Wsmoking at the Bus Stop

I'm a former smoker, and I know I would respond positively to someone asking nicely if I wouldn't smoke in a certain area.

He is doing nothing that is illegal. That being said, it would irritate the hell out of me too. I HATE smelling smoke. I HATE having to walk through a cloud of smoke just to get inside a store because people want to stand 2 feet from the door to smoke. There might be a ordinance that requires people to stand 10-15 feet from entrances to smoke, but good luck having that one enforced. I think the best that you can do is stand as far away from him as possible. He isn't doing anything against the law although I do agree that it is highly inconsiderate to smoke around kids.

I would straight out say, "I would appreciate it if you would stop smoking at the bus stop." Thank him if/when he does.

It's such a disgusting habit and completely insensitive to do it around other people and their children. You have no reason to be more than polite, and no reason to lie. He's the one being utterly rude and disgusting.

If he refuses to stop, I would probably ask the school or Department of Transportation if there's anything you can actually do about it considering it's a school bus stop. It might not be like other public property, and it's not HIS property.

There are public health laws regarding smoking that might be at play here that you can take advantage of. He doesn't have the right to smoke wherever he wants.

Sorry - but former smokers are the worst...really.

it's in public...it's out in the open air...if you thought about it, you would have your kids wear masks outside because of all of the other pollutants out in the air...bus fumes...car fumes...and so much more...

Seriously...your children are exposed to much worse then his cigarette smoke...he's not blowing it in her face...don't like it? stand up wind from him...other than that? it's a PUBLIC place...

I bet that the school buses exhaust is WAY WORSE then the bit of smoke your kids are inhaling.
And really...why are you standing right next to the man? Just stand upwind from him. Or across the street. Or 10 feet away.
It really shouldn't be that big of a deal.
So, in answer to your question .... I wouldn't say anything. Unless it's illegal for him to smoke at the bus stop then I am pretty sure you have a lot more options of where to stand.
L.

Do you really believe saying I don't want you by the cigarette smoke was nice or matter of factly? The definition of what you did was passive aggressive. :(

I wouldn't say anything, he has every right to smoke on the bus stop and really out in the open the smoke isn't going to hurt your children.

I don't like smoke, I hate it actually, but being a jerk about people smoking where it isn't going to hurt us does nothing to help our cause.

I think this post is excessively dramatic.
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When I say doesn't harm I am assuming you have the sense to not place your kids directly down wind from him only a few feet away.

Now asking him could you stand over here down wind from the kids would be a reasonable request though I would like to think he is already doing that.
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After reading your what happened what makes you think those that didn't agree with you didn't read your question? Did you read your question? You said you thought you nicely addressed this in the first place, you did not, you were rude and passive aggressive. The reason that was pointed out is that if you thought that was nice then anything you may add to that would probably be damn near hostile.

Most of the advice was answering the five or six questions you asked. I suppose some may have been rhetorical but who are we to judge that. The only clear question was would you say something or not, every question answered that. If you cannot accept you are wrong, fine, but don't tell off the people that took the time to answer you question.

Unfortunately, it's none of your business. I am NOT a smoker. Never was, never will be. Hate the stuff, but I'm certainly NOT going to tell a stranger to stop doing something that is within his rights. Stand further away at the bus stop. You have no control over what he does, but you DO have control over how you react to it.

I absolutely hate the smell of smoke and it particularly bothers me since my mother lost 2/3 of a lung to cancer and my 41 year old SIL died from lung cancer. People who smoke in public places, especially with kids around, think it's okay because they are outside, and it's not. My neighbor sits on his front step smoking and the smoke blows in through my windows -- he's a nice guy, but it's obnoxious. That being said, I have to agree with Jo -- the guy is within his rights and there isn't much you can do about it. I don't agree it doesn't harm the kids because it's outside, and you could politely ask that he not do it, but I can't think of a single polite way you could ask without looking foolish.

