Would You Feel Comforable?

For you to have to question this in the first place is a big red flag.

I would find it strange if a man wanted to take my child alone to a remote location, especially if he has kids of his own that do not want to go...

I've alowed my kids 'uncle' to take them hunting. Sometimes there are other people and other times there aren't. Either I trust someone or I don't, I don't look at every person and think pedophile, sorry I can't live in a bubble nor do I want my kids to. However, that doesn't mean I don't trust my gut. It's usually right.

NO NO NO and again NO!!!!.....you are paranoid n over protective and thats just fine-stay that way...

There's a song line I just love:

Not every man over the age of 30
Who plays with children not their own
Is a pedophile
Some people are just nice
- Thou Shalt : Dan leSac & Scroobius Pip

I don't care if he's 12-90
Some men give me the creeps & I wouldn't trust them in the next room much less on a trip.

Most don't.

Ditto some women.

Aka, if it was someone I trusted... No worries. Well, mom worries (accidents, injuries, maimings, death, nuclear halocaust...), but I'd let my son go if he liked. As a matter of fact, I do and have on a number of occasions. These men have been INCREDIBLE influences on my son, and his life is richer for them being in it.

If it wasn't, I wouldn't

Rule of thumb: If I have to ask, then I don't trust them.

RED FLAGS!!!!

Male has own children - but they're not going. (followed by ready excuse)

Male offered.

Known male short time.

Personally, I would never allow any male to have personal alone time with any of my children, close family excepted. That's me, and I don't want to say that you must do the same. BUT....that aside, there's some serious red flags here.

Your gut agrees with me, otherwise you wouldn't be asking.

I second --- listen to your gut.

Either go along or say no. If they are going fishing and you don't enjoy fishing take a book.

You seem uncomfortable with this idea, so I would not.
Listen to your gut.

If this a Boyfriend or something?
If so, did you background check him??? I would.
And, if this is a Boyfriend, and you feel odd about him being alone with your son, he should not be your Boyfriend.

If this were me, I would NOT allow it. At all.

I can't really speak for anyone else, but if it were me, I'd go with whatever my gut says.
Depending on who's asking, and what the circumstances are, if my gut gives me no warning bells, I'd be OK. If there's even a fraction of a second of hesitation, I'd not. And its easy because you don't really have to justify your gut and its thoughts to anyone! :)

You know, we've had a male caregiver for the past couple years. I trust him with my son's life.I've worked with male caregivers who I would trust with my son. I think I'd have to go on gut instinct and a case-by-case basis. I don't believe that any of the criteria mentioned suggests that someone is a child molester, but basically interested in taking a kid fishing, if I'm not mistaken.

We can look for danger everywhere or just trust our instinct. I think a lot of us have been molested by people who had a 'right' to take a kid out (relatives, teachers, clergy.). If you feel this would be something you weren't comfortable with, then don't do it. I can tell you that if our caregiver (who has his own family) offered to take my son out to do something fun, I'd let him go in a heartbeat. There's a connection there and trust. No trust or connection-- no go.

I had to read twice to understand that the man's kids were not going to be there. What?! Huge read flag. Does he have kids around the same age but they aren't going? If they don't want to go why would your son find it enjoyable?
This is one of those situations where you listen to your gut. No one else can tell you what's right and it sounds like you made the same decision I would have. I could care less about a man peeing in front of a little boy.
It's the isolated and alone part that gets me!

for every time you think you are being overprotective-there are nine incidences trying to happen to prove otherwise-this situation has wrong written all over it.

To be fair...I wouldn't with allow this with a female, either.
No.No.No

Sounds like you are not comfortable and that is all that matters.

"The adult male has his own family/children and sons, but offered to take your son because he said his children don't enjoy going."

Gee. I wonder why? (can you hear the sarcasm dripping off of my words?) My answer isn't gender specific. ANY adult that requested this kind of time with my kid alone would be immediately suspect. And no, I wouldn't allow my child to go off with an adult to a place like that under those circumstances.

