Would You Let 'Friends' Back in Your Life If They Abandoned the Friendship?

They reached out. Someone had to do it first, they took that step. Now you reach back. :)

Call them!

It's seems you miss them, so..... why not call them? visit them? make amends and all the above! Forgive and forget the past. Now is all that matters. Get back what you had.

I would reach out. Being in business with a friend is hard. I have seen lots of life long friendships end because of it. Because of the reasons behind the break, I would definitely let them back in. Just friendship, no business.

That was her way of reaching out.

Accept the gesture.
Repair the friendship.
Keep business separate from friendship.

I carefully read your whole story, though I found it rather muddled and confusing. It doesn't sound like they abandoned you. It sounds very mutual. Your description comes across as if you were "keeping score" and were very judgmental.

You don't sound like you want to go back to having the strong friendship but since your daughter misses them here is how you should handle it IMO:

Have your daughter write a thank you note and send it.
You give a call and tell them how thoughtful the gift was. Keep the conversation light and friendly. Then see what happens after that.

Sounds like they miss you too and have extended an olive branch. I think you should take it.

And FWIW-your story was a little confusing but it seems to me like you are as much to blame as them on the whole business situation.

yes send a TY note and start really really slow and quiet but don't deny them. time heals............. your an adult, you can heal from this.

Friendships are relationships.
All relationships go through good times and bad times.
People in relationships hurt each others' feelings.
People in relationships forgive each other.
Relationships are not always 50/50 - sometimes one gives more than the other - this is natural.

If you think the damage was irreparable, then just write a a bland thank you note and be done.

But, if this friendship, that has life long roots, means something to you - then accept the gesture for what it is - a chance to repair a relationship.

To, me, from your post, both people in this relationship made mistakes.

Your friend isn't really the one who abandoned the friendship. She was a lifelong friend and, in your own words, family. You didn't treat her like a best friend. You didn't communicate well with her. You made plans, but lacked follow through and good communication skills. The businesses were "separate" only legally, apparently, and in your mind... not hers.

I'm sorry, but she had every right to be hurt and offended. She had every right to need some distance. I'm sure she was hoping for an apology from you, rightfully so, but when you didn't reach out to her in a decent amount of time she finally decided to suck it up and reach out to you.

If she was really as close as you claim, then take her olive branch. Because it should have been extended by you.

What she sent you was an olive branch. The polite thing to do would be to send a brief thank you note. And then the ball will be back in your friend's court. If she wants to resume correspondence and the friendship, then proceed with caution. And let her take the lead.

I've had friendships end and then reconnect. People C.. Situations C.. I don't like to waste my time on "friends" who are users or emotional vampires. But I also like to think that given the right circumstances, people deserve second chances. Good luck to you!

once broken, can never be mended is how i look at relationships.

First, I would call to thank them and then follow up with a signed thank you note from your daughter. I think in this day and age of emails and texts, a phone call is personal and it takes guts to do it especially given the circumstances. I would be civil on the phone, not mention anything relating to the business, and see where it goes from there.

At the least, you should send a thank you card for the present.

Have your DD write a "Thank You" note & call it a day. Tell her not to have any expectations. Also, you, yourself, shouldn't have any expectations. You're over thinking this.

It sounds like these people were riding your coattails, anyway. If a blow up happened once, it will happen again. It's funny how people act when the truth is told to them, about themselves. She probably knew she did a poor job & just couldn't handle it or learn from it. Good riddance. Continue with your life and move on.

I think it depends on how old your daughter is. If she is old enough to have a relationship with them on her own (teens, she can call, and see them at gatherings without you), then I would have her write a thank you card to them and see what comes of it.

However, I would not try to renew MY relationship with them. Although I believe everyone deserves a second chance, there is too much that went on with this.

Also, I own an insurance agency but I do NOT have my moms insurance. There is a REASON you don't mix personal relationships with business. lol Good luck!

I believe it's a bad idea to go into business with friends and family. You found out the hard way. Your friend is trying to reconcile. You miss her, she misses you. Give her a call to say thanks and suggest coffee. Let the friendship continue on a purely social basis.

