My friend and I have been planning a joint birthday party for our daughters who will be turning 4 just ten days apart. We're planning a ballet-themed party and we really wanted to do it up, dress all the girls up in tutus, hire someone to teach them a dance, etc. Today, she tells me that her husband doesn't want to do a big party and wants to just throw a backyard barbecue because he doesn't think that the girls are old enough to remember it so it would just be a waste of money. I still really want to throw the party, but without her chipping in half, it's gonna be pretty costly. Is he right? Are they too young to remember it? I think 4 is old enough, or at least I did, but now I'm second-guessing myself. Should I wait another year and throw the party then, and just do something more casual this year? Also, the girls' birthdays are very close to Christmas, (my daughter is Dec. 21 and hers is Jan 1st) so we were planning to do it in-between, the weekend after Christmas, but she thinks that's too close to Christmas. I kind of agree, but any sooner it's too far from her daughter's birthday and any later, it's too far from my daughter's day, so we can't win! Should I just give up on the joint party idea, and do it on my own? And is 4 too young for it to be worth it to spend the money on such a lavish party?
Based on my limited experience with neices, nephews and friends kids stop having "birthday parties" at a lot younger age than they did when we were kids, therefore if you want to "do it up" for your kids birthdays you have to do it when they are younger. We had pony rides at my daughters 4th birthday party last year and she still talks about it!
My 6 year old son this past year decided he did not want a party and we just went out as a family for a day of bowling and eating out at his favorite restaurant. My 8 year old nephew also elected not to have a party but just had his two best friends over and went miniature golfing.
I say go for it!!
Karen
in my opinion, they are still too young to have any long-term memories of a party. not to mention the fact that they are way too young to comprehend you spending a bunch of money on a party, so they won't appreciate it at all. they would probably be happier playing with balloons for a few hours! if you have so much extra money you can spend on a one-day event, why not open a savings account or purchase a CD for your daughter?
My friend did a ballet party for her daughter. She does not have lots of money so you just need to stay in your budget. If you have both of the girls parties together or not, it really does not matter. You just need some friends help with this one (or be crafty yourself). She got tulle from a craft store and had her friend make tutus. The girls might have their own leatard (sp? i have boys), so have them wear them but have some on hand if they don't own on. Also we made the long "dance" ribbons for the girls. Use pink or purple ribbon and a "short" dowel rod (you can find them at a craft store). Hot glue the one end of the ribbon to the rod, make sure that you rap it around a few times adding glue as you go so the ribbon is secure. As for teaching them a dance, go to the local high school or find someone at church that knows dance and come up with a short dance for them. They will normally not cost to much if any. My friend also had her little sister paint their faces if they wanted that. And since the girls already had a bar with mirror in their room, she took their picture at the bar. You can also get or make picture frames for the girls to take with them. Remember to send their picture with the thank you card!
For the cake, you can make the cake. One round 9" pan and one 8" pan. Color the icing pink. Between the layers, use some more tulle to make the cake look like it has a tutu on.
The invitation, I made those with a stampin up stamp of a ballet girl and the invition was a tri fold with a square over lap in front. Once you opened the inviation, you got all the info that was printed in facny writing off the computer.
It was fun for me to help with a girly girl party. So if you need more help or if it doesn't make sense let me know!
I hope that this helps! Good Luck!
PS since it is around Christmas time, you can make it into a Nutcracker party. Just a thought!
Hi Sarah,
My daughter is 6... she does remeber her birthdays... she remembers that we had a cake and we sang and we honored her on her special day. You need to ask yourself, are you spending a bunch because this is what your child needs or is it something you need.
I dont "share" my daughter's birthday with anyone - its her day.
Tina
I had my daughter's 2 yr old birthday party at our neighborhood community/pool house. It amazes me that she tells me that her birthday was there everytime she sees it. I just expected that she wouldn't remember anything... told myself that it was more for me than her... but obviously there is some recollection, since she always tells me she had a birthday and knows where it was. And occasionally she tells me brief memories of who she played with or what she was doing--which totally flabbergasts me because I keep expecting her not to remember anything.