If it were a close family friend wanting to take my child fishing for the day, perhaps. If it were longer than 4-5 hours, then I wouldn't even consider it. If it were not someone I knew well and trusted completely, I wouldn't even consider it. If this request came from a female or couple that I didn't know well and trusted completely, I wouldn't even consider it. If there were any red flags, I would refuse.

If my BFF's husband, who I've known for 25 years, offered to take my daughter fishing for the day, I'd think nothing of it except that he was giving my daughtter the opportunity to go fishing (which she'll never have from me). If my acquaintance who is in a troubled marriage with an abusive husband asked to take my daughter fishing for the day with whole family,I'd absolutely refuse. So, it's hard to have absolutes.

Sure - it would depend on the situation and the person, but I can think of several instances where similar things have come up. I have a friend who has only one child, a daughter. Daughter and dad don't have the same interests. Daughter is good friends with my oldest son - my son and this dad have done a couple of outings together, just the two of them. I think one was playing golf and the other was a nature walk (my son was vacationing with this family in the mountains and the dad planned a 2-hour bear walk that his daughter had no interest in so my son went anyway because looking for bears is cool). Back before some of my good friends had kids, one friend's husband would take my son for a few hours so that I could go do things with her (I was a single mom). He was a school teacher and a great baby-sitter so I never had any qualms about them hanging out and going somewhere together, "just the guys." And of course, when my husband and I were dating, he would take my son fishing, out on his dad's boat etc. and I wasn't always there.

It sounds like a fishing trip on a boat? If it were truly a case where the guy's kids are sick of the boat and have no interest in fishing and joining dad for the day it a total chore (totally plausible for some age groups) and the boy has expressed an interest in fishing or boating, I can totally see the guy saying "hey the next time I go would you like to come with me?" and then extending the offer for real. That wouldn't be creepy to me. If it was totally out of the blue though, that would be odd.

Your post expresses more of your fear and the scenarios to justify it, but if your suspicions and gut feeling don't make you want to send your son, especially if it is only YOUR son, then there is no other witness to anything that may or may not happen. Don't send him if you're this paranoid over it.

I think it all depends on the person and how well you know them. I've known some acquaintances for 5 years that I wouldn't let my son go with for an outing. Likewise, there are some other people that I've known less time that I would feel comfortable with my son hanging out with. I would be more concerned about my son being on a boat and the safety with that, rather than the bathroom situation. There are many boats that have bathrooms onboard, so are you for sure there won't be something your son could use in private? If something doesn't feel right, then don't send your son, but it seems like you are putting a lot of emphasis on the bathroom issue. If you were going to let your son go on a different outing where private bathrooms were available, there is still the possibility of something happening.

Go with your gut...
With that being said, my husband is an ABSOLUTELY AMAZINGGGGGG father!!!!! He is a very hands on dad.. The "cool dad"... It's very nerve racking thinking people "might" think he's too hands on.... In this day and age you can never be too careful but it also really sucks for the dads that are just simply amazing dads!!!!!

I don't think any of us can adequately answer whether you are being over protective or not. It really depends on your overall attitude and connection to your inner voice. Are you always thinking the worst about situations? Are you the mom that hovers over her child at the playground sure that they will fall and break something versus the reality that they might fall and scrape a knee? Are you the mom that kept hauling your son into the women's room long after he asked to start using the men's room (or worse yet the mom that stands by the men's door and keeps yelling in to your son to make sure he is okay)? If you feel like you normally have a pretty good sense of reasonable versus unreasonably worried all the time, then I would trust your gut on this one. If you are always overly paranoid, then I would gather more info from people who know this man directly, rather than gather justifications from people who have never even met him.

My son is 8, almost 9. We have had numerous conversations already about "bad touch". He is in Cub Scouts and they have us discuss it with our son's every year via a booklet they put out. Personally I think we need to arm kids early and empower them to speak out against abusers if they find themselves in that situation. But that doesn't mean they need to be afraid of every male that comes into their life and wants to take them to do something fun.

