Yet Another Sex Issue Question Whatever You Want to Call It

7 or 8 times per week...are you women for real?? Try more like 2 times per week...I mean we have 3 kids, activities to take them to, dinner, clean up, baths, getting prepared for the next day..where are you ladies finding time for sex 8 days per week???

Men don't get that we are more emotional with sex. We have to be into it. I don't usually do it unless I'm into it as well. However, I'll admit, I took one for the team last night. I was beyond tired. I even told him as much but told him since we hadn't gotten a chance to have sex in like 5 days, that we could. He thanked me and made it quick. Then I thanked him (for being quick, LOL). I can't honestly believe there are women that do it more than once a day every week. REALLY? They must be newlyweds. ;)

Hehe I know exactly what you mean!! Men like to whine that we are emotionally or sexually withholding from them to punish them... that's not it at all. When they don't help around the house, get things that need to be fixed fixed, don't help with their own children... that pisses off the person doing all that work. When you are pissed off, last thing you want to do is become closely physically/emotionally intimate with that person until you cool off and until they change their damaging and frustrating behavior.

I have the same issue. I will also try to avoid him by taking the dog for an extra long walk but it doesnt always help, he will still be laying on the couch saying some cheap poop thing like "baby wanna pacifer?" HECK no not after the kind of day I had. He will do all sorts of those suggestions when my 11 month old is clambering around and crying for a feeding and diaper change, and he doesnt do anything at all for help around the house. MAN it truely is a turn off totally. YUK I need more romance than, he baby pull down your pants and bend over in the pantry.

Um, if my husband suggested that to me, there would have been a cartoon cloud of smoke behind me, I would have been in that bathroom in a split second! ;)

you would have been in the bathroom for what...... maybe 3 minutes... I'm just sayin :)

Oh my, I can sooooo relate. He always picks the worst times to want to do it- 5:30 am (when HIS alarm goes off- no thank you!), 6:30am (when MY alarm goes off- ummm, no, I have to get ready for work), come home from work for my lunch break (so I can go back to work all icky?) And so he always feels rejected. Well, maybe if he tried at a more practical time he'd have more luck. I know I'm not the most spontaneous person and it drives him nuts. But, still, I just won't enjoy it if I'm thinking about what I need to be doing at the time. You're right though, unfortunately sometimes it's more beneficial to us just to give in ;)

I cannot believe what others say! Marrage is a two way street and both need to love and be respectful! I would be frustrated too! Just because he's a man and may need or want sex more than a woman does not mean he needs to act like a selfish little boy! Marrage is a two way street and if you have a lot to do in the morning and are not in the mood then he should respect that, help you out and he just might get a little action. Men are different, but that does not mean that we have to be understanding all of the time and they never have to be! My ex was a BIG baby... my current husband is a grown man and acts like it! Thank god! In as nice a way as possible tell him to grow up! lol

Your situation sounds like my marriage to a "T"... sucks, doesn't it? People who have never been in the situation will never understand. My husband and I have the conversation at least weekly where he says, "I want more sex," and I say, "I want help around the house." But then it bothers me when he does the dishes with the expectation of being rewarded with sex. I don't have any advice, I just wanted to commiserate and tell you that you aren't alone:)

I am totally on your side here. The very idea that I would want to give it up for 3 minutes so that HE can enjoy himself while I am thinking of everything I need to do is ridiculous. And it's never 3 minutes, its always more, and there's kids knocking on the door, and a shower that needs to be taken afterwards. You're right, your husband is shooting himself in the foot if he thinks that later on you will want to give it up. Women that have it every single day amaze me. Are they REALLY enjoying it every time? I mean, I have it once or twice a week and it's GREAT...can't imagine it being GREAT every day! I don't want mediocre sex...I want GREAT sex! lol
L.

Ummmm my husband did this to me the other day.....what did I do? Went in the bedroom and pulled up my skirt. Didn't take long.....and gave me a little bit if stress relief!

FYI "Dr." Laura is not a marriage and family therapist. She holds no liscensure for counseling in any form. And a doctorate in Physiology is a medical degree and doesn't contribute to marriage and family counseling/ therapy in any way. I also don't recommend her book to anyone, especially in your situation because it will only fuel your husbands opinion that he has the right to sex on demand.

That being said......sex is wonderful! Sex is fabulous! But if you are trying to get the kids out the door for school it's not the right time. He needs to respect the fact that you are busy taking care of the kids AND he needs to realize that he needs to get his tiney hiney out of bed and HELP you.

Tell him how you feel. Men are not babies and can function in their day even if they don't get their rocks off when they demand it.

I can relate, and I'd be turned off too. You can try to talk to him about it and let him know that in general if he were a bit more helpful and sensitive to how hectic your life is, he just may find himself getting more action!

I just want to say I totally understand you and I loved your SWH! These "stepford wives" on here are ridiculous. Holly Beth's response says it best. 8-10x per week. PUHLEESE!!!!!!

My husband is the same way. Yesterday he was feeling frisky in the morning. I had not slept all night and was definitely not in the mood. He just pouts and won't speak to me. So, instead of dealing with his attitude all day, I gave in. I do find that I can control his moods with sex so if we're going somewhere that I know he doesn't really want to go and I'm worried that he'll act like an a**, I will have sex with him and then when he's in the "after glow" will talk to him about where we're going and to please be nice. It always works! My husband also does not get it "7 - 8 times a week" so he'll suffer right along with yours!

we have sex most days of the week. so yeah 7-8 times a week is a good estimate. (as for when, it's called turn the tv off and crawl into bed early.) i generally give in and have sex when he initiates and he does likewise. why? because i know we will both enjoy it more than if one of us declines and starts the pissiness off. which is what you did! what's the worst thing that could happen: the kid is a few minutes late to school or the cat had to wait for his cat food? be a wife first in moments like this and thank your lucky stars that your man finds you this attractive. there are some truly sex starved women out there who would love your problem.

oh and i'm not a stepford wife. i just really enjoy sex as often as i can get it and then some. i like my healthy sex drive.

