Wow I Feel like the Biggest B!t*h on the Planet

I know someone whose husband never buys her anything! Nothing for birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, never. I thought it was awful! Then I found out that she always complained or took things back when he did buy her stuff and he just quit buying things for her.
What if you went out and bought him something and thought you made a great choice. He unwraps it, frowns and says it isn't really what I wanted. Let's take it back and let me pick out what I like. Would that bother you? It is the thought that counts. He loves you! Be grateful and act happy or he may just quit buying things for you altogether.

You aren't a b#tch...just should have planned better :) My hubby knew WELL in advance what kind of ring I liked because I made it clear in tabloidy magazines what I though was ugly and that I wanted a square princess cut diamond. He came through like a champ.

When my husband and I were engagement ring shopping(he originally proposed with an heirloom ring but then decided he wanted me to have my "own") he stood there in the jewelry store wgile I tried on and retried on 3 rings I thought I loved trying to decide between the three. Then my husband handed me a ring and as I was putting it on I was telling him all the reasons I didnt like it. ...that lasted all of 10 seconds until I got it all the way on. I knew then that it was perfect (even though I never would have picked it out myself)and I haven't taken it off since. So maybe you will like it better the second time you see it? Or just grow to love it because he picked it for you.

Well ya got it off your chest here!
We will not tell him either!

Its okay.
But its so cute, what he did, the effort he went through, etc.
You know that.
You know his heart.
You will feel special, when he gives it to you.
Because, the ring, represents a lot of thought, on his part. A lot of planning.
That is worth more, that a ring's setting or stone.

You know that.

Its just the ring's style you don't want.
But I am sure, you love his style.
After all, he is re-proposing.
How gallant.

Just like most things you began to realize as you get older you'll learn to appreciate and gratefully take and except what you are given in life. The good, bad and the ugly all make up life. What a wonderful reminder to wear on your finger.
Best Regards,
C.

Glad you're keeping this to yourself.

Yes--you kind of sound ungrateful. :(

Put on a nice smile when you open it.

okay.. so, I highly doubt you're a b____. But you do sound a bit ungrateful and possibly ... spoiled? And let's unwrap those words a little so I'm not sounding so negative.

Ungrateful as in: not truly seeing the SYMBOLIC beauty of that ring, but yet focusing on the materialism (looks).

Spoiled as in: you may have a good nature of knowing what you like, need, and want and have the motivation, desire and drive to GET IT. It's always worked for you- which can be amazing in most aspects of your life. But in this regard; you need to step back and take the focus off of what YOU want. This ring is not just about YOU.

This ring is symbol. A design of his love for you. This represents the two of you. It doesn't have to be perfect; because you aren't, he isn't and neither is your relationship so why flaunt something as if it is?

This is coming from his heart and you should be PROUD of it.

Not disgusted or turned off.

Love that ring.

Get over your "ideal" design.

this ring is what the two of you represent.

example:

I didn't pick out my engagement ring nor did I have 100% say in my wedding ring (tried to get everything matched). So I wasn't completely happy with the 'look' of it all but what made me happy was the symbolism.

To this day I don't even wear the engagement ring (the diamond) anymore, unless we have an evening out, bc I love my thin wedding band and everything it represents. The diamond was a promise to get married. The band was a promise of forever. So even though it's plain and my girlfriends flaunt their giant diamonds (which is okay! be proud!)... I really just love the simple promise of love.

I am extremely picky about rings. When dh proposed, he proposed with a ring that belonged to his great grandmother. I wasn't fond of it, and was reassured that some day I would get another one because the expectation is this one will be handed down to my son's wife if he wants it. However, 10 years later, I love my ring and am sad that one day it won't be mine. It's a symbol of how much he wanted to marry me, how much his family liked and trusted me. Don't focus on what the ring looks like, focus on what it means; as you wear it the meaning may eventually override the look and you will fall in love with it just as you fell in love with your dh.

ETA: I just read my answer and it sounded like I told dh I didn't like it, which I never did. I told him I loved it, and in time I truly did.