It would depend on the person involved. I allowed a male friend to take my daughter deer-hunting with him when she was fifteen. I have known him for years, he is like a second dad to her, and I had no qualms whatsoever about her being alone in the woods with him.

it would depend completely on the male person involved. if i didn't know them well or had any reservations, of course not. but i am confident in my ability to judge people i know well, and don't move in an atmosphere of fear. i don't assume that all men are predatory, so if i know the man well and my spidey-sense is quiet, i'd be fine with it.
khairete
S.

i think maybe in that situation i would not feel comfortable. maybe i'm over protective as well....

my mom had a "boyfriend" who lived with her for almost 10 years. my son was 4 when they split up and he moved out. he was THE BEST with my son. they were best buddies. and yet...now that they have broken up, almost a year later, we don't see him at all. it just feels wrong. he's not family anymore...he refused to marry my mom so he technically was never "family" even though we all treated him as such...but it just seems odd to me for me, a woman, to go visit a single gentleman, with my small child. he and my husband were never big fans of each other, so my husband has no interest...so it just seems awkward to me. leaving my son with him doesn't seem "right" to me either. i feel guilt over this because i do believe in my heart he would never hurt my son, and when he and my mom were together, they were alone together frequently. but now it's just...different. maybe that makes me a bad person? i don't know. it just doesn't seem right now. maybe i should ask my own question about my situation...lol.

but as far as your situation....i don't know. it's a shame, i guess this is the society we live in? but i'm not sure i'd feel comfortable either...

When in doubt always listen to your intutition. It seems strange that he can't get his own sons to go with him, even if he isn't molesting, he could be drinking heavily or have some anger issues or even be cranky. I don't know many sons who have a good relationship with their dad turn down a one on one time with him. If it were a family going, I wouldn't have a problem with it but this seems a bit strange.

No. I wouldn't let my 7 year old son go with any men other than my husband, FIL, or *maybe* my brothers. Not only for the possible inappropriate relationship aspect, but I also wouldn't like the idea of my kid possibly drowning. I don't think you're being paranoid or overly protective. Or maybe I'm paranoid and overly protective ;-)

I think it really depends on the individual, how well and how long you've known him, his relationship with your son, etc. However, I would actually be more concerned about being on a boat at that age without a parent, grandparent or other relative than I would about privacy or molestation issues. I'm a stickler for water safety and I know that other people don't have the same rules that I do about life jacket use, etc. and that worries me. For that reason I am restrictive about letting my boys go to other people's lake homes or cabins. Good luck.

It wouldn't matter to me if the adult were male or female. I would not feel comfortable with allowing this.

I would go with my gut instinct and probably just say no. I know of someone (28 yr old w/2 kids of his own)through a longtime family friend who just got caught molesting his cousin's daughter (11 yrs old) when left alone to babysit her. I've met him several times and never would have thought he'd be "the type" to do that. You never really know...even with relatives. My ex has a daughter from a previous marraige (1/2 sister to my kids) and she came to visit and stayed w/us because she didn't know her dad very well and didn't feel comfortable staying with him. She told me she thought she recalled being molested by him at an early age (she moved out of state before she was 2) -- needless to say he was not alone with her at all any time he visited her. I think she was trying to hurt him or his reputation but still....

I wouldn't be comfortable putting my child in that situation. I don't think you're being paranoid or overly protective at all - I think you're being smart! You're doing exactly what a parent should do, which is thinking about the situation in a different light than the little boy would (it probably just sounds fun to him!) and making an adult, informed decision. I totally agree with you that there are just too many possibilities and it's best to avoid the situation entirely.

Nope.

I wouldn't let most of my BIL take my children out alone either. Certainly not just a friend of the family. Once you know that 1 in 3 girls will be sexually abused in their lifetime and 1 in 8 boys. Statistic show it's also someone typically they know.

So no. My kids stay with me or my husband and don't go out with other adults alone. Call me paranoid if you will but I will control what I can in their lives to keep them safe while I can. After that I'll have to hope I gave them the tools to hopefully not become a statistic of this nature.