Just a little background. I have a set of cousins that at this point since the kids are a little older and the distance between us, we see maybe 2 times a year. My aunt always does her annual Christmas party where we all get together.
Everyone has always given gifts to all the kids (ages 2-11). This year unfortunately we (me and my husband) are overwhelmed with credit card bills and other bills that we have. We have decided to trim down the people we give gifts to this year to try to save some much needed $$.
My husband's reasoning is that we barely see my cousin and their kids that it doesn't justify us spending the $$ this year for gifts for them when we really cannot afford them this year. We will also not be attending the X-mas party this year either. My question is would you call my cousins and explain why their kids will not be receiving any gifts from us this year? I feel really bad about this, if it wasn't for our financial situation we would definitely be giving this year. Even I do not actually see my cousins very often I do feel close to them and feel extremely bad about this. I feel like I would owe them some sort of explanation of why this is happening although the idea of explaining our financial situation to anyone is mortifiying to me.
Can you write them cute little notes that give them something like an IOU for something fun to do that does not cost anything? It is okay not to pay money for gifts. Doing stuff with them, all at one time, is a present too.
Since you aren't attending the Christmas party - why are you worried about it?
presents should NOT be an obligation or be pressured into. It should be from the heart.
If you were going to the party - maybe you could suggest a gift exchange and a name draw? This way people attending the party aren't buying for a ton of people....only one person...
If you can't afford to buy something - you shouldn't feel pressured in to it. Maybe you can make something for them instead. maybe bake some cookies and muffins - that would be from the heart as well.
You should NOT have to explain ANYTHING to anyone. You owe them no explanation...
I would tell them only because you don't want hard feelings later.
We frankly quit eating out, giving gifts, donations(except church), and funeral flowers to get out of debt. Some were offended, but tough. It is worth it.
If it were me, I would say something. You don't want your cousins to feel as if you were dropping them from the "people you love" list. It's only the Christmas-gift list.
You can say, "I feel bad to say this, but we are in the financial bind that everybody else is in, and we have to cut back on the list of people we give Christmas gifts to. I just want to make sure you know that we love you all just as much, or even more!"
Frankly, I can't imagine their not understanding this. They may even be in the same situation and be happy not to have to send anything.
Can you think of something else you can do? Homemade cookies or candy? Something inexpensive that still says, "I love you - Merry Christmas"?
I would not call to explain if you are not attending the party. Instead, send them a Christmas card so they don't think you forgot them and so that they know not to expect a gift.
When I was younger we did the same thing where everyone bought for the kids. It was too much! And they didn't need our $5-10 gift when they had a lot at home already. Could you suggest drawing names? Then everyone gets a nice gift and you only have to buy one!
Relatives often just gave us cards. Looking back I understand, and as kids we didn't care. We enjoyed cards and a heartfelt message just as much--especially with Toys R Us exploding in our living rooms, we didn't need more stuff anyway!
Since you're not attending the party, its easy not to give a gift. Maybe you can put together a home made cookie/desert tray and get it sent to the party for everyone to eat. It would show you wish you could be there, and you're thinking of your family during Christmas :-)
You don't say how old the kids are other than 2-11, I don't think you owe an explanation at all. I hear you are more unhappy about the decision than you think, and why you would like to explain your decision further. Try putting it in a broader perspective; (This is what I do when I on of the fence with a decision) if on my death bed, is this something I'm going to regret?
Maybe you can make them something that expresses your love for them. There have been years I make notes/letters, instead of gifts (I have 36 nieces and nephews between my husband's and mine) Good luck and make the most of your holidays (without the expense)
Could you or your children make a gift for them? Not sure of your children's ages but they could draw a picture or write a fun story or make something that does not cost money using supplies you already have. Use your creativity. Not only is it a better financial solution it's better for the environment and will teach your children to think outside the box. It will make the cousins kids still feel acknowledged and special at this time of year.
If you aren't going to the party, I'd buy each kid either a puzzle book ($1), a cheap paperback ($2), or one of those Lifesaver candy books ($3) for each kid and a really "nice" Christmas card to the family and send that in one box via media mail (slow delivery but cheapest rate). You don't say how many kids there are, but if you're talking 5 kids, that's only $5 to $10 plus about $2 shipping. Not bad and they won't be disappointed. Kids like that kind of stuff. Presents don't need to be pricey or big and it's the thought that counts.
Places to find cheap puzzle books and paperbacks: JoAnn Etc., Target, Walmart, Micheals Crafts....anywhere that has a dollar bin or magazine rack. During the holidays, it isn't difficult to find holiday themed puzzle books for under a buck at all.
