There is a new trend in gym shoes where they put a 3" heel INSIDE the gym shoe. On the outside it looks like a regular gym shoe. On the inside it has a 3" heel.
My SD really wanted these shoes, but I told her "no."
Of COURSE her mom went and got her the shoes. She wanted her to bring them to our house since she lives at our house and wouldn't get to wear them much if she left that at her mom's.
Now, I don't try to control what she does at her mom's house, it's not my business. However, her DAD and I don't feel that an 11-year old needs to be wearing 3" heels. She can barely walk in them, and she looks ridiculous. I'm concerned at the damage that they could do.
I'm trying to find the best, most politically correct way of handling this. My husband thinks I should let her wear the shoes and then make her walk around all day in them. He thinks that she will be so sore, and have so much trouble wearing them that it will "cure" her of wanting to wear them. As it is, she can barely walk in them.
The downside is that if it doesn't work, she will think we approve of wearing the shoes, which we don't. This might lead her to wanting more and more high heels. I think 1" heels are appropriate for a child her age, and she has a few pairs of 1" dress shoes.
What do you think? Good idea?
Thanks for all your input!
We're going to pack up the shoes and send them back to mom's. Then we're going to have a talk with her about the dangers of the heels. She is a competitive gymnast and cheerleader so I think she's not going to want to damage her knees or back or risk turning an ankle.
Her mom is not mean or vindictive, she's just kind of dumb and her opinion is it's her child's body and she will have to suffer the consequences so she "doesn't care" what she does. I guess the best word to describe her is "neglectful."
Our strategy has always been to get my SD to understand WHY we make the decisions we do and get her to make better choices. I will show her some of the articles you ladies found and hopefully that will help!
Thanks!
I hate heels and I'm almost 45 so I can't help much, but I found this article.
http://abcnews.go.com/travel/t/blogEntry?id=15447542
I agree, ridiculous.
However, if she is already allowed to wear them at mom's, then this is not the hill you should die on. I think you should save this for bigger battles, which you will certainly have when she becomes a teen.
If you and dad counter every dumb decision her mom makes, it is going to cause problems. Save it for the really, really big ones.
Don't "make" her wear them all day -- no point being punitive over this. It's not her fault her mom's dumb. Just say, "Wow, those look uncomfortable, and kind of inappropriate for an eleven year old -- have fun being uncomfortable all day."
If she starts wearing slutty shirts or something, then you can draw the line, but silly high heeled shoes aren't worth the battle. You probably aren't old enough, but I remember how high some platforms were in the 70's, and young people wore them.
my girlfriend's daughter has these....she's 12..or will be at the end of this month...she's a clutz - she admits it and EVERYONE knows she is a clutz.
She was wobbly at first - but she's doing better now.
DO I like them for kids? nope.
Does her mom like them for her daughter. Not really. She tries to give her daughter free will and consequences....while she spent money on the shoes? Her daughter is learning about choices....she spent her money on a fashion item....she is learning to listen to adults who have experience....
I am typically - YOUR home. YOUR rules. However, rules need to be explained....or reasoning needs to be explained. NOT just a flat out NO.
EXPLAIN to her WHY you don't want her to have/wear 3" heels.
* lack of coordination
* lack of ankle strength
* not appropriate for a CHILD
Video tape her walking in them and then video tape her in another pair of shoes and SHOW her the difference in her walk....maybe that will help her!!
Yep, take her out one day when she's wearing them and stay out ALL day. Take her somewhere that necessitates walking EVERYWHERE. No sitting. Let her be miserable. Don't buy her any shoes.
Sometimes we have to let our kids learn the hard way.
Don't worry about it leading to her wanting more. Her mother is an idiot if she buys her more. You two certainly don't have to.
I'd do this in a New York minute.
Dawn
Ditto all the "no"s. But I would be sure to explain to her the reasons behind it, not just shut her down. Heels are horrible for her feet/body health-wise. She isn't going to be overly concerned with long term consequences right now... that's why she has great parents to help her make good choices.
