Would You Tell Your Child's Friend to Use Their Manners?

Would I? I feel like it's ALL I DO!! So many kids have NO manners today and it literally will drive me mad. Even my three year old, if I call his name, the words that come out of his little mouth are "Yes, ma'am?" It's a HUGE thing about respect. It really gets under my skin (if you can't tell) when people don't use manners. When I set a dinner plate in front of any of my kids, they say thank you. Please ALWAYS! Everything always. I don't give them things if they show no respect. PLEASE correct this child because he is WAY too old to not be using them and it is so rude. It shows in all aspects of his life. If he can't be polite now, he won't go very far in certain things.

I do it all the time! Please, Thank-you and excuse me are staples in my house. I still sometimes have to remind my 6 year old and have no problem reminding his new best friend as well.

What do I do when a child isn't using his/her manners? I remind them. Children who aren't taught to use their manners don't remember on their own. If it's important to you then ask them to say please, thank you, may I, etc.

You might mention to the other mom that she might try not complying with her child's request unless asked in a polite manner. She's just use to the give me's and get that's from her son. If she pushed just a little bit she could have a polite child too. It's worth the extra time and attention.

In my home if you do not use your manners, you do not get anything from me. I do not care if you are my child, my husband, or anyone else.

I absolutely think you are well within your rights to remind a visiting child to use good manners. After all, they are guests in your home and therefore must follow the "house rules," whatever they may be (not swinging from the chandeliers comes to mind...:) lol). This can of course be done in a nice way, which you are already doing. Clearly the other mom already recognizes this lack of manners on her son's part, and is probably hoping some of your child's good behavior rubs off on her own! Like you said, good manners come from the top down, which means that maybe things are a little "looser" in the other boy's house. But luckily, manners are something that can be taught and modeled by others. I don't know if I would necessarily bring it up to the other Mom, though, since from what you said she is already aware of it. Just continue doing what you've been doing when this other boy comes over. Hopefully, with repetition, he will get the hint!
p.s. your son sounds like the cutest thing ever :)

I have 4 kids who are very close in age. When people have a lot of kids--they tend to attract a lot of kids to their home. I feel that when they are in MY home or MY car--I will talk to them like they are one of mine. My kids are now in college and high school and I still do the same. You'd think these kids would HATE me--because I give them advice, call them out on bad behavior and make them use manners. Actually, it's just the opposite! My daughter's friends are always saying, "I love you mom!" to me and asking me to be their FB friend etc. My sons' friends always make it a point to wave to me or come up to the car and talk when I pick them up from school. So I say "go for it"! If that boy is best friends with your son--you don't want him rubbing off on your son! And I am not sure if I would say anything to the mom--but if you do--I would say something like "well, teaching him manners isn't really my job or my son's. It's your family's job." She'll get the hint!

Look at it this way, when he is at your house he is enrolled in your school of manners, like his mom said, ha! I see nothing wrong with you saying stuff like "in our house we say 'please' when asking for an adult to get us something" to prompt him. Don't be demanding about it, just prompt like you did when he asked for the water. I would keep doing exactly that. And if you make statements like "in our house, we..." it's not like your judging what he has learned in his own home, you're just telling him the way it's gotta be when he has the privilege of being in YOUR home.
Too bad his mom isn't taking the time to be consistent about this herself...

You cannot make him use his manners all the time but you can enforce them in your house. The next time he demands something, explain that in your house, you have to use your manners and say please and thank you. Tell him that we do not demand anything from anyone. I would not worry if he doesn't say "May I please have water" and instead says "Can I have some water?" That 'please' is nice but the meaning is not lost when he asks nicely. I'd be sure to go over the top when your son uses his manners and maybe the boy will follow.

YES you are okay in correcting him when he is with you! I tell me kids' less than polite friends that at our house you must follow the rules of the house. I can't understand requests unless they are accompanied by a please. I say "what?" until they add please :) If they can't remember thank you I ask them what they forgot, and remind them that at our house we always say please and thank you because we feel it is important to respect others in this way, if they are difficult about it, I do remind them that if they wish to stay/be invited back, they need to respect us and our house rules. Apparently our house is fun, because I've NEVER had to not invite any of their friends back :)

When in my house and in my care (as in a playdate), the kids are expected to follow the rules of my house, whether that means no jumping on the couch or using good manners. I think what you did and how you did it were spot on. If you allow other kids to treat you with disrespect in your home, your son may soon start questioning the validity of your rules.

