My ex wants to find someone on Craig's list to share the gas cost on a car trip from Florida to Virginia & back for Thanksgiving. He has a 13 year old boy from his first marriage & a 7 year old daughter from our marriage. They would both be in the car with him. I AM COMPLETELY AGAINST IT. Because of other not so great choices he has made with our daughter I don't completely trust his judgement. Example: He allowed our daughter when she was 6 to go into the boys locker-shower room at the Y with her almost 13 year old brother & his 13 year old friend to take a shower while he continued to swim at the pool. This is one of many bad choices that from what I've been told aren't enough to report him, because he would just get a slap on the hand. I have spoken with his Pastor & we now do quarterly meetings to discuss parenting & lack of... Because of his lack of good judgement I am worried about who he would let into the car. What are your thoughts?
Just added: While things are tight right now, & he doesn't have as good of a job as he did last year. How can I say this "He is very frugal". His Mother offered to pay for airline tickets to see them & he chose not to because he thought they were too expensive. Chances are his Mother is paying for gas too. So I won't be contributing to the gas fund...
Thank you Mama's for all your comments. Several of you suggested meeting with an attorney & I think I finally will do that. I have battled him on questionable parenting since before our divorce. I have tried to do this the right way by involving his Pastor. It has helped some, but he keeps coming up with new ridiculous ideas... My daughter loves her Dad. I really don't want to start a battle but I have to protect her. Please pray for strength for me because he can be a bully & deceptive & this won't be easy. I guess I just needed some validation from some other Mama's to move forward with something that will be very hard.
For those of you that have suggested contributing to the gas fund. Part of the problem is his personality. He is the type of person who will do this just to prove me wrong that he can do this without anything happening. Me paying for gas will not keep him from doing this.
God Bless!
NO way, no how would I EVER allow that one. That's like picking up a hitchhiker off the side of the road!
NO. I would not ride in a car with a stranger, much less put my child in that car.
Help him come up with a better idea.
NO! Even without examples of previous bad judgement. If it was a friend, that's different. I wouldn't share a car ride with someone from Craigslist even if there were no children in the car.
Oh wow what a crazy situation. If this were me the first thing I would do is call an attorney, one that gives free consultations, and ask what your rights are here in what is in the best interest of your child. He will be putting your 7 y/o in a potentially dangerous situation.
I’ve heard of court ordered child custody judgments wherein a parent cannot travel out of state with a minor without the prior consent of the other parent. Find out!
No.
I would NOT do that. At all.
That is pretty dangerous.....
AND they are underage... you would need a 'consent' form, etc. and even with a Background check... I would NOT do it.
What is he thinking????
That is really.... not wise. At all.
Stupid, more like.
Just sayin'.
If YOU do not allow it... he cannot do that.
He seems to be... VERY VERY inappropriate.... I would fear for my kids.
DOCUMENT everything.... I would not want him having custody of my kids... in any way.
No way, no how. But there is a ride sharing website if he is totally bent on doing that--no way to get him to change. it involves background checks and contracts so everyone gets paid, etc. Sorry, I don't know what the sight is but I do know that one of my nephew's friends from school does this on school breaks.
Like everyone else here..NO. Even a being on a bus sounds safer!!
NO WAY, JOSE!! Sounds very dangerous to me. May as well pick up a hitch hiker!
NO WAY. I would never trust some stranger found over the internet with my kids.
Local universities usually have travel boards for the holidays. Going with a student who he can do a background check on with references would be the only way I would do this at all. I did this before and we had a lot of fun (but I was also still in college).
If gas money is really a concern, then perhaps you can split it with him so he can make the trip with your daughter.
In a word, NO. I would never let my children in a car with a complete stranger. There is a documented history of creeps using craigslist, for all kinds of crime. He could have the best judgment, in the world and a bad person could still end up in the car. There is no personal history, no background checks, no personal information. The person could use an alias, pretend to be someone he's not, come across as a really good person, etc. I would forbid this, in any way I could.
Nope. Nothing to consider. Bad, bad idea.
No.
I love Craig's list - for buying and selling furniture. This, not so much.
NOWAY....Too many LOONIES
Another bright idea is to save $$ for his Thanksgiving trip
I barely want to meet people to sell stuff on craigs list, much less drive long distances with them......thats like hitchhiking.
