I am at my wits end! I have two month old twins at home who will only fall asleep in my arms, and about five minutes after I put them down they start to cry. I have let them cry it out at times when I am too exhausted to be carrying them 24/7. I feel guilty when they're crying, but as soon as they stop, they are out for 3-4 hours straight. Is it cruel to let them cry it out at this age? My mother-in-law stays to help sometimes, but she's not one to let babies cry, she hates hearing them cry. So she holds them while they sleep. Once she leaves, I am stuck with two crying babies who are getting used to being held. I feel more stressed out and tired trying to keep them from crying while she's here, rather then letting them cry it out for awhile. Any suggestions would be great.
My son was the same way... thank goodness I only had one! I never did the CIO method. I personally think it's cruel although many of the moms swear by it. I try to put myself in the baby's place ... how would I feel if I had only been on the planet for two months and now I'm thrusted in to an unfamiliar surrounding and being expected to function and not be scared? Anyways, my son now happily sleeps in his crib for 7-9 hours. I used to have him sleep on my belly. Try some white noise or the lullaby CD at Target. I also pat his tooshie or rub his head until he falls asleep.
I really feel your anguish. Wow.
I think, personally, 2 months old is too young for the CIO method.
have you tried putting them in a vibrating baby swing/seat or anything?
Sometimes gas pains can also make them unable to sleep.
Are they getting enough intake? Sometimes, if they are not feeding/nursing well and not getting enough intake, this can affect their sleep. At this age, they are generally drinking about 3 ounces or so, and feeding about every 2-3 hours, or every hour sometimes if you are nursing. Roughly. It also depends on their size/weight. If they are gaining weight appropriately, then they are probably getting enough intake.
They probably fall asleep because after crying and being over-exhausted, they are just pooped out. Crying a lot tires babies out.
My firstborn was also like this... and clingy and wanted to be carried all the time. But we learned, that she had a lot of gas problems. She rarely farted, and we gave her the infant gas drops. This helped a LOT. The Hyland's Colic tabs are also great... it's homeopathic, so it's safe. It really helped too. My girl did not have colic...but it helped her with her gas problems and pain, AND sleep better. Here are some links about it:
http://www.amazon.com/Colic-Tablets-Quick-Disolving-Hylands/dp/B001261898/ref=sr_1_17?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1209087919&sr=8-17
http://www.evitamins.com/product.asp?pid=2506
At some point, try to get a sleep routine for them. I know it's not easy...but this will help in the long run as they get older, and help to make things saner for them and you.
Put them down at the SAME time, SAME place, SAME way everyday. A baby has a pattern of: wake up, feed, play, sleep. The "awake" time is about 2 hours (3 hours at most) at this age. Then they will be tired, and "need" to nap. Don't wait until they are "over-tired" to put them down, being over-tired only makes babies more fussy and "hyper" and harder to sleep. At this age, infancy, even a diaper change and a bath is an "activity" and this all plays into their "awake" time routine.
Oh, a great book is "Secrets of The Baby Whisperer- how to calm,connect,and communicate with your baby" By Tracy Hogg. It really worked with my firstborn. You can probably find it anywhere or online or at Amazon.com
I hope the best for you and hope this helped. All my best, and take care,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo
its not cruel i did it with my daughter. what i think you need to do is talk with your mother in law and tell her that if she notices the twin she is holding is getting drowsy she needs to put him/her in bed. maybe try to offer them a paci or swaddle them. what i found that worked for my daughter and my twin nephews was to do a big no no and place them on their stomaches to sleep (only do that if your comfortable i wouldnt want you to try it if your not). or try to offer them a bottle to lay down with if you do the propping thing (i know a lot of moms worry about sids with that) good luck i really hope you find something that works!
I'm a fan of CIO but I do think the twins are still too young for that. I can only imagine what it's like dealing with fussy TWINS. I could barely do it with one. If you can make it another several weeks until they are about 4 months, I feel like that's a more appropriate time for CIO. Best wishes to you.
I think they are still a little to young to cry it out, Sorry!!! There is a book called the happiest baby on the block, I read it and recommend it to anyone! It talks about running the vacumm etc. It worked like a charm. I recommended it to a friend of mine with triplets as they were having the same problem, except 3 babies 2 arms, so they got the book. They sent me flowers 2 weeks later!! Try it out. Good tricks to use!
I also agree about the dvd happiest baby on the block .