If you withhold from him, then you are withholding from yourself. Now go wake your hubby up and make up for lost time. :-)

i think is better to have the 3 min quick than be all day fighting aver and over come on is only 3 min times goes fast and he will be happy :-) and HELPFULL!!!

Obviously there are issues that go deeper...I would suggest if you are inhibited and have no interest because you don't feel appreciated and respected by his lack of help then I would seriously discuss how you are feeling. Suggest to him how he can help and be on your team to do his fair share. I think once that's addressed you'll be in the mood.

Right now I am not goin through this but have had my ups and downs with why should I when he doesn't do ...XYZ...I can understand your frustation. At this point I will take it anytime. We both have been busy with three kids and working fulltime that we are exhausted. If my DH makes the suggestion I am all for it :)

Martha and Rachel oh my LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What Jim, Grandma T, and Rachel said.

I TOTALLY agree with you.. If "I" don't feel like having sex, we're not having sex PERIOD!!!! I'm not being mean, I'm being HUMAN!!! We don't always have to have sex when our husbands want sex (what are we back in the caveman days).. If that was the case, I would never leave the bedroom~ don't understand everyone that says, just give it to him...

Yep, mine did. But most of the time, almost every time for over 20 years, I said "yes!". Because, as others have said he'd be done in about 3 minutes and be a happier and more helpful hubby the rest of the day.

Mine wanted/needed sex almost every day, and luckily, so did I. 2-3 times a week would not have been enough. Yes, it got harder with kids in the house, but really, a bathroom quicky is a small thing to do for the one you love.

You've spent way more time and energy being upset by this, and posting this question, than it would have taken to make your man happy.

No, my husband knows better then suggest sex 5 minutes before we have to get up with my son for school. I am in mommy mode at that point, and will not be in the mood. So, he wakes me up about an hour before to get some " time" in. It works for us.

Perspective is important. Sex is very important to men their ego is tied to it. Unfortunately us women are very different. We can and often multitask and are considering all of the necessary things we must do and find it difficult to operate in the free and easy breezy like our men do when it comes to sex.

If I were in your particular predicament, I would make it my goal to wear my husband out. It would probably wear me out too. But by doing so you are leading the charge in a preemptive strike. He will never be in a position to use sex against me again. There is nothing wrong with a morning quicky. You know he will pass out after all is said and done kinda comes with the territory but us women can still bounce right up and keep things moving.

Men and women are just different. I know his actions are a turn off for you but keep the bigger picture in mind and be wise about your choices in how to handle your marriage and your husband. Maybe he is feeling some kind of way about himself and really needing to connect with his wife which is not a bad thing. You just may need to take more control over the timing and get yourself more ready for more action in your timing more often and occassionally his timing will correspond with his but you may need to step up your sex game.

UPDATED
2-3 times a week may equal neglect if he is needing sex closer to 7-8 times a week. Just some food for thought because it does take two and men are different and do seem to want sex more than most of us women do.

My hubby has done this at times but not as much since I had a chat with him. We had a good long talk and we both shared feelings. He felt very rejected when I turned him away when he initiated at these awfully inconvenient times. I learned how important it is that I work on initiating with him...and also he learned that if he helped more to get my "to do" list done then the environment would be more enviting for me to "get in the mood". I also have learned that I don't need to be "in the mood" to be intimate with my husband. Sometimes just the fact that I am initiating and turning my husband and what power I have on him gets me in the mood.

Men and women are soooo different when it comes to sex. We are multitasking all the time and have the next "to do list" item on our mind. Men are not like that. When sex is on their mind..that is the ONLY thing on their mind. Men easily let the "do do" list go..it is not important to him. But as a women...it is. (and maybe shouldn't be as important...I have learned a lot from my hubby about letting some things just go undone.) Find some middle ground here. 2-3 times is fantastic S.! How about you think and plan a little bit ahead tonight and then wake him up tomorrow for some quick love making. I think it will make both of you feel better.

I read a great book that helped me understand my man. It is called "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." I am not suggesting you are not taking care of your hubby. You sound like you are doing fantastic. It really helps you to understand how a man thinks and feels. It was an eye opener for me. I didn't have good modeling growing up of a healthy marital relationship. ANd also..my dad ended up being unfaithful so I had some false views of how I perceived men were regarding intimacy. I know the name of the book turns women off but it really did help me understand my man...it gives so much insight from men's own letters and phone calls. Dr. Laura gets a lot of flack but she is a Marriage and Family Therapist and has a doctorate in Physiology.

Good luck and best wishes! You are not alone. Most of us here are married to men and they are for the most part hard wired the same. It is so great that your husband wants and craves YOU!! There are some women on here that would give anything for that. Isn't it ironic..some wish husbands would lay off a bit(literally...hee...hee) and others wish their husbands desired them.

MY guy loves sex I have recently gotten my drive back and we normally have it every night sometimes 2 times a night and its great but there are times that i am not really in the mood and he wants it and we have sex and then i get into it