ETA: by the way, even if it's not dangerous (which I don't agree) smoking around other people is offensive, no less so than passing gas would be.

I think you are being a tad on the ridiculous side, he is outside for heavens sake!! If you don't like it, stand down the street a way, and when you see the bus coming, head on over there. I am not a smoker, but I do not like laws that prohibit people from smoking - especially OUTSIDE!!! And I for one would not lie to this man, especially in front of your kids. How would that look to you as their parent? Protecting them shouldn't mean lying to protect them. I have a child with asthma - and I just tell him he needs to move out of the area. So in answer to your question - NO - I would not say anything to the man.

I think you are over-reacting. This (at the moment) is still a free country and he is outside, not on school grounds or in your yard. I am sure your children get exposed to much worst things on a daily basis. If you don’t think so then read some of the labels on your everyday products like shampoo, soaps, house hold cleaners and over the counter and prescription medications. They are just as bad if not worst then cigarette smoke.

Maybe consider moving to NYC where is it illegal to smoke outdoors (well in parks) and illegal to consume large sugary drinks. I am sure they will think of more things to make illegal until we are living under dictatorship.

I do not smoke and neither does my husband, we quit long ago. I do feel that everyone has a right (and the freedom) to choose to live their life the way they want to even if it kills them. If you do ask I would be very polite and expect to hear him say NO.

I guess you need to move here to California...where public smoking is basically banned. I do not like smoking either. however, I am not about to tell someone to stop smoking in public.

it says very little (well, a lot) about your character that you are willing to lie about your child's health. That is wrong. That you would drag your child into a lie like that is just shameful.

the passive/aggressive approach didn't work for you. It's a public place.

I love that Cheryl O said "former smokers are the worst". She nailed that one on the head. She also nailed it when she said your children are inhaling much worse than cigarette smoke at the bus stop.

I love the Smokin' in the Boys room! Now that song will be stuck in my head! Thank you!! Meredith!!

You don't like his smoking? Drive your kids to school.

Do not stand next to him. He is outside and can smoke wherever he pleases. Your kids will not be harmed by the smoke. What about car
fumes and bus fumes????? Last I heard it was a free country.

you didn't say it 'nicely'. you said it passive-aggressively. i hope i'd never be an inconsiderate smoker like this guy (i quit years ago), but if i were, this would probably make me blow smoke at you.
that being said, it really does suck that people are still callous enough to light up around other people's kids. but it's still legal to smoke in public, so it's up to you to figure out how to cope. and if you're not willing to ACTUALLY ask him nicely, ie 'excuse me, fred. i fully understand that you are within your rights to smoke, but if you would be kind enough to move off downwind a little to keep it from my kids, i'd be so grateful' then you will have to move yourself and your kids out of range.
you can't control the world.
khairete
S.

Just make sure your kid is upwind from the smoke.
I'm sure there will be "no smoking" signs posted at bus stops eventually. That might be a good cause for you to pioneer :)
I know in our county you arent allowed to smoke near playgrounds, so it would seem to me that a school bus stop would fall under that same category in a way.

ETA on my 56th day of not smoking after 43 years of doing so. I know its bad for the smoker and bad for the person living with the smoker, but the occasional whif you get outside in OUR FREE COUNTRY is part of living in a free country. Just move away from it, and do try to protect your kids.
I know smoking is a dying thing that is coming about in CA... too many health freaks live here, and they are most likely correct. Just sayin.
Nothing wrong with good health, right?

Here in Austin there is actually a City Ordinance that does not allow smoking at ANY of the bus stops.. You must be 15 feet away.. of course this still carries smoke, but at lease you are not in the small confined space..

Maybe look into whether the bus companies would consider this or your city would consider this..''

It is a shame when common sense and courtesy cannot take care of these situations, instead we have to legislate them..

I despise smoking.. It is nasty and I do not appreciate smokers that are inconsiderate. And I especially cannot stand that they expose it to our children.