If you don't have time to read happiest Baby on the block, you must get the DVD. They show you exactly how to soothe your baby and get him/her to sleep. It works 100 percent of the time on our baby. My husband does it and it's become his little ritual with our daughter. I got my DVD on amazon in the used section for $10 instead of the full priced new one.
I'd also recommend Dunstan baby language so you can tell if your baby is crying b/c he or she is hungry, gassy, uncomfortable (too hot, too cold, etc).
Armed with these two resources has made our lives so much easier, our daughter is 6 wks and sleeping 6-7 hrs a night.
Good luck!
Hi Joy
Congratulations on your twins! Must be hard work, especially with an 18 month old as well!
Anyway, when I had both of my children (not twins admittedly), I wanted to hold them all the time, and people kept telling me not to, because they would be clingy. People told me to let them cry etc, and I couldn't - it broke my heart.
Then a girlfriend who had three children, all older than mine (and therefore in my mind had more experience than me, and more recent experience than my mother, aunts, uncles, mothers in law etc), told me that I should cherish every moment of holding my children. She said that there was nothing wrong with holding them, and that they grow so quick and then they won't WANT to snuggle with me. So I took that as a green light and snuggled my children as much as I could. It meant that my children would fall asleep in my arms and I@d put them down to sleep and they'd cry a little. So I'd put my hand on their tummies so they could still feel me and I'd talk to them, and then move around the room, sometimes humming quietly, so they knew I was still near.
I can truly say that both of my children sleep well and soundly in their own beds without assistance from me, and have done for a long time.
I really hope this helps. I'm just trying to say that whatever YOU want to do is RIGHT. Your children feed off YOUR emotions and levels of stress/contentment. So if you want to let them cry it out, then that's the RIGHT thing to do. If you want to hold them until they sleep and pick them up when they cry, then THAT'S the right thing to do. If you are happy, your children will be happy, and that's all that counts.
Good luck
Camilla x
You poor thing!!!
I hate listening to my son cry, I know that is hard and I can't imagine two of them! I would HIGHLY recommend that you look at Dr. Harvey Carp's "Happiest Baby on the Block" (there is a book and a DVD, I'd choose the DVD) He teaches you how to "turn on" your baby's "calming reflex". It is AMAZING how quickly/well it works. If you get the DVD there are calming sounds included which you can play all night if necessary. It is really only intended for 0-3mos. but some of it will help beyond.
Good luck!
As an exhausted mom, I believe you get to do what works for you. A stressed out, sleep deprived mom is no good to 3 small kids. Happiest baby on the Block is great, crying it out works too, but two months old seems too little for that, although I know a lot of people who do it, so don't feel guilty if that's what you need to do.When you do lay them down, are they really deeply asleep? It takes forever because of the way their sleep patters are, but maybe they wake just because they are not fully asleep. Also, do they sleep in the crib together? Maybe they could soothe each other. If so and they are still craving you, try sleeping with their blankets a couple nights so the blanket smells like you and then swaddle them in it, it may feel like mommy is there. Hope this helps, hang in there.
You are a better woman than me. I raised my twins alone from the time they were 15 mos old...but I had no other kids to have to concern myself with. So hats off to you first off!
My twins have NEVER wanted to sleep anywhere but at home or the car. That means any day trips to the mall or friends house meant sacrificing naps and resulting in MEAN babies :) Most often, like yours they would fall asleep while being held and wake up and scream the moment they were put down. I know how frustrating it can be. But honestly, the only thing that worked was to let them cry it out :( Sometimes this meant I had to go sit on the front porch and cry myself so I couldn't hear them...or take a shower with loud music on. I don't know about yours...but mine seemed to sleep better together in the same bed. But you have to get them used to sleeping on their own or you will go slap stick crazy! Mine are fifteen years old now...and you know what...although no I don't have to hold them to sleep any longer ;)....they really don't ever like to sleep anywhere but their own bed. That means picking them up at midnite at slumber parties...they want to go...not sleep somewhere else. weird...maybe some of us are just homebodies at heart..from birth. But Joy...you have to be able to do things while your babies sleep...try the cry it out. I have never been a fan of the cry it out thing...until I had this same problem as you are having. If someone has some better advice wonderful...I sure wish you had been around fifteen years ago :) If yours will sleep in the car seat....when I was REALLy desperate for them to sleep after hours and hours of fussiness....we would just drive and they would take their afternoon naps in the car cruising thru town...sometimes I could even park the car and read a book while they finished napping. Best of luck!