In your shoes, I would throw my daughter a birthday party, even if its not the ballet theme (save that one for next year if its too expensive now). And I'd move the party up to the week before Christmas. Maybe a barbie party instead (everyone bring their favorite barbie... Buy some dress up clothes for them; that shouldn't be too expensive). Or a teddy bear tea party...? cake decorating party (everyone decorate their own cake?)
I've gone to joint birthdays... They're ok... However, birthdays are really important to kids and personnally, I think the birthday child should have that moment to herself. Its good for their self-confidence.
Have the party and do it by yourself. Birthdays are her one special day. Don't spend a fortune. You have plenty of time to prepare, but also realize people go away in Dec. so do not expect a huge turn out. I read somewhere to keep the number of children invited to the party to the age of the child plus one. So for a four year old 5 children should be invited. You may need to invite a few more if you think people will be out of town.
She is a summer birthday so as she got older we would sometimes hold them once school started so she could invite her new friends from school.
FYI, My daughter remembers all of her birthdays since she was 3.
I think that backing out would be difficult on your relationship. I think that you should only do what your friend can do. If you were to pay more than her, she might feel uncomfortable. If she is a good friend, then you don't want her to feel bad on her daughter's birthday. I think that what these girls will remember from this day is that they got to have a birthday party with their friends, not that they had some extravagant party.
Ask the girls what they want to do and do that! They are old enough to know if they want a ballet party. I would keep the budget as low as possible. I wouldnt recommend hiring someone to teach them a dance...just picture 10 4yr old girls...they wont be paying THAT close of attention most likely..they are there to have fun and might even get a case of the giggles...maybe one of the moms knows a little ballet...you'd be surprised how inexpensive you can do these things if you want to! have fun..and i agree moving it up before the holidays will increase your turnout and wont interrupt the crazy holiday season as much.
Have the party, just do it on a smaller scale. Call an area ballet studio and ask if one of their more experienced ballerina's would be interested in working during the party. There are many party crafts, games, decorations, etc. you can do (or recruit friends and family to help with) that will help keep cost down. If you'd like some ideas, like this or others let me know. I'm trying to get started with party planning and am looking for a few people to help me. i'm not looking to be paid; but am looking for a little more experience and feedback.
Honestly, you might be able to do without the "hiring someone" to help cut costs, BUT...your daughters will most definately remember this. Why do you think it's so crucial for kids to be learning at this age? They absorb everything. It kinda sounds like cost is a factor here, but the husband is making up excuses due to the financial aspect. (Sometimes men don't like to admit that they really just can't afford something, so they'll find a "reason", logical or not.) Perhaps they just can't afford it and don't want to say that. Check and see if that's it and maybe you can find a way to cut costs altogether but still have a party. Doing it next year is always an option, but don't postpone it thinking she won't remember. Kids remember that darndest things and I guarantee that a party with friends (at that age) will always be a special memory for her! =)
I have a theory that men just don't remember stuff the way women do. My brother says he can't remember any party he ever had. I threw my little girl a princess tea party when she was 4 and she remembers it, and the pictures are adorable! She's 9 now but still remembers.
Kristin
Birthday parties before the age of 5 are usually for our own memories, not so much the kid. You will remember her birthday party and you two can look at the pictures together later and remember what a great time was had by all. Cut the party in half. Then it won't be so expensive. Instead of having the ballet lady come to you, sign her up for classes. Sounds like alot of fun, I wish I had a girl.
I asked my daughter, now a dance major at Point Park University, whether she remembered her party at that age. Her response is insightful. What she remembers is the fuss being made, being the center of attention, music, colors, friends and lots of laughter. We both agreed that you don't have to spend lots of money to make a 4 year old feel special. And you don't have to spend lots of money to make a ballet party.