She can BRING them to your house if she wants, but she needs to know that she can't wear them there (or to school).
I have seen these shoes. It just looks like a trendy dumb idea. Something somebody dreamed up to sell more shoes. That's it. There is absolutely no redeeming quality to them. Teach her to be smarter than the average bear.
:)
Just say no, not when she's at your house.
I'd counter it with buying her some Birkenstocks or Earth shoes to wear at your house.
"According to a study in the the Journal of Applied Physiology (summarized by the Huffington Post), habitually wearing even 2 inch heels can cause permanent damage in more than just feet. Researchers found that women in their 20s experienced issues in their knees, hips, back and various tendons. From a Huffington Post interview with Podiatrist Dr. Jacqueline Sutera:
Heels can also permanently shorten tendons and ligaments, including the all important Achilles’ tendon, which connects the heel to the calf. “It happens rather quickly–you might not be symptomatic, but I will say that with every step, you’re causing damage.”
Dr. Sutera is presumably talking about women, so just imagine the effects on children, whose bones and muscles are still developing. Little girls allowed to wear heels on a regular basis may look “adorable” in the short term, but could be at risk for serious health issues later in life."
http://www.emedicinehealth.com/slideshow_pictures_worst_s...
Ummm.... So I started modeling at 11.
NOT saying I agree with the heels. Just that one can EASILY learn to walk and even run in them. How? Wear them all day.
So hubby's plan has a good chance of backfiring. Badly.
Different houses, different rules.
Kiddo.. they're not allowed here. That's something special for your mom's house.
I'd say fine, let her bring them to your house. But you don't have to take her anywhere when she puts them on, either. My oldest bought a pair of heeled tennis shoe boot things which I thought were hideous and inappropriate. I didn't forbid her from buying them, but it didn't take long for her to stop wearing them. Too weird and too uncomfortable. They haven't been touched in months.
The weakest part of a female body is the muscles on the sides of the knee. She could do some real damage to her knees wearing these shoes. Imangine wearing a 3 inch wedge shoe and trying to run or play in them.
I do not think it is a good idea to let her wear them on an all day shopping trip she could very easily damage her ankles and knees. She could end up needing surgery to fix the damage. This could knock her out of middle and high school sports which could hurt her chances at a scholorship. If she is going to wear them then she needs to work her up to wearing them over a period of time. The same way a runner for instance would work up to doing a marathon. You don't decide one day to suddenly start running 26.2 miles, you start a little at a time and work into the full marathon.
So, what these sound like are shoes that have "secret" lifts inside for short people. (Or one leg shorter than the other).
From what I gather, they're not "spike" heels, there's just a lift inside.
Three inches is a bit much. Gym shoes are flat with arch supports for a reason.
You can either tell her a flat out NO, or you can strike a compromise.
She has to wear normal gym shoes for gym class and sports, but she can wear the other ones to the grocery store once in a while.
I don't see how the elevation can help her be more productive in sports. In fact, they could actually be bad for her in that capacity.
Maybe Google the type of shoes and see what information you get about them.
I would guess the growth plates in her leg bones aren't completely developed so I certainly wouldn't allow her to use them for gym purposes.
It's probably a fad that other girls are wearing and that's why she thought she needed them so badly.
Unfortunately, kids come up with bad ideas all the time. Hopefully it won't last long.
Best wishes.
Are these wedge gymshoes or actual heels? My 14 year old has two pair of wedge gymshoes and hardly wears either. They give her about 3" in height. You can only walk around in these for a short period of time. I am of the opinion that we must let them do some "stupid" things so they will learn. Your SD just wants to wear them because she sees other girls wearing them. - the classic case of the teenage justification system. Heels are difficult to walk in at any age, but many girls have no idea how ridiculous they look and it just might be that some of her peers will bluntly point this out to her. I've seen 14 year old girls at their 8th grade graduation in stilettos. Heels are fine, but some styles just cross the line.
