Hi Moms. Let me preface this with saying that we have two daughters that my husband absolutely adores. My sister-in-law is pregnant with her second son and was talking about naming the baby after my father-in-law (who my husband is also named after). My husband is furious that she would, as he says, "steal" his boy name. We are hoping to become pregnant again sometime next year and definitely plan on naming the baby after my husband if it is a little boy. I have explained to my husband that our nephew will have a different last name and that we can still use the name for our baby if it is a boy. My husband feels so strongly about this that it will cause a division in the family if his sister does name the baby after him. I told him that he should be proud to have a namesake. He talked to his parents today about it and they didn't think it would be any big deal for their daughter to use the name before (and if) my husband could use it. I can see my husband's point, but also feel that my sister-in-law should be able to name her baby whatever she wants. I also explained to my husband that we may have another girl next time and the name may never get used (my sister-in-law said that this will be her last baby). I want to stay out of it, but I can see both my husband and my sister-in-law's points of view. The holidays are coming and we will be spending a lot of time with both families this year. I would love to "keep the peace". Any advice would be great! Thanks in advance for your help!
This is just my opinion, but, nobody owns a name! Period. Your husband needs to accept that fact. Anyone has a right to name their baby whatever they want to. To me, he is being petty. He does not have any ownership to a name.
While I understand both sides of this issue, your husband is out of luck. She can and will name her son whatever she wishes and unless you think she is just choosing this name to be spiteful, there is no reason to be upset with her. I could see disappointed, but not angry. Tell your hubby to bite his tongue and be happy the name will be in the family. There is no guarentee you will have a son. Give him a cookie and tell him to put things in perspective.
Wasn't it George Foreman who names all of his son's George? Although quite confusing if I do say so myself, he thought so much of his name to share it with all of his offspring. Whether the name is passed onto your new Nephew and or your son needs to be looked on as flattering in order to stave off a horrible family rift.
I remember when I was young and so close to my cousin. It would have been awesome if we both had the same names because we surely shared the same heart. Maybe the two cousins one day will be so close as they had a name so admirable in common.........Your Husband's name :)
There are so many things these days that tear at the core of a family. Something like this, although understandably upsetting if given the chance, must be looked on as nothing but flattering so that it keeps the family unit together.
I am sure that once your Husband thinks this through he will see things the same way. Or.........you can do what Wife's do......be the neck that turns his head........LOL!
I wish you peace,
Kristin
You make a great point, that you haven't even had your next baby yet and it may not even be a boy. Additonally, it is his sister's right to honor her father's name too. She can't help it if she came out a girl! It's not worth it to waste the energy getting angry about something when you don't have a son on the way yet anyway. Even so, my son is named after my father-in-law too and so is my sister-in-law's son (hers came first too). At first it bothered me, but then I realized that in the grand scheme of things, it' really not such a big deal. I don't care what people think. So what if there are two grandsons with the same first name anyway? After all maybe we'll increase the odds that there will be more with that name in the next generation! Also, maybe ask your husband why it bothers him so much? Are there other underlying issues with his sister? Just a thought.
Good luck.
In many cultures it is traditional to name the first boy and girl after the husbands parents. I am Italian and my dad had 4 brothers all with children named after the grandparents. When we all got together we would just make up nicknames for each child. It was fun and funny and we weren't all together that much. It's really not a big deal to have two of the same name, it's an honor for his father. She wants to honor the fathers name too and keep it going in her family. Hopefully your husband can see this point of view. It's not stealing if it is your family name. She should be entitled to it too. Hope you can get past this. It's really a wonderful thing that everyone feels so strongly about the name and that's when you can say family is most important. Also she is definitely having a boy, it's not for sure tthat you would even have a boy if you get pregnant, if the name wasn't used it would be lost.
Gail,
I understand your husband wanting to name his son after his father (and himself!). However, your sister in law is pregnant now with a boy & there is no guarantee that you will ever have a son. The name belonged to her father, too, and your husband does not "own" this name, especially since her son will have a different last name than you. Please try to convince him that with so much actual pain, suffering & trauma in this world right now that he should not create World War III with his family over this issue. Try to remind him that now is the time to be THANKFUL for his beautiful healthy family and try to remember all of the wonderful things in his life. Hopefully, if you are ever blessed with a son, you can still use the cherished name. Good luck & happy thanksgiving!!
