My husband and I are at odds about getting our charming and persuasive 15 month old down for night-night. By 8:30 at night I am ready to spit nails. I think she needs to be in bed by then. Hubby comes home from work around 7:00 and likes the Ward and June meal thing with play time. I am all about that, but I am willing to hear the baby cry a few minutes before she sleeps in order to establish a healthy pattern. Hub is not. Help.
I'm not sure about advice, but I will tell you that my 14 month old is asleep by 7:30 at the latest every night. This doesn't give my husband too much time with him, but I just can't see keeping my kid up and depriving him of sleep so that my husband can see him. This way, he sees him a short time after work, some time before work, and on the weekends. I read a great book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth and he recommends a pretty early bedtime. Also, I feel you on the spitting nails by 8:30 thing - sometimes I think I'm not going to make it til 7:00! Good luck.
Joanne
Maybe if she it taking naps, cut them down or out. That helped us because our son started to wake up ready to go at like 3am!
Also maybe just wake her up earlier.
Another thing you can totally where her out so that by the time bedtime comes along she is exhausted.
I would also think that getting her all hyped up doing playtime right next to bedtime isnt a good idea. Maybe have playtime from 7-7:30pm then eat dinner, do bath and make him read her a book and whatever else is CALM instead of playing.
I am reading a book by William Sears, MD called Nighttime Parenting How to get your baby and child to sleep. It is awsome! I have a 3mos. old. My husband usually doesnt get home until 7pm either. He is all about co-sleeping (which we have done with all 3 kids!) He explains how to "parent" a child to sleep. I just got through reading the chapter on letting the child cry it out, and he is SOO against it. He says by not responding to the toddler, your not really teaching her to sleep, but teaching her that she has no communicative value, also the dissapointment of not being listened to. She will fall asleep but as a sign of withdrawal. She also needs "daddy time!"! I dont know if I helped at all, or even answered your question! But, good luck!!!!
I have two boys ages 6 and 7. Their whole life they have been on a very strict sleep schedule and it works out better for everyone in the end. Till this day they are in bed no later than 8:30pm. My husband fussed for a long time cause he didn't get home until later but eventually he got over it cause I finally had enough of him talking about how he gets home late and he doesn't get alot of time after work with the boys. So I told him there was always the option of him being a stay at home dad instead of me being the stay at home mom. Good luck girl at least he is showing an interest in wanting to be apart of the childs life that says alot.
Dear Mary,
My suggestion is that you try it your husband's way. It would be healthier for your daughter to stay up a few extra minutes than to see you and your husband at odds over this issue. Consider yourself fortunate to have a husband who is more than willing and eager to spend time with your child instead of turning into a couch potato!
I have a 1 year-old who has been sleeping through the night since she was 8 weeks old. I don't this is due to good luck, but consistency by both my husband and myself. Children this age cry, they have no other way to communicate. My daughter still to this day will cry and fuss a bit when put to bed. Our pediatrician told us to use the 10 minute rule. Let her cry and if she keeps crying after 10 minutes, go try to soothe her or check for another problem. We find that our daughter will typically stop crying and fall asleep after a few minutes. If you continue to keep picking her up she will never learn to soothe herself. I also find that the constant picking up can be disruptive to a child that is tired. Just close the door and turn on a monitor. Also, don't pick the baby up if she is crying, try to keep her in her bed and/or room. You and hubusband are going to have to get on the same page!
I have a 15 month old son and since about 2 1/2 months old he's been on a routine. It is rare this routine is broken when it comes to naps and bedtime.
About a month ago he stopped taking two naps a day. One in the morning within two to two and half hours after waking (making sure he has a snack or bottle on his tummy), then he would usually lay down again between 3-4pm. Normally this would put his bedtime some where between 7-9pm. Keeping him on a routine helps me and him both. Since he has pretty much stopped his afternoon naps he is usually ready around 7-3:30 every evening. There have been several occasions that laying him down in the morning, being his mom I can tell he was just not going to sleep and it wasn't because he was crying. I would get him up and then he would be ready around 2:00 - this would make his bedtime around 6:00 which normally my husband would miss seeing him at night. My husband simply makes up for the time he loses with Joshua by getting up and playing with him first thing in the morning. My son gets up 6:30-7:30am so my husband adjusts his time instead of Joshua having to adjust.
Babies, toddlers, etc. all need routine and structure. It makes for happier kids so instead of baby adjusting parents should adjust at least for the time until they stop their naps or get a little older. Hope this helps.
P.S. My husband also understands that I am with our son all day everyday making me more aware of his needs and routines. As with any job outside or in the home, if there is a time frame to be met no one knows better the right thing to do than the person responsible for making the decisions. You are doing the right thing!
Hi Mary,
Do you have to wake your daughter up in the morning or does she seem to be getting enough sleep? I think it depends on the schedule. My son is in bed by 6:30 every night because he is up shortly after 6:00 in the morning. I found that creating a stable routine of bath, bottle, book and bed worked wonders for us. He came off the bottle at about 8 months but we still do the bath, book, bed routine. Consistency and routine is the key in my book. So, not only do you need the routine but do it at a set time.
We definitely let him cry a bit to go to sleep. I think it's very healthy and teaches the baby to fall asleep on their own. I think it's much worse to establish the habit of putting the baby to bed asleep, you never get any peace that way and it certainly can't be good for the baby.
