I currently have a wonderful son who is 14-1/2 mos old. When he is 17 mos old I will be having a daughter.
I'm thrilled and excited to have a second child (we did plan it, after all) but I'm a little apprehensive about what will happen when we first bring her home from the hospital.
Anyone had experience with having 2 in under 2 years? I'm afraid her nighttime crying will wake my son. I'm wondering how I'm going to tote 2 children so small around. I'm afraid my son will feel upset that he's not the only little one in my life anymore. How will I nurse my daughter while trying to chase my son around?
Any thoughts/advice in this area would be much appreciated!
Jodi,
My oldest son was 17 months old when his little brother was born last year. It was not as hard as I thought it would be. Zander (my oldest) was great withe baby and adjusted just fine. Of course, he still got a ton of attention from everybody and he did get jealous a few times when people would make a fuss over the baby. But overall he did great. He would even help out by getting the baby's bottle or pacifier. As long as he still got some Mommy and Daddy attention, he was okay. The hardest part for me was getting up in the middle of the night to feed Connor and then not getting a whole lot of naptime during the day because Zander was always up running around. But we survived. The first few weeks can be a tough adjustement period though. By the time I returned to work at about 8 weeks, things were getting back to "normal". And now the boys are best friends and I love having them so close together.
I had my daughter 14 months after my son. I honestly cannot remember much about her first few months, probably because I was so sleep-deprived I was in a zombie-like state! :) Really though, I don't remember things being absolutely horrible or chaotic. I also was worried about my son waking up during the night or naptime when the baby cried, and he did! But he quickly got used to it and he is now a better sleeper because of it because he was forced to make himself fall back asleep on his own. (I couldn't go get him often b/c I was nursing or changing messy diaper on the crying newborn). I do remember trying very early on to get some sort of nap schedule where they'd be sleeping at the same time. It took a couple months but they finally did it!
Make sure you've got an infant carrier (Snugli) for the little one so you can have your hands free for the older one. My son was just the right age to "drive" car in front of the shopping cart while my daughter was in her carrier inside the shopping basket. I just packed groceries in wherever I could find a space! And a double stroller is a must. We started with a front-to-back, but as soon as my daughter was big enough and out of her infant carrier we switched to the Jeep side-by-side b/c it weighs MUCH less and is easier to lug around! Although, neither one seems to be more beneficial than the other when it comes to weaving in and out of clothing racks at the mall! :) I'd recommend getting these secondhand-check stores like Children's Orchard or Once Upon a Child, or even Ebay. You'll save so much money.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy! Get as much rest as possible, I do remember taking naps with my son towards the end. It was great to have that last little bit of one-on-one time with him and cuddle before sissy came along :)
My daughter was 23 months when I had my son. That is a little bit older then what your son would be. I was terrified like you are about how things were going to work out. It actually wasn't as bad as what I thought. Some good advice that we got was to include our daughter when we were taking care of the baby. We let her "help" with changing and feeding. She still gets a big kick out of feeding him. My husband and I make a special effort to make her feel like she's included and play with her a lot. We put the baby in the swing a lot so we can spend time with our daughter. Plus babies sleep a lot when their first born anyway so we used that time to make her feel speical too. It leaves you very tired but in the end it is well worth it. Good luck with your pregnancy, I hope everything turns out okay.
Hi there! I just had three kids under 3! It is pretty difficult with the 3 kids going places...but what I would GIVE to have just the two. (I do not by any means wish I didn't have my daugheter but it was much easier before she was born) You will get used to it very quickly. Once you get your little routine going everything will fall into place. I wouldn't worry about it much now. You can't change what is in your future, you can only go with it. I dont know what else to tell you except for just relax. It wont be as hard as you think. You will catch the hang of things :)
Been there, done that twice! My 1st 2 are 20 months apart and my 2nd and 3rd child are 18 months apart. It isn't as difficult as you would think. It is and it isn't. You have got to be sure to be on a strict routine because everyone feels more comfy and works better on a strict routine. That being said my method of introduction of new baby was to make sure my child did not first see me with baby in arms. I had the baby taken to the nursery and let my children go with me to get the baby. This way I had time to greet them 1st and both times my children came not even interested in me but wondering where there baby brother or sister was at. As soon as we got the baby from the nursery we went back to my room and I got the baby and let them hold her. Touch is very important. Your child will have an interest in this new baby and will want to learn about him/her and want to touch too. Showing him how to be gentle with the baby will benefit rather than teaching me he can't touch. I haven't yet had the experience of introducing a baby to a daughter. Both times I introduced a new baby to my boys...I have 2 boys and a girl. Because of the way I handled it, my boys just accepted the new baby as a new member. There was no jealousy. I would play with my kids and give them some undivided attention prior to nursing the baby. Then when I would nurse the baby my kids would come close to stroke the baby's head gently and then play something quietly. I too was concerned about having my older kids running around while I nursed but it honestly was not a problem. Just keep a routine that is strict and be consistent. If you feed the baby on a strict routine deciding that you will feed every 3 hrs from day 1 and slowly spread that out accordingly as needed with in the 1st month you will see sleep patterns establish and this will make life easier with 2 kids. You can then plan your day around your scheduled feedings, there is no guessing when the baby is hungry because the baby will not cry of hunger and you can easily determine when you need to spend time with your son. Don't stress about it. You can and will do it. I think you will do just fine to adapt to your situation and figure out what works best for you. You did it for your son! I won't lie, it does get stressful at times. I don't have any experience to compare it to in order to know it could be easier or harder, but I do know that it really is more challenging once they begin playing together and the younger one starts exerting independence. When baby starts realizing that s/he wants the toys big brother has, they will squabble over it. One of the biggest helps was teaching my oldest son to find a toy he knew the baby would love and ask him to trade. My middle son loved balls so basically any toy he had that my older son wanted could easily be traded for a ball. That worked for a long time. Good luck!
