When he would nurse he would play with the opposite boob, now when he is sleeping or just whenever, he is constantly trying to touch my boobs or even his dads, aunties, anyone he he has a strong bond with. We thought he would outgrow it, but we don't want it to escalate to a bigger issue, and want him to stop!! We have tried punishing him, don't know what to do! Anyone else have this issue?? Please help! Any suggestions?! Thanks so much!! And no my son doesn't co sleep, sometimes if he has a nightmare he comes in for a little bit, I'm saying if he falls asleep on my lap or something.
Have you talked to him about it? About personal space and not touching each other’s private parts? My 6 year old knows about private parts and how we don’t touch anything that a bathing suit covers. (Unless we’re at the doctor or someone’s in pain. She gets vaginitis occasionally and so the doc needs to see her private bits or we have to put a cream on it or something. But she knows that that’s only ok if mommy or daddy is there.)
He’s definitely at the age where he should be able to understand if you tell him no and explain to him why.
I would tell him they are private, please don’t touch and if he doesn’t stop, then he doesn’t get to snuggle or whatever he is doing at the time. Get up and move. My DD likes to rub my belly when she’s in need of TLC and snuggled up and I pretty much did the above to get her to stop doing it in public. This is my belly, not yours, leave it alone.
ETA: and please do it before he grabs someone who isn’t family. My friend’s son was 3 or 4 and greeted me by grabbing my chest and I was shocked. The parents immediately handled it, but if it’d been at school or something…yeah, way different afternoon. It needn’t be mean, just a firm definition of boundary. If nobody’s brought up private parts with him, this might be a good segue into that, too.
It’s good that you are addressing this now. I was groped by one of my ‘older’ (seven or so at the time) young male family members and was a bit taken aback. He also was nursed and the mom felt that her boobs were ‘fine’ to be grabbed or played with if her kids were wanting comfort, even way past nursing.
Yes, it’s long past time you should have told him about private parts and that we don’t touch other people’s bodies there. You can also explain that when he was a baby, your breasts were for milk; now that he’s older, your body is just for you. If he wants you to lie down with him–no touching mom’s boobs. When he does it, just tell him “we’re all done now” and leave. At five, he should be able to fall asleep on his own.
Get everyone he’s trying to do this with on board before they see him, so they can just be direct with him. Maybe they would just prefer to do a ‘side hug’? and if he gets handsy again, they can just be straight with him and tell him “Oh, you’re a big kid now, no grabbing me like that.” (My son stopped pretty quickly once I was done nursing, simply because I wouldn’t let him do that.) It may take someone getting pretty cross with him before he stops, I don’t know. I wouldn’t talk about it to others in front of him, either, just stop it, move along, and give it no attention. Either he’s going to stop, or someone’s going to tell him off and embarrass him to the point he gets the message.
If he grabs anyone he’s not so familiar left, he might get himself slapped.
He’s old enough to be able to be told about some boundaries.
When he’s in school he’s got to be able to keep his hands/feet/body parts to himself.
When he does it, try just holding his hands back away from you and say “Stop. You are not allowed to touch anyone like that. Keep your hands to yourself and if you are having trouble remembering to do that then keep your hands in your pockets.”.
Don’t punish him. What are you doing, slapping him? Don’t do that. He’s five. Just continue to remove his hand. Say to him, “Honey, please don’t do that. You aren’t a baby anymore. Only babies do that.” That will help him stop. He’ll eventually quit.
Dawn
In addition to the conversations mentioned below, I would recommend giving him an alternative, acceptable way of showing affection. My five year old is very tactile and we definitely had to do some redirecting when he stopped nursing. Our happy medium was holding hands. He likes to hold my hand while I read to him, rub my fingers, etc. This is acceptable to me, comforting to him, and has the same skin-to-skin contact without crossing any privacy boundaries. I have a friend who had a daughter that liked to play with her hair while they snuggled.
My daughter had always been obsessed with boobs, she five with a 24 year old sister. My daughter was nursed until she was one but stayed fascinated with breast. I am an artist and oddly enough my home is filled with sculptures of partially nude woman. One day I caught her groping one of the mahicans in the living room. At first I was freaked out, wondering was she gay, were these the signs? then during dinner I just asked her, what is your thing with boobs? She said I just can’t wait to get my own mommy! We can get so freaked out thinking we are raising little perverts, but they are little people with far more advanced thoughts than we give them credit for.
Welcome to Mamapedia!!
I take it you are co-sleeping with him? Why else would he be touching your breasts while either you or he are sleeping?
I would get him in his own bed, first.
Then I would tell him VERY FIRMLY when he tries to touch my breast or anyone else’s that that is NOT acceptable. And FIRMLY move his hand away.
He needs to understand personal boundaries and space. And by 5, he should be aware of that spacial area…it isn’t visible…but it is an area. You will have to show him what is appropriate. And DO NOT make a stink out of it - but DO be firm and most importantly BE CONSISTENT.
My son never did this habitually, but when he once did it randomly about a year ago (also at age 5), I used it as an opportunity to have the whole “some parts of our bodies are private / no one should ever touch you in your ‘bathing suit area’ except for a doctor” talk. He didn’t show a lot of interest in said talk, but it gave me enough of a framework to say “that’s a private area for women; why don’t you give me a hug instead?” later. And he seemed to accept that.
Five is old enough to enforce what you say. Be clear calm, and continue discipline when he does it consistently. He’ll stop when he sees you really mean it. It’s not about boobs really, it’s just the fact he’s not following the rule imo at that age. My son is five. He sometimes tries to touch my boobs. He knows he’s not really supposed to since we’ve had that talk before since about 3-ish. I remind him without making a big deal and he stops. He would not do it to someone else. Same if he’s slamming a door repeatedly, riding his scooter in the kitchen while I’m cooking whatever. If I say stop, he stops.
He’s minding you or he isn’t. Use discipline and be consistent. Maybe your discipline for this is not firm enough if he’s totally disregarding your request. Use whatever is most effective in other scenarios.
No I have not slapped my son or anything like that, just when he wouldn’t listen had to leave him in the rocking chair himself or something. My husband and I have talked to him about his private parts and our private parts but we approached it a little more in depth today with him while he was getting ready for school. He is sleeping on his own, just occasionally he comes to our bed in the middle of the night. After our talk this morning he has been much much better and we didn’t have any issues tonight at snuggle time. Thanks so much for all your suggestions!!