IF this is not the rule where you live.. can you all stand away from him till the bus comes?

While I wouldn't love my kids to be around it, this person is outside. He is not on school property. He can smoke there. Don't let your child stand close or in the direction that the smoke is going. You don't have to tell him that your kid is asthmatic. He heard that you don't want your kid around it, but it doesn't mean that he has to accommodate you. Your kids have to suffer because the law still allows people to smoke outdoors in public places. You have other options (like waiting in the car).

I'm sorry that your neighbor is being inconsiderate. I despise the smell of smoke, even when I'm outside, if I'm standing down wind of a smoker 50 feet away, it still makes me sick to my stomach.

However, it is still a free country and people are still allowed to smoke outside, heck, that's the only place they should smoke. So, for you to ask him not to is out of line.

I would suggest that if you really are afraid for your children's welfare, as I too would be, drive your child to school or take them to a different bus stop in the neighborhood.

If you are outside in an open area, the smoke is not going to hurt you anymore than exhaust from the cars driving by. We all grew up when people were allowed to smoke everywhere and we are still alive, lol. It may smell bad, but you dont get asthma from bad smells. That said, it is really tacky to be smoking at the kids bus stop. You could try asking politely for him to stop but I doubt he will. Id probably just try and stand upwind.

Sometimes I wish being trashy was illegal, dont you?? Lol

If I were you, I would drive my child to school.

Why dont' you call the police and try to have him arrested, while you're at it? After all, he is "harming" your non-allergic, non-asthmatic child, who is standing at the bus stop, near the street, with all the cars and buses, breathing in all that wonderful exhaust and fumes.

I am one of those considerate smokers. I like this:
"Can I ask you a question? You can say no, or think about it. I was wondering if you could avoid smoking at the bus stop? "
I would respond positively to that line of questioning. I always ask people around me if they mind if I light up outside, or I step far away, and I never smoke around kids. Just ask him to stop, but don't lie about your child's health.

your kids are not suffering. don't stand right next to him, and you'll be good to go. if it isn't good enough, start driving kids to school.
if you approach him, he could easily give you the suggestions i gave you.

Now I've go "Smokin' at the Boys' Room" stuck in my head, except it's "Smokin' at the Bus Stop."

Smokin' in the boys room
Smokin' in the boys room
I tell you I was Smokin' in the boys room
Smokin' in the boys room
Hey, Teacher don't you fill me up with your rules
Everybody knows that smokin' ain't allowed in school

Gotta love a little Crue on a Saturday morning!

i wouldnt do anything.. its outside.. its not like the smoke is taking a direct path at your daughter.. unless shes standing there right next to him while he smokes a whole cigarette and hes blowing it in her direction.i really dont think your daughter is being exposed to a ton of smoke-not enough to make a big deal out of it anyway .. honestly i think it might irritate him if you say anything to him

I think your only choice is to stand up wind from him or keep your distance. Making comments will not make him stop because he does not care what you think. Maybe as it gets colder he won't be at the bus stop anymore.

Personally I think we go too far in over protecting our kids from things. I don't smoke, I don't think I would be so disturbed by someone smoking outside. I do think it's highly possible my kids might say something out loud about how the person smoking is naughty. I have told them smoking is a naughty thing to do because it is so bad for your body. I don't care if they say that in front of that person. I DO think your neighbor is being thoughtless for smoking at a bus stop. I DO think you're being a high drama mama also though. How directly are your kids exposed to this smoke in the open air? Do you have to stand next to this person, or can you move.

Also a nice and polite thing would be if you said "I'm sorry, this may sound silly but I'm a little over cautious about cig smoke, would you mind not doing this at the bus stop?"

Outside of your home is public space and therefore he can smoke standing at the edge of you yard day after day after day and there is nothing you can do about it. You are choosing to stand in the smoky area so make the choice to stand behind him, upwind of him, or other. But he has the right to smoke there night and day, 24/7.