With both my kids I always ran the vaccuum while they slept so I never had to worry about that and now my son litterally can sleep through a tornado if i let him so when they get close I just make him sleep in the bathroom!!! My kids were 3 and 1/2 years apart and that was close enough for me!!!
I was worried my daughter would be jealous of my son so I told her she would have a baby brother to play with!!! She was happy unfortunately I did not specify when he could play she walked into the delivery room and said alright you are here finally i can play with you then the let down i told her he had to get bigger and she stuck her lil hand on her hip and said "mom you said I could play with him when he was born" so I blew that oh well they grew up just fine until he got annoying lol
Hi, Jodi. I'm a 26 yr old mother of two. My oldest was 19 months old when my youngest was born, and to add to the situation, I'm a single mom. When I was pregnant, my mom told me that taking care of 2 isn't much different than taking care of 1 and, ya know, she was right. The nighttime crying wasn't really an issue for us, because my youngest would sleep either next to me in bed, or next to the bed in a bassinet, so I don't have much advice there except that your son will learn to sleep through it the same way that people in the city learn to sleep in spite of the sounds of traffic and other noise. When it came to nursing, I preferred the position where I laid on my side and placed her beside me. I would just tell my oldest that I needed to feed her sister and go into my bedroom. I would give big sister a snack and let her watch a quick cartoon while I nursed. After nursing, the baby would doze off and I could go spend quality time with her sister. When it comes to going out, just get a double stroller. As your oldest gets more independent, you can switch to an umbrella stroller & let him push. He'll love feeling "big" and it'll give your back a break. Also, kids this age LOVE to feel big and to help, so let your son help with anything he can. This may help prevent him from feeling bad that he's not the baby. Give him this new, more exciting role to play. Chances are, he'll love it more than he ever liked being the baby. Once you introduce a bottle, let him help feed his sister. My oldest daughter loved being in charge of handing me wet wipes when it was diaper time. And, now that they're a little older (2 & 4), they're best friends. They share everything together and look out for each other. My oldest is even helping me potty-train my youngest! It's truly a blessing, having two kids so close in age. It can be a challenge sometimes, but in the end it's worth it. They'll always have a best friend and you won't have to worry about forgetting how to potty train, for example, when it's time to do it again! :) Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy!
-Nicole
Hey Jodi,
I just have advice about the breastfeeding part. Make that a special time for you and your son. Tell him that it is story time and to choose a book. Then while you are nursing, read to him or color or something. That will make it "his" special time in his mind
HTH
Kym
My two boys are also 17months apart. Because the oldest one was still under 2 he didn't really understand when i brought home the new baby but even more so he wasn't interested. He really could have cared less. I was also very concerned about nursing while the otherone was running around and i decided that i would always make sure he was busy before i started to nurse. Put a new cartoon on, have him eating lunch, coloring...anything that i knew would keep him still for a couple of minutes. There were times that i would have to nurse one with the otherone on my lap but it all works out. I run a fan between their bedrooms to create some noise so that each of their cries doesn't wake the other. It is a big adventure to take both of them out of the house, but it can be done. My lifesaver is my double stroller. I love that thing and it made it possible for me to get out of the house and be able to push both of them around. Good luck to you, it is alot of work to have two little ones.
my son was 19 mo. when my 2nd was born. I was scared,but it wasnt so bad. My oldest didnt seem to care at all. Now they always have someone else to play with at home and are friends. In May I'm having my 3rd and will have 3 with the oldest 3, I'm back to being a little scared. I didnt think I would ever get to leave the house or do anything with 2 so young, but it all worked out pretty good. Now how do you do it with 3?
My boys are 20 months apart and I am so glad I had them close together. Breastfeeding was not a problem. There were even times that when the baby was crying his brother would tell me to nurse him. You will adjust and find out what works for you. It is amazing how much time of you day can be spent changing diapers!
I have two under age 2. When Mateo was 16mths old I had Julian (not planned). They are now 22mths and 5mths. I was apprehensive at first too but it has all worked out. I just take each day as it comes. Mateo wasn't too receptive at first and he still sometimes gets a bit jealous but all in all he does pretty well. I just try and give him special mommy time whenever I can. Its getting harder now since my husband left for his deployment but I have family to help.
