You Did Not Use Parental Supervision! He Said That to Me...

Tell him to save his stress for when she gets older and wants to wear a red bra under a white tee shirt...or worse.

Why does it matter what kind of shoes she is wearing. That is what she likes. I wore boys sneakers when I was a teenager too.
Tell him to get a grip and let her be herself.

WTH?

I think he's just nitpicking. SHE picked the shoes and likes them. Perhaps he should consider what she wants instead of the ridiculous stereotype HE wants for her. She's a person.

And if he wants her to have different shoes than what she picked, HE can take her and make her pick them. He can be the bad guy.

I think he's being ridiculous and needs to grow up and learn to pick his battles. In the grander scheme of things, THIS is not a big deal.

Hello, 1946 called and wants their sexist mentality back - What in the world?!
You used excellent "parental control" your SD needed shoes, you got her shoes. Remind him SHE is the one who has to wear them, not him.
Let's see, the last fight I was in was with my husband about going to a tanning/scrapbooking party (long story) when my grad class was cancelled. he didn't think he should have to watch our kiddos for the two hours I was going to be gone - argh. We worked it out though and yes, I am two shades darker _LOL

Seriously? What's he afraid of...she'll turn into a boy if she wears boy's shoes? Yeah, I wouldn't be to happy if I were you either.

Why shouldn't your kids get to pick out their own shoes? It sounds way too controlling to me.

My husband and I recently had an argument over cheating spouses. My good friends husband had an affair and my cousins wife had an affair. M husband told me that I was a hypocrite because I said that I didn't hate my cousins wife but that I wished my friends husband ill will. So he basically told me I was just taking the women's side.

That wasn't true. The fact of the matter is that my cousin often left his young wife home alone with their two kids, to pursue his own interests. He has a short temper and can be harsh. His wife was young and very adventuresome when they got married, and I think he expected to her to give up being herself and just be his wife. Not a good deal. Though she should never have had the affair, I sympathize with her a little.

My friend, however, was totally loyal to her husband. She supported him in everything he did. She did travel a lot for her job, and he didn't like that. The funny thing about that was he was working as a waiter and she had to keep her job to pay the bills. So he would harp on her about being gone all the time but do nothing to help their situation to where she could stay home more often. She had been so patient with him through so many things, even forgiving him for cheating once before, yet he continued to do it.

So to me it's the circumstances that made me feel the way I did, not the gender. It was a stupid argument, but I have the right to feel any damn way I want to ....and so does he.

Good for your daughter - not feeling pressured into the ridiculous princess clothes girls are expected to wear. Boo for your husband for trying to pigeon hole her like this.

Hmmm, hubby has preconceived notions of what his formerly absent daughter should wear?? "You did not use your parental supervision"?? Really?? Yea, I would be pissed as well. He wasn't using his parental supervision either when he was absent, I don't care about a bitter mom just the daughter. He needs to get a clue with what she likes.

She has to wear them all day so she should have a say in what she wants to wear.

He sounds like he has issues HE needs to take a look at.

Our children have their own tastes and ideas. Yes we are there to guide them to not do harm to themselves or put themselves in danger.. other than that we need to encourage them to make their choices. not make assumptions and put our own needs first.

He is going to push her away by insinuating she cannot make her own good choices based on her own taste.

Children are not little cut out soldiers. They have their own ideas and brains.. This is a good thing.

Oh, that takes me back!
I had a pair of purple Converse sneakers I absolutely loved (with neon green laces) - I wore them till they fell apart.
They were boys sneakers and who the heck cares as long as your feet are comfortable and you can run as fast as you want to?
Dad and daughter need to talk.
Dad needs to back off worrying about foot wear (although if she wanted 5 in heels, I'D be the one telling her to take them back - they're not worth the ankle sprains) and daughter needs to tell him 'This is what fits my feet and it's for gym - not the Prom.".
Not every girl is 'girly girl' all the time.
Dad's shoe issues/problems are his own.
When someone tries to pin me in the middle of an argument, I tell the people involved to go duke it out amongst themselves and let me know who wins.