One idea: the next time the child leaves your house and has successfully used some good manners, tell him (right in front of his mom), "hey, thanks so much for saying please when you wanted water. That was great." It will be reinforcement for him and hopefully some kind of hint to his mom that it is possible for her kid to be taught to be nice.

I say, if he's in your house, it's your rules. It seems that he responded well when you asked him to use his manners. What you don't want to happen, is your son to pick up on his bad manners and start to regress. Sounds like your son is doing great with it!! I don't think you need to mention it to mom, unless asked. If only to say, that when he's here he goes by our rules. I think that is totally fair! Who knows... he may start using them at his house too... win, win!

Good job mom!

absolutely - in your home, your rules prevail, when my son's friends come over.
I wouldn't mention anything to the mom - she obviously has different standards to the norm, and either would get mad, or ignore it.

when my son's friends came around the other day, they started chasing my chickens around, I don't mind them trying to catch them to hold them, but they were chasing them and stressing them, so I bellowed - OY! STOP!, they almost fell over themselves to stop, it was almost funny!, my place - my rules!

I would set that kid straight! My house, my rules, no exceptions. I would tell the mother as well, just so she's aware (and then it's really up to her to correct the behavior). If she gets mad, it's probably because she's embarrassed. But yes, absolutely, 100% always enforce manners to a child who is not using them under your roof. HOUSE RULES!! :)

I'm sorry the friend would not have received any water from me, until he ask with respect without me telling him he needed to ask with respect. He's older and you don't want him being a bad influence on your child. I have a 20 month old who always says thank you, then i have a 5 year old who used to have great manners, now it's I'm hungry or wheres my drink, I ignore it until she ON HER OWN asks me the right way. And yes i would tell him to use his manners. I would tell him in our home we say please and thank you. And i would address his parents for not teaching him manners. J.

I know you have tons of answers but... I would say that it takes a village to raise a child...and we as parents should help each other raise courtesy well adjusted children. Help her teach her son to practice manners, if he is not required to use them he never will.

I think when he is in your care it is perfectly acceptable to teach him( and model for him) good manners. Learning manners does start at home, but you are an adult and authority figure to this child-you can teach him! I hope you don't mind me sharing another perspective though...Unless you have witnessed your friend failing to teach manners, I would caution you to not judge her parenting and assume that the child has bad manner because of what she is or is not teaching at home. I do feel that parents are the primary teachers and definitely the phrase "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" often applied. However, part of your son's good manners may be because of your awesome parenting, but also part of his innate personality. I work really hard to teach my toddlers manners and I am actually very frustrated as I feel like my words fall on deaf ears. I try to model, role play, coach etc.... I don't feel like my kids are going to grow up rude and they sometimes use their manners on their own now, but I sure wish they would use please, thank you, and excuse me more often and without my prompt. I would love any advice if you want to share some of your techniques :)

You sure can! I do all the time! If a child were to do that to me about the water, I would respond back with "How do we ask?" and if they seem a little stumped still, I'd say "We say 'please and thank you' here...they're the magic words"....If other parents aren't willing to coach their kids, then by all means, you do it for them!

I would correct him & have him/his friends use the same manners as your son.
Your house your rules. And who knows it may rub off on him..
Your doing a great job with your son. Keep up the good work.

I would simply let him know that in your home, everyone uses respectful language. I would then model an appropriate phrase immediately following his demand and have him repeat it. Eventually he will start using the language spontaneously, at least in your home.

If he refuses, then don't get him what he wanted. "I'm sorry, but I can't get you a glass of water until I hear the magic words" then go about your business until he rethinks his language. If he continues to demonstrate the rude behavior, then address it directly with him mother.

When my daughters friends are over if they are being rude I tell them to use good manners. Even table manners. This one girl ate pancakes with her hands!!! I asked her to please use her fork. She said that is how she always eats her pancakes. I asked her if she eats her pancakes with her hands at a restaurant? She said no. So I told her she needed to use her fork when she's at our house. Crazy.

Absolutely, you kindly and gently coach him to do what is right. It's your house. Your son is watching. Your friend will be grateful. No need even to bring it up with her, why hurt her feelings. Just do it.

You made the right decision to enforce your manner rules whenever he is over. I recently had to do this with one of my daughter's playmates, only her problem was swearing! (dropping f bombs at 8 years old!)

She gets little to no supervision at her own house and has a 16 year old brother who teaches her all sorts of nasty things. I let her know in no uncertain terms that we do not use that kind of language in our house. When she did it again, I sent her home. Now she knows not to use vulgar language here. It is simply not acceptable.

