My 13 year old daughter asked the permission to go to the movies with a group of friends including some boys from her class. It's a new thing. Until now, she has been always with only-girl group. We are not sure that's appropriate, and since she asked at the last minutes so we said no. She is really disappointed. According to her, her friends (the boys) are all good kids in her honor classes and they wouldn't do any thing wrong . we had had previously a talk about "wrong" things that could happen in a dark movie theater-including having sex. I think we were honest with her and explained the reason why we hesitated to let her go. I have to admit that I also thought about her reputation, assuming the kids are only friends and nothing bad happens. People can still talk.
Do you think it's appropriate at that age for going to the movies in a group of boys and girls?
Thanks.
Yes why not? If she is going with a group of friends to watch a movie then what is the problem , do you have any male friends? People of the opposite sex can be friends with nothing 'going on'. If your daughter is a sensible girl then you should trust her. Obviously she has to be reasonable on the time in which she wants to go out , but maybe a Saturday or Sunday afternoon would be a good compromise.
Yes, I think it is ok.....The hard part is realizing our daughters are growing up and we as parents have to start letting go..
Going to the movies is a big deal and a lot of fun for that age group. They are building social skills with friends. Just because boys and girls are at the movies does not mean they are at the movies having sex. I am sure some do.
Even when your daughter goes with a group of girls, rest assured, there are groups of guys there too. I know when my daughter was 13 large groups of girls and boys would meet and go to the movies.
Be open and honest with your daughter and everything should be fine. It sounds like she is a good kid. Trust that you have taught her well.
my parents had a range for dating: 13 for group dates, 14 for double, and 15 for single dates. based on that i would say yes. now would i drop her off personally and pick her up? yes, atleast a time or two to ease my mind. but other than that, it's okay.
I have a thirteen year old daughter. I would let her attend a party at a home where there were going to be boys as long as there were parents there. And if she had boys who she was friends with, I might let her go to the movies with a group. But if the boys were merely acquaintances, and not actual friends, I'd say no. Don't ask me to justify.... I'm the mom, so I don't have to! :) But that's what I'd do. I'd let her start doing some of those group outing when she's nearer 15. But no dates until 16.
good luck!
why not? my mother would let me go out as a group until i was about sixteen.
It doesn't sound like it is a date or anything like that. I would if I have met the kids she is attending with. My parents use to allow me to do so as long as they had met both the kids and their parents. As long as your daughter has shown you she is responsible I personally see no wrong. Set rules and guidelines with her. Like another poster stated keep open communication with her.
My kids are 16 (girl) and 17 (boy).....they both know I don't like to be asked at the last minute about activities unless it is someone I know and do not have to drive. Both my kids have enjoyed group outings for years but....I have to know who all the kids are and have met the parents of most (although that is no guarantee anymore). I have been known to say yes and go to the movie myself, sitting at another location.....I think it can be appropriate and a comfortable way to get used to being around boys in a social situation. Hope this helps some.
Why not say yes with the stipulation that you or another adult be there as chaperons?
Personally my daughter did not date until she was 16. At that point it was chaperoned until we felt comfortable with her dating. Even after that we required that the boy come meet US before going on a date with our daughter.
I can definitely understand your reluctancy but if your daughter has never given you a reason not to trust her and she is obviously a good student I think you should let her go.
She is growing up and you will need to slowly have to start letting her make her own choices in regards to her friends, both boys and girls. Now obviously if you see in the future that some of her friends are not making "wise decisions," then you may need to rethink things but if you meet them and they seem like they have good moral values, then let her have fun. If it would make you feel better, I say call a few parents of that group and ask them questions. I know this is a scary time, I have already raised 2 teenagers and one of my sons is 21 today. If you become too strict by not letting her do things with both boys and girls, she could become rebellious. Best of luck with this situation.
As a middle school teacher I would have to say it is a pretty common occurance for friends of the opposite sex to go to the movies in groups. Kids these days seems to be more comfortable with having friends who are boys then I was. I would say let her go, espicially if you know and trust the group of girls she is going with.
Like the other post said if you don't let her out the front door some she will be going out the back door and you will have no idea what she is doing. Maybe you can volunteer to drive so you can hear the girls gossip after the movied?
