UGH! I hate to say it, but I think my little boy is now in the "terrible two's"! He is so demanding about everything!
I understand that this is a hard time for him as well, he's learning so much everyday, getting used to routines and changes, and becoming independent. But really? If I don't do every little thing his way, he throws a full on tantrum! For example, I was giving him cereal this morning, it was the Cap'n Crunch with different colors, and he had to have a blue piece in every bite or he would cry. At bedtime everynight, I now have to lay next to him on the floor, and he insists that I have a blanket, then have to give him my arm to hold until he falls asleep. There's more little things he does like this, and it makes everything very difficult. I either have to choose between giving him his way, or having a million tantrums every day.
When I do say no, I come down to his level and say no firmly, then go back to what I was doing or try to redirect him in some other activity. Sometimes I'll explain why I said no also.
What should I do so I don't end up getting walked all over by my two year old, and to prevent him from manipulating me?
I also need help with the bedtime situation. He was so good when he was in his crib, I would lay him down, say goodnight and I love you, then leave and he would be asleep within 10 minutes. I tried that now, and it doesn't work. I don't know that my current bedtime plan is best, so what do you think I should do?
I should add that we do have a bedtime routine: bath (every other day because of his excema), Jammies and teeth brushed, read books, cuddle and sing lullabies to him, then lay down.
Its best to go to a book store and start reading the back of these types of books to see what style will work best with how you would like to parent. I could tell you what I do, but with kids, it really takes several different approaches as your child will get wise to your ways and you will many times have to figure out some creative parenting to get your way. I do highly recommend the Love and Logic book as a start. It has a great foundation and can grow with you as your child grows.
I let my son throw tantrums. He will throw crazy fits that for some reason he just needs to get out. I ignore it and he usually comes back to normal and carry's on about his business.
Bedtime, I turned my sons doorknob around so I could lock it from the outside. I tried gating him, he climbed over it, I tried child locks, he broke them off. He is insane and I cannot have him wandering the place while Im not watching him. He doesnt get up anymore because he knows he cannot get out, and when I put him to bed, (ahhhhh) he goes to sleep. You just have to out smart them. I might sound harsh, but Im not enabling him to be a crazy monster. Im in control, at least at home, out in public is a different story.. This child makes me tired.....
I'm sorry that you're going through this. Please know that he will eventually come out of this phase. It is hard while you are in the midst of it though...I know.
My 3-year-old was very much the same when she was 2. Her "terrible two's" lasted well into her 3's (for me), but now she is much, much better.
The best advice I got was from older mom's who told me to be consistent in how I dealt with the tantrums. If you are going to ignore them (which I know is very hard to do when there are so many that you lose count!), continue to ignore them...every single time. Don't give in to his tantrums. Don't give him what he wants.
Also, don't give him tons of choices. There can be times where you let him pick a cereal. But, for the most part, you decide for him. Sometimes we overwhelm our little ones with a barrage of choices- which they are unable to make. So, I would encourage you to be firm, try to stay calm (or walk away if his tantrums are making you upset), and let him fit. Eventually, he will realize it won't change what you do, and eventually he will grow out of it (although not soon enough for those of us going through it, right?).
You are in my prayers.
Toddlerhood is an exquisitely frustrating time for almost all kids. Children truly do want to be happy, but don't have the power, reasoning, motor skills or experience to get there. And of course, meltdowns are more common when littles are tired, hungry, or have already heard "no" a few times too often. Their little brains have burned out all the brain chemicals that makes life happy. Then everything is impossible for them.
Help him find words to express his feelings. "You really, really wish there was enough blue pieces for every bite!" "You feel mad right now because you can't ___. Would you like some help?" Or, ""How sad/frustrated you feel when you want me to __ and I want to ______." Your empathy and coaching, plus another year or two of maturation, will eventually give him broader emotional alternatives.
Check out the approach used by Dr. Harvey Karp, author of The Happiest Toddler on the Block. Here's one link, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR=1&a.... , and watch several related video clips to see exactly how he "speaks" the toddler's language. By using strong empathy, he lets frustrated little kids know their feelings have been heard. Once they feel understood and supported, they can start letting in and processing new information instead of just being overwhelmed by their feelings. This worked well for my grandson when he was a toddler, and has been a wonderful technique for other young families I know.
There's another wonderful book that your son is just about growing into: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. As his ability to communicate expands, this book will become a resource you'll reach for many times. (It's the single most effective parenting book I've ever read, and I've read quite a few good ones.)
It not only helps you learn how to show your care and empathy to your son, but also how to present your own needs and parental expectations in a way that he can hear and accept. You find out how to make him a working part of any solution. I've used this approach with my grandson since he was about 2.5, and we're quite a terrific team. Cooperation up, resistance down. Very, very nice.
This is the age they test the boundaries!! My input is stay consistent. I am going thru the same thing with my son who is also 2. It seemed to help me out to know that other moms are also going thru this bc sometimes his acting out would get so bad I thought something has to be wrong! lol It's very hard to constantly teach your children to behave but at this age there is no other choice. Just remember it will pass and hopefully all of us who are going thru this will still be a little sain at the end of our terrible two journey!
tantrums are a treasure aren't they? when he throws one, walk away. don't engage him, don't ask that he be quiet, don't even acknowledge it. practice this at home at first, get him good and convinced throwing one won't work, before going out in public. in public it's a whole other ballgame. i spent about 2 months not really taking my son anywhere, except for brief stints to walmart to get necessities. i would snatch my son up if he threw one in public, and leave wherever we were. no exceptions. (we missed out on the pumpkin patch that year :( ) i am easily embarrassed and i HATED when he started this crap. absolutely do NOT give in to the tantrum and give him whatever it was that he wanted that started it!
last, pick your battles. if you can offer him a choice, do it and stand by his choice. give him as much control as you can. like dr. phil said, "pick your battles, and when you do make sure you can win!"
(i hope that when you say he throws a fit if there's not a blue one in every bite, that you aren't actually sitting there with your two year old and spoon feeding him cap n' crunch? maybe just let him feed himself. cheerios are great. my son also loves raisin bran...it doesn't have to be that sugary candy stuff)
It is time for him to realize that you are the mom, not the person he can push around.
You need to let him feed himself. If he can choose the color on his spoon, he can put the color on his spoon and feed himself.
If he throws a tantrum, walk away or ignore him.
At bed time, read the story, kiss him goodnight, and walk out. Do not lie down. Do not stay in the room. This is his way of controlling you.
Do not give in to his whims or you'll be doing it his whole life.
LBC