hello. my mom is extremely angry with me for no reason i think. my apartment lost a money order of mine and my mom paid the rent for me out of her pcoket. We have filed a claim with the moeny order people and they are giving us the run around. now i can understand why she is angry, but to take it out on me, i don't get. she used words today that i have never even heard her say. she's not one you want to make mad, so i try to stay on her good side. on top of all this, i'm sturggling as a single mom and have had some really stressful days. She called me at work so i had to take my lunch early so everyone didn't see me crying. i think i'm under so much stress because i just can't pay my bills and i have 2 jobs and am looking for one more. plus, her dog went missing today and she didn't care about him gone, she just kept yelling at me about the money order claim and she hasn't got her money. again i can understand her frustration, but she knows i'm going through a really tough time right now. plus at the end of the conversation she kept calling me a liar and saying that i really never bought a money order which i did and that i need to quick lying to her. that really hurt because i'm not lying to her, but she doesn't believe me. plus i think i'm moving back in with her at the end of this month to get back on my feet. i really don't want to after this phone call. does anyone have any advise as to what i should do?
sounds like you're mom pretty stressed out herself...and taking it out on you. probably becuase she doesn't have any one else to take it out on. do you have the reciept from the money order? if so, then there should be no reason you can't get your $$ back. i went through a situation just recently. my car loan people took out 1 too many car payments from my checking account and ran me around for almost a month about carrecting the mistake and giving me $ back(plus over draft fess that mounted becasue of their screw up). it finally took my filing a claim with the BBB and speaking with the president of the bank the loan is with. learn from mistakes...if one person isn't getting the job done go to next highest person, and the next highest and then keep going up the chain of command until you get the results you want. those companies pay people to give you the run around so the big wigs don't have to deal with you. your mom was wrong for calling you at your job, but she's probably more upset about her dog than she's letting on. you just need to call her and get together for rational, face to face, one on one conversation. explain that you are doing your best and doing everything you can to get the money back that you owe her, you are sorry her dog is missing but maybe you can help find it. show her the $ order reciept, and every time you speak with some one at the $ order co, write down there name and extention # and what they said. maybe helping you has put her in a bit of bind and she needs the $ back quickly to get some things settled and that's why she is so rattled about it. most grandparents will do with out so there grandbabies won't suffer. jsut talk to her. as single mom, have you tried to get any government assistance. you can probably qualify for housing, daycare, food stamps, medical care, even tuition. i think it's the cabinet for health and family services.
Hi Jenni, if I were in your shoes I would try EVERYTHING I could to try and make it on my own, it sounds like you are triing very hard. Have you ever heard of Financial Peace University? Alot of baptist churches have meetings on them, and offer childcare for free. It is a way of managing money penny by penny. You can also do it on your own, without the church group meetings, Dave Ramsey is the author, do a web search, he has a website and it might be helpful. Try not to let your mom's harsh comments upset you, yes that's easier said than done. Hold your head up, you are a strong woman and can do this, if you need to stay with your mom to get on your feet, just make sure you make the most of every penny(and if you live with her put paying her back on the top of the list, might make things easier with her), take a rest when you can and write down a plan for you and your daughter's future.
I left my husband once and took me and my 3 boys to my dad's, he didn't care and always said it was fine, but it was still very stressful just being in a home that is not yours. Good luck and I know you will get on your feet, and like the other girl said, look into help from the government, it can really take a load off of you and that is what you have been paying taxes for: help when you need it.
Alison
Having been a young single mom in the same nearly the same situation, i understand what you're going through. You mother sounds like she's using abusive language and definitely the LAST THING you need to do is move in with her - for your own sake and that of your child. Your daughter DOES NOT need to witness your mother behaving this way towards you (she will start to also, with your mother's approval) and it will damage her future relationships and make her suspicious of other people throughout her life. Your relationship with your mother is exceedingly damaged due to her vicious tongue. I would HIGHLY recommend skipping a payment on SOMETHING (credit card, something) in order to pay her back, shut her up, and get her off your back. You are an adult and it is your responsibility to protect yourself and your child - refuse to allow your mother to treat you this way.
Also, I would refuse to take her calls at work. A boss once told me at 22 that I had to keep work and home separated.....and ended up getting fired when I couldn't bc clients could hear me on the phone with my attorney or the police, etc. The easiest way to do that is other than your child, don't allow anything from your personal life to invade your professional one. That way you don't have to worry about any emotional experiences at work that may be damaging to your career. You will be better for it.
That said, I definitely recommend seeking a FPU class in your area that will allow you to attend on scholarship....I'm certain Southeast Christian does. There's also 12 other churches in your area that offer FPU. For a direct link copy this into your browser: http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/classfinder/index.cfm?fuseAction=actfindclass&ictid=sml -OR- check out Daveramsey.com and type in your zip code in the blue box that says,"LOOKING FOR DAVE"S CLASS IN YOUR AREA?"). Call and any all creditors and try to work payment plans and stop using any credit cards TODAY.
