Would You Consider This a Serious Emotional Problem?

No, it's not an emotional problem but there appears to be some regressive behavior. Truthfully lots of 10 yr olds still wet the bed and lots of 5yr olds still wear pullups to bed and pretend to be their little sister and lots of 2+ kids are afraid of the potty. I wouldnt look at red flags so much as this mom needs some good support.

instead of a psychologist, I would recommend a big dose of empathy, a healthy serving of unconditional love and support and perhaps an OT evaluation.

My 8yo has night time accidents . My 9yo sucks her thumb. My 13yo can barely tie his shoes.

But none of them tease or judge their friends, so I'm pretty satisfied with the job I've done!

Night time dryness... is something that is not BIOLOGICALLY attained, until even 7 years old, and is normal and is per Pediatricians.

MY daughter, was 5 already, and still using night time diapers.
This is normal.
EVEN If potty trained, kids have accidents... as well.
Some kids, wet the bed, even later.
When my daughter was 7 years old, she had pee accidents at night.
So what.

Now, if MY daughter had teased another child for being in a pull-up, I would have, SCOLDED my daughter, RIGHT there.
I would not allow, my daughter, to "mock" another child.
That is mean. And cold. And callous.

Many Kindergarten age kids, also need help with putting on clothing/shoes/socks.
So what.

I used to suck my thumb as a child too. So what.
I ALSO slept with Loveys.
So what.

Some kids don't want to go home, because they are having fun.
DID you simply ASK her why she doesn't want to go home????

MY kids, used to play in my son's old crib too.
So what.
My kids are 4 and 8.
AND they used the crib as a pretend play, apparatus. Making a tent out of it etc.
So what.

Honestly, it irked me to hear Sally was teased by your daughter for wearing Pull Ups at night. Our daughter is five and still does. All kids develop night training skills at different rates. Our daughter's pediatrician said his own son didn't master it until 12. Wide variation.

Sounds like kids playing as far as the climbing in the crib behavior. No red flag there.

As far as tying shoes, I still have to help our eight-year-old. He has ADHD and certain skills like this just didn't come easy to him. He has a hard time focusing in the morning to deal with something this intricate. He can tie his shoes, but it's an ordeal.

Don't be disturbed by these children. They are just on a different developmental timeline than your child. It's really up to the parents to manage their care and development, so I'd focus your attention solely on your own child. For what it's worth, Sally's mom may be wondering about your daughter's development for teasing her daughter. It's just best not to overanalyze other's kids.

Serious emotional problem? No.

Immature and likely enabled, yes. MANY children have a hard time staying dry at night due to physiological issues. I hope your mother (and you) addressed the teasing with your daughter. That's cruel and likely made the other girl embarassed and uncomfortable.

My guess is that mom hasn't been consistent about the whole potty training thing with any of her kids and probably treats them all as though they are much younger than they are. It's unfortunate, but this isn't a sign of a serious emotional problem, but is likely the sign of an immature child who is allowed to be immature (and probably gets attention for it) at home.

This may come off as a bit snarky. For that I apologize in advance. I would be more concerned about the fact that my child teased another child about what is, in all likelihood, a medical issue than if her friend is immature for her age. And there was no correction of this, just an attempt to change the subject? Rather mean-spirited. It is extremely common for children of all ages to wet the bed and better to wear a pull up than have to change the sheets. I have known several children who were still sucking their thumbs well into elementary school. They are now adults who do not suck their thumbs. Playing in the crib...not a big deal. They were playing. Putting on her shoes...well yeah she probably should be able to do that but is it that she needed help or wanted it?

It sounds to me like Sally probably doesn't get as much attention as she would like from the adults around her so she acts like a younger child so she can gain that attention. Poor Sally. Red flags? Not so much.

I see several things here. Perhaps "Sally" is acting like the younger child to get the attention that the younger child is getting. She also sounds a bit anxious as she is still sucking her thumb for comfort.

As a mother of kids with special needs, I must say it upsets me a bit that your daughter made fun of "Sally" for needing a pull up. Perhaps it's time to have a talk with your daughter about how all kids are different, that everyone has different needs and issues and making fun of someone isn't nice. Maybe Sally needs someone to encourage her.

Does the older boy just wet the bed on occasion or is he not night trained? Do they have other developmental concerns?

