Would You Remind the MIL of an Event?

You could let it go or you could say something in passing like "We're not doing much this weekend except Susie's performance and maybeing going to the movies" that way you have reminded her but without her realizing it was a "reminder"

I would remind her. I would call and say something like "I was just wondering if we needed to save a seat/keep an eye out for you" I would also remind her that it is only going to be a 10 minute thing and you don't expect her to make the drive but also don't want her to have to sit by herself if she comes.

Why not remind her about it and attach a lunch invitation to it? Might be nice for all of you.

I would send an informal reminder to her and several other people including your parents to make it seem more vague and less like you singled her out. Something along the lines of: Just wanted to send a quick reminder to all of you about Susie's choir concert next Friday, February 24 at 10 am, at such and such location. Like I said, it will be brief and there is absolutely no pressure to come, but I just wanted to make sure you all know you're welcome to join us and we'll be delighted to see you if you do. Please let me know if you do plan on attending so we can look for you and do lunch afterwards (or hang out at our house, etc, to make it more worth her trip should she decide to come if you feel so inclined).
Thanks,
Molly

Personally, I think I would let it go. Her response of "I'll see what I can do" didn't seem overly enthusiastic. And truthfully an hour drive for a ten minute performance IS a lot of work. I would let your parents be there with their clanging bells on, beaming at your daughter's dazzling performance. Your bases are covered if she gets upset later - you told her about it. It's not up to you to remind her 10 times. You can save the reminder for another event that you would EXPECT her to attend.
Have fun at the performance!

I'd remind her, but also put emphasis on the fact that it's 10 minutes long and your feelings aren't going to be hurt if she doesn't come ;)

Remind your MIL in passing. If you need to talk to her over the phone about something, or if you're e-mailing today or tomorrow, say, "By the way, you're still invited to Becky's choir performance Saturday morning. It's a long way for you to come for a ten-minute performance, but we want you to be in the loop." Don't say more than that. Let her decide from there.

I am with QueenoftheCastle.

Remind and then invite for lunch/brunch?

It is a 10 min thing and an hour drive - unless you are making a day of it then there is no point spending the gas money for the drive.

Remind her and if she can't make it, she can't make it.
My own mother lives an hour away and hasn't come to things like that because of the distance.
I don't hold it against her.
A two hour drive for something so brief, I don't expect it anyway.
We get together when we can have more time together. I give her pictures taken at the event.

Best wishes.

I wonder why you would remind her. It's not our job to keep track of events for other people. Once you've told her, it's her responsibility to do what she wants with the info. If she's interested in attending wouldn't she put it on her calendar? It feels to me that a reminder would be putting pressure on her to attend.

If you consistently just notify her once then she will eventually catch on that you're not going to keep track of events for her and can't legitimately complain. I suspect she will continue to blame if that's her way of handling life. (ie. blame others, expect others to keep track for her) But you'll know that you've been consistent and that you're treating her as an adult.

If you exchange e-mails, I suggest that you do notify her of future events in writing. My daughter and I had difficulty keeping up with each other's schedules and found that with e-mail we only have to notify the other once. (I'm involved every week as transportation for school and events.)

Let it go, and don't take her blame when she tries to apply it.

If you talk to her again, remind her in passing. If you don't, then don't.

If you talk to her during the week or she is on FB with you? Say how excited you are about her upcoming performance on Saturday!

I don't think she needs a reminder - just talk about how excited you are for your daughter!

I would gush over how much your daughter is nervouse about this weekend's performance. THen she's been reminded.
Or have hubby call his mom and say Hey are you coming or not.

To keep her from "flaking" on your kids, don't tell them anything she promises to do. My dad is the biggest flake IN THE WORLD, so I NEVER EVER tell them anything he says. I have also instructed him (as my dad with our own weird relationship) that he is not to ever promise my children anything -ever- and that I'd rather he "surprise" them than disappoint them. He acted like it hurt his feelings that I would feel the need to say that....but it's been half a year and he's yet to "surprise" them so I'm glad they don't hear a bunch of lipservice. But I digress....I would call and say "You are obviously not obligated to come, it's only 10 minutes, but we'd love to see you if you're able to make it to the performance on Saturday at ___". That is all. Keep it simple! If she comes, that would be great, and if she doesn't come, you haven't mentioned it to your daughter so she didn't get stood up.

