Help trying to balence it all!

Employment Work & Family Balance
1

Ok here is my issue....I do not know how to do it all!? I work from 8-5:30 then pick up one child at a home day care then the other at pre-school, then home to cook dinner, baths, one in bed, activity with the other, the other in bed and then OH WAIT...theres my husband! My issue is, I feel like my husband is getting the short end of the stick.

I am such a career focused women and then I focus on my kids, I feel like there is not enough time in the day! I wish there were a few more hours in the day? Now that I have two kids I am just not sure how to do it all? And I feel like my marriage is suffering because of it. Does anyone have an idea how to balence it all?

2

Hi Tricia! I know EXACTLY what you mean. I am a buyer for an office products dealer and have alot of demands. I work from 8-5:30 or 6:00 even later sometimes, I almost always work through lunch as well. After work, I pick up my 6 1/2 month old and by the time I get home it's sometimes between 6 & 7, fix supper, clean up, make bottles, bathe baby, etc. I also have a 17 year old daughter who is involved in sports so that adds to the schedule. I feel like I never have time to spend "quality time" with my girls or my husband. By 10:00 pm I usually FALL into bed, exhausted and thinking of what I have to do the next day. I know this isn't helping you, but I had to tell you, you are not alone! I hope your husband pitches in to help like mine does, but I also feel our marriage has changed significantly as well. I will be watching for other responses for you as well and hope we hear some good ideas! If I could afford a housekeeper & chef, I think I'd have a little more time but that's not realistic. Good luck to you!!

3

Hi Tricia,
I think all working moms feel that way at many points. I work full time, love my job and feel called to do it and have 4 kids....and a husband who works a weird schedule with 24 and 48 hour shifts away. It is not easy. But you are doing it for a reason and a purpose. As long at that purpose is clear in your heart and mind, you can find peace with your day to day challenges. It's difficult to not compare ourselves to other part time or SAH mom's - who even like to lash out at working moms sometime! Stand firm in your belief that you are a great mom. You are doing the best thing for your family. And know that this too will pass. Everything does. The kids get older, things change, etc. Older kids help more with making dinner and cleaning up and you find good quality time together with them in those activities. As far as your marriage, my husband and I email and txt a lot to help stay connected. And of course everyone says this but its so true - do not eliminate date nights! I feel so passionate about this topic - that Mom's can work and not sacrifice family or career - that I started a blog. You can read it at www.HowWeCanHaveItAll.com. And believe me, there are days I feel just like you do and wonder if I'm even qualified to write that site! But that's what keeps it real.
Hope this helps. Drop me a message if you want to talk more.
You are amazing!
Lori
PS - I don't know what it means to be DM of your company?

4

I'm with ya! I work full time, too, and I'm currently a single mother of 2 girls. I will soon have a husband to share the responsibilities, but I'll have 4 step-children too. We are constantly on the move. Here are some things that help me stay sane:

1) Know that you're not alone. There are plenty of us working moms out there, and even SAHMs struggle with this. It's just a product of our culture. Americans are busy people, and our kids are busy, too.

2) Set realistic expectations for yourself. Your house is never going to be spotless. Your laundry is never going to be done.

3) Remember that it will get easier as your kids get older. You will gain little moments of 'freedom' when your kids can tie their own shoes, buckle themselves, brush their own teeth, take a bath by themselves, play outside unattended, flip on cartoons until the sun actually rises and you're ready to get out of bed. :)

4) Share the load. You didn't complain about your husband, so I'm guessing he's already doing his share. :) If not, though, ask for his help. Maybe he could do baths while you're doing the dishes. Maybe he could read bedtime stories while you prepare things for the next day.

...which leads me to

5) Be efficient. If possible, run errands at lunchtime. Spend a few minutes in the evening to get ready for the next day (pack daycare bags, lay out clothes, prep for tomorrow's dinner, etc.)

