I've seen a lot of posts on here recently about whether it's ok for a married or committed person to go to lunch/bar with single person of the opposite sex (or same gender depending on preference) and it had me wondering if you guys/girls ever go to a bar or an establishment where other singles are and talk to new people? What are your feelings on that?
I worked yesterday and then picked up my daughter and then had dinner and met her dad at the park so he could take her for the night. So I decided to grab a drink at the local dive bar that I love. You know the one that is filled with mostly guys, laid back and where everyone knows everyone and if you don't you will by the time you walk out and people cheer when you walk in the door? ahhh that's the one=) I haven't been there since January so it was a nice change. I'm a very sporadic patron of this bar. So I'm thinking all of you ladies would think I was bad. I did indeed go and sit next to people I hadn't seen in months including some single men and proceeded to hug and be picked up by every guy I knew (oh how I love this bar, I'm 6 foot- so it's rare to get the hug where people pick you up in the air and you get to feel like a girl lol) so anyway I do this every so often (usually once a month when my boyfriend has his Irish meeting, we'll take one car after dropping Emmy off with her dad, and I'll go here while he does his meeting) and usually my boyfriend will meet me out or I will meet him out at some point in the night and we'll hang out with friends and have fun, but for a good portion I'm happily talking to whoever I want to, not gender biased or relationship status biased.
So would this be not allowed in your relationship? I'm generally surprised by how many people are against interactions with the gender you're attracted to. BTW I can say that the majority of women I know are attracted to women as well (even if they don't act on it) so should they be banned from everyone=)
I did have one guy ask me to dinner after the annoying compliments you hear at such establishments and I replied that I had a boyfriend and he kept talking but kept asking how I was allowed to go out without my boyfriend. He asked it so much I feel he was thinking I was lying to him. Anyway what are your thoughts on the above situation?
I feel any interactions should be allowed but also feel that if you're in a committed relationship and someone has an issue with a particular person your relationship comes first obviously and while you won't be "controlled" by your spouse you should definitely take their opinion into account and compromise and adjust behavior accordingly.
call me old fashion, but have not been to a bar with my husband or with out in 15 years. Just not into the scene ..... just a mommy now with kids and a household, so our FUN is a bit different now..... They have these piano bars here and my hubby and i went once...but was not something we said, "HEY, lets go again !"
I think if your spouse or boyfriend does mind you doing that, that is what is important....not what others think. If you have an open relationship that should be discussed . I personally would not do that.
I'm married.
Being married does not mean you are a Monk or not a part of the world.
You are still an individual. You still can go out. You still can have friends. You still have freedom. You still are a person, apart from your spouse. You sill have a life and are not a Siamese twin with your spouse.
A "spouse" is an adult.
A spouse can interact with the world and other people.
Men or women.
An adult, should know how to handle flattery and/or flirtations. Without being juvenile or sophomoric about it.
Commitment has nothing to do, with restricting another person.
And of course, a person of normal mentality, does place their relationship or marriage, first. But that does not mean, you have to live under a rock.
Nah, I've never hung out at a bar alone. But I've certainly made myself a margarita at home alone :) If I were to do that, or my husband were to do that, I personally would think that's odd -- or 'something' is up (due to our personalities, not because we don't trust one another). But that's just me!
I have done a few "ladies' nites" with some of the other moms from my son's school. We don't go to meet new people--we go to have girl time.
It is all about intent. If you go to meet other guys, yeah, big problem. But if you go to hang with the girls, and just happen to be friendly but obviously unavailable to any guys who try to talk to you, then have fun!
I've never been into the bar scene...but my fiancee doesn't get upset if I want some "me" time. I prefer to go out with him...but we both believe that it's important to do things on our own too.
Don't laugh but normally I go out with my girls to the karaoke bar or this diner/ bar thing where we live, my spouse to Hooters (ew) or the sports bar and we don't have issues because its planned in advance and we know who the other person is hanging with. The only time it becomes an issue is when other people "judge you" per say or make comments like-"really!? And you allow that? Which causes you to start to question yourself (like me today LOL) reading too much into it you know? This is what gets you in trouble
I don't go by myself but when I was young and single I did. Now sometimes I will go out ot a bar with some of my friends. And my husband does not have a problem with it. He does not even care if I go dancing cause he knows who I am going home to. Now if he went to a place like that by himself I woudl worry something was up for 2 reasons. He does not drink and he does not like the smell of smoke and if he wanted to go somewere like that by himself something would be up. He would not even go somewhere like that without me just cause that's who he is.
Its not in my personality to go to a bar alone....but I have gone out to the bar with some girlfriends and/or my SIL. And yes, we've been hit and and continued to be bothered even AFTER we've told them we're married.
But most the time we are not...bothered or left alone after we tell them we are married.
I see nothing wrong with your scenario...I just wouldn't venture into a bar alone. However, I also don't see a problem with going to lunch with a coworker from the opposite sex as long as it was completely platonic.
Ok, I have answered all those other posts you mentioned so I will on yours as well. =)
It appears by what you said, that you like the attention you are getting when you go to the bars. To me, that is playing with fire. You may not intend for anything to happen, but there is always a starting point to relationships and a lot are from "casual" chats at the local bar.