Good luck!!
Hi Jodi,
I really understand your fears! I have 2 little ones under 2, a boy and a little girl also. I was very worried about nursing my daughter and my son being jealous. I must admit he fell in love with his sister at the hospital and wants to help with all the things I do for her. He was not very happy when I nursed his sister however and hit her everytime I nursed for about a week. My suggestion is to tell your son what a big boy he is and how he is such a good helper, involve him in everything! My daughter is now 4 1/2 months old and when I nurse her my son says, "Anna eat num num" and then he tries to put my breast in her mouth. The whole 2 under 2 thing is difficult but once you get a routine it will be wonderful!
Kym
I have been in your situation before, my daughter was 15 months when my son was brought home. So here is my suggestions, I would expect to have your son to ack out, just like its a change for you, it will be a change for him. What i did with my daughter was try my best to show her individual attention and have my husband keep an eye on my son. To be honest when i came to my daughter i had to just let things flow intil she got use to him, now she loves her bobo very much, and sees him as part of the family.
When it comes to having both babies out and about, as long as you are not getting lots of food (thinking grociery shopping here) i would get a cart, but your son in the seat part and the baby in the big cart. If you have someone with you, then get two carts! If you don't have acess to a shopping cart, try a stroller (double) or a stroller and a baby sling. You could also just hold the baby in her carrier and then let your toddler walk. (done this many times its exhausting but if you have to get some were it works).
And my best suggestion on the sleeping is, to maybe put the baby in your room intil she sleeps though the night!
I wish you luck, its a lot of work but its well worth it, my kids are very close, and the love they have for me and their daddy and each other is priceless!
Johnna
I have two children 14 months apart. When my son was born, my daughter had some jealousy, but it passed and they are now 2 and 3 and very good friends. I completely understand your apprehension - I felt all of those feelings, too. It seems a very daunting task, but it is not as bad as you might think. As far as toting them around, sometimes my daughter had to walk when she didn't want to, and sometimes my son had to wait a few minutes while I dealt with my daughter. They learned to take turns. You will have to get used to taking TWICE as long to get in and out of the car, though! LOL. Initially, of course, the baby comes first, and this is where Daddy can really help. While the baby is being tended to, let Daddy distract the older one. Or, if Daddy isn't home, let the older one sit with you while you feed the baby. As long as they feel included, they seem to adjust fine.
My daughter was rarely, if ever, awakened by my son's night-time crying, and when she did hear him cry, she just woke up for a few minutes and went back to bed.
It isn't easy, but it is not impossible - TRUST me. We didn't plan ours this way, so we were in total shock, but now I can tell you I wouldn't have it any other way. People used to stare at me and I wish I had a dollar for everytime someone said "Wow you sure have your hands full" or "Did you plan this?"
You will be fine - please feel free to e-mail me with any questions you have - I don't mind talking about anything if it helps you ease your fears. Congratulations!!!
well I understand your fears my son was 12 1/2 months old when I had my daughter and wow was i scared but you know it didn't bother my son at all. I do not remember him being jealous but i also remember both of them being in the rocking chair with me a lot but i wouldn't have it any other way. I really think once you get a plan and a routine worked out everything will be good. Just keep a positive outlook on it sleep when they sleep and don't be afraid to ask for help from family and friends. Good Luck and take care.
I have 2 that were born 23 months apart. I am going to be honest and say that it was no picnic. Escpecially since dad was almost absent the whole time. I had the baby up until 5 am and my son waking up bright eyed and bushy taled at 6 am ready for the day. There were times where I would fall asleep during the day. I couldn't stay awake. My son would go rampaging through the house very quietly. I used to smoke. I would find my cigarettes broken. I found my dry detergent spread out like sand...all in a matter of about thirty minutes. It took some time to get a routine down...finally I got my older childs nap time set at the same time as the baby, then we all slept. I had to carry my two year old son on one hip and my newborn daughter in her infant carrier on the other. I bought a tandem two seater stroller. That helped out. Once my daughter started sleeping through the night it was a little easier. I know that this all seems doom and gloom, I just don't want to sugar coat what you are about to go through. I can tell you that it does get easier as they grow. My children are now 11 and 9 and life is great. They are just now getting to the stage where they fight a little. It didn't take much to get out of that rut. I guess what I am trying to say is hang through it and it will all be very rewarding in no time. Good luck! Feel free to contact me to vent or for advise or anything else. [email protected]
Jodi,
I have four daughters and the first three are almost exactly 2 years apart. And I nursed all of my kids for a full year. With the first two I was a single mom. There is nothing you can do about them feeling a little left out, thats natural. The best advice I can give to you is the same I got frrom my mom...get the older sibling as involved as possible. I would have her go fetch diapers for me and help throw away the dirty ones. I called the baby "her baby". There will still be jelousy of course, but the more they are focused on helping, the less it will be. I hope I have helped. It's what I always do. I am going through the same thing right now actually. I have a 21 month old right now and I am pregnant with twins due at the end of June. I will be breastfeeding 24/7!!