Wish her mom would get a clue about how easy it is to break her daughter of this unsavory habit. Good for you for teaching this little guy what his mom seems unable or unwilling to teach.

I absolutely would remind him. In a very calm, matter of fact voice say things like, "Sure, as soon as you say 'please.' " You might delay handing him something until he says "thank you," even if you have to remind him, "You need to say 'thank you.' "

He's becoming worse with age because he wants to see what he can get away with. If he knows that people won't require manners, he won't use any, but if he knows it's the only way to get something, he'll use them.

If you're like me, you have plenty of memories of adults saying during your growing up years, "What's the magic word?" It certainly wouldn't hurt if more adults said that now!

Absolutely!
I have no trouble telling anyone I have not heard the magic words (please, thank you, you are welcome, etc) and I can't hear them until I do.
As for barking orders at me - I won't take that from anyone.
Not my husband, not my son, not my boss nor any stranger.
Good manners can open many doors for you, but bad manners will slam them shut.
The 8 yr old friend is old enough to know he should not be acting this way in your house. If he can't learn to use his manners, he needs to be sent home until he does. Next time he needs a birthday or Christmas present, be sure to get him a copy of "What Do You Say, Dear?".

I don't see anything wrong with it, you're not harming the boy, quite the contrary, you're giving him tools that will take him farther away wherever he goes.
When my mom had children in her care she would kindly rephrase the question like "I'm thirsty. Get me some water" she would go "Can I please have some water?" and wait for them to repeat or ask them to repeat, and they almost always would.
My mom never got any complaints, so I don't think you will, besides like Shira said, your house, your rules. Good Luck

"Your house, your rules". Whatever you would do with your kids when they don't use their manners, then that is what you do with him. I would not get him water until I heard a please and then I expect a thank you. Just remind him - what do say after someone gave you something? No use talking to the mother at this stage. She clearly hasn't taught her 8 year old manners for whatever reason. Odds are she won't start now. I also bet she doesn't use manners when talking with him. Kids learn a lot form our actions/non-actions. Maybe you will be able to teach him about manners and someday he will understand why it's important. Right now his mother doesn't think it's important. Why should he?

You absolutely can! Its your house and your son he's playing with. You don't want to run the chance of that bad behavior rubbing of, right?!

I had a similar situation happen this past weekend. My daughter had her 8th birthday party, at our home, with a dozen of her friends. Some of the girls were very polite, others were, honestly, very obnoxious and rude. One little girl even cheated during our party games. I had no problem correcting the rude behavior and definitely the cheating was not tolerated. I didn't want my daughter's birthday to be ruined by this behavior! I'm sure you feel the same way. You didn't mention how the little boy talks to your son but my guess is if he talks to you in that brazen manner then he's probably speaking the same way to your son. You don't want your son's play date ruined!

Yah I would.
If in my home... I do say those things, if my kids' friends are at our home.
And because I know the Moms real well... they don't mind.
They even say to their kid "listen to Aunty.... be a good guest..."
And it is also a good example, for your child... as well. To see that THEIR parent... is well behaved as well....

I always, remind/correct a kids bad manners... especially if in my home or in my care.

It takes a village to raise a child!

You are an adult. He looks up to you. Teach him respect and manners in your home. He will need them in the real world. You are doing him a favor!

His mom has already given you permission to enroll him in your "School of Manners". Given her encouragement, I'd require him to use good manners the same way you require your son to use use good manners.

If her son replied, "I don't say anything" in front of me in those circumstances, I'd have said very loudly, "Ok, come back here. Now what SHOULD you have said?".

Then after he had left I'd tell the mom, that if she want her son to use good manners she has to teach him at home too.

BTW, When my kids were teenagers, and they would ask me for something, if they didn't use the "magic words", I'd just say "No". If they asked, "Why?" I'd tell them, "I figured you wanted me to say, 'No' because you didn't ask right." It helped me and them one time because one of their friends asked them to go somewhere and they really didn't want to go. They asked me without the please and I said "No." They then turned to their friend and said, "Dad, said no." After the friend left, he came and told me, "Thanks, Dad."

Good luck to you and yours.

i agree i think the next time he comes over with his mother have them sit down with you and go over some ground rules for your home. i always make sure my daughter says please and thank you and i will correct her if she doesnt ask properly and she is 3!