Another thing I don't believe in is rehashing why something happened -- it just gets into blame-throwing. Accept what happened -- you both did things that hurt each other, however unwittingly -- and get back to being friends.

Let her say thank you with a note or a call but do not let this wipe away her bad behavior.

If your businesses were not merged then you had no legal obligation to let her know what you were doing. On the other hand this was your friend, a person closer to you than anyone else. It is natural that she was devastated by what she thought was a betrayal.

In the case where this has happened to me there was a wall that has never come down and never will. We are, in my mind, acquaintances that have history, but in my friends mind we're best buds again.

I protect my heart and think with my head instead.

I had a huge falling out with one of my very best friends because of something that she did involving one of my kids about two years ago. Nothing gross or illegal or violent, just something I would never, ever have done to one of her kids if I were in the same situation. I was so upset and it was one of those stiuations where I just didn't know how to fix the damage done to the friendship because I'm one of those girls who will overlook nearly anything done to me, but my kids is a whole different story.

Last week I got an email from her asking if I was available and we started talking. I had the same kind of quandry you did and it was much the same. Before the falling out, I was almost always the one to put a hand out in friendship. It had gotten way worse in the couple of years previous, so the friendship had taken a lot of damage beforehand. I just didn't know if it could be repaired or if I wanted to.

I was really honest with her and she was with me, too. That helped me understand where she was coming from and what was going on in her head when the "big bad" happened. We are now in the process of taking small steps to repair things, and whether it will ever be like it once was, I don't really know. But it will be something and over a decade of friendship won't have been lost or wasted.

So, I think if you can fix things, even if it isn't as close as before, you should try. You never know....this may give you a chance to change the dynamics of the old friendship and make a better one.

I'm kinda going through something similar with family and a few family friends. It wasn't business related but, we have a non exsistent relationship due to something's that were said that caused a great big divide.
I wish things were different for my family but, I don't think everyone is there yet... And may never be. But, it looks like your friend is trying to reach out by sending that birthday gift...( it's a start). I know it's been two years... But, sometimes people need time to figure things out on there own. And that saying " time heals all wounds" is so true! Your friend and her family needed time. I think that a valuable lesson was learned by this " friends, and family don't mix with business". In the future don't mix the two... It will save you a lot of heartache. As to what to do... I would send a thank you card... And in that card tell them that you miss them and maybe you can get together some time. That's your way of reaching back... And from there try to reconcile. I'm a strong believer in forgiveness and second chance. No issue is too big to fix... But, both parties have to be on the same page... Which it seems like she is. Good luck!

I would call her and invite her to coffee or lunch to talk.
I went through years of ups and downs with my "best friend" (same situation, been besties since 1st grade, her family is my second family). We went from being together ALL THE TIME, to much much less now that we're adults with very different lifestyles... I have better friends in my life now that I'm very thankful for, but as much as my "bestie" has hurt me a few big times in the past, I can't imagine losing her all together. I just try to keep our friendship in perspective now, she's not my BEST friend, but she's my friend. I don't see her often anymore, but she's a big part of who I am.

Sometimes you just need to put that past behind you and figure out where your friendship is now and just enjoy it for what it is. You don't have to try to be best friends, but it's very sad to lose people that are so important to your past.

The gift was for your DAUGHTER. It's not up to you to send a thank you. Either a thank you note from your daughter, or a verbal thank you from HER is sufficient.

I hate to tell you this, but you are putting the cart before the horse here. This is not necessarily them reaching out to you. This may only be about your daughter.

I would NOT let them back into YOUR life at this point. If your daughter wants to hang with them, that's one thing. But you need to keep your distance. W., you were used and ill-treated and they don't see anything wrong with it. The woman excused her behavior by making the excuse that she doesn't "reach out" to people. That's really just an awful excuse and you'll get more of this kind of thing if you let her back into your life.

So ignore this and be smarter for your experience with them. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Dawn

This is why I keep telling my husband to only go into business with colleagues, NOT with his friends.

I believe in 2nd chance. I believe in 3rd chances. I'd give it a chance.

