Ok, I'm stumped! My best friend has been living with her boyfriend for awhile now and they just found out that they're pregnant. She's thrilled because she's wanted a baby for a long time now. They have decided to make it official and get married. The only problem is that they are getting married on the beach in Mexico. (Well, it's great for them, but kind of a problem for me!) In order for me to go, I would have to leave my 2-year-old here with a babysitter for a few days and fork up a couple thousand dollars that I really can't use (Stocks for downpayment for a house). I don't want to put money before my best friend, especially for her wedding, but is there a limit? I'll never get that moment back if I don't go. I'm completely torn. What would you do?
Hi Kristy,
I went through kind of the same situation. My best friend got married somewhere far away from home. My husband and I really couldn't afford it. Plus the fact of leaving my 2 boys home wasn't something I was happy about at their age. We ended up not going but my friend was very understanding. When she got home she told me all about it and showed me all the pictures. As much as I wish that I was able to go I couldn't spend all the money to be there. Maybe you could help her out as much as you can here so that she knows you care but I would not use my down payment for a house to watch her get married. Just my opinion. Good luck.
Chris
Well, personally I think the bride and groom should pay for the trip, but if they haven't offered, I'd suck it up and do it. Ask yourself this--"Is it worth loosing the friendship over?" If the answer is no then there you go. I made this mistake, and my friend and I haven't spoken in about 10 years, most likely never will!
Good luck!
a true friend will understand you not being able to go...after all if you were able you would go!
Kristy,
I faced the same thing last year and what my husband and I did was he stayed home with our daughter and I went. It was a great time, I did miss having him, but it was the only way for it to work. I would not have missed it for the world and i woudl have kicked myself had i have not gone!
Susanne
If they've asked you to participate, then it's their responsibility to get you there. if she's truly your friend, she'll understand that over that much distance & expense, it may be unrealistic to expect everyone to be able to make the trip.
You do have to think about you & your child's well being first. leaving her with a sitter, means you'll have to pay the sitter too, so that's quite expensive trip.
If It's not something you can easily pay outright without dipping into long-term savings plans or using Credit cards, then the best in the long run is to just tell her that. Because if you strap yourself to go, she may be happy, but you may end up resenting her.
My advice would be to let her know how disappointed you are that you can't be there for her, but hope she understands. Let her know that you want to be a part of this special time in her life by throwing her a "reception" when she returns. This doesn't have to be lavish or expensive, and you can take it to whatever extent you'd like. Just her & her husband and a few of the closest friends & family over for dinner or whatever. A friend of my husband's did this and when they returned, there was a small party with simple appetizers and drinks, and the bride and groom brought their pictures and videos to share with everyone who couldn't be there. It was really nice. They even made it a tropical theme so we all wore our Hawaiian attire (wedding was in Hawaii), and they had lei's, umbrellas for drinks, etc. It was very casual and a lot of fun. It's a way for you to show how happy you are for her and that you want to be a part of things, but travel, etc just isn't feasible at this time. Just a thought...
Do you want to go bad enough to spend the money that you were saving for your house? If not, then don't go. If she really is your best friend she will understand. When people get married out of town, or in this case the country, they have to expect that most people will not be able to make it; unless you run in a circle of friends with a lot of money. If you do want to go no matter what, then to heck with the house and find a sitter for the kid and have some fun!
You really need to go with your personality type or in the end you will regret it. Are you caught up in her excitement so much that you end up going and kicking yourself every day for the next 5 years trying to resave that money? Or, are you afraid to spend the money for fear of looking frivolous but then end up feeling like you missed the party of the decade?
I, personally, would help her all I could with arrangements right now but let her know that I just could not afford to make the trip. But, I thrive in my comfort zone and need that security. If you are more of a spontaneous person or adventure-seeking and would feel you really missed out then you should go.
Let us know what you finally decide!
k
I did not attend the weddings of two of my best friends because they were out of state. I just didn't have the money nor a babysitter to leave my children with. And you know what? They both understood because that's what best friends do. I would just explain to your friend that as much as you'd love to be there to celebrate this special day with her, you just can't afford the cost to travel (you're saving for a house), let alone the cost to pay for a sitter 24-hrs a day for all the time you would need to be gone. And when they get back, I would invite them over for a great meal or take them out and be sure to look at photos/videos, etc. Then offer to be the one to throw her a baby shower to really show her how much you love her!
Besides, I think people that have destination weddings understand that a lot of people won't be able to attend. But if she is expecting you to be a bridesmaid, she should be paying your way. Either way, any true friend would understand your dilemma about being unable to attend.