You have to work together on this or she will figure out that she can get away with staying up with dad. kids are SMART! I have two children and my first one we spoiled. He was 10 months old and still wanted rocked to sleep. A friend of mine physically made me lay him in bed at the same time every night and let him cry. it took a little over a week and he would go to bed with no problem. It was hard to hear him cry like that, but you have to start now or you will have problems for years! It really is easier in the long run.
Sarae
I am a 49 year old grandmother and I think you should stick to your guns. The 8:30pm is not an unreasonable time at all mine went to bed at 8:00pm every night until they was in high school then I moved it to 9:00pm. All 3 of mine went to college and are now successful adults with great careers. My daughters have children and they now go to bed at 8:00pm. All 3 grandchildren are straight A students. I am a firm believer in plenty of rest help smarten the brain and refreshs the body. Along with plenty of water and veggie and fruit with each meal.
I am a 43 year old SAHM and I think you are right on with the bedtime. My kids go to bed at 8 p.m. There is usually not much fuss but that wasn't always the case. Stand your ground and let the baby cry a bit. She has to learn that bedtime means bedtime! You need that down time in the evening to collect yourself and prepare for another day and to just plain relax. Maybe you can get the baby fed at an earlier hour, have daddy help with bath and bedtime and then the two of you can enjoy a quiet meal ALONE!!!! That sounds great to me!
I have an 8 year old daughter and we had an issue with bedtimes also. Granted I was a Stay at Home Mom so bedtime wasn't strict but we did try to have her in bed by a certain time. Keeping a child up past when they are tired isn't fair to the child! We never let our daughter cry for a bit. We rocked her to sleep and she is such a healthy child with great self-esteem. But you must do what works best for you. Parenting is an individual choice and you know what works best for you and your child.
Mother of 7 yr son and 5 yr daughter. We have always stuck to 8:00 bedtime; my daughter if really cranky can be 7:30. During pre-school years, their day begins at 9:00 for us that meant getting up at 7:30 giving them time to wake up and be at school on time. Now that both are in school, they have to be at school by 8:00 so we are up even earlier. Getting on a schedule makes life easier and healthier all the way around.
By putting to bed by 8:30 it gives you and your hub adult time- very important !! and time for you to de-compress. Hubby can take daughter on the weekends to spend as much time as he needs bonding - you on the other hand you use that time to something for yourself.
On the crying before bed issue - absolutely healthy. My 5 yr old still does, when she is really tired. If it is an every night thing, I would have a longer bedtime ritual, like 30 min before bedtime, let her pick out a book go sit in her room and read stories - kind of gets her going in the right direction !!
You have to set a schedule and stick to it. If 9:00 works, then at 9:00 she goes to bed and cries. It is extremely difficult but not allowing her to fall asleep by herself will only increase her inability to get herself to sleep on her own. Believe me when they get older it gets much worse. I used to lay down with my daughter for a while and when I got up she knew that that was it. Some music in the room might help her.
GOOD LUCK.
Hi Mary,
It is great to have family meals and time together - without a doubt! I have to agree with you about the bed-time and allowing some tears in order to establish a ritual and sleep patterns. That is probably one of the best things we did with our kids (now ages 7 & 5). It gives them a sense of routine and we don't have arguments or melt-downs about bedtime.
Tracey
My child is 3 and he has always gone to bed at 9pm, no questions asked no fuss. At first when he was about 11 months old and I started the rule, he would lay and cry for about 20 minutes and that only lasted a few days. Once their bodies grow accustomed to knowing that a time you set is sleep time, it will be like clock work. Your husband has to be educated and know that crying does not hurt a child in any way and if it's too bothersome for him, just assure him that by doing this you are setting a boundary and it is more healthy that the alternative. Bed time doesn't have to be a fight, it can be pleasant! I hope this helps!
Mary I feel your pain. We took the Growing Kids Classes before we adopted our children (who are now 5 and I am 45). This helped so much. I understand that he wants to see your little one, but it is even more important to set that sleep pattern or you will truly regret it. When my children were 18mo they were in bed between 7-7:30. Now it is closer to 8:30 (especially in the summer). The routine worked well and they didn't get back up until 7:30-8am. That was with a 2 hour nap during the day. Does he choose to come home at 7 or does he has an option? Or maybe his June Cleaver meal will have to change. You can't have it all. You need a break!
Having a bedtime routine is essential to good sleeping patterns for the rest of your child's life. If your husband wants to spend more time with the baby because he gets home late then have him read her a bedtime story every night.
This works with both my boys (12 months and 3 yrs). Our boys share a room and we put them both to bed together, around 8:30. My husband and I take turns reading to the boys once they are in their Pj's and ready for bed. After the story we turn on the classical music station low, turn the lights off and kiss them goodnight. They each have their own flashlight and there are night lights in the room. We close the door and let them get themselves to sleep. The little one will cry for about 5 minutes then goes to sleep.
It's hard to let them cry but after about a week or so they stop and go to sleep with no problem. If the crying continues after 10 min. then go in, pat her butt or rub her back, don't pick her up. It's not easy but it's worth it in the long run.
I'm a stay at home mom also. By the end of the day I'm ready for a little me time. It is so nice to put the kids to bed early and sit down and relax. If your spending your evening trying to get the baby to sleep then it cuts into your time. I think it is very important to have that break to re-energize yourself for the next day.
Hi Mary. I have a daughter the same age. She goes to bed at 8:00. My husband and I both work, she's in daycare all day and we usually all get home around 6. So that does give us time to do dinner, sometimes some playing, and in the bath by 7:30. Maybe you could do dinner when your hubby arrives, then he could give your daughter the bath and put her to bed?