Yikes! I Don't Want My Child to Be a Brat!

I think that it's typical 4 year old behavior. My daughter who is 4 got glowing reports from preschool, yet at times can be mean to her little brothers, and throws temper tantrums at times when she doesn't get her way. I just tell her she will be put in the naughty spot if she continues to act that way, and usually that nips it in the bud. I think that if he's acting nicely at school, and around other authority figures, you are raising an unbratty kid, he's just trying to push your buttons. From what I heard, 4 and 5 are rough, but at 6 some lightbulb goes off, and they are normal, good kids again :).

Well, an absolute appreciative child is rare and hard to find....if not impossible. My son did the same thing. I just kept telling him to appreciate what you have. My eldest son is 6 and he tells my 5 year old, You get what you get and you don't get upset.lol He just poped in with that one day. Good Lucky. Know that there may be others who share your wish.

Five is so much easier to live with. In my limited experience, anyway.

I believe that the way we parent in the long run impacts how they turn out, but in the short run when they're this young, our parenting can barely keep up with their phases and changes. And there are some kids/phases where all you can do is keep reminding yourself that this too shall pass. The only way out is through. Everything will work out ok in the end (if it's not ok it's not the end). As you can see I'm well prepared with cliches on this topic!

But seriously, most kids are going to have times when they are less easy to be around. And it's a good sign that you're getting the less desirable behavior while preschool is getting the better behavior - it means at home is where he feels comfortable working out the kinks in this being a big kid thing, and that he has enough control to turn on the good behavior when needed.

Well, my kids are much older now but I do a lot of role-modeling in my preschool classroom and praise the children for being kind to one another and helping keep our room clean and using good manners and so forth. His teacher at school probably praises the children for helping out and being kind to others and so forth.

I think its important to begin teaching empathy, kindness and appreciation at an early age. The best way to help shape your child's behavior is to "catch him" doing the behaviors you want to see more of. When he says something kind to you or a friend, does a little chore you ask of him, picks up his toys or does something you ask him to do the first time you ask, praise him and tell him how much you appreciate his kindness and help. This also helps him feel more confident, will help him with his relationships at school and also helps him understand what sort of behaviors you are expecting from him. And perhaps he can "earn" going to special movies and museums after he has earned it through his better behavior so he can see some sort of tangible reward for his good behavior. If you want your child to appreciate what you do for him, don't make all of these special events common place events.

Its so easy to overindulge our children today as we want to make them happy and do for them but its important to remember balance in their lives. Its okay for them to be "bored" and have to entertain themselves once in a while. And certainly if they have been behaving poorly, you wouldn't want to reward that behavior. Granted I know he is only 4 but you are planting the seeds for the future with him. If you instill respect and empathy now, believe me the teen years will be SO much easier!

You can also make it a point to say thank you to your husband when he is kind and also visa versa, your husband can say things like, wow.. we really appreciate this nice dinner you made us mom, thank you! Role-modeling the behavior you want to shape in your child in so very powerful!

My son turned 4 in February and recently it seems as though the Pod People have taken over his body. He is whiny, short-tempered, bratty, ungrateful, and altogether AWFUL most of the time. I am trying to just grin and bear it because my friends with 4-year-olds are all having similar experiences. Hang in there. Hopefully this too shall pass!

I think it is partly a phase. My well mannered son became very bratty right around 4. I never used to have to remind him to use please and thank you. He did it regularly since he was 18 months.

Mine has other issues going on though. He is an only child and I have to admit he is spoiled by a lot of people being the only grandchild and great grandchild. My son has ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) so part of the problem stems from that.

Children who start school often realize there are different sets of rules and the enforcement is different from home. He can be testing his limits. Try to be viligant about making them say please and thank you. Don't move until they ask politely for things, and don't hand them what they asked politely for until they say thanks. Encourage others in his life to do the same and it should get them to understand manners are the only way to get what they desire.

I have had to end actvities, play dates, etc. in order to make my son understand that these things and people aren't to be treated as givens and that he is receiving these because he is valued person. However, he also has to value others and nice things they do for him or give him.

It is working with me. My son thanks people regularly again for meals, thanks them for spending time with him, and doing activities.

It takes time and steady re-enforcement but we are getting there.

Try picking up the book "1-2-3 Magic" - it has some great ideas on how to keep kids from WHIIINNNNIIINNNGGG. But also, don't take it personally - 4 1/2 year olds won't always appreciate what you do for them. It's just in their nature.