As for how to proceed, it depends on what your gut reaction was when you saw the gift was from them. Did you feel thankful? Sentimental? Touched? Angry? Confused? If the feelings were positive ones, I'd put it in a Thank You note and tell them your honest feeling, "We were so touched to receive a gift from you." If the feelings were negative, I'd still write a Thank You, but just keep it general, like "Thank you for the nice gift."

Send them a thank you and go from there. If you end up being friends again, you might still always be the one reaching out. Is that okay with you? Is their company worth it?

If so, then go for it. Some people are better at reaching out than others. You know, it all doesn't really matter in the end. Life's short.

It really is so sad what business can do to a friendship. To me, it sounds like a silly fight the two of you had and if there were any true value to the friendship, you should let down your hurt pride and make amends as best possible. She made the first move, the ball is in your court.

My MIL had a life long friendship (since 3 YO) and they were in business together for years. This lady is like an aunt to my husband. Anyway, they had a home staging business and they were able to live in million dollar homes and really got to live the life they could have never had via the business. My MIL married an old boyfriend and he asked her to sell her part out and retire. After all the legalities, you cannot even mention the ladies/friends name in her presence. There is no more mention of her, no more stories. In fact my daughter stayed with them in college so she has memories of her too.

In fact, time keeps moving to the point that the friends husband has passed, I have had a baby, and the daughter who was named after my MIL has had two babies. They are both missing out.

I am still friends with the friend and we update each other about the kids. She has never met my baby, who will turn 7 next month. In our opinion (husband and I), it is mother who is holding some grudge and wont let the BS go and become friends again.

It is turn...just a card will do for now.

Send a thank you card (or have your daughter do it) and try talking or calling without the kids around. Sometimes it doesn't work out for friends (or family) to have a business relationship. Maybe she needed some time to deal with that. If it were me I would probably try talking to her and see where you want to go from there. If she wants to resume the friendship think about if you want things to be different. I have a few friends where I put in a bit more effort than the other person but the friendship is worth it to me but you will need to make that call for yourself. I have also picked up some old friendships after losing touch and mostly it has worked out (only once it didn't, we are friendly but no longer very close--there was just too much old baggage).

Maybe they are testing the waters to see if you are receptive. I think it depends on how much you want this person in your life. If you can put some of the anger behind you, you may find that it is easier to be at the least civil aquaintences than enemies. That being said, there are some former friends that hurt me so bad I would never accept them back. Some I have and we have forged ahead and never looked back and are closer than ever.

just curious though, you say you went to their house almost daily and hung out there on the weekends. Why? Were you invited? Did you ever invite them to your house? Your friend seems like she is reserved and values her privacy, and maybe lacks some social skills. I know if someone was dropping by daily and every weekend it would probably drive me insane. And I wouldn't have to do any work because you always did it for me.

Sounds like they are reaching out so thats what you wanted right? and also do what your heart tells ya, relationships are about putting yourself out there sometimes...you dont have to be best friends and the relationship can be whatever you want it to be from here...I would reach out and send a note.

Of course you need to thank the woman. You received a gift. Just as you thank your Aunt Edna for the homemade afghan, even though it clashes with the living room colors, you need to thank this person for this gift. (Or was it a birthday gift for your daughter?? If so, she needs to be the one writing her thanks, with your encouragement.)

All friendships tend to ebb and flow, sort of. Sometimes they're great, sometimes they're OK, and sometimes they're - practically nonexistent.

It could be that your former friend is now trying to bridge the chasm between her family and yours. However, although she could have done it earlier, you seem to be harboring some bitterness (unforgiving anger) from the past. Bitterness is a great burden. As the saying goes, it's like taking poison and hoping the other person will die. Do you want to keep on carrying that load?

If you don't, start by saying hello to your former friend. Just do the normal politeness thing. You all don't have to fall into each other's arms and become best buddies. Actually, you might want to do this for your daughter. Civility is a good thing, especially in a small town.

If you really have major trouble, you might talk to a counselor - because, again, bitterness is a terrible load to carry.

This is another illustration of why friends usually shouldn't go into business together. Either the business goes down the drain or the friendship does, so many, many times.