Soshi
I recommend the 3 day sleep solution that is often advertised at the bottom of the Mama Source daily newsletter. It's designed for babies 4mo+. Use Dr. Carp until then and then get them on the 3 day program. I started it when my baby was 5 mo and I was at my wits end. Getting up all night. No sleep and then trying to function at work. The 3 day solution was a miracle. It's a cry it out solution. At first my baby cried for 30+ minutes, but now she hardly cries at all when I put her down and she is sleeping 12 hours at night and 2-4 hours for naps during the day!
My kids doctor told us not to do that until they are at least 3 months old, and that is when we started the crying it out thing. It only took us 4 or 5 grueling days, but when it was all over we were all happy!
Good luck! However, when your mom in law is there to "help" she is setting you back. She may think she is helping but she is not, unless she is there to hold you while you let the twins cry it out. lol.
I have several friends who have had this issue. Most recently, one of my good friends bought a CD on amazon called "The Happiest Baby on the Block" and "Dunstan Baby Language". The first CD focuses on the primary needs of babies to help them feel content, the second helps you to understand your babies' cries so you know what they need. I have since recommended these two resources to my friend with twin boys and they have had great success with both programs.
Additionally there is a book out there entitled Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. I was also told that this is an excellent book with great tips.
Hope this helps!
I personally think crying it out at this age is a little harsh, but, you are only one person and you can't hold two newborns and take care of a toddler at the same time. Have you tried a swing for each of them? When my second child wouldn't sleep for more than a few minutes at a time, we put him in the swing and he'd sleep better there. We had a fisher price swing that went either front and back, or side to side. Also, tight swaddling at this age helped both of my babies. We managed to swaddle and get them into the swing with the straps wrapped around them. Also, maybe a sling or moby wrap for one of them and you could alternate between who gets the sling with mom and who gets the swing. Just some ideas. Good luck, you must be exhausted
Hi there!
The Happiest Baby on the Block is great. Also, I feel that 2 months is to young to let them cry it out. They don't understand why there needs aren't being met.
I do not have twins, but when my daughter was that little all I did was hold her. Because really at that age they are still use to the womb. How about a baby carrier such as the Bjorn or bouncy chairs that vibrate. We also found that the swing really helped. We let our daughter sleep in the swing as well as the bouncy chair.
Can you hire a mother's helper or nanny that can come in and help you while your husband is at work?
Dear Joy,
I'm not a cry it out type - I think at this stage babies developmentally need to be held, and it's not an indicator of overdependency- but who knows how much that would change if I had twins AND a toddler!!
But, I wanted to offer you one suggestion that might help a little- try wearing the babies instead of carrying them. You can use a Moby wrap and carry both babies on your body. 2 ring slings might be even easier because you can take it off your body and lower with them in it. The other thing I've heard moms swear by (although mine didn't care for it) is a good fast swing. Maybe the swing can be your arms for a while. Don't feel bad about being exhausted! You can't help it and you are doing your best.
Oh- when my parents came to help my dad always carried my daughter to sleep and we did have a month or so of difficulty when we couldn't do that, but she is 7 months now and lets us put her down. (And we didn't CIO). So it can get better even with the indulgent grandparent!
Good luck.
Have you tried swaddling them? My twins liked to be swaddled for quite a while, as did a friend of mine's daughter. It makes them feel safer.
B/c you have two I would say. . .let them cry. Only one of my twins needed to held to get her to sleep but then when she was in her crib she was fine (at night--naps were a different story--se still wanted to be held). It went on too long but mostly I kept doing it b/c she had terrible reflux and if I put her in her crib to "cry it out" she would end up vomitting A LOT.
Work on letting them settle themselves, and def. try swaddling for a week or so.
Hi Joy, I also have twins and the first 10 months were very hard. I got very little sleep. I think 2 months is too young to cry it out. We waited till 10 months. I would make sure everything else is okay in the rrom. Get blackout curtains (or like I did stick black cardboard or Ralphs bags all over the windows). Get a white noise machine (off amazon) to block out any other noise. Get a humidifier in case they are getting too dry and thirsty. get a thermometer so you know how cold or hot it is. It should be 68 -70 in their room. Are they ins separate rooms? It might help. Swaddling them helps and so does a bag to sleep in. Maybe they have a pain? Have you tried switching formula? I used Earths best organic. I know all this because I had to consult a sleep specialist to help with ours.
Or maybe they just like being with you. Can you take them into your bed and have a sleep with them? Is your DH helping you? With our my DH did almost as much as me. One wanted to be carried all the time too. Good luck. Make a few changes like the ones above and see if it helps.