One idea -- I bet you could find a local teenager who attends one of the area dance schools to show up for $25.00 dressed in a tutu and do a little dance with the girls. At four point and squat and spin is about all they can do. As far as tutus for the girls --- how clever are you. They can make their own tiaras as a craft (I am assuming you will have the usual gaggle of moms) out of silver pipecleaners. And you can buy cheap tull and simple gather thirty six inches on a piece of elastic. 4 year olds are very imaginative and forgiving.
So -- lots of pink, shiny stuff and music, a few videos and one "real ballerina" -- a couple of cheap crafts and you are set.
She will remember if its fun, if you have fun . . . you don't need to spend a lot of money. And for a four year old don't overdo the numbers. She wants to be the special girl and most kids that age don't like huge crowds.
See it through her eyes, not an adult's and you can scale back your party. I raised two kids as a single mom, they are still the center of my life (son is in medical school there at A&M), and I loved the birthday parties. If you have fun so will she. Remember special to a 4 year old is a lot simpler than special to an adult!!! Keep that scale in mind.
Good Luck -- 4 is easy wait until you start doing pedicure parties!!!!
Lover of birthdays from Dallas
Aside from whether she'll remember it or not, you are now setting a precedent for, as you called it, "lavish" birthday parties. It's something to think about. Are you gong to want to keep this up?
If the husband of your friend is not on board for such a party and for the date you planned then you might want to do your daughter's party separate or you have to adjust.
I am sure the kids have a blast having a ballerina party, mine did at four. But you do not have to go all out in expenses to have a fantastic party. The kids don't care if you spend $30 or $300, they will remember the fun and love cake.
Ask them to come dressed up in tutus or leotards, perhabs a few extra or make some yourself inexpensively and the kids can take them home as party favor.
You do not need to hire a professional, do it yourself or ask an older child/teenager perhabs to be the ballet teacher and to show them a few positions or make a fun game out of it. My 8 year old one loves to teach younger kids and they have a blast. It doesn't need to be perfect.
Xmas time is tough for birthdays and lots of times people are gone between the holidays. But if your heart is set on it, go for it.
If still want to do a joint party you have to be open for compromises.
Maybe you shouldn't do it together in the first place. I don't think that's the issue. If that weekend works for both of you then do. Others will just make adjustments and arrangements to have their daughter attend. She is 4, she most likely will remember it. Even if she didn't, you can do the backyard bbq anytime, you can't do the ballerina theme when she is 9 ya know. So take advantage of it now. It doesn't have to be expensive.
Are you going through all this work for you or your daughter. Most likely she will not remember it. She will just be excited to have all of her friends over. I had a party last weekend for my 4 year old and he was so happy to have his friends over and was so surpirsed that he actually got more presents other than what the family gave him. I think next year he will remember the idea of a Birthday party but not the actual things that we did. I agree with what another mom said, that you are setting the bar for which all other parties will be done in your family. Do you want to and will you always be able to put this much work and money into a party? Best of luck.
Hi Sarah - If they are only 4, you could either have a teenager that takes ballet teach them a dance and pay her $20 or do it yourself. You could go to You Tube and look up easy ballet instructions or just google it and you could learn the dance easily. If you don't want to pay for Tu Tu's for everyone, you could say in the invitation that they should dress up like a ballet dancer since it is a ballet party or you can go to the website sugarplumprincess.com and they have tu tus for $36 a dozen - unless I'm reading it incorrectly - but either way, they are adorable!
I don't think she is too young (4 year olds LOVE ballet and dancing) and although it is close to Christmas .... that is when her Birthday is. I don't see anything wrong with having it anytime within a month of her Birthday.
Have fun!
My daughter at 5 had her birthday party at Ms. Stephanies School of dance in pearland. It wasn't that expensive. You might try that if you stay in the area.