GOOD LUCK!!!!
Remember that our parents are human too, and have their faults just like the rest of us. However, just because she is mom does not make it ok for her to talk to you like you are a child. Just tell your mom when she starts up that you really need her love and support right now, and it is probably better to wait and talk again until she has had a chance to calm down. If she calls and starts again, tell her you have to go and promptly hang up. Don't argue with her- if your mom is like mom, that just makes it worse. Hopefully, after she has time to cool down, she will be feeling a lot better.
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Jenni,
I wish I had a mentor when I was going through the tough times like this - we all get through it so please stay positive, even with your mom. I suggest having a mother daughter sit down (heart to heart) and let her know how you are feeling - in turn she will most likely share her tensions also - I would not put an emotional block between the two of you, but instead break the ice and get some true feelings out on the table.
Housing - I would not move in with your parent(s) unless you are or her have become physically disabled (not financially).
Housing is a massive expensive when you are single and working. Look at inexpensive alternatives example: move to a rural area where housing is less, rent a "flat" instead of a one bedroom apartment or look into Habitat for Humanity and purchase a home.
Seek a budget counselor or a mentor to look over your total budget - if you are a member of a church, ask your pastor for a reference. Since finances are generally the biggest "stress" we have - give that chore to the experts -they see the whole picture that sometimes we don't see.
Be willing to give up that 3 job....although money is tight, remember that you are a mom first and your daughters time is more valuable than the 3rd job. I agree with the one post that it is "ok" to get assistance. Too many single moms are made to feel we are "using' the system when in actuality that it why they are put in place. When you are back on your feet, give back to the system by you and your daughter volunteering together at a shelter, or ministry of choice.
Let the small stuff go right now and have that heart to heart with your mom.
Good luck and stay strong.
We all have our stressfull days and your mother just might be having one of hers.Keep on the money order people about the claim.If you have the proof you bought it and it got lost stolen you should have no problem.Sometimes these things take away for them to go though..good luck..
Shirley B
Jenni, my mother used to yell & scream at me all of the time too. Then she started taking anti-pressants and it got alot better. Mayber your mom needs to talk to doctor and start taking some medication.
I am soooooo sorry. Number 1, I know how hard it is to be a single mom. I was one for 6 years. I had to move away to start fresh on my own a long time ago. I am not saying that is what you need to do. It is something I miss from moving, seeing my mom and family and having their support. BUT, I did it on my own for a long time. I never thought that I could. It wasn't easy, but I used all the resources available to me. Have you tried KCDC? Its not easy moving back in with Parents!!! (for you or your child). I wish you luck! My family will be praying for you!
Jenni, you sound really stressed out and with the relationship the way it is right now, moving back in with her will not help. Do you have the receipt for the money order? showing her that should alleviate her doubts about whether or not you purchased it. If you had to submit it for your claim, I hope you kept a copy of it. Take care of yourself and your three year old. I know its hard, I did it too. It will get better. Three jobs and being a mom is impossible. Check with social services and see if there is some support you can receive. Good luck.
Hi Jenni,
I don't know that I have any advice ... I just really feel for you and this tough time that you are going through. I have a tough relationship with my parents at times and I know that can be very upsetting and stressful. I agree with the other moms that you would be better off not moving in with your mom. I am pretty organized with finances. Could I help you at all to figure out your budget if you need it? Hang in there!!
Cyndi
Jenni-
You have learned so good life lessons today. First, you should have gotten a receipt from your rental office, and they should have some sort of documentation that you "paid" your rent. If they lost it it's leagally not your responsiable to pay twice... think about it, if you paid cash - which is a money order bassically at Walmart and at the end ofthe night the cashier came up short, would they expect you to pay twice? Also, the money order company can "trace" the order, and you should have a receipt for it as well. If you never got either receipt... Lesson Learned. As far as your mom's anger goes, its admirable that you are working so hard to support your child, however that is only your "job" until that child is 18... at 24 your mom is not expecting to support you finianically... it's admirable of her to even "pay" for your mistake of not keeping receipts.. etc.. Have you even considered that she may be strapped for cash? Another lesson learned, your need to take care of you and your baby it's no one elses job...