6) Find a good babysitter, and book him/her in advance for the first Saturday of every month (or whatever works for you). This will encourage you and your hubby to spend time together. My girls stay overnight at my parents' house every other Friday (on the weekends that we don't have my stepchildren). Usually we just run errands together or take a walk, but as you know, it's a treat to do these things without 2 little ones in tow. And we get to sleep-in and maybe go out for coffee and a bagel in the morning!

7) Give yourself a break. At least once a week, have 'sandwich night' or get pizza/take-out. Use paper plates so there aren't any dishes to clean.

And lastly, know that you are a wonderful role model for your kids. More than likely, they will have to work when they're adults, and they will be better equipped to handle the craziness because of you!

I hope this helps. Good luck!

5

Does your husband help with any of this routine? My husband and I are VERY 50/50 in our parenting. He recently joined the Navy and has been gone for 8 weeks. I never realized how hard it was to do it all by myself!! Since we were both doing the nighttime routine, we'd have family time before bed too and it was a GREAT way for us all to be together. We put my children to bed at 9...sometimes earlier on bad days...and my husband and I usually spend about an hour of alone time before bed, depending on how tired we were. I think that alone time has REALLY helped our marriage.
Hey, if that doesn't work....being away from each other for 8 weeks makes you realize how much you love and need each other! LOL

I just saw my husband this weekend for the first time in 8 weeks and it was like we had just started dating!!

Hope it doesn't resort to that! Good luck!

6

Okay, this is what I would do: When you cook on Sunday for dinner, cook a little more so you have lots of left-overs for Monday (that will eliminate cooking on Monday). Then find a good babysitter. If you don't have one yet, you can ask at preschool or the home daycare. Pick up the babysitter when you pick up your kids. Let the babysitter heat up dinner and you and your hubby take off for an hour and have dinner out somewhere. An hour won't hurt your kids, it will do you and your hubby good and you can still do activities with your kids afterwards. Or let the babysitter do the activities and let your kids go without baths (I don't let anybody bath my son) and let the sitter put them to bed, then you might be even able to do dinner and a walk or dinner and a movie with your hubby. Do this every Monday and you will both be so much more relaxed. It might not be as much time as you want to spend w/hubby but it is more than what the two of you have now.

7

It does take work and commitment to get do it - but it is doable. You just have to be willing to compromise on some things.

Bathtime - where is it written that baths have to be taken every night? Unless they are really dirty or sweaty - every two or three days is plenty. And it is better for their skin. Big time saver there.

You do not have to do things with each person individually. Bath them together. Read together. Get the whole family on the couch for story time. Go for a family walk - where you and DH hold hands! Go out to dinner together once or twice a week.

Do you and DH work near each other? Meet for lunch occasionally. We have some friend who never wanted to be apart from their kids on weekends - so they used to take a long lunch - like 1 1/2 hours once a week. Kind of like a date night.

Schedule time for you and DH. Make a date night. Hire a babysitter. You can make it fun for the kids too as maybe they get a movie and popcorn while you and DH go out.

Just do little things - like pick up his favorite dessert. Slip and I Love You note in his briefcase or wallet. Leave a card on his pillow telling him how much you appreciate everything he does for you and the kids.

Remember - the kids will not be this needy for long, that is when you guys will have all the time in the world. Just be sure to let each other know that you are loved and appreciated and make the best of any small moments that youo can.

8

I want to thank all of you brilliant women for all the advice. You truely made me feel as if I could and will do it! Here is what has happened…I have really focused 100% at work and 100% at home. By making lunches at night, putting laundry in before I go to bed then switching it in the morning and folding after work, working out in the morning, cooking dinner and then husband doing dishes, JUST making small changes that are consistant, I have truely found the balence that I need. I will tell you this though…it took effort! It took some thought to get my family and my MIND in the right place. As soon as I was content, everything fell into place. I am getting more done, feeling better, and losing wieght! YEAH. Thank you again and I wish all of you the best!