In ONE family..all the SAME last name. There is a LOUIS CHESTER, LOUIS AUGUST, LOUIS JOSEPH, Louis Joseph jr., JOSEPH FRANCIS, and JOSEPH LOUIS. Hope the D.M.V. and S.S. people have fun.. We do. :)
Years ago, this was very common. Families would honor family members by naming their children after them. On my side, my grandfather was Joseph. As a result, he had three grandchildren named Joseph. So they each had nicknames--Joey, Joe, JoJo. It works. Same with my husband's family. They have a bunch of Roberts--Bob, Bobby, Robert, Rob, etc. Your SIL has a right to honor her father, just as your husband does. My husband wanted to honor his grandfather--Thomas. I wasn't crazy about the name, but I wanted to respect his wishes so I agreed to it. We gave him a 'J' middle name, and everyone calls him TJ.
Life is short and there are so many other things to get down about. This really isn't a big deal. I think there is alot of room for compromise here.
Good luck!
She's naming it for her father-in-law. Your husband is taking it personally. It may seem like a big deal, but many nicknames appear when you don't expect them. Maybe your sister-in-law will have a nickname for her son. As the boys get older, it won't make a difference.
Your son will be your son and no one can take that away. I can understand your husband's disappointment. I say let's hope that all the children are born healthy and have a supportive family with lots of aunts and uncles to turn to for support.
A possibility for either of you would be to combine names to honor BOTH grandparents of the child. My sister-in-law's son's first name is John Brian. John for her father-in-law and Brian for her father. I would suggest that to your sister-in-law. That would leave your husband's actual name open if and when you have a son. Hopefully that can keep the peace.
The same thing happened to me with a family member. I was so angry for soo long until i had my child then i named him the same anyway. When speaking of the other boy i always referred to him as j.t. (IT COUGHT ON EVEN THOUGH THE PARENTS DIDN'T CAARE FOR IT). oH WELL!!
Dear Gail
My sister-in law was upset that we 'stole' my mother-in-laws name for our daughter's middle name,but,she wound up with three more boys and her mother's name would not have been used this generation if my daughter didn't have it.I have 76 cousins so you know not everyone has a name that isn't repeated.There is nothing wrong with cousins having the same first name.Encourage your husband.Good luck-Laura
Happened in my family...but I used the name first on my side of the family, brother and sister both commented how I am stealing all the family names before they have kids, I named my first after our grandmother. I see it the smae way you do...everyone can have that name, they will all have different last names! Who cares! My SIL named her son the name we chose for our son, again they have different last names.
First of all, I'd let him calm down a bit, then I'd try to get to the bottom of "the real" issue of why this bothers him to the point of family division. While I understand him being disappointed, his sister beat him to it, and she also has a right to name her child whatever she chooses. This sounds like it goes a bit deeper than a name. A couple of ideas...does he have any other male family members that he has great admiration/love for like an uncle or grandfather, or even a cousin for that matter that he would like to name a son after? What about flip flopping his name around and using his first as a middle, and his middle as a first? What about some of your male family members' names? I know it is traditional in some cultures to name the first born son after their fathers, and give the middle name of the mother's father to the child (it certainly is in mine), but in some culture's they use the mother's maiden name as a first name, think Hunter, Forrest, Tyler, here. Hope this helps, and good luck
Ok, this is going against most of the respondents, but I'm actually on the side of your husband on this one, since he is a "junior" he would like to have the opportunity to make his son a "third." It is a very traditional take on naming and if that is your families intention, then your SIL should honor it. And I'm a big believer that names should be as unique and special as possible and I do think family should be honored in subsequent new generations, but I think the idea of first cousins with the same name as pretty silly when there are a million names out there. Yes, who knows what the future will hold for your family, but when it comes to carrying on a traditional naming pattern, I think that you and your husband indeed have "dibs." The only thing would be for him to talk to his sister directly and express how he feels, and leave the rest of you out of it.
Your husband is being a jerk, if you'll pardon the expression. It's not "his" name to "steal" or otherwise. If you eventually have a boy, use the name.
You are correct...your husband is being a big baby...I know! Why don't you name the kid "Big Baby" after your husband. You can call him BB for short!
If your husband is this upset he should speak with his sister and make his case. It does not seem like it should be this big a deal. If you were actually pregnant with a boy that would be different but you are not and you may never be. We do have 1st cousins in our family with the same first name but different middle names and maybe that's where you can differentiate. Hope things calm down before any more holiday gatherings.
Names could become so territorial. Has your husband approached his sister? Would she be willing to only use it as a middle name? Does his sister live close? We have cousins who live in florida and I without thinking about it named our son the same exact name (first and middle name) as they already had. The last names are different. The older name sake feels very important that he has a little cousin "named after him". Actually the first name is just one we liked and the middle name is after my father. We have little nicknames for them that we use only when we are together so they know who we are talking to. I is a little self centered of your sister-in-law to not consider her brother would use the name, but we also don't have any claims on the names, especially if you aren't even pregnant. It would be a whole different animal if you were also pregnant with a boy. Then I would definitely say you got dibs. It is a shame that this would cause such a rift among your family. It really doesn't have to be that way.