I would remind her and then let it go.

It is up to her to decide. I also suggest if you email her, keep a copy of all documentation. I was accused by my MIL of not keeping her informed.
I had all of it on my computer.. Years and years of events. calendars, school flyers. etc. ..

I was able to send then to her with a cc, to our daughter and my husband once our daughter turned 18 and I was done dealing with MIL accusing me of not informing her of our daughters events.

Have your daughter remind her. It is their relationship and if she is old enough to sing in a choir, she is old enough to talk to her grandmother. I rarely speak to my MIL, however, make sure my daughter talks to her at least every couple of weeks.

I think it would be a good idea to remind her but without putting any
pressure on her since it is an hour ride and only a ten minute performance. Maybe after the performance you could invite her for a snack or something back at your house.
Then it's up to her. Good luck!

I would mention to her about the music performance on Saturday, but I would leave it open ended and not like you are waiting for a response. Honestly, If I were grandma.. I most likely wouldn't come unless the family was also doing dinner/lunch or something afterwards. If you are, then welcome her to join.

If the child asks, I would say that MIL wasn't able to be there for the concert since she's an hour away. I always disliked events during the day b/c they want parent participation...and then make it difficult to participate! You might say something to MIL like "I know that it's a long drive for a short gig, but if you wanted to call before her show, she leaves for school by x time and would have a few minutes to talk, or you can leave voicemail that I can play for her later." Give her a reminder and an out. BUT I wouldn't play into the guilt if she tries it and I wouldn't prod her into coming. Frankly, some people aren't good at the little things and the kids learn who will be there and who won't.

I'd send her a text or email with a brief reminder, telling her it's only 10 minutes but you wanted to remind her incase she was coming out your way, etc. That way you did your part to tell and remind her but you didn't make her feel like it was a huge life changing event that if she did miss it, it would be the end of the world.

Funny as I am in a similar situation. My son has been in a special ed preschool for the past 3 years. Every year there is a huge silent auction/fun fair to raise extra money for this program. As soon as I heard what the date was (2 months ago) I sent my parents and sister a message explaining how great the program is, what it means to us, how it has helped my son overcome some of this developmental delays, etc. As such I said, "it would mean a lot to us if you were able to come since it's had such an impact in our lives." My moms response (they are 4 hours away): "I'll see if I have to work overtime and if your dad has changed his work schedule by then." The fun fair is in 2 weeks - I have not heard a thing from them.
They are always all about mentioning my sons behavioral issues, etc. and asking what we can do to change them - um, this school is part of the help we receive = yet they have just 'forgotten' about this.

Sorry, my answer to you turned into my rant.........I'm done reminding them - I gave them a heads up and a big explanation; they said they'd look into it and that they'd 'love' to come.........if they miss it, it's their loss.

My son is 5 and my daughter is 2 - I am done reminding adults that supposedly want to be a special part of their lives..........

So, you let her know - if she pulls the 'your fault' card again just say you have a family to remember dates and schedules for which is why as soon as something comes up you let them know and assume they have put it on their calendar.........

I agree with Shan, I have a MIL that acts very similarly.. real flaky, always forgetting.. I have also gotten to the point where she forgets that she is going to do something for us (like drive us to the train station so we do not have to lug all of our luggage on the bus and switch and then get to the train, or babysit so we can have a night to ourselves) so I no longer remind her of the fun things.. It's probably a little bitter and petty, but I cannot keep my appointments in my head as well as hers..

Who cares if she flakes out on the kids. YOU should have a clear conscience about it and I'd remind her.

Hell, I can't remember half the things my own kids do and I'm only 42.

The way I look at it, and yes I've been in the same situation, I don't want to have any regrets or second thoughts hanging over my head so regardless of anyone elses actions, I am going to do the right thing.

And the right thing is to remind and move on.

Sending good thoughts your way.

I would I am in same situation u are I would just call her say hey just wanted to let u know not sure if I told u but so u don't miss it. Leave it at that

you are lovely to want her to have the option but not feel pressured.
be as lovely to yourself!
you've let her know. ball's in her court. there's really no need to remind anyone about little things. you can't prophylactically prevent people who are permanently aggrieved from being aggrieved, ya know?
khairete
S.