I would absolutely not allow her to wear them at her age. Heels cause long term damage to your Achilles, arches and hamstrings. We ladies do enough damage to ourselves wearing heels later in life but while developing its an even worse idea. Maybe if you show her some info on the physiological reasons why heels at her age are not a good idea or have a doctor speak to her it might help. I'd send those shoes right back to her Mom's house. And as for wearing them all day, that could really backfire. If you are going to allow it at all I would limit it greatly. God when I was 11 I still played with Barbie and rode my bike and played in streams. Crazy what kids do so young these days. My girls will probably be the biggest nerds in school. Because when they come home at age 11 asking for heels and makeup It is definitely not happening. Good lord they are going to hate me.
If her dad doesn't want her wearing them, then they should get packed up and sent back to mom's house. I think I've seen these shoes. Sketchers, right? I would also have a frank talk with SD about why she wants them and what damage she can do to her foot by wearing shoes like that. I knew an adult who had worn stillettoes so often her toes were a mess and the tendon in her ankle was short so if she wore sneakers at all, they were high tops or she had terrible pain. That made a huge impression on 11 yr old me.
I dislike this trend of heels for girls, whether you know they're in the shoe or not. My DD is 4 and I refuse to buy her heeled shoes. She's FOUR. I don't care if they make her size.
When we had shoes that we did not want SD to wear (clogs) the bad guy was the school who sent us a note saying that SD could not wear them as they were unfit for play and caused problems. Problem solved. We did sometimes let her wear them when we were going out but she had a lot of problems in them and they soon lost luster. Or occasionally with items we would say that she could not wear them with us. They did not meet our "time and place" appropriate standard and she had to change or she couldn't go to the park/dinner/etc.
find out what the bennifits of wearing these "invisible" heels are. will it actually work her leg muscles? is that why she wants them? find out WHAT is so freaking important about them she knew you both dissapproved but wanted them anyway. find out the exact reasons to explain to her how foolish they are.
i feel as long as they arent making her look too adult or "sexy" then why not...as long as they arent hurting her back or posture like most high heels do.
i broke my leg wearing flat but very thick flip flops (slipped in mud ) now I am scared to wear non falts!
I totally gree with Dawn.
- I don't think she needs to be worried about heels at this time shes to young..
-Perhaps her mom is trying to get at your ( you and your husbands) buttons and getting you to dissagree this way. ( always remember she IS the Ex)
I would also buy her a pair of heels, take her out and have her pick them out.
wait a couple of days let her take the heels home : so as the ex knows your not gonna disagree,..
-- Then have her wear them, take her out, have fun. I would also recomend Everywhere, no sitting, and she will feel the pain..
- When shes had enough.. Make sure your the one who buys her the flats (post heels) and have a talk: let her know : heels are not an everyday thing, thats just a trend, and sooner or later the other girls can have problems with their feet and not her...
-sounds to me the Ex is trying to meddle...
- Don't let it get to you..
Your house your rules. Your husband.
;)
I agree-- higher heels are courting trouble. Especially for everyday wear. I could see allowing a higher (2") heel for special, dress-up occasions. In my son's kindergarten building, there's one little girl who wears a 1.5" heel fashion boots and is always turning them in/turning her ankles. I just want to put that kid in a pair of Keds...:)
Here is one benign article regarding 'fashion' and body alignment:
http://www.acatoday.org/content_css.cfm?CID=73
A couple years ago, out of curiosity I asked my chiropractor about the high-heeled/rocker-heel shoes... he stated that both cause serious problems because the muscles aren't where they are supposed to be (shortened hamstrings, etc.) as well as back problems.
Dad could allow her to use the torture shoes for a day; if it were me, I'd just say "sorry, we don't agree with this choice for you, but if your mom is fine, you can wear them at her house". Let mom drive her to the ER for a broken ankle or pay for the chiropractic care.
By the way, this is your stepdaughter, right? So why are *you* the person stuck handling this? Let this be between the child and her two bio parents. Don't step in on this one.
I think that your husband might be onto something. If she's like my daughter she's not yet ready to "suffer" for beauty.
