I am 8 months pregnant and the temps here in Houston are between 95-100 these days. My husband is an avid sports fan and concert-goer. At least weekly he asks if I'd like to see a sporting event or concert. The concert venues are usually standing-room only and the sporting events are outside. I DON'T WANT TO GO! Sitting for long periods causes my back to ache and standing for even an hour leaves me with swollen feet. I've been a trooper up until now. We went to a hockey game last week and a baseball game the week before. I feel like when I tell him "no" he gets upset and thinks I'm being unreasonable. I adore my husband but this issue has me near tears as we never fight and I feel like he doesn't understand that I'm huge, uncomfortable and don't want to sit through a concert or sporting event at this stage of my pregnancy.
So Moms, am I being a baby about this? Should I just suck it up and take one for the team? Or is there some other way I could try and explain that might make more sense to him? Thanks so much!
send him some articles from the past about pregnant moms dying at sporting events from heat exhaustion and dehydration. It may just be scare tactics but it may work. If you do go to sporting event make sure you are well hydrated. Drink powerade and lots of fluids because pregnant women need the electrolytes etc. You can become severely dyhydrated in that weather. Your instincts are correct. You need to protect yourself and your baby.
http://www.courierpress.com/news/2007/jun/18/staying-cool-pregnant-women-face-greater-risks/
http://www.baseball-fever.com/archive/index.php/t-48144.html
You are not being a baby on this one and I think it only fair that if he asks you to go to another you come armed with a backpack filled with 30lbs of stuff and he is forced to wear this on his front for the duration of the event as well, since that is what you have attached to you! This may help him get a reality check on the situation.
My hubby was upset with me for wanting to attend a concert when I was about 7 months along...he was concerned about me getting bumped or falling, something I hadn't considered at the time. When I was 8 months pregnant we went to a minor league game and sat in the cheap seats...our own chairs in the lawn section. I wound up getting hit with the ball. My hubby tried to catch it, but it still hit me in the leg. I had a huge, ugly, purple bruise, but I suppose it could have been much worse. It's hot, your uncomfortable and it's hard to stand for long periods of time. Explain it to him again, surely he can understand. He was probably disappointed when you talked about it. I would encourage him to go, let him make a guys night out of it.
I have to laugh because when I was pregnant with baby #1 (before I really knew what it would be like to be 8 months pregnant), we bought tickets to see John Mayer in concert. I guess I was about 4 months pregnant at the time we bought the tickets, and 8.5 months pregnant at the time of the concert. Oh, it was so miserable at the concert! It was in a concrete amphitheater, so sitting was not comfortable, and then I had to pee every 5 minutes, which meant waiting in line forever and missing half the show. It was hot, but no beer for me! Ugh. With baby #2 I learned my lesson and didn't plan anything at 8.5 months!! I am totally with you - you are NOT being unreasonable at all! Stay home in the air conditioning, or ask DH to take you to the movies where it's nice and cool, with comfy seating! :)
You are not unreasonable...Bottom line you are uncomfortable...If he wants to go to a sporting event then he can take a buddy of his. If he can't understand that then get one of his male friend's who has a wife and kids who understands to explain it.
If your 8 months prego then you appearance doesn't need any explantion....Let's face it when we are 8 months pregnant we look it.
Oh, wow, I hope you get a lot of responses here that you can share with him.
I absolutely disliked doing many outings when I was that far along, and here, it was early spring and not that hot. The one night it did get that hot-- I still remember it-- I was home and miserable, eating glass after glass of ice.
Your husband seriously needs to find some empathy. You are doing great big work. Perhaps he'd like to go to a game or concert with an extra 30 or so pounds of weight strapped to his front in a wool sweater, because that's what it feels like. Plus, put a couple rocks under his rear end, so when he sits down, he understands how all that weight pushes on your sit bones. And then, add high heels for his feet, so he understands how negotiating that weight distribution is so precarious. By the time I was about 7 months, I was watching every curb I stepped off of, had pains in my legs from nerves pinching without warning and was generally uncomfortable most of the time anyway.
The more I think about it, I think your husband needs to give you a break on this one. I understand he's likely trying to get you out of the house before baby, but guess what? Baby is already present and affecting your lives. Maybe he can compromise and stay home with you-- you can let him pick the movie?
And as my husband would say "He's being an ass." If this is the battle he's going to pick and make you feel bad, let him know that this is what he's doing. Making you feel terrible. If it's making you cry, he needs to grow up a bit before that baby comes out.
Being pregnant is in many ways like wearing a Parka.... you're HOT almost all the time (you've got a whole 'nother body inside you heating things up). So if your husband is willing to put on a parka and snow pants to wear to the game, maybe you should consider going.
If one of his friend could kidney punch him as well, so that he's peeing every 20 minutes and his back constantly hurts... that would be MUCH better.
And don't forget the high heels to make his feet hurt / public embarrassment at having to hobble about back and forth in front of people in his parka every 20 minutes to go to the bathroom.