Yes, I would correct him and let him know how to ask for things. If he is at my house he is going to follow the rules and be polite. If his mother does not have a problem with him being that way at home that's her issue. But at your house he should follow your rules.
Maybe by you teaching him manners it may rub off at home too.

With my DD's friends, if I know their parents, I will encourage manners...if I am not familiar with their parents, I usually let it be. DD is only 3 so the other parent is usually with them. Usually, if I say to my DD if she asks for a snack, "How do you ask me politely? Use your manners." and she'll say, "May I have a snack please?" and I'll tell her how much I love it when she uses her manners, and give her the snack. That will usually get their parent to do the same. If the other parent does...I will say, "If Susie is here without you, do you want me to encourage her manners?" The mom can easily say, "Yes! Please do!" or "Nah, we've given up!"
I always ask DD's friend's parents to please encourage her use of her manners if she is with them...and they're happy to do so.
Maybe if you set the example (ask your son's friend's mom to please reinforce your son's manners if he is at her house and then say, "Would you like me to do the same?"
Good luck!

Your house your rules. I would never let any child (mine included of course) get away with rude behavior in my home. You find yourself saying "what do you say?" or "what's the magic word?" or something like that quite a lot. If they don't ask properly etc. they don't get what they asked for. This applies if the child's parents are there as well. The only time I stay out of it is if the child is rude to his/her own parents. Then it's up to them to handle it.

I say make (or try to) him use his manners when he is in your care. Not if the mom is there with you, though. That is her job then. But, when he is there without her I say 'Go Ahead!' I wouldn't say anything to the mom about it. Maybe one day the son will say something to her, but if you tell her something it may hurt her feelings.

Hi D.,

Yes, by all means, you should correct your son's playmate. We've had a few cases like yours in our house, and I always make a point to either correct or praise kids for lack or use of good manners.

The way I figured, I try to be consistent in our house with the big things, like manners. If someone, especially another child, is not being consistent with those rules, how would I be able to answer my daughter when she asks, "How come Sally doesn't have to use her manners when she's here?"

It's YOUR house, and you should be able to expect certain rules from people who are in it; particularly kids who play with your child.

Your son's playmate is lucky to have your son as his friend, especially if he reminds him to practice good manners. I think sometimes the reminders carry more weight when they come from peers, however I find that sometimes all it takes is a simple "Thank you for your nice manners" comment to one kid before they all rememeber their "please" and "thank yous" in our house.

I wish you the best, and congratulations on raising a considerate, polite little boy.

Take care,
L.

I would simply ask the mom "Hey,when XXX is at my house do mind if I remind him to use his manners"? If she is a normal mom she'll be glad for the reinforcement.

I would not make a big deal about it. Say something like this..If you want the treat you need to say the magic word. He will probably say oh yeah..please.
Sometimes they just need a little at remembering.

Manners = Respect
Deliberately NOT using manners = DELIBERATE Dis-respect.
It is not getting better, it is getting worse - I wouldn't let this boy play with my son, he will be a bad influence and lead him down bad paths.
However, if he can change . . . . .

Hello, I see no reason for not reminding him that in your home, people use good manners. Example, I would repeat his questions with "Can I PLEASE have a drink of water?" Don't hand it to him until he says thank-you. If he refuses, walk away with the glass of water. It takes good example for children to learn this. Obviously, his parents have not taught him.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

IMO if the child would like to have food, drink, etc. when he's at your house, it's perfectly reasonable for you to request that he use good manners when requesting it. And you could try doing the 'reminders' in a nonconfrontational way - so when he says "I'm thirsty, get me some water" you could say something like "Sorry, I didn't understand that. Do you mean 'could I please have some water'" and wait for him to say the full sentence, not just "yeah, that's what I meant". If necessary, you could even try tacking on a silly consequence - one mom I know says that when her kids neglect to ask politely, they not only need to repeat the request with "please" but also with "oh mother my dear, light of my life" (for your son's friend it could be something like "oh wise and generous Mrs. So-and-so").

Would you tell your child's friend to use their manners?

in a flash! do it all the time. does not result in "lost" friends. i start like this: "when you are in my house/my car/trip with us/etc, this is what you do/say/expected of you/...

You darn right I'd correct him, if he acted that way in my home! You let him know, that around you, he will say please and thank you, period!

The next time your neighbor giggles (how sad btw!) about her son attending your school, just tell her, it's called consistency and we don't accept rude behavior from him.

Updated

You darn right I'd correct him, if he acted that way in my home! You let him know, that around you, he will say please and thank you, period!