To me, it isn't a point of trusting my husband or not. Its putting trust into the OTHER person. LOTS of women purposely go after married men. And adding alcohol to the mix definately doesn't help.
Both myself and my husband don't drink. We will at a social event, but that is maybe once or twice a year. So drinking isn't something we enjoy doing. I can understand how those people who enjoy drinking, will likely go out often to do it. Its just not something we do.
To us, our family is our priority and they come first. But we can do that because we are older and have an understanding of what we want out of life. I do think individuals should have "me time" and couples should have dates. Luckily, we have every other weekend to ourselves when our kids are at our ex's house. We don't even spend that time out drinking.
So back to your question. If its an issue with your partner, then you shouldn't do it. If it isn't, then do what you want. But understand that it is an opportunity for something to happen because you are specifically putting yourself in that situation. Like I said before, lots of "casual meetings over drinks" have turned into affairs. Just my opinion but it isn't for us. Good luck.
Yes I go out with out my husband.. if Im talking to anyone and they try to pick me up using thier cheesy lines I let them know right away Im married. I am a very touchy feely person. I hug everyone and usually kiss them on the cheek.. no matter the gender. My husband knows how I am with and with out ( I act the same way no matter what) him and he has no problem with it. I LOVE to dance!! My husband HATES it!! But he lets me dance with who ever when we go out just so he doesn't have to get out on the floor. He will even grab people and tell them to go dance with me. Its actually funny the looks he gets from people when he does it. But its called trust.
We know where the lines are where each of us are comfortable with and neither one of us has ever crossed it.
Yes I allow my husband to go out without me no matter the gender. He has fun and I know he isn't sleeping around with his female friends when he goes. He has never given me a reason to worry about that even if he went with females.
My husband and I are a like to where he has more female friends and I have more male friends that we are closest to, thankfully it doesn't bother either one of us. We are comfortable with each other and trust each other 100%!!
My husband LOVES when I take off to the pub for a pint and a good read. He knows I'll come home relaxed and happy. I see people there I know, sometimes men, sometimes just the servers. I have male friends that were servers there who are friendly and are known entities (we have occasional cribbage tournaments). They might give me a hug, but that's where it ends.
Do I flirt? Wear anything other than what I usually wear? No. He knows he can trust me. I know I can trust him. So, on both ends of things, no worries. (and the funny thing is, in our relationship, I'm the one who's far more likely to go out by myself.)
And I have to laugh at that "allowed to go out without your boyfriend" line you posted....sounds like that fellow wouldn't have been good boyfriend material, even if you had been single!
FYI, I am 50..Never too old to have a good time, with my husband, without my husband but with friends.. Never lose yourself. And you will never lose the ones that love you.
I guess I have.. It is a neighborhood place that serves beer and wine.. but also burgers and stuff. I have been there a few times for lunch alone to do some of my paperwork and did not want to have to cook or clean up at home. .. I saw some people I know and I guess we go there enough, some of the staff know me by sight.
I would not judge, unless it was something a man or woman was doing to pick up one night stands.. I feel like that is dangerous behavior.
I don't understand why everyone flipped out about single people going out together. I have lots of friends, male and female - and I like people, male and female. But my husband trusts me. I trust him, too. We don't forbid each other from seeing anyone. We just like to know where the other one is, more for safety than out of paranoia or concerns of cheating. If he's out with the guys, I want to know exactly where he is in case anything happens. And if I'm going for a walk, to the grocery store, the gym, or out with my best friend, I make sure he knows where I'm going, when I'm going, and when I'm on my way home. We care about each other but we aren't crazy. I have more guy friennds than girlfriends. My hubs knows me well enough not to be threatened.
I don't understand how people have a problem with hanging out and not to flame here, at least to me, it screams insecurity.
Did I put enough disclaimers in there?
Troy loves me and only me, he wants only me, you put him in a room with naked women he would have the most uncomfortable look on his face. He would probably be pretty darn red too. I am the same way.
It just seems silly to worry when there is just nothing to worry about.
I think that he asked that question confirms why you have your specific boyfriend and why that guy is not said boyfriend. :)
Ya know, and I think this is important, if someone I hung out with gave Troy a bad vibe I would not question his vibe, I would stop hanging out with that person. I think that is how the trust goes both ways. That I trust him to hang out means he can trust that if I say she give me a bad vibe it isn't because she is pretty, or anything, it is just something is off. It isn't driven by insecurity.
Lets see how many times I can add to this. I think there is a huge difference when hanging out with friends is taking up more time than hanging out with family. It wouldn't matter who it was it would be that they don't want to be around us that would bug me, ya know? My ex was like that and it was that he wanted to impress other people, couldn't care less how we felt that made him never being home okay. The funny thing was it was that attitude of his that I think made him sleep around. I had to sleep with him I was his wife, she chose to sleep with me. Effed up but true.
What works in one marriage or relationship doesn't have to be the "answer" for another. Each family and marriage/relationship should be striving to find its own balance which has its foundations resting upon fundamentals such as love, trust, hard word and communication. If everyone is happy and fully informed, then well done and furthermore none of my business.
Well, people who babysit seem to be scarce where we live so yes we go out to bars with friends and not each other. We have no problem with this and neither do most of the couples among our friends.