You have the choice to stand somewhere else. I don't smoke and when I did allergy testing my blister on my back that was a reaction to tobacco was about the size of a quart mayo jar opening.

I make choices for myself all the time to not be around it.

I would ask the school or school counselor for suggestions as suggested below. I'd be concerned about the higher likelihood of the kids growing up thinking that it's okay to smoke. There's a lot of posts about his right to smoke in a public place, but what how is it okay for him to force exposure to those who prefer not to be around it. Choosing to smoke at the bus stop is a poor example to set. Maybe you could offer to stand at the bus stop and keep an eye on his kids so he wouldn't have the need to smoke there. I'm trying really hard to see both sides, but I have a really low tolerance for cigarette smoke.

Don't say anything. You already told him you don't like it by speaking loudly to your children. Although I don't like the smell of smoke, especially on the beach, I would never say anything because it is simply not my place. He has the right to smoke where he wants.

personally, if i felt the way you do about it, i would remember that the law is 10 feet from an entrance to a building (in our city), and that there's a reason for that. up it to 15 or even 20 feet if you want. it's truly not a huge deal to be in the same vicinity as someone smoking, outside. if it was inside or somewhere you had to stand right next to him, then okay. that's not what you're talking about.

and keep your husband in mind. at one point he smoked. it's not really appropriate for you to only apply your "now" beliefs onto this guy's "now". maybe he's where your husband used to be. either way as the ladies have stated, he's within his rights.

your kids aren't suffering. don't stand so close. if you're really feeling freakishly paranoid, check which way the wind is blowing and stand up wind. you can see the smoke and which direction it's going.

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I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. I would simply ask him to move down wind.

I've asked people on several different occasions to move down wind and, so far, everyone has and I never got any snide remarks or complaints. Of course, I'm always very polite when I ask. And I always say "Thank you" when they move.

Good luck to you and yours.

He's not breaking any laws. Do whatever YOU need to do to minimize your exposure...come later, stand away, whatever. Geez.

I'm extremely allergic to cigarette smoke. I would approach it in the same manner that you did hoping that he would take the hint. Yes, I would say something very politley. If he refuses, then contact the school and tell them there's an issue and ask for their suggestions. Yes, it's a public place, but since it's not your option to wait for the bus somewhere else, there's a problem.

You could try waiting accross the street. However, in my situation, that wouldn't work. The smoke would still make me sick.

Quite frankly, N., I'm thinking about what a bad example he is setting for the children at the bus stop. It's bad enough that he smokes in front of his kid - he has to do it in front of all the other ones too.

Maybe not a popular point of view to the smokers on this site, but what I DO know is that we are trying hard to prevent teens from starting to smoke so that we'll have less people dying of lung cancer down the line, years from now.

The best way to accomplish that is for people not to smoke around kids.

What will it hurt for you to strike up a conversation with him and ask him if he would consider smoking before or after coming to the school bus. You know that it's a lot to ask, but you see it as a detriment to the children. He might tell you "where to go", but then you'd know what kind of person he is.

Dawn

I didn't read any of the responses, but by your SWH I assume some were brutal!

I am a smoker, BUT I try to be a considerate smoker. I would NEVER take my cigarettes to the kids' bus stop but if I did, it would be so I could smoke on the way home - not at the bus stop! I wouldn't even smoke at a regular city bus stop. If I'm at a gathering and feel the need to smoke, I go find a very remote location so my smoking doesn't bother ANYONE - kids or adults.

If I were you, I would ask the school or bus company if they can implement a policy of no smoking at the bus stops. If not, then just ask the man very nicely if he could either refrain from smoking or stand further away.

Wow! People are brutal!!!! You have every right to ask. Hopefully he will be respectful of you and the other children. I would just keep it short and sweet. "Would you mind not smoking at the bus stop". Don't go on about asthma, etc.

Is it illegal to drop F bombs while talking on your cell phone at the bus stop? No, but it is inappropriate and you could certainly ask them to stop.