My 13 year old 7th grade son DOES go to the movies in large groups like this. After the 3rd or 4th time this happened I had some of the same concerns you did. So I decided the only time I agree to this now is if I also have the time to go to the movie too. I don't see the same movie but my son is clear I can pay a visit to his theater any time. I've done so in the past to make sure they were seeing the movie he'd asked permission to. Follow you gut BUT listen to your daughter as well. Give her a chance to be trusted. BUT 13 year olds in my area are doing things to be concerned about. Just because their good "honor" students doesn't mean they can't make bad immature choices. Good Luck it's a hard age and sadly most of the parents aren't as concerned as you which will make your daughter feel your the only one making a big deal of it. Next time you say no suggest she have a friend over and rent them a movie! ;-)
There is always potential trouble on the horizon for young girls, no matter what. But you can't keep them in the anemone forever. I think it's OK to let them go it groups of friends. You or your husband could even hang out in the food court for some surveillance if you think that's necessary. At this age they are dying to get out of the house and be like the older girls. You just have to lay down some appropriate limitations to the desired independence.
I no one is hooked up as boyfriend girlfriend they it probably would be ok but I would discourage the age. I sure would want a group around rather then one on one. My granddaughter is 12 and she has a lot of friends too. Wanted to go to the mall this week end and so far has not asked. She was sick all week. I know these kids are braver then we were. I remember going to a small theater and it was the thing to sit with some boys and make out and we did not even know them and never saw them again. Makes me cringe now. I remember my girlfriend had a bet to kiss a boy if someone died in the movie and we ran out before we ever saw the ending and my dad was right there in the car waiting for us so we never knew if he died or not. But New Years Eve, we went to a young persons party not knowing it was mostly young people. They were all about having sex on the floor. Bumping and grinding into each other and one young woman reached behind and grabbed the guys privates while dancing and my boyfriend saw a gal go up another gals dress and touched her privates. They do not ask each other to dance just all start girating on the floor and someone accross the floor will be dancing with them then they go doggie style together. The weirdest group of young people today. Sex has gotten out of hand. Everyone and anyone and no morals and no modesty today. Nothing left to wonder or think about and men do not have to court any more. Everyone gives them what they want. Sick world and raising decent kids is a hard job. Honor roll or not kids want to fit in. Ginger W
I think if you know the kids, and she's a pretty good kid. ( I always trust until they give me a reason not to trust) then let her go.
I totally understand about being put on the spot, and asked at the last minute. That's a hard decision. My son is 12. and The whole girl thing is coming too quickly for me too. It's such a hard age.
I see absolutely no reason not to let her go with a group of boys and girls. Yes, she is a bit young to begin dating, but what you are describing is not dating. As long as you know who she's with and where she is there doesn't seem to be an issue. I would let her go.
Dear Lilly:
My daughter just turned 14 and she's gone to the movies in a mixed group. We know all the kids and their parents. We also insisted no evening shows, only matinees.
This seems to be the age some of the boys and girls are wanting to be together. We're just taking it slowly. So far my daughter has very little interest in one-on-one dating and is more than willing to wait for high school.
I do turn down last minute requests, even if it's all girls' groups. Teenagers can get the mindset of me, me, me and think parents are a taxi service with no other plans!
Lynn F., married 23 years, mom to a 14-year-old daughter
Yes it is appropriate - they are going to a public place in a group. Chapperone if yuo are paranoid - go to another movie in the same theater at the same time.
You are wise to be guarded with your 13-yr-old. I allowed my girls to go in groups, day movies only, as long as the movie was decent. I dropped them off and picked them up. Never apologize for being careful. Tell your daughter you are her only protection from the evil in this world, so get used to it!! I laughed at one post that suggested academic honor students are to be trusted over others. We had 16-yr-old honor student girls getting pregnant, so I don't think that necessarily is a guarantee of good behavior.
My oldest daughter just turned 15 but I have let her go to the movies with boy and girl friends. Every parent has to do what they think is right, but you may have overreacted a bit. I remember butting heads with my parents all the time because I always had friends who were boys but my parents just didn't believe it was possible to have platonic boy friends. So I am very mindful of that when it comes to my daughters. I think that, as parents, we're teaching them the right things, then we should trust that our kids (both girls and boys) will use good judgement. That is not to say they always apply good judgement (who among us really does!), but unless she's given you a reason to mistrust her in the past, don't set a tone of undeserved mistrust.