You're not a b-tch. You're practical. It cost a lot of money and you have to wear it everyday so you should love it. I'd try to think of something specific he may not have thought about as an excuse to exchange it ie: it doesn't match xyz as well, your hands are big/small so xyz just looks better for YOU. For another person, it's a great ring (ie: has good taste overall). So I'd act excited at first and then kind of ease into "well, maybe for me xyz would just work better." (high setting, low setting, find some specific thing)

No you are not a "B" most men pick the ring out and surprise the woman, I think you just need to try and wrap your mind around the heart behind the ring not the actual ring. I wasn't paticurly happy with my first ring, so for one of our annivarsaries i bought us new rings, and i have the old ones in my jewlry box. Will be married 30 years on June 13, 2011, and there is still a ring set i want and one day i will get it. J.

Don't look at is as a piece of jewelry. It's a symbol of his love, commitment, and loyalty to you. I'm sure he really tried in getting you a good ring, but it's more then that. It should mean more then it's appearance.

You've seen it so you know what it looks like and you are disappointed at it's appearance. Look deeper, at it's meaning, and love it. I have a feeling when you unwrap it this weekend it will be much more beautiful than it was sitting on the dresser :)
Men that give jewelery are a rare breed.
When he sees how HAPPY it makes you, he will know that in the future he needs to do more of it... and will want to out do his last purchase maybe?

I know just how you feel. My husband bought me a very expensive watch that I didn't like at all. I told him, and exchanged it. But that was just a Christmas present, and I do think I hurt his feelings so I always felt bad about telling him I didn't like it. For something as important as this, I don't think you should say anything. It sounds like you have a wonderful husband, and try to see that every time you look at it. His feelings and love for you are more important than what the ring looks like.

Well looking at the positive side, at least you have seen it, so the shock value has worn off. Like you are prepared for when he shows it to you and you can try to get yourself in a good place to show appreciation without the initial "I don't like this!" face. My wedding ring is beautiful, but not my taste really. My hubs doesn't like the solitaire look so he got a ring with the diamonds spread across the finger and a small center stone. I would have rather had a larger center stone and that's it. But that's me, simple elegance. So anyway, I do like the ring, just wouldn't have picked it is all but he wanted to do it and I love that. I just love what the ring stands for, that he thought of me when he got it, that he would only get the highest quality stones and that he was so excited to get it for me. Now I really love it and I don't think I could ever wear a different ring! So give it time, it may grow on you. You aren't a "b" everybody has their own taste about things! Good luck!

A few years ago there was this ring in a jewerly store that I wanted in a bad way!!! I talked about it forever!!! I was pregnant with our first child and I really wanted this ring. I love my wedding ring, this would be for the other hand...

So, my hubby ended up getting me a ring from the jewerly store for Christmas that year. I was 8 months along and my wedding ring didn't fit. Perfect excuse right?

He went to the store, knowing full well which one I drueled over for a year and a half...and...he and the clerks (who knew us very well) decided that it was too much like my wedding ring (not at all, just wide like my band) so they chose another ring. The ring to me is very western looking and the one that i wanted was antique looking. He was so excited and it cost him 675.00!!! I can't believe that he spent that much???!!! For the ring that i didn't want. It was even more expensive than the one I wanted.

I was SOOOO devistated! BUT there was NO way I could tell him. I wore that ring proudly for the last 6 years. I know deep down that I still want that other ring, but there is no way I could have told him.

Its so hard because they try, they really do...I think they only thing that I can suggest is for you to cherish it for what it represents and not for what it looks like. He thought of you when he chose it.

Lol. You could be me...for Mother's Day my DH bought me a wagon...to drag my children around in.
How romantic!!! And thoughtful! LMAO!

Maybe he will let you exchange it?

FWIW-I do not like my engagement ring or wedding band. I feel your pain. But in the long run it is not that important.

