Is 'Darn It!' appropriate for a 3 year old?

Family & Parenting Discipline & Behavior
1

My husband and I are in a bit of a disagreement about this.

I am not an extremely formal or strict parent, and I don't think of 'darn it' as an offensive phrase in general. But, I feel that it is improper for my 3 year old to casually use that phrase as a part of his regular language. Obviously he has heard it in order to say it. I am probably the one who said it. Again, I am not offended or upset by this phrase in general. I just don't think my little guy should yell 'DARN IT!' at preschool, church, or in public in general. So, I correct him at home.

Apparently this annoys my husband. He thinks it's fine for him to say.

I would really like to hear from some other moms on this. What do you think is rude or improper? Would it be a problem at school or in another formal setting for your kids?

2

Hi, Jamie:

It is time for you and your husband to set down some norms for what is proper and improper for your children to be saying, doing, and behaving.

After all, you have a little girl that will be imitating your son. Thanks for asking.

Good luck. Donna

3

Hi

You'll be amazed at how "strict" they are in school with language so I would try to curtail the "darn its" now while he is still young...in kindergarten, "butt" is considered a "potty" word...

4

My child uses to say OH MY GOD and i didn't like it so I started to say OH MY MICKEY and everyone said it so that is what we say now. You have to change a word and you use it and he will catch on.
good luck

5

I agree with the other 3 moms who have commented...set down rules, and do something to have your son change the language. While it's not a "curse" word or excessively rude, it can sound that way coming from a 3 year old, and could negatively reflect on you and your husband! Our preschool would have quashed it as well. Good luck!

6

I hate to say it but I agree with your husband. If darn it is the worst thing your son is saying be thankful. I do think that this does provide a great time to introduce your son to your guidelines as to what you think is appropriate for him to say and what is not but believe me - the more he's around kids the more "interesting phrases" he will start saying. We don't say oh my God or JC in our house either (we use oh my gosh and Jimminy Cricket) we don't swear and we don't use what I consider "offensive words" like retard or idiot etc but when my son started preschool he learned all kinds of new words and phrases. All I'm saying is choose your battles, if you make a "big deal" about darn it your son will say it more to get a reaction and then he might find an even "better" phrase to get an even bigger reaction from you.

7

Hi Jamie,

Mabye you can replace it with "Oh man!" or "Oh no!". There are undoubtedly other Moms who don't want their kiddos picking up on that phrase, so out of respect for them, it might be best to curtail it now. :) Good luck!

Catherine
http://priority1mail.blogspot.com

8

I don't think it's bad, I have 3 kids ages 9, 7 and 5 and I would rather say some terms I use rather than the ones they may hear outside of my home "accidentally". I know people disagree on this but I feel like I would rather my kids say darn it than damn.

9

I see two slightly different issues in your post. Are you trying to get him to stop him using the phrase "darn it" specifically or are you trying to stop him from "yelling" ANY words in public, ie possibly disturbing others or causing a scene? Either way, you set the rules and praise/consequences for following/not following the rules. I think you do need to allow for some kind of outlet if something disappointing does happen in public. Your son should have some way of dealing with situations without tantrums, yelling, causing a scene.

I personally don't think "darn it" is rude or improper. I'd much rather my kids say that phrase than some of the others they hear. If I heard them say it in public I wouldn't correct them. However, if they yelled it, I would address that behavior. If a teacher told one of my children not to say that phrase in school I would back her up and offer suggestions for other words for my kids to say. I'd explain that sometimes rules are different at school.

10

Hi Jamie!

My husband and I require our children to use proper language. The bottom line is that what you speak conveys information about you and your home life whether you are a child or an adult. So my children have never said "butt" or "pee" or "darn it". My husband and I don't say those words either. That is our preference. My children don't speak in the nonsense manner of much of today's youth and even adults: I'm like, you know, like, I'm, like, soooooo tired of that. Yes, that was exaggerated, but now is the time to decide what's best for your family. Your son saying "darn it" is actually a blessing. It has brought up the issue for you and your husband to discuss and decide what works best for your family.

11

I do not consider myself overly formal or strict either, but would not like to hear Darn it coming from my child's mouth either...especially in public places like school and church! I would teach him a more age appropriate way to express his anger, sadness, etc.

I would think at school your son would get into trouble...but I could be wrong? If I were a teacher, I would not allow it with children of any age. I used to give out bad marks when students told each other to 'shut up!' because I thought it was very rude!

12

Interesting! my 4 year old son always used to say that kind of stuff, and i thought nothing of it. Then before i knew it, once he turned 7 he started to say things like damn, asshole, pussy face, ass clown, shit, fucker and up yours you fucking prick! It is bad dont let them say frisky words so soon.

-Timothy J

13

I dont see anything wrong with "darn it." And its definitely preferable to other words he could be saying :)

14

I agree with you. There are much cuter ways of showing disappointment for a three year old... like, "oh, pickles!" Whatever you decide, lead the way. He'll follow what you do and say. It's funny how we don't think a word or phrase is offensive sounding until it comes out of the mouth of a 2-3-4 year old :) Good luck!