The next time your neighbor giggles (how sad btw!) about her son attending your school, just tell her, it's called consistency and we don't accept rude behavior from him.

If he is in your home, then it is within your rights to correct him. If his mother is present, however, do not.

My thought is, it is your house and your rules abide. If he is in your care, then encourage him to use manners. I tell my kids' friends, "At our house we use please and thank you". It isn't long before they realize that this is what happens on our turf. If you allow others to act differently than your own children, before long your kids pick up on it. You can say it nicely (just like you mentioned--good job!) and other kids will realize that's how it works at your house. Plus, since there is a bit of an age difference, it may not be long before the friend decides to play with older kids. (Maybe not, that's just been my observation.) Good for you for wanting to call out the best in other kids!

I haven't read the other answers.
When this little boy is in your house, he needs to play by your rules.
The next time he comes to visit,
before the kids start playing, I think you should sit him down
and tell him how the situation works in your house . . .
even if it's different from the way it works in his house.
Explain the use and function of PLEASE, THANK YOU,
EXCUSE ME and other pertinent phrases.
Do a little bit of practice together before they go off to play together.
In particular, let him know that you are not his servant
and you will not provide drink of water, etc.,
immediately upon his request but when it is convenient for you.
And you will not provide drink of water, etc., unless he asks you properly.
You will help him remember these rules until they become natural to him.
In addition, if it seems comfortable at the time,
you can point out that these special words and phrases
will do him well in other places and situations.
That many grown-ups will appreciate hearing them used correctly.
Of course I know that you won't, during any of this conversation,
say anything negative about his own home or upbringing.
You're teaching him how things are in your house.
I think you'll be doing him more than just a favor,
as regards other places he will be.
Good luck.

I expect that when my son's friends are in our house, that they follow our rules. I have no trouble at all pointing out to them when they need to follow a rule. I would also discuss it with the mom. Just say something like "You know when my son is at your house, I expect him to follow your rules and please let me know if he's not, so I can address the issue with him. You have my permission to correct him when he's there, OK?" That should get the ball rolling, yet, it's not like you're accusing her son of anything.

When my son forgets his manners he has to ask again - complete sentence followed by "Please Mommy, you're so beautiful!" It's working so far!
Tell Rude Boy that if he doesn't use his manners he can't come to your house anymore, Thank you very much.
It's so annoying that some parents expect other people to raise their kids for them!
It sounds like his mom is asking you for pointers in a round-about way - perhaps have her stay the next time the kids play and give her a pep talk.
It sounds like the whole neighborhood will thank you.

When you are the supervising adult, you are certainly within your rights to say "We use manners here". Don't cooperate (unless it is a safety issue) unless he does.

she seems ok by it and I think would like assistance. If they are in my home they follow the rules of my home. my kid or not. my kids are taught to follow the rules of someone elses house and I think its a courtosy thing. if their rules are diffrent than mine they follow that persons rules. period.

I haven't gotten to the point of having my daughter's friends over yet, but I do remember when I was a kid, if you went to someone's house you had to obey the rules of the house like bedtimes, tv watching limitations, etc. It seems to me that it's your house, so it should be your rules, and manners should be enforced. Unless it's a rule that can't be obeyed for religious reasons or something (not that I can think of that sort of situation at the moment), I don't see why a child in your home should not be expected to obey your rules.

My house, my rules, and they are enforced. Anyone who leaves their kids with me knows this, so it is not an issue. I have a friend with kids (3) like this, they also grab things and were Terrible messy eaters. She left them with me a couple of times and all of a sudden their manners improved and they made a huge less of a mess.
Anyway, good luck
R.

Like the others have said - your house your rules. Since the other Mom has said that she wants her son to have manners like yours, I wouldn't think she will have a problem.

Also - making manners the rule in yor house will re-enforce to your son that they really are important. If he sees that he has to be polite but his friend does not he may start imitating his friend....

Good luck!

It's so automatic with me now to say to my son, "what do you say when you want something", etc. while training him to use his manners that when I'm around other kids, it just automatically comes out of my mouth. I've said it to other kids in front of their parents without even thinking and I've said it to a few of my son's friends at daycare without thinking. Each time, the child corrected themselves and said please or thank you. They know what is correct behavior and as with anything with children (or puppies -smile) it's all about consistency. This Mom probably just isn't consistent, but would love to see the results.