I wouldn't be too "disturbed" by this behavior, especially since you don't know much about her family life. Would you feel comfy reaching out to her to see if she needs any help since she has 3 kids? Maybe she's just overwhelmed? Maybe she knows of the developmental issues and doesn't feel comfy talking to you about them because she doesn't see you often? Does your mom see her more often? Perhaps your mom could reach out?

I would hate to see this family perhaps need help and not get it. And making fun of Sally (which will happen by other kids, not just your daughter if she is sucking her thumb at school, too) won't help. It will make the situation worse.

I don't see any red flags at all. How many kids have you known besides your own?

**edited
I realized that may sound rude, but I so didn't mean it that way! Your concern over what I consider typical stuff reminded me of some friends that were raised in "only child" households and didn't have friends with kids so they just really didn't know!

I will try my best to be nice, but I will admit I am feeling a bit defensive myself after reading this post. My 8 year old wets the bed and has since... well since he was born. It has been a long frustrating road, but our whole family has done a lot better since we stopped making a big deal about it and just accepted that, yes, he has a medical condition as MANY children do, and he wears pullups to help keep him comfortable and help the bed stay dry. Thank God he has a few other buddies that have this same condition; it is horrible to worry that people might make fun of him or hurt his self esteem. As a side note, enuerisis runs in families. In fact, my aunt had 4 children at one time who all wet the bed. Can you imagine how hard that would be?!

I have 3 children, ages 8, 6 and 3. The 6 and 3 year old LOVE playing "baby". It is a fun game. If there was a crib around here, I am sure they would climb in it and pretend they were babies. Just like they are playing in boxes right now and pretending they are zoo animals.

My 6 year old sucked her fingers till about 6 months ago. My brother sucked his thumb until he was 15. My 3 year old still sucks her thumb when she is tired or in the car. There are many, many adults out there who still suck their thumbs or have their "loveys" such as a special blanket or stuffed animal. None of these behaviors are abnormal at all.

It sounds like perhaps your children act a bit more "grown up", and that is great. But I really do not see anything odd about your friend's kids actions and I really hope that you will not judge her and them on these little things.

Might be TMI but dang - when I was 6 months preggo I had an intense dream about peeing and what do you know I peed the bed. I placed a mattress protector on it the second time I almost did it again because yuck and oh, they don't make cute pull-ups for adults. I also had on two different shoes one day while out shopping... again preggo, couldn't see my feet and they both were similar in style and next to each other in the dark closet. I hope I didn't raise any flags. I also chew on my thumb sometimes. It's an old habit, much worse when I was younger but sometimes when I'm really stressed or tired I catch myself. Hmm...my daughter and I were playing on her toddler bed - she said, "don't miss the bus Mom!" We played that game for at least 30 minute with different variations of course =)

Just saying... sometimes the glimpses we get of other peoples lives might not be what you interpret. Kind of like reality shows =)

I know a very bright six yr old who talks like a two yr old and sucks her thumb. Her parents are very busy doctors and she is trying to act like her younger siblings to get attention. Pretty normal, and playing in a crib, pretty normal. And deep sleepers dont wake up to go the bathroom When the girl said she did not want to go home did you ask why? Could be she was just having so much fun and didnt want the fun to end. Or did she clam up about why she didnt want to go home? Did you talk to your daughter about making fun of her?

Honestly, I think that your primary concern here should be that your daughter made fun of Sally for wearing a diaper.

She is 6 and is still having a problem. And so is the 9 year old. It could be physical and it could be psychological. Who knows. Their mom will have to deal with that.

There are plenty of 6 year olds who suck their thumbs. Not a huge deal.

If my daughter had the chance to jump into a crib and play - she'd be in there in a heart beat. Why not - it's like playing house.

I wouldn't look too into it. Everyones lives are different. And you mention not really knowing her current situation all that well. So just let it go.

'Serious emotional problem'? Probably not. WAY different kids than yours and WAY different parenting style than yours, sure.

:)

All in all I'm not seeing anything to worry about.
Some kids wet the bed till they are 11 or 12.
(And I'd stop my child from making fun - a pull up is easier than dealing with a wet bed/sheets all the time. There's no maturing her bladder any faster than its own natural rate. Her Mom (and/or Dad) might have had the same problems at that age.)
Some kids WILL NOT quit it with the thumb till they are 7 or 8 - they give it up when they are ready and not one minute before.
'Sally' is a middle child and with a 2 yr old to compete with for attention it doesn't surprise me she acts like a baby because it certainly works for the baby to act like this.
I think she needs some more one on one quality time with her parents and when she feels less insecure, the baby behavior should fall by the way side.