15

My husband and I had a similar disagreement about "Oh my God." Even though we are not religious, I didn't feel it was appropriate because it is offensive to other people. I think you could apply the same reasoning to "darn it." I also agree the best way to stop it is for your family to say something different like "Aw man." It worked for us.

16

I taught my daughter that "darn it" was specifically OK and "dammit" (a favorite of her dad's) isn't. I feel happy when she exclaims "darn it." She goes around saying, "Darn it is OK, right?" and I say "Yup". I feel like it's like "Shoot" or "Shucks".
Woah! I just read all these other posts, and for real, I had no idea Darn it was any sort of bad slang! And I come from a super strict old fashioned home where we were always allowed to say that but not "butt" or "oh my God". Is this a regional thing? We are sort of new to PA....should I tell my daughter not to say "Darn it?" I had no idea!

17

WOW - some posters are really serious about this!!!

I have an almost 4 year old, and he uses darn it in context. I don't think it's a big deal.

We have a moral home, we respect people, and we have high expectations for behavior, so it is not a factor of being a house of hell raisers that I allow my son to use darn it.

I respect other people's feelings on the matter, but I respectfully disagree that darn it is disrespectful.

HOWEVER, I do think teaching him to use alternative phrases is not only a good solution, but also really cute... like "Aw pickles"... :)

Oh, and I totally agree with Amy J... to me, darn it is the equivalent of something like aw heck...

18

If you think the phrase sounds "improper," than you are upset and bothered that your son is using it.

Here's my question: Is he using it within an appropriate context? For example, does he say, "Darn it!" if he is trying to play with a toy and is unsuccessful? If so, he is using the phrase appropriately. He has learned to deal with his frustration using appropriate words -- not inappropriate words or inappropriate actions (ie, hitting, throwing things, etc...).

Sounds like you have to pick and choose your battles. And if you choose to make this a battle, then in my opinion, you are being picky. And if you choose to be picky like this, you are going to have to sit down and re-evaluate everything you say and be more mindful of it. Sounds like you could be using that time in a more productive way.

Good luck!

19

No it's not okay for him to say "darn it"...it sounds okay coming from the mouth of an adult, but when your child says it that's another story. I used to say "you guys are driving me nuts!!", pretty innocent and truthful coming from me to my children when they are being difficult, right? But when my then 3 1/2 year old said it to her father one day while taking a bath "daddy, you're driving me nuts!!" it didn't sound so nice. I really try to say only words that I would want my children repeating. We don't say "heck", "crap", or even "gosh". I just sounds wrong coming out of the mouth of a babe. Especially when they yell "DARN IT" and it is so close to "DAMN IT", and other people say, "what did he just say?" It is just a small step to actually cursing. I wouldn't want my kids to learn that from other kids at school and bring it home to our house. Just my opinion....just look at what Timothy said in his response!

20

oh jamie, i am laughing only b/c my daughter is going through a "fart" stage. we were at a 50th birthday party recently with lots of 'old fart' decor and talk... and it went from there.

to give you some background on my parenting, i am pretty on top of things for the most part. when something happens, we address it, don't make empty threats 20+ times in public or at home for that matter, ect.... we are not religious, but my family is... so i don't allow her to say "oh my god" instead she can say "oh my goodness," or "good for goodness sake" just like santa :o)

hearing her come up with all by herself... "old mcdonald had a fart, e i e i o. and pfft pfft here and a pfft pfft there.... oh my. i had to burry my face behind a pillow to hide my laughter so i was not encouraging her until i could regain my composure and address the situation ....

but sometimes i think we also have to step back as parents and see things through our childrens eyes. it is our job to teach them and guide them, but having a little fun along the way is ok too. so i took the pillow away from my face and laughed with my daughter. when things calmed down, i explained that it is not polite to say fart, or sing fart songs in public... but that once in a while we can have silly time, or silly song time at home. and we do. and it's fun! we change the words to lots of songs (not just fart related, lol)

i dont see darn it as a huge deal, but if you introduced a new phrase like fiddle sticks or some that others have suggested i am sure he would pick up on it quickly and use that instead. it didnt take my daughter long to not say oh my god anymore.

my nephew walks around saying "what the?" he doesnt say hell, but to me it just sounds icky from a little boy. as long as you don't let it get to that extreme, i really wouldnt worry about it or beat yourself up over it. it sounds like you already have the right idea of what to do. good luck! darn it! lol.

oh and ps.... i was reading through some other posts... and i respectfully disagree with the idea of ignoring unwanted behavior and it will go away, no matter what the situation is. in my experience, with my daughter, and other children close to me in my life... ignoring doesn't work. if you teach children and guide them... they will listen as long as you are consistent with it. ignoring early on only made my daughter try harder to gain my attention with whatever poor behavior she was displaying at the time. i learned very quickly that teaching her, re-directing her, guiding her... worked much better. after all, that is our responsibility to our children as their parents. that is just my own personal opinion.