This is one of those opportunities where you get to choose to be better than your base instincts say you are. He loves you, it's "pretty, nice, different" by your own words, and he is taking the effort to surprise you. Don't look at it as a piece of jewelry, because it's not that. A piece of jewelry is something you save up for and purchase on your own. When your man tries hard to do something thoughtful and out of the ordinary, it's not a piece of jewelry; it's love and the thoughts, feelings, and memories behind it that inspired him to do this. A mother's day gift, a re-proposing, saying he wants to do it all over again because you mean that much to him. So cool. Love it.
I saw the latest episode of The Tudors, and Henry told Anne "Be glad you have your bed, woman, for it I had it to do over again, I would not give it to you" (old timey king speak for basically saying "yeah, you're married and have your place. If I had a chance to do it again, we wouldn't have gotten married".) I think it's awesome that you know for sure, as he's re-proposing, that he would and is doing it again. I like the term another poster used: gallant. :)
And I may not be popular here for this last comment: I'm not trying to attack anyone, but I'm thinking of my husband, my baby brother (who is, holy cow, 31 now), and my 2 little boys who are my world....when women say "but I want THIS one instead"--this is why some guys don't spontaneously give things like this. It's just a little discouraging, chips away a little at their confidence, and the surprises stop coming. I'd rather wear a ring that wasn't my perfect choosing than him say "hey, here's the credit card, go get something for yourself on Mother's day". Maybe that's just me. But I want my guy to make the effort, to think about it, to try to surprise me.

Im very picky about rings. That would be tough. I agree, not wanting to hurt his feelings, but I would look for SOME WAY, to get the ring I liked! He doesnt know you've seen it, maybe find a picture of one you do & show him..

The image you see on TV and in movies is of a guy presenting the woman with a ring. You never see them shop together for one. And, it's always totally unexpected. So, your guy is trying to be the romantic ideal, and give you a scene out of a movie. Knowing that might help you figure out why he didn't ask for your input.

I understand that you would love to have the chance to pick out your own ring BUT he really wanted to pick it out and show you his love.

Trust me when I say " you are blessed to have a great guy who gets you jewelry ."
I have been married for 15 years and my husband has not gone out to get me any jewelry.

Keep in mind he will be watching your face when he shows you the ring. He will want to see if you like it or not. I'm sure he is worried and is hoping you love it.

I hope that over time you will love the ring.

Congrat's to you and your husband.

= )

Yes, I do think you're being kind of a b!tc4. Why is always about the ring? What about the meaning behind it? The thought should be the thing that counts. I think it's sweet that he did it all on his own & wanted to surprise you. Sounds like he's a really great guy. Be happy & grateful.

Would you approve of your kids acting like that over a gift? I highly doubt it.

WHO KNOWS, maybe it's a really important heirloom that means the world to him... wait until he gives it to you before you judge. In the meantime, I'd learn to love it, LOL ;) Or maybe, casually in conversation, say 'I was looking at necklaces today and I really don't like yellow gold' or whatever you didn't like about the ring.

I've always loved the old, vintagey looking engagement rings. My guy knows this. The ring he gave me is a marquise cut diamond... which I never thought I'd personally like... until he gave me that ring. I LOVE it and I would never change it for anything! The way it looks on my finger, it's gorgeous. Probably not what I would have chosen for myself, but because HE gave it to me I will wear it proudly forever :) The stone actually came from a [very expensive] ring his father had gotten for his sister before she died... so this ring means EVERYTHING to their family and I am honored to wear it!

Are you sure it's not just a Mother's Day ring(or don't u have children)? Or a ring for his Mother for Mothers Day?

You sorta are being a little unromantic but i get it and you shouldn't apologize! I picked out my ring the first time around and my husband thought it was horrible (the setting was just awkward on) so he said "you don't get an opinion anymore" haha. He picked out the most beautiful thing ive ever seen. He probably went with "that ring" because a saleswoman talked him into it, they probably couldn't sell it and in walks your husband. Is there anything you can say about it like "it just feels off" or "this part hurts my finger.. can we go look and see if they can fix it?" that way he doesn't think you really hate the ring just that it doesn't work for you.. if it doesn't quite fit go together to get it resized and then see another ring you absolutely love and be like OMG LOOK! Any man in his right mind would ask if you wanted that one instead! Be sneaky and you can fix it, it may sound bad but seriously he probably spent a bit of $$ and you won't be proud of something you don't absolutely LOVE.