If it were me, I'd just tell her to have a really nice reception when she gets back, My friend went to Hawaii to get married, It's obvious she doesnt care who was not at her Wedding to go to such extravagance, and it ended up being Just her and her Husband. The wedding is all about her and what she wants, if she wants her memories of her Wedding in Mexico, thats wonderful, but there is a consequence, there wont be as manny people attending the wedding, including maybe even her best friend. It wouldnt stop me from getting married where I wanted personally, the wedding is about Him and Her, but a really nice reception could be just the trick to include everyone in the celebration.
HTH. Good luck, and if you do go? Have a Blast!! But Dont get thrown in Jail ((Grin))
Its your best friend? ...go! You can replace the money and your daughter will be fine as long as you trust who you leave her with. You'll never get this chance again and if you miss it, you'll regret it. Are you sure it will cost a couple grand? That sounds like an awful lot, and we travel often. Make sure you check all the travel sites and use an all-inclusive resort...it's actually cheaper!
Of course if you just can't do it...a best friend should understand.
Hope you have a ball!
I think you should tell her how much you wish you could be there, but you have your family(son) to take care of . Maybe you could spend some time with her celebrating before she goes to Mexico and have her bring you back some memories to share. The fact that it's going to cost you a lot of money isn't fair to you. Your own family should come first.
You should absolutely go! You'll likely regret it if you don't. Your daughter will be fine with a trusting sitter. I'm sure you can find the cost of your trip to be cheaper than a few grand, just look around. Have a great time just you (& the hubby?).
How bad do you want to go to Mexico? Would you attend her wedding if it were in California?? There are lots of questions you can ask yourself. I got married in Vegas and my family all showed up and a couple friends. Money can always be an issue, and I am not saying rob from your home fund to be able to go, but talk with your husband and see where he thinks you can come up with some money. Leave your daughter with a family member- or- her daddy! I wouldn't worry about the once in a life time thing as far as the wedding goes, but if were me and I really wanted to go, I would figure out a way.
I would talk to your friend and explain that the money for a trip just isn't there right know. I also like the suggestion of one of the other moms, plan something special for the two of you right before she leaves for her wedding, a girls night/day out, and then maybe give her a present from the saying " something old, borrowed, blue ect" making sure she knows that you know just how important this moment is in her life, and that even though you aren't there physicaly, a token of your love for her can still be represented on her big day.
I have to agree with Brandy. A true friend would understand why you couldn't go. If you can't go you can't go. It's another expense you simply can't afford right now (sorry don't really know your situation).
Have you explained your situation to her? Say maybe I really want to go but I really can't afford to. I'll have to leave my child at home, and the only money I have is for the downpayment of my house. She might volunteer to actually pay for half of it, or maybe all of it. I know I would. When my sister got married in Vegas she actually paid for all 4 in my family to go. So you never know. If not you'll have to be able to say to yourself I missed my friends wedding cause of a house and be ok with that if you can't go. If you can indeed say that then I would skip... but if you can't I would go.
My brother is getting married in New Zealand and for our entire family to go, plane fare is $12,000. He said just I could go, but I would leave my husband, 4 year old, 2 year old, and 5 month old baby (which we are getting started on right now) at home. We have no money for childcare (I work from 8:00am-2:00 and he works from 3:00-11:00pm) and our credit cards are maxed out.
So the guilt of missing my brother's wedding causes me less stress than the anxiety of paying off the trip for 2 years ($2500 for plane fare and $500 for travel expenses).
Send a personal letter she can open from you on her wedding day, before the ceremony...let her know that you would love to be there, but can't, and just she and you can go out on a last-hurrah night before she leaves.
If she's a good friend, she won't guilt you about it. And if she does, just let her know you love her, and you will be there for her entire marriage (which is a much more important committment anyway). Good luck!
If I were in your shoes and it meant alot to me I would go. Having a true friend in life is a blessing that many can only wish for. On the other hand if you can't afford to go, there is nothing that you can do. Would your friend be insulted if you offered to throw her a wedding party when they returned? (With the help and contribution of others of course)
Kristy,
It really isn't that hard of a decision if you ask me. If you don't have the money, you don't have the money! It is hard because it is your best friend, but if she really is your friend, she should understand your situation. a couple thousand dollars is a lot of money for most people. I think that because she decided to get married far away, she should know that a lot of people won't/can't come because of the location. The same thing happend to me with one of my best friends growing up. i missed the wedding, because I couldn't afford to go. I totally cried that whole day, but she understood my situation. I wasn't going to put her before my family, and it was hard. Is it really worth puting that financial strain on your family because of this? you can still be happy for her and support her from home. Are they having any other reception type things back in the states later on? maybe you could suggest it, so others can celebrate their new pregnancy and marriage. I don't know, But I believe that you would probably regret spending money you didn't have to spend in the first place.
-Heather