.

Sounds like Sally is competing with the baby of the family for attention. This is entirely normal. Bed-wetting is biological and somewhat hereditary.

Please don't ever allow your child to tease another child for bedwetting. Bedwetters come in two types: shamed and not. The not-shamed kids are matter-of-fact about accidents and help clean them up. The shamed kids hide their wet bedding and diapers under beds, in clean clothes drawers, wrapped up in blankets, and other unsavory places. I've lived with both. I highly prefer the open and unashamed bedwetters. It's a much less stinky experience, and you don't end up picking the remains of pull-ups out of the washed laundry!

It really sounds like the kids are competing for attention. She probably doesn't want to go home because that is the most attention she has had in a while.

Either mom is not one of those hands on moms except for the baby or she just isn't that into parenting so they do what they can. Or maybe she just has strange kids.

I know when kids need attention they will do whatever they can to get it.

If that were my child bullying another child about bed wetting they would have gotten a swat. That was just mean.

A lot of kids suck things until they are even in elementary school. Bed wetting goes on sometimes until adolescence. Tell your mom it's time to take down the crib unless there is another baby that uses it.

While it's a possibility that these kids have emotional problems, I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. Here is a link with some info about bed wetting: http://aacap.org/page.ww?name=Bedwetting&section=Fact...

My 5 year old daughter likes to flip the laundry basket upside down and put it over herself and pretend like she's a puppy or kitty in a cage (we don't even have a cat and we don't keep our dog in a cage) so I don't see anything wrong with them playing in the crib. Sally is probably used to seeing her sister in a crib and thought it would be fun to get in there and play with a friend.

My daughter has some sensory issues and has a very difficult time putting her own socks on so we still have to help her with that. Maybe Sally has sensory issues too or maybe she's just used to being babied. Maybe her mom puts her socks and shoes on her at home so she doesn't know that she should be able to do that herself.

As far as thumb sucking goes, my daughter was a thumb sucker up until a few months before she turned 4. My nephew sucked his thumb, mainly for comfort and when he was tired, until he was at least 7 or 8. Maybe if you're family keeps Sally again you could offer to paint her finger nails a pretty color as long as she agrees to keep her thumb out of her mouth (but don't make a big deal about it). I think it's normal for middle children to feel like they aren't getting enough attention (they actually call it "middle child syndrom"), and maybe she truly isn't, so it may be very comforting for her to suck her thumb.

It's completely normal for a child to not want to go home after they've been out doing something really fun. I can't tell you how many times my daughter is upset when she has to come home from grandma and grandpa's house but that doesn't mean that she has an emotional problem. It just means that she was having fun doing what she was doing and she doesn't want it to end.

I'm not going to beat you up about your daughter making fun of Sally for wearing a pull up. Honestly, my daughter would probably do the same thing and I would just use that as an opportunity to teach her that everyone is different and it's not Sally's fault that she doesn't wake up to go to the bathroom at night. I remember that when I was younger I had a friend who had to wear diapers to bed (pull ups weren't around back then) because she couldn't control her bladder when she slept. I remember thinking it was odd at first (we were about 8 or 9 years old) but once it was explained to me I knew she couldn't help it and we just didn't focus on it.

Maybe you could offer to have Sally come over to play or spend the night once in a while. This would probably help your friend out some and it would let Sally feel important too. It would probably make her feel good to not have to share the spotlight with her little sister and big brother and maybe you could help to foster some independence in her.

I agree with the posts who say the "bedwetting" runs in families. My understanding is it's not just a question of deep sleepers, but there is a hormone that the body produces to regulate how much urine we produce at night -- and that hormone kicks in at different ages in different families. So if it's still developing for the 9 year old, it makes sense the 6 year old would not be ready either.

The 2 year old is just becoming of age to potty train -- so what's the big deal there?

The thumb sucking -- also typical for many kids. Playing in the crib -- so what - pretend play is common

I think that "Sally " is maybe wanting a little more of the attention her baby sibling is getting.

Bottom line -- these kids aren't showing red flags to most of us here -- but your daughter does need to be taught tolerance/acceptance for those who are different from herself. Maybe mom too?

i read through the other responses to see if someone had mentioned this and i didn't see it.