Lastly, why on earth would you divulge your personal finances to family? Especially family you never see? Gifts aren't supposed to reflect your bank account...just warm intentions...a token of love. So stop feeling guilty, and send something simple. If things are so tight that even a paper back is too much to swing, send the family just a nice Christmas card. Now there are electronic ones for under $5 where your family could record a message to their family. What fun? Novel too. Perhaps no gifts at all will set a new trend where no one feels obliged to do so. What ever you choose be comfortable with it, and no need to spill the beans with others. It flies in the face of what Christmas is really about anyway.
I'm going to have to say either make them something or buy them something inexpensive. That is what we are doing.... for EVERYONE on our list. Ideas of stuff to make: throw pillows, preserves, cookies, ornaments.
Stuff to buy? There are a LOT of good finds under five dollars! And the gifts are still very thoughtful. I like to try book stores and find clearance books or coloring books or knick-knacks or go to target (or another store) and look at their $1 section- or just scout around. Also, a LOT of stores at this time of year have stocking stuffer sections. That is a great place to look, too.
If you are not going I would call the host and let them know that since you are not attending you will not be participating in a gift exchange. Ask her if she can relay the message or if your should. This means that others will not need to get your family anything too. I have a similar situation in that my BIL lives only 45 mins away yet the ONLY time I see him all year is on Christmas day (when he has his hand out for his gifts) I don't exchange with some of my friends as it can become too costly. And I see them ALL THE TIME.
Giving and Getting. Always the main drama of the season!
We feel sad when we can't give because giving is so much more important than getting. If someone gives you a gift and you are not able to reciprocate, be gracious and thank them "so much" for the gift "it means so much to us".
As for giving, sometimes the simplest things are better than the expensive things, I bet you can afford to send hot chocolate mix to everyone with your Christmas cards this year. There are so many recipes out there, it's thoughtful and makes YOU feel good that you sent something, and who wont drink their hot cocoa some time during the winter? Here's an example of a recipe, but there are many more on this site to choose from. Don't feel bad, don't let it overwhelm you! http://allrecipes.com/recipe/hot-chocolate-mix-ii/detail.aspx
I remember as a child we would have these huge Christmas gatherings with all of the cousins Aunts and Uncles etc.. tons of gifts.. at my Grandmothers home.
But at one point the parents ALL agreed it had just gotten out of hand and we all did not need all of those toys. It was stressful for everyone and so instead we just got together and brought food and photos to share with each other. And I do not mean family portraits, I mean candid photos that had been taken over that year.
It was still a blast and I am going to guess a huge relief. Thinking back there must have been 21 cousins when we were all together!!!
You do not owe any explanation except to say, we are trying to cut down on "things". So please do not give us any gifts this Christmas and we will also not give gifts, because we really all have so much already.
FYI, I hope you all are not avoiding the party because of this.. You should go and spend time with the family if it is possible. Do not feel guilty about the gifts. It is time together we all really want anyway.
My siblings and I draw names. If you have 3 kids, you draw 3 names. If you have 5 kids, you draw 5 names. That way, each child receives a gift and it is less expensive for everyone. Everyone agreed on a price limit, too. Suggest this for next year if it's a little late for this Christmas.
I wouldn't skip the party. Family get togethers and traditions are important for kids and the adults. Just let your cousins know beforehand that things are a little tight this year and get all the kids a small gift like others suggested.
Don't be mortified. One of your cousins may be feeling the same way. Sadly, many of us feel the need to spend less this Christmas.
I would tell the cousins that due to the economy/finances, you will be cutting back. I would tell them that you aren't sending gifts for that reason, and no gifts are needed for your kids. A couple of years ago my aunt said that while the gifts in the past were nice, they didn't need gifts anymore. Whether that was because they couldn't reciprocate or what, I don't know, but I was fine with it.
If you want to do something small, maybe make a craft for them or send them stocking stuffers for the kids. My cousin's kids will be getting Dover edition activity books this year.
I do agree that this should not be the reason to skip the party. I don't care if I receive anything from my cousins. Getting to play with the kids and see my cousins is the real gift.
This is a struggle for us every year. We honestly can't afford to give even to my siblings children. Even if we draw names, well...I have five kids, so I would get all of the cousins names, lol. Even buying for our children can get challenging, sigh.
That said, we just let everyone know that we can't give and we don't expect that they buy our kids gifts. I've insisted that they go ahead with their gift exchange without us (it never happens in front of our kids since we are all so far apart anyway). They resisted at first - I know it is a bit awkward for them - but they do understand.
No, you don't owe them an explanation but I would tell them anyway. It might even help with their finances in the case they were struggling with something to buy you guys.
I would simply say that this year you are keeping the holidays small and send them cards from the family. Nuff said, it's obvious that not everyone is in a great place financially and I do not think that this will be a huge problem.