That said, this is my advice.... Talk to your mom, explain you have learned from this mistake, and make a payment agreement with her... if you move back in you can't / shouldn't expect her to foot the bill for two other people because you need to "stand back up" you need to hold you own, exspecially in this situiation, or you will be allways getting bailed out. Another peice of advice, Stop shopping and spending. make a list and stick to it no instant purchases at the store, if you see something you like make another list and if you still NEED it get it a month later, your see that once you control the spending habit and money stops being so tight you won't need those things anymore.... 3rd try to consolidate and loans / credit cards you have and cut them up.. so you can pay them off and become debt free... again only buying what you need not want... and lastly, request an increase in child support, with gas / food expences increasing for a single mom, it's hard... so have your babies daddy help more, if you are not receiving child support this is the week to PUSH for it... Or you could find yourself in this situation ever few years or so for the rest of your life... If mom still thinks your lying,... do not move in with her, do what you got to do to keep your head up and prove her wrong... cut out the cable and internet... that you kid for a walk to the libary (free internet there) get involved with your community... you will quickly see that you are one of the moms that has her stuff together, and that there are alot more out there worst off... Hold your head high, and remember your the grown up now, (I know it stinks) but your child relys on you to know the answers not grandma!
Good Luck, and God Bless/
Have you tried getting help from your local church or social services?
Do you have any financial support from your Daughters' Dad? You should also concider filing for welfare, food stamps, section 8 housing, whatever you can get. If you are having to work 3 jobs to make ends meet and they still aren't meeting, something is not right! Sounds like you don't want to move back in with Mommy and I can't blame you, but do you have somewhere else you can go? As for your Mom, she probably feels frustrated and is taking everything out on you.
Look for a decent room mate, (one who do not mind that you have a small child)to try to help out with your rental and other household expenses. Moving back is only going to get worse. Because there is the possibility that you you will hear things like, this is my house, if you do not like the rules you can leave. Think long and hard.
Hi Jenni,
No matter what advice was given here you
need to do what you feel is in your best interest
and your daughters best interest.
I think you should sit down and calmly and
rationally talk to your mother. Remind her that
you are an adult and as such that you deserve her
respect. If she can't or won't treat you with respect
then tell her that you will not take her calls and
will not be around for her to verbally abuse you and
your daughter. Stick to this. I dont think you should
move in with her either. It will only make the situation
between the two of you worse.
Check with human services. People have more things/resources
available to them than they are aware of. Ask them if there
is an organization that will pay your rent. Some places/organizations
will pay it for you one time. You could also check into getting
HUD. HUD will pay the biggest part of your rent and also some HUD
available housing will include the utilities in the rent. Also you
could check into low income housing which your rent is based on your income.
If there is a Salvation Army where you live ask them for
rental and utility assistance. Ask about food banks if you
need food. Check into getting food stamps. This will help
a lot.
As to the money order-if you don't have your recipt, go back to the place
where you bought it and ask them if you can have a copy of where you bought
it. They should still have it on their records. Tell them you need it
for court purposes to prove you bought it. As to paying your mom back
make arrangements to pay back say 5-$10 a month until its paid back. Make
sure you get a written and signed recipt from your mom where you made each
payment with the date on it. One stating it is paid in full when you have paid it off.
The best thing you can do is believe in yourself and your abilities to survive.
You can do this if you sit down and make lists of things that need to come first.
Follow through and pay off the things on the list, do the things on the list before any extras are bought.
Good luck to you. I will keep you, your daughter and mother in my prayers.
Becca
I can understand her frustration she took her own money to give you for rent and it should have been mailed out immediately.I'm sure she wants you to be responsible and taking care of your own business. Maybe she feels used and taken advantage of I'm sure you do not want her to feel this way. Maybe, you need to show her you can take care of your business. She may not always be there for you too count own. Maybe you need to look into a better job that pays more don't give up just remeber god will provide if you work hard at it and I'm not talking about your current jobs and talking about making your life better by looking for better options for you and your daughter.Good Luck I'll be praying for you.
There is a lot more to this story than what you were able to present in your post. It seems you are both stressed, but one thing I kept reading in your post was the word I. You can't figure out what is wrong with your mom; I've found that it helps to look at me to see what the problem could be. She seems to believe you aren't managing your money correctly and you've lied about the lost money order. Have you given her reason to believe this by past actions? Maybe you need to sit down and talk calmly to her and determine what she is feeling, and focus on her at this point. She is upset about something, and her feelings need to be validated at least.
I'm not sure moving back in with her is the best idea. You are a mother and have a child, and she has raised her child; it's not fair to her or you. I know money is tight at the moment and you are doing the best you can with what you have, but you need to arrange another living arrangement.
Do you have any other options to stay with for a short while till you get on your feet?
Your mother is not as angry with you as she is being out money. Money is hard to come by and it is upsetting when you really really need it and you have to part with it for a reason that shouldn't have happened.
Do you have a track record of lying to her? Is that why she is accusing you of lying now? If you don't, talk to her and explain to her calmly. Give her a plan to get her money back to her. Sometimes when someone can see the light at the end, it does help.