If i read your question right, This little girl spent the night with Your mom, then You took your mom and the two girls to the circus. That sounds like a big weekend/day what have you. No way my 6 yo wouldn't be overstimulated and acting a little out of sorts wether it be some comfort think like thumbsucking, or trying to take advantage of a grandmotherly figure putting her shoes on for her.
If you feel strongly about this, keep your eye on the family and like others have said maybe see what you and your mom can do to help. Taking Sally to the circus sounds like a great thing to do. If you have concerns about how your daughter acts around Sally you need to take that up iwthyour mom.

I see no red flags here. My daughter is 10 years old & very rarely will wet the bed, like maybe 2-3 times a year, but it happens. In our situation, it's rare enough that we don't bother with the pull-ups & we know it only happens when she's just completely exhausted so even if we have her go to the bathroom right before bed, there's still a possibility.

As for the sucking thumb, baby talk, etc., just like the majority of other mom's answers, all kids develop differently, that some physical issues run in families, and that middle children generally always beg for extra attention every chance they get.

To me I would be concerned.. but then again you dont know too much about your friend besides what contact you have had... maybe like the other moms have mentioned it isnt a red flag.. but to me, no kids we associate with act like that or still wet the bed past the age of 4. And I dont think it is inappropriate your daughter said something about the pullup, my kids would have too I am sure, but I would discourage it and explain some kids still have accidents. Just monitor when you are around them and see if anything unusual comes up that is more concerning. I personally would be concerned if my kids started mirroring those behaviors.

To be honest, I can't answer your question. I am not a trained professional when it comes to childhood development & behavior.

Aren't you concerned about your daughter making fun of other kids' downfalls? I'd be more worried about my own kid than someone else's kid, who's probably just immature for her age & attention seeking.

I couldn't agree more with Momtoo M.

IT is not uncommon for children to wet the bed to age 10. And I think it even runs in families. I don't think thumb sucking or even acting like a baby when she has a baby sister is uncommon either. And, my 3 year old never wants to leave to go home. He just enjoys being out. Maybe this child just had fun. You can keep an eye out, but strictly based on what you said here, I don't think these is cause for alarm.

My 6 yr old girl wears a "goodnight" pull up every single night. Its much more common than you are apparently aware of. We don't love that she wears these still, but she hasn't developed that yet.

The behavior with the crib, and thumb sucking does sound unusual. But not alarming. She has a small sister, she may be into playing with her in the crib and watches her suck her thumb.

After reading a lot of the answers I just wanted to add that I think what a lot of people are missing is that the totality of it all is the red flag, not any one piece. These children I talk about below also have potty accidents at 5 and 7 and even during the day at times. I only WISH their mother was wise enough to put the oldest in a pull-up at night because I don't appreciate my furniture getting wet and have been forced to put him on an outdoor chair cushion so that I can clean it easily.

It is not abnormal when a child does any of these things by themselves or one or two. But when a child is still doing many of these things at the same time, I AM worried. I sucked my thumb as a child. I was molested from an early age. I didn't wet the bed. I don't think I played baby either. But I've seen many children like this that simply refuse to grow up. I do believe they are acting out because they are experiencing fear someplace in their life and babies are always highly protected. Grown ups LOVE and CARE for babies and HOVER over babies.

It's sad to see things like this and there simply is not enough information to go on. I have 2 children in my care now that are driving me batty. They are 5 and 7. They are able to do most things by themselves. But they still want carried, cry at the drop of the hat, do not have the foggiest notion how they should behave at their own age level, tattle constantly, won't put their shoes by the door, never remember where they took their shoes off, and I'm sure if I thought about it longer I could think of many more examples. They act a lot more like 3.5 and 5.5 in age. BUT, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Their mother is going on 28 years old and she's all high drama all the time. Everyday she posts on facebook every thought and feeling that comes into her head. I post a lot. There's nothing wrong with facebook and being addicted to it. But she seems to be addicted to saying just a little bit that makes her sound like she's always in trouble or in distress so that she can get as much sympathy and feedback as possible and make everyone ask her if she's okay.

I'm guessing that there is some serious dysfunction in this family you are describing. Even after reading what others have to say, I still lean towards understanding why you are fearful. I also don't think your daughter did anything wrong. Pull-ups should be kept in private and put on in private. We spend a lot of time telling our children how grown up they will be when they go potty all the time on the potty. Then some of you expect them to not think it's weird that someone older than them is wearing a pull-up?