And thank you SO much for posting this, in answering I remembered my husband bought me a beatiful necklace for christmas and I remember thinking "hmmm" it was just SO dressy but now I'm going to make an effort to wear it and show him how much I love it and appreciate him.. in time even if you don't switch it out you WILL grow to love anything he gives you.

Oh my god, I am so scared of this happening! I've been teasing (bugging) my boyfriend about getting me a ring, and now I realized that he has horrible taste in jewelry... The thought behind it is nice, but the actual jewelry... No.

Example: Our 1 year anniversary he bought me a necklace/locket. It was nice... But way too big! It was just too thick, like a big ball instead of heart. It opened up into 4 instead of 2. He said he bought it so that I could fit 4 pictures in there. He said that he knew I wanted 3 kids, so some day I would be able to put his picture plus pictures of our 3 kids in there. The thought behind it was amazing... But I NEVER wore the necklace because it was so big it just looked tacky. I didn't want to break his heart and return it... But now I've accidentally lost it (I seriously have NO idea where it is)... So I don't have to worry about it. Lol

There has been nothing as important as a ring that I've received and didn't like but there have been many things that I wouldn't have chosen but which I was given and they became precious to me. Focus on his love for you that caused him to buy you this ring.

If after wearing it for several weeks you still don't like it, I think it's alright to suggest trading it in for one that you help pick out. After time has gone by it probably won't matter so much to him. Be kind and diplomatic when the time comes.

Will u love him any less because he didn't get the right look that you like? I'd say take it & be happy.

I've been with my bf for 8 years I guess we're doing things at our own timeline we have a baby who will be 1 this month. I told him I think we should get married make it "official". To be honest we don't make that kind of money- the kind of money that will get the kind of ring I'd like. My mother and I we're at the mall I went into a jewelry store I looked at rings. Then I look at rings we could afford- The ones we could afford u needed to concentrate on the diamond to see it!! My mom told me the ring doesn't matter- the reason we're deciding to get married & our love is what trumps the ring.

Ur not being a b!t*h just being picky :)

I think that if you did mak a big stink about it and exchanged the ring for one that you liked you would also have the same problem. The new ring would remind you of the situation. Let him do what he wants to do and see what happens. Like another mom said he might do something totally romantic and that might change the beauty of the ring all together. Be patient and don't worry.

My husband gave me a necklace with a diamond when I had a baby.
It was a CHIP, maybe 1/8th of a carat on a gold chain so think it was like denal floss thick. I cried and not with joy. He had plenty of money in the bank. I could not believe he picked the cheapest thing. Here is the worst part. He paid 2-3 times what he should have paid by going to a local jewelry store. Men just don't get it sometimes.

I feel ya. I always pictured something classic, but unique. Well, Tom got the classic part down pat. Round diamond, Tiffany setting. Unique? Not so much. I've been wearing this ring for six years and I no longer dream about emerald cuts, LOL. This is my ring. It's the one he picked and I wouldn't give it up for anything.

Hi Krys,

I'm glad to hear that you love the ring. BUT, don't feel guilty if you change your mind. Those rings come with a 90 day exchange policy for a reason.

I actually got to choose my wedding ring and I regret that. Yes, it is what I wanted at the time but I really wish I would have let my husband pick it out.
It would have been nice to see what ring my husband would have chosen as a representation of HIS devotion to his wife. I am sure it would have been beautiful. Either way, the true gift is his devotion and no ring can change that!
Graciously accept the ring for what it is...a gift. Happy Mothers Day!
BTW, you're not a b. :)

Do you think he may have left out a decoy for you to find and that he'd know you wouldn't like?
No matter what ring you end up with just know that he loves you.
LBC

I'm very picky too; I'm dying to know what it looks like. Can you post a link of something similar maybe we can tell you if it's really ugly or not :o)

Also you are NOT a big B#tch at all; if you were, you would pout in front of him and let him have it, which you would never do as you said. So if the baddest thing you'll do is vent here, then you're completely fine in my book.

lol what a dilema!

If it makes you feel any better, my husband, before we were engaged, was swept up but our surroundings (we were at a really nice park) one day and proposed to me on the spot. My first thought was "I wanna see the ring". He said if he knew how nice it was there he would have brought it w/him. I of course said yes but I secretly still wanted to see the ring!