I'm sure he's a WONDERFUL husband/father-to-be but sometimes people have a hard time even IMAGINING what it would be like walking a mile in someone else's shoes. Have him wear the parka/snowpants/and high heels at home for a few hours if he has difficulty just imagining it. But I suspect he's smart enough not to have to.
have him strap a pillow case holding a bowling ball around his waist and put on a coat and have him stand outside for 1 hour. And THEN ask if he thinks its OK for you to go! men just don't understand sometimes. heck i'd cry in front of him just to make him feel bad. lol. he'll probably stop asking then ;p
p.s. my name is Sally S. too. :D
Um...I'm in TX too, and it's not just the heat, it's the humidity. When you are that far along, your body CANNOT regulate itself like normal. Pregnant women get heat stroke easily. With a past pregnancy, my doctor asked me if I was going outside much (it was a Texas summer). I told her no. She said good. There was a lady who DIED at a ballgame that summer! She was far along in her pregnancy and the heat got to her and she died. I'm sure that's somewhat rare, but it happens. My doctor felt very strongly that pregnant women should not be out in the heat. Ask your doctor about it. I bet he/she will have some advice. It's simply not safe.
Another story, my neighbor mowed her lawn at 34 weeks (crazy woman!). up until that point, everything had been fine. When she went to her baby appt the next day, her doctor said her fluid was dangerously low, and she had to be induced right then. He said it was because she got too dehydrated (which happens EASILY) from mowing the lawn.
You're NOT in a normal state of body. Your body works different than when you're not pregnant. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out, so hopefully your husband will get it! My sister's husband is so thoughtless of her when she's pregnant. He thinks morning sickness is fake and that women just make up all the pregnancy discomforts. It DRIVES ME CRAZY. I know some women have it easy, but that doesn't mean it's the same for everyone.
Standing for long periods is difficult. You have to take into account the big, unbalanced belly, in combo with the muscles being stretched apart, then the strain on your back. It's not good to stand up for long periods like that. I have a hard time standing in lines at the store when big/prego. I start feeling like I'm going to pass out (maybe I have blood pressure issues, I don't know!).
I would nicely tell your hubby no. If he doesn't understand why, he can read all our responses. He can know that you aren't just being a baby. It's a real concern on many levels. In the summer last year (had baby in June), I would sit out under our covered deck, which had fans, and I sprayed myself down with water. I also had a bottle of water with me. I was out there to watch the kids (youngest was quite young), and the heat/humidity was overwhelming. I could NOT keep myself cooled off. I got dizzy and felt like I was going to throw up. I barely had energy and had to go in because it was too much. This was after 20-30 minutes (Texas heat/humidity is bad!). When I'm not prego, I can handle it much better. It gets really hot, but I can manage pretty fine.
Okay, I'm rambling far too long about it. If he wants a guy's perspective, maybe my hubby can talk to him! There are physical differences for you that HAVE to be taken into account. You are not being unreasonable. I would feel really hurt and like he didn't care if he was reacting that way to you. Maybe a guy's perspective could help? My hubby gets it. When I had my first baby, he didn't quite get it (mostly it was the morning sickness and fatigue he didn't understand), but he has learned that I'm not just being a baby...and I'm so glad he has because it was very upsetting to me! I'll stop rambling. But I definitely wouldn't go...and I'd involve your doctor. Tell your doctor how you feel and let him/her inform on a medical level how a pregannt woman's body is different.
And, I'm sure your hubby is a great guy. I don't mean any of this as an attack on him. Some people just don't get it...and I hope he does!
Just tell him that it's not that you are just being a wuss, it's that you are taking care of your unborn child!!!
Doesn't he have a buddy he could go with? My sister used to buy tickets for her husband and his best friend to get out of going places with him when she was pregnant. He loved that he would have "guys night out" and his wife was so supportive of it.
You're not being a baby. Your husband doesn't understand the physical toll pregnancy takes, especially in extreme temperatures. Tell him that you've decided that you're not going. When he asks why tell him that you're feeling physically taxed and too far along in the pregnancy to remain on your feet for long periods of time, and you tire easily. Tell him that the extreme heat leaves you feeling unwell, and you don't want to risk heat exhaustion and dehydration this late in the pregnancy. End of story.
He doesn't have to like it. If he continues to act petulant about it, let him. You're acting responsibly. You don't need his permission not to go.
Tell your husband you will go on strike faster than you can say "NFL" if you have to go to another event or else you might end up on the disabled list faster than Brett Favre can redact his "retirement".
it's up to you! If you don't want to go then don't go! I went to concerts when I was 8 months and 9 months pregnant. I went to a Dave Matthews concert and a Guns n' Roses concert. But everyone is different. If you don't feel like going, then don't.
You stay home - he goes without you.
Problem solved.
(PS: it's unfair and unreasonable for him to expect you to do these things when you're super preggo and it's hot at all. You're not being a baby!)
This isn't an example of taking one for the team. The team is you and the baby. Your husband should take one for the team and either go by himself, with a friend, or stay home with you.
Heat+ hugely pregnant= UNCOMFORTABLE MOMMA!
Stay home.
I loved S.S.'s solution with the pillow, bowling ball, coat, and high heels for an hour outside. :)
Another suggestion would be for him to go with you to your next doctor appointment and let the doctor tell him the FACTS.
My first born was a winter baby, but my second was a Texas Gulf Coast July baby. All I wore was support hose (hated being hot, but my legs felt SO MUCH better) and a lose dress that hung from my shoulders. That was the only way I was comfortable.
You already have your answer, but definitely sounds like he should go with a buddy of his and you should stay home & in the air conditioning.
Overheating and dehydration in pregnancy can cause early labor and many other complications.