Yes I have. =) I don't think you did anything wrong. I think he might be over compensating for the fact that he didn't have his daughter in his life and the situation behind that. I would have gotten angry and argued if my hubby said this but deep down, I would have felt the need to say "I'm sorry, maybe you can take her shopping and find a pair that she likes that you like too." Put the ball in his court. She'd tell him what she wants and they can work it out. If she's happy with it, then it would be between them. Chances are he'd drop the matter altogether. Good luck!

Eagles,
Chucks know no boundaries. O. style fits all. Your husband needs to deal. What a lame thing to argue over! Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.....all if the other info provided is irrelevant!

Sorry not all girls like pink glittery shoes! Yuck!!! He needs to get over himself. She picked what she likes. I can just see the scene in the store

You: your dad wants you to pick girly shoes
SD: I don't care I don't like them. I like the boys high tops.
You: I understand but your dad wants you to get girly shoes
SD: Is he wearing them? No, I am. I want the high tops.

You can't win but she did. Good for her.

I think its important for her to have her own style and respect that. Her dad needs to see that. Just because he likes his girls in girly things doesn't mean that's what she likes. You don't say how old she is... but it sounds like she is old enough to know what she likes and choose that.

Why make her wear something she isn't going to like. Or buy them and have them sit in the closet, thats just a waste of time and money.

He needs to realize his daughter is changing from the little girl to a young woman who is becoming herself.

Good job on seeing that!

OMG!! If I bought pink glitter shoes for my oldest daughter, even at 6, she would have beat me with them.

You bought her what she wanted. She will resent his choices later on and then there will be hell to pay.

I guess I don't understand a man picking out any girl's or wpman's clothes, input yes, final say no way.

My daughter is 4 and she wears her brother's hand me down pjs, jeans and sweatshirts. She currently is wearing his Thomas winter boots. She loves them and her dinosaur and Thomas pjs. I don't see what the big deal is. I wear boy's shoes. I was looking for tennis shoes for her and the girl's department does not have much for tennis shoes that would be good for playing and running.

The first time I took SD shoe shopping I might as well have been the footman trying to get one of the wicked stepsisters' feet into Cinderella's shoe. Anything she didn't like was "too tight" or "too big" or something else. If I got out of a store with an appropriate (sneakers) type of shoe AND she liked it and would wear it? Yahoo!

I get that maybe he's worried that his ex will say they are boy shoes, blah, blah, blah...so is it really about what made the kid happy or what he's worried her mom will say? OR is he concerned that she's a tomboy and he doesn't know how to react? My SD wears Chucks a lot, and would steal them from her brother when they were closer in size. She had shoes on her feet. I didn't care. There were bigger battles. (Now that she's older she has them in all combos - basic black, sparkles, high and low tops....you never know what a kid will go for).

Tell him, "Fighting about this is silly. Your daughter isn't a girly girl and likes these shoes. WE bought shoes SHE likes and will wear. It's not a battle. Let her be herself and let's not let this divide us."

Also, if she is the oldest, maybe he's not used to a child with her own very distinctive opinions and ideas. Parenting is also sometimes going, "Well, okay then." and letting your child be an individual.

Oh, and if he won't let this go? HE can take her the next time.

This isn't really about the shoes.

Um, is she a pink and glitter kind of girl?? No offense to you, but that is a very specific kind of look, and it shouldn't be forced.

Stop arguing with him; this is not about the shoes at all. He wants her to blend into the family that he has created with you, and he has assumed that you were reading his mind.

Is she involved in sports at all? Maybe she can use these for sports only (or rough playing) and have a second pair for everyday wear.

I suppose you could have *forced* her to choose some girly shoes and then they would have sat in the closet unworn. What's the point of that? She made her choice and since it's not risque, etc. dad needs to realize that his daughter has her own style and that's that.

You got her shoes that she will wear. You did not force her to get shoes that would only sit in the back of her closet.

You made an excellent decision.

My daughter is almost 2 and she has a pair of boy shoes, because I needed at least one pair of shoes that did not have pink on them, because they do not go with everything.

I have not "truly" argued with anyone this week, but I had a "mental" arguement with a friend. She is not the type you can have a useful disagreement with, so I don't even try...