My point is, some women DO care what their jewelry looks like, so you aren't in the wrong. However, I wouldn't say anything until he gives it to you. You never know if it doesn't fit (too tight or too loose) and you have to trade it in for one that does ;)

Not a B-- at all! I don't know what the solution is at this point, but just so you know I returned my engagement ring for the set I wanted. Before getting engaged, my b/f (at the time) took me ring shopping just to get an idea of my taste. I pointed out what I liked and he bought something totally different. Long story short, we will have days when we're mad at them and I knew that when I looked at my ring it would make me more mad that he didn't "listen". anyway, he was fine with me exchanging it. I absolutely love my ring. It's not about the ring, it is the thought. On the other hand, it is on your hand forever and I have to say, it is nice to admire your own ring here and there.

Oh honey, you're not a "B", not at all. So when my DH gave me my engagement ring I cried. He thought it was because I was happy, I cried because I hated the ring! I even went to my parent's house and cried to my mom.

Did I make him return it? No, I'm still wearing it. Did I eventually tell him? Yeah, a few years later. Are there any plans in changing it? Nah, it's grown on me, not that I love it, but you know, it's part of me now. You know what they say, it's the thought that counts. :-)

The ring my now-husband gave me for our engagement isn't one that I would have ever chosen for myself, but honestly he has amazing taste in jewelry. I like simpler styles, but he likes jewelry with a little more dazzle. Still, it's a gorgeous ring and I later found out that he spent three months looking for the perfect diamond and the perfect setting and agonized over the choices until he found just the right ring.

I grew to love that ring more than any other piece of jewelry besides my wedding ring. We chose our wedding rings together. I chose his ring and he chose mine but with each others input and at the same time in the same store. I never take my rings off and wear them proudly even if they're not what I would have chosen for myself.

I'm happy to see your "so what happened" update. It sounds like the perfect ring after all.

I don't think you are a big b-but he did buy it as a gift. If you want a ring (and this goes for almost all jewelry) think about ways of getting it yourself. I am sorry to announce this, but most guys just don't get it. The wanting a specific piece of jewelry that is.And if they do, I am slightly worried.Why are they so sensitive,aware and caring all the sudden? Best to leave our minds alone by buying us the wrong article. After living a long lifetime and actually running and buying a friend a pair of earrings because her husband bought the wrong ones once, I realized that if we want something in most cases (okay there is always a few who flash the perfect everything and we are supposed to be jealous) when a gift is a gift, let it be a gift. And as I always advise, start putting away ten bucks a week til you have your ring money. Voila. AS far as the party goes grin and bear it. You will have a lifetime to be alone if you become a big b- just kidding haha! One ring, one day. Then do what you want to do.

I TOTALLY understand!! I told my husband EXACTLY what I wanted as far as the center stone, and then I picked the bridal wrap myself. I have to wear my ring every day, so I have to LOVE it (and I do!).

This is a really tough one! But how sweet of your husband to do this for you! He really loves you! At the end of the day, that's the important thing, not the ring, right?! I know you know that... which is why you are torn. ha!

I'm not helping. I think you're going to have to wear the ring and not tell him you don't like it. You might really hurt his feelings if you do tell him.

I don't think you are being a B at all. But in my sneaky subtle ways, I would totally get a book from a jewler QUICK or look online when your DH is near by and point out some rings you REALLY like. Just out of the blue, say "hey, come take a look at this, I had nothing to do, so was browsing at rings and I REALLY like this or that because it has this and NOT that." MAYBE if you are lucky, when he gives it to you he will say, that he realizes it's not exactly what you were hoping for and he will suggest you go together to exchange it.

This is something you will wear every day of your life, you should at least like it a little.

Good Luck.

PS, I picked out my ring & called my hubby to be and asked if he cared if I just bought it while I was there ;) CRAZY I know, but 12 years later we are HAPPILY married :)

I don't think you're being a b***h. What you like is what you like. I would probably go out of my way to look at jewelry catalogs and shop windows and point out what you really want. Give him a chance to secretly return it and give you what you like.

LOL! Don't feel like a b. Men are so bad at picking out rings!