, here is DS at age one, crawling down the aisle, to watch the Bishop renew vows and other blessings during the service last week. He had a front row seat between the first two pews and watched quietly while the Bishop worked.
My hope that church becomes a more interactive place for you - instead of skipping!
Quite honestly, I don't bother going to church. My 3 1/2 year old and 1 year old are too much for us to handle. I cannot listen and enjoy mass while focusing on the kids. Think about what church means to you - I still get spiritual enlightenment in other ways and I don't need church for that. :)
I'm waiting until they're a bit older...then we'll go again.
So good to hear of Mama's taking their babies to church!
My daughter has been going to church with me since she was born. At almost 3 she still can't sit quietly through an entire service. Our services are about 1.5 hours long. She can now make it through almost an hour, but she has so many questions about the service that she forgets to whisper and I'm afraid she's distracting others. I'm afraid I don't have many good tips that haven't been shared already.
What I wanted to share with you is something a wise older woman in our church shared with me when my daughter was the age of your son. Mrs. B caught up with me one day while I was standing in the hallway trying to keep my daughter from climbing the walls and I was struggling to hear the service. She talked to me for a bit before saying something that has stayed with me. She talked about recalling how each of her 5 kids was a struggle in church at that age, but what she began to realize was that more important than staying in the sanctuary through the entire service, was the fact that going to church each Sunday was creating a routine. The children learned early on that Sundays you went to church and they never questioned it.
Keep hanging in there mama and don't get discouraged! The great part about children is that a lot of problems we run into span for only a short time (no matter how long it may feel at the moment).
I think you have to keep things in perspective. Your son is a year old. Your son is a baby. He IS behaving...like a baby! He will learn about religion through your example, living life well, being kind to others, showing and practicing patience and compassion. If you're losing your cool with your son in church, that gets you off the path.
Consider that God and Jesus would smile down at your baby for being himself and for enjoying his body that now can walk and his life on Earth. Babies are more spiritual than we can comprehend. They have no hang-ups or judgments. They just love and enjoy life to the fullest extent with their whole body and spirit.
However, if that's not enough and hard to enjoy in church and the sermon is that important to you every week, then the only way you will hear it is to have him in another room. Check into childcare.
Oh my goodness - your request made me laugh! I have "church stories" because of my dgtr and they are hysterical! But - yes - when she's crazy - she's crazy!!! She's not usually behaving badly - she just talks about everything (loudly) from anyone around us to the lights on the ceiling to naked Jesus! Sometimes she just sings any song in her head --but belts a tune out when they start to sing. We keep her occupied with 4-5 books and a group of stuffed animals (there's 6 that are with her all the time - smaller sized ones) and she sticks those into the back of the pew in front of us. I try to get her to 'pray' with me after communion and she will put her hands together and she'll name people to pray for.
My dgtr is 26 mos old right now - we started bringing her around age 2 consistently. We tried a couple times before that and it just didn't work. (and it wasn't something that I felt the need to push at that time - you may feel differently). But - it may be too early for him. Some of the most religious people I know stopped taking their toddlers b/c it was too much until they were a bit older. Not even elementary school, but at a later toddler age. But, I do understand if you don't want to stop now. Try the other things - more things to take his attention. You will likely not get much out of church for a while. And if you need to stop going for a little while - don't get too upset. You will still live by the same religion at home and give your child the same values and many people find they have to do it.
Take a small stroller with you, and sit in the back. Practice going lots of places where your son has to stay in the stroller while you are sitting. Even if it's only going to the mall. He will eventually get the idea that he has to stay seated there, and he should be pretty good about it. I get compliments all the time on how good my 2 little ones are at sitting in the stroller. They have always sat in it everytime we go somewhere, and they just know that's how it is. If you have to leave the service a little early, then you just do. At least you were there for part of it, and your son was exposed to people sitting quietly. He'll get the hang of it in time. You may have to decide which part of the service is more important to you, and possibly go late rather then leave early. Another option is to get a tape recorder and give it to someone who is able to sit close, and quietly. They can record the service for you so you can listen later on. Your Priest might even appreciate that because copies could be made to pass on to others. Or you could request that the church records the service. It could be beneficial to any home bound members during a lenthy illness.