My 20 month old son has been headbutting for about a month now. It started out with him getting mad about something (being told no) but now he does it all the time, like when I leave or his dad leaves or he's simply not happy with something. He will headbutt anything that's around him the floor, table, bed, cabinet, etc and if he doesn't hit it hard enough the first time he will do it until he really hurts himself. When he first did this, I ignored his attention getting behavior but now he is really hurting himself so I told him that's not the way we handle our feelings and put him in time-out. I'm a stay at home mom and he is an only child so he is not starved for attention and has not been exposed to this kind of behavior elsewhere. This week he headbutted me in the nose and I put him in time-out. This is the first time he has ever done this to me and I'm worried that he will do it to someone else and I'm also concerned that he is hurting himself. He is really loving and extremely tenderhearted, what can I do to make him stop doing this or is this just a faze he's going through?
Um, I would spank his butt and then tell him how much I love him, but that this is BAD...but that's just me. My brother did this when he was little, and to tell you the truth he's still a little weird! LOL Just jokin'...
He'll be ok,. Just needs some discipline. He's reaching out for boundaries. Give him some real ones--and lots of lovin'.
Blessings,
Heather
You say he's doing this because he's mad. It's not to get a reaction out of you. He's got plenty of ways to get Mom's attention. Putting him in timeout is not telling him how to handle his feelings. He's mad, he can't express it in his usual way, so he gets to sit by himself for a few minutes. That's not giving him a better way to deal with it.
Pick him up, hold him tight (like a bear hug so he can't move) and give him words for the way he's feeling. 'You're upset that you can't get what you wanted, that mom or dad is leaving. I'm sorry that makes you mad. When I get back we'll eat dinner/While dad is gone I'll read you some stories, etc.' Acknowledge what he's feeling and give him ways to be happy anyway. When you don't tell him you know how he feels he does it more and harder. Teach him how to handle his feelings while he's young. It's a great gift and will make your day less quiet, lol.
HTH, I'm kind of tired. :p
My grandson did the same thing when he was about the same age. We tried not to pay too much attention to it, althought sometimes he would get a little too agressive with it and we would have to stop him. But just ignoring it, when possible, seemed to help. When we had to step in we tried not to play the head butting up too much, and tried to draw his attention to something else. He eventually stopped, although it did last a few months. I would think it is probably a fase he is going through.
My son did this at the same age. It is like it is a "boy thing". I just would let him know that it was not okay for him to do this. He is at an age where he does not understand the emotion that he is feeling, so explain to him that it is okay to be angry or upset, but it is not okay to hurt himself. Get some books about emotions and read them together a lot. This helped me. I have 2 older girls and they did not do anything like this. I hope this helps!
Just a note to say you are not alone. Some kids are headbutters and it makes parents crazy. You are on the right track to ignore the behavior. Many parents run to the kid and beg them to stop - which just reinforces how powerful headbanging is. By all means discipline him when he headbutts others. And yes, this usually is a passing phase.
A few kids are soothed by headbanging behavior. If this doesn't decrease in the next month. Talk to a child development specialist to get further ideas.
I know this sounds weird, but a friend of mine's son did the same thing. Her pediatrician told her not to worry, he'll stop when he hurts himself. He will not continue to do it if it truly hurts. I don't know.... just what she was told.
Is he doing any other odd behaviors? spinnning, hand watching,
over protective of his things, is he talking or stopped talking? Headbutting is one of the things my austism son did before we know what it was. Sometimes headbutting is just headbutting, but if there are other odd behaviors you need to
talk to your doctor about it. It could be something more and if he is hurting himself he can be fitted for a headbutting helmet to protect his brain from harm.
Good luck and I'll pray for you.
Theresa
Cindy,
My 18-month old is a headbutter, too. From all the research I've done online, I can tell you that your lil one will grow out of this....eventually.
And the good news is rarely will a toddler head butt something and seriously hurt himself. He may konk himself to the point of tears to obtain your sympathy and attention. Like your lil one, my son is an only child too and there is no lack of attention in our household either. Here is a snipet of an article for you from a Dr.
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.
It's normal for an 18-month-old to do what he does. The head banging, when it's not done in frustration, can be worrisome. It sometimes is a means of self-stimulation in children.
It's worth discussing with your pediatrician, even though he seems to be developing OK in general. When he head butts you, I'd put him in time out (you can use a playpen or crib for this). Tell him "No", and immediately put him in time out. Otherwise (i.e., when the head butting does not hurt anyone) I wouldn't intervene other than to be sure he (a) is on a fairly soft surface (e.g., carpet) and (b) has things to occupy him.
Here are some things that work for us:
Diversion. When my son starts head butting, I immediately scoop him up and take him into his room and we rock in the chair, drink or snack on something and watch his favorite movie for 20 minutes or so. Then he wants down and things are better. We do this at least 2-3 times a day.
Sometimes I cannot drop everything and take him to his room. Say...I may be on the phone....then I do my best to make sure there is a pillow I can place in the direct path of his forehead.
If he re-directs his frustration in other ways...say hitting, punching, pinching, etc., then I place him in time-out.
Hope this helps.
Oh yeah.......if the head butting is accompanied with behaviors associated with Autism, consult your pediatrician. The most common signs include: impairment in social interaction, impairment in communication, and repetitive, abnormal behaviors. Your Dr can provide you more info on this topic.
Just be careful not to let a Dr sterotype your child into this diagnosis prematurely.
I wish you the best!