My husband and I took our two youngest shoe shopping about a month ago. We had the opposite problem, I hated the shoes that the kids picked. He reminded me that they are not going on my feet and that they do not pick out my shoes and make me wear them. They got the shoes they wanted and both were happy. :) I guess it doesn't matter if I like them or not. They have to be comfortable in them, not me. :)

I would be miffed if you tried to put my tomboy into pink glittery shoes. If she likes hightop basketball shoes and you bought them for her.....well, it's because you respect her and aren't trying to change her. I think that was the loving choice.
We know that parents sometimes take thier dislike of the ex out on kids. Whenever he sees some of her mom in her, or something mom encourages, he seems to want to change it. Maybe mom knew he liked girls to be ubergirlie, so she encourages more athletic styles as a slam to dad. That's folly and not good for the girl. Has he given any thought to her during all this shoe drama? Maybe, just maybe, she wants to play basketball!

Parental supervision? Of course you did. You were right there when she picked them out and then you paid for them. You supervised the whole thing.

What he meant was you didn't guide her to choose something girly and frilly so as to support stereotypical gender assignments in regard to shoe choices.

You can tell him that my extremely girly girl 11 year old wears black high tops as easily as she'll wear glittery flats and sweater dresses. She's no less feminine for choosing the shoes she chose.

Those shoes are not the battle you want to be picking. It was a harmless choice. If they were heelies or flip flops in below-freezing temperatures and snow then I'd have a problem. If they had cuss words as a "design" I'd have a problem. Tell him to count his blessings and to wait until she needs new sneakers again, and she'll probably choose something completely different.

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OH LORD he needs to get a grip!

Just keep repeating, "she is old enough to choose what she likes!"

Ya know what my girl went to school in today? A Tshirt with a skull on it, blue jeans, black sneakers, a trenchoat (was her grandmothers) and a hat !

Oh Yeah! Happy Holidays.....next time let him take his daughter for the shoes....if she prefers you to take her, she should let her dad know.

Sometimes you just can't win for losing.

I got through Thanksgiving, but I'm not doing Christmas this year....WAY too much family drama going on.

Blessings....

Sounds like hubby has control issues - he wants to control what everyone wears! My hubby might point out a pair of shoes for me, but he would never go out and just buy me some shoes unless it was a gift and he gave me the receipt to return if I wanted to. If hubby is so afraid of you making him look bad, have him take her to do all her shopping. That way he can "enforce" what he wants her to have and he can be the bad guy.

I wore guys shoes all the time. they were more comfy. I just had to buy a pair of shoes for work and bought mens shoes.

Even tho this is not the clearest of descriptive situations, I'm getting the idea hubby is repeating only what someone said to him, and since he can't possibly be half wrong at the very least! he's projecting this on to you and I would be pissed too.
He doesn't realize that kids develop their own tastes, partly due to what their peers are doing and wearing. Reebok makes a pair of high top women's sneaks. Would he object to you wearing them? I personally like them for that ankle support.
This isn't about him. And he's making it about poor little him. This is about buying some shoes for your daughter. Does hubby think he knows everyone's taste in clothes? Suddenly his choice is being taken away, partly because he said to let her pick something herself, and partly b/c tastes change.
What is this with him doing everyone's shopping? That leaves him in control, and maybe that's the real issue. A bit controlling. His opinions and tastes are all that matters. That needs to change real soon. I put up with much the same thing. I was happy for the sweaters, but they were the wrong size. And to exchange them for the right size was a criticism and taken as an insult. Not good.
What you can do is to try to find girls' shoes that have high tops; e.g., like the Reeboks I mentioned. Find out why she likes the boys shoes and see if there isn't a way to compromise. If hubby doesn't understand that kids can be mean at school just by what you wear, then he needs a repeat course in sensitivity training. Because it will hurt your daughter if she's alienated for prissy girly stuff when she wants to tone that down some.
She should be guided towards female clothes as much as possible if only because they're made to fit girls and to subscribe to girl tastes. Guys' clothes don't often fit girls well and don't have the splash of color choices that female clothes do. Occassionally it happens. I've been known to buy or wear large boys or men's clothes myself. All in what one is looking for.
Don't let hubby be a dictator tho. This is control freak junk and he needs to stop.