I have some friends i wouldnt want to spend that long in a car with. and isnt there a craigslist murderer? or there was?
no way, just nope
NO NO NO! Let him know that if he does this, you will demand a custody hearing immediately! I think you need to get a lawyer and re-visit custody and visitation. He isn't just making bad choices -he's making reckless and DANGEROUS choices! I cannot IMAGINE being a grown man in that Y locker room and looking around after stepping out of the shower to see a 6 year old girl -and showering with 13 year old boys!?!? If you read some of my other posts, you'll know I'm anything but a prude. I'm pretty loose and lax with nudity -but that's wrong in every imaginable way! This craziness with Craig's List is an open invitation to God knows what. Seriously -he needs more than a talk with his pastor -you need to sue for full custody with supervised visitation until he completes a rigorous parenting course and shows some understanding of how he's exercised such poor judgment in the past.
No frigin way, would I let that happen. That is asking for trouble. Is he trying to get killed or worse have your children hurt. Sorry to be harsh I hope you can stop this immediately. Extremely dangerous.
Call you ex mother-in -law, and have her get the ticket for your daughter.
It is your job to protect your daughter from this idiot- do your job, or don't let her go.
Craig's list-oh, yeah isn't that where that rapist came from?
Protect your daughter.
best, k
Updated
Call you ex mother-in -law, and have her get the ticket for your daughter.
It is your job to protect your daughter from this idiot- do your job, or don't let her go.
Craig's list-oh, yeah isn't that where that rapist came from?
Protect your daughter.
best, k
Updated
Call you ex mother-in -law, and have her get the ticket for your daughter.
It is your job to protect your daughter from this idiot- do your job, or don't let her go.
Craig's list-oh, yeah isn't that where that rapist came from?
Protect your daughter.
best, k
heck no. that is the most ridiculous, unsafe, irresponsible thing I've ever heard. An attorney honestly sounds like a good idea. I totally get that it's going to be hard and it sucks because you daughter might not even understand why you're doing this to her dad but seriously, her safety is at stake here. Even if he foregoes this craigslist thing, who knows what he'll do next time, maybe without consulting you! I would at least find out what your options are. Sorry you're going through this...best of luck~
Uh...Heck NO!!! My daughter's father and I aren't together and he lives in Michigan and I wouldn't let him take the grayhound from there to here one time for him to pick her up. It was a 36hr trip one way!!!
If you feel that the children's safety and best interest is compromised, then don't let them go with him. And I agree, get a lawyer!
Good luck
S.
I read your "What Happened" but haven't read the other answers.
Your subject line implied you were asking about using Craigslist.
But your text wasn't about Craigslist.
It was about your distrust of your ex's judgment.
If necessary, perhaps you or your mom or sister or someone
needs to go to pick up your daughter so that she won't be riding
back with her dad.
Regardless of what else is going on.
However angry or frustrated you are with your ex,
think about what's best for her and then decide what to do.
About your ex's quarterly meeting with the pastor.
Perhaps he's doing that just to keep you in a(n emotional) place
where you think he is trying to be cooperative and agreeable.
I think he's making the motions and saying the words
but has no intention of following through with actual behavior.
There is NO STINKIN' WAY I would allow this!! EVER!! EVER!!! EVER!!!!
One point I feel I should bring up: Even if there are background checks, you still never know. What if they got off on a technicality? What if they haven't been convicted because the trial hasn't happened yet? What if they stole someone else's identity that isn't a pediphile?
Call me cautious or call me paranoid. As long as my kids are safe, I don't care. There are too many ways to 'beat the system' to make the bad guy look like an angel. They prey on people that are trusting.
Please, don't let Him do that.
I would tell him this is absolutely not gonna happen. You said his mother offered to buy the airline tickets and he said no, well i would tell him that is the only way your kids are going to go! If GrandMa wants to see the kids then she can pay for the tickets
Under NO circumstances would I let my daughter ride in the car with a stranger. I would either A) not let her go or B) contribute to the gas myself. I realize why you wouldn't want to do that, but it's 100 times better than the alternative.
Hang in there. I think it gets easier as the kids get older and better at taking care of themselves. I have similar issues with my ex making questionable decisions regarding our 6-year-old. It's not easy to hand her over, yet I have no choice. He, too, has never done anything that could prevent me legally from withholding visitation.
You have the legal right to refuse to allow him to take her. Contact the police, contact CFS and file a petition with the courts to have your ex evaluated.