If her child is talking to you, then I think it is completely okay to let him know what is an acceptable way to speak to you - whether in her company or not. Obviously, I wouldn't correct him when he's speaking to her - that's her business if she wants to let her kid walk all over her, but when he's speaking to you, you have every right to let him know what is acceptable behavior for you.

Yes you have all rights, other wise they will never learn. I have kids here all the time and when they are here they all know the rules. If they wear there pants down below there belt I will go behind them and pull them up for them. They say yes mam when asked a question and use all there manners. Other wise they dont come in. Im telling you my house is always full..kids like disapline, they like to learn, when they do talk like that they are asking for attention and to be corrected. Put down the rules.
I think if you would tell the mother she would probably just laugh again and say I know, he is something, I've tried everything,,,,,let him tell her he can't come over unless he is polite, well behaved, and curtious.......good luck

(Without reading the other responses) Given you have known them for several years, and the mom asked about enrolling him, etc., I would be courteous & ask the mom how she feels about you telling her son that when he is in your home, this is how we treat one another. We say, x,y, and z, when wanting/receiving something. Then absolutely do it! Help him learn some courtesy, politeness, and respect for those around him. Hopefully his parents are treating him with respect at home, using please & thank you when they want something from him or when they receive something from him. (Yes, it does begin at home.) Thanks for caring about this little boy! Peace, B.

As a child whose M. never taught me manners, please do teach him. It will help him his entire life. You are not doing the boy or your friend any kindness by allowing him to talk to you rudely. His mother won't mind.

I think that "Your House, Your Rules" - and if he won't abide by them, then he needs to go home. And, if you're going to enforce them, to the point of making him leave if he's disrespectful, you probably need to let his mom know. You don't have to make a big deal about it, but she does need to know so that the first time the boy has to go home and he does and complains about how "mean" you are to her, she'll be aware and won't get blindsided.

But, he absolutely does need to be respectful of you in your house and to you in general. Because before too long, your sweet, well mannered boy may start to wonder why he needs to bother being polite, too, if his older friend doesn't need to be....

I would also suggest that if this boy is impolite to you in front of his mom, if his mom doesn't correct him, then you may have to, by calling him out on his behavior. If you start doing that in front of the mom, maybe she'll start to have courage to do it, too.

YES, YES and YES. My house, my rules. I let all children in my home know what is acceptable and what is not. If kids are at my house for dinner, they will help with dishes. If they spend the night, they are part of our ten minute tidy. If they don't like it they don't have to come over to play.

Parents say the same thing to me all the time...can they move in with you for a week?

Stand your ground, keep your rules. Let the kids know and be happy with your decision.

B.
Family Success Coach

She's basically giving you the OK to do this - look at the other comments she has made to you.
your house - your rules. Everyone has to say please and thank you in our house... even the adults. =)

Abso-friggin-lutely! :P ESPECIALLY in your house! I have no problems telling my son's friends to use their manners. Of course, I'm not going to parent them or discipline them directly in front of their parents, but I will say vague things like, "Oh, come on now. Let's be nice."

Usually, if my son's little friend/s is/are speaking rudely to me, I ignore him/them. As soon as they use their manners, I perk up, smile and say, "Of course! Thank you for using such nice manners!"

If I child said rudely to me "I'm thristy. Get me something to drink." and his parents were right there...I would not correct that child's manner. But nor would I get him something to drink. I would wait patiently until his parents corrected him and made him ask politely. If that didn't happen and the child kept asking, I might be pressed to say something like, "I will get you something to drink as soon as you say the magic words."

However, all bets are off when the parents are absent. No parents means my rules are in effect and will be made crystal clear to the child. I am sure my nieces are swell girls, but I guarantee they argue less and whine less and listen more when they are at my house than they do when I see them in their own homes or at gramma's.

I think you are doing the right thing. I found your post when searching for suggestions for a similar concern. We spend a lot of time with a family (adults are good friends) whose children are not held accountable for using their manners. I'm concerned that our child will pick up on these bad behaviors. It's also quite annoying to always be told what to do by a pre-schooler and to be constantly interrupted.

I continue to expect manners and just as someone else posted, I don't help anyone who doesn't ask nicely.

What do you recommend regarding using manners at the friend's house? If your child is held to higher standards than the host's child, how does this play out? One example I can think of is that in our house, everyone stays at the table until everyone is done eating. Once people have eaten and are merely relaxing and socializing, people who wish to leave the table may do so. If we are at a friend's house and the other child are excused, I would still prefer for my child to wait, but maybe that's asking too much. What do others think?