Worried That I Have Done the Wrong Thing

In today's society I don't think there is any jumping the gun. I think you did the right thing. Better to learn it from you than at school, which unfortunately is where a lot of this is learned now.

Nope. I learned all about birds and bees when I was 8. My oldest sister had her first baby (she is 14 yrs older than me) and someone bought me a book for kids and explained it to me. Personally I remember being grossed out. LOL

I was in your shoes 9 months ago after finding out that I was pregnant with my second child. My son was 8 y/o and the time came when we had to tell him that mom was going to have a baby. I knew he would ask a million questions and agonized for months over how to go about telling him. I didn't want my "baby" knowing about sex yet!!! It seemed waaaayyy too early for me. I went to my Christian Book Store and found the oldest, most conservative woman I could find...lol...and asked her opinion. GET THIS....she said that 30 YEARS AGO when she approached her daughter about sex at the age of 9 b/c she was pregnant with her second child...HER daughter already knew all about it!!! So...needless to say I quickly realized that it is NEVER to early to tell our kiddos about sex. She put my mind at ease by saying, "Wouldn't you rather know that you got to them first with the correct information than them hearing it incorrectly from someone at school?" YES!! I was able to explain to my son how the world tried to make it a bad thing but God intended it to be a WONDERFUL thing!! I found a neat book that explained it...and learned that there is a Christian series that starts with Toddlers explaining about our differences and such. We sat down and had a nice chat, he giggled when the "proper" names for body parts were used but I kind of expected that. I also explained that sex is something we don't go around talking about outside the home. It's not his place to tell his friends, their mommies and daddies should do that. And, if he hears something and wants to know if it's true or what it means then he can ask us. It went very well and wasn't the big deal I thought it would be! :) Heads up....now that she knows what the word "Sex" means you gotta be very careful about where she hears it and how it's being portrayed. I have been in a few situations where something was on TV in a store or a commercial and I saw that it caught my sons attention. I've then had to put it into context and explain how that fits/doesn't fit with our views of sex. Just be prepared for questions and you'll be fine!! You made a VERY wise decision in this day and age, though I know it was a hard one! God Bless!

I can't imagine that children are having sex that young. I have a 4th grader and although he's been interested in girls since he was 5 he is certainly not interested in sex. No, you did not start too young. I have always felt it is best to keep the lines of communication open. I explained it to my boys when they were 5 and 7, mostly because I was pregnant and they demanded to know how they baby got there, telling about how a seed grows into a flower was not cutting it with them so I did the same as you. I told them the truth. Not a conversation I wanted to have either, but it needed to be done. Stop beating yourself up, your're doing just fine.

I think you did the right thing! I think being open and honest about the whole thing makes a world of difference. Good for you! Don't feel bad about it, you did the right thing!

-T.

J.,

I think alot of people underestimate children and what they can handle. My daughter has always been ahead of her time and has always known more than I wish she had at the time of any age she was. She is now 14 and because I've always been open with her as well as her father (My ex husband)she has blossomed into a very educated and smart decision maker. I have no doubt that your daughter will take this knowledge and absorb it to realize you did it because you love her. My daughter and I have a close relationship and I tell her that the reason why I tell her things is because I dont want her to be completely out of the dark and not make the right decision when a situation arrises. She is 14 and already has been asked to have sex and she was strong enough to say no. Thank God she felt open enough to even tell me and she broke up with the boy. She told me that she has so much that she wants to accomplish before getting involved in sex and that she knows that boys will say just about anything to get you to change your mind. Its sad but there have been a few girls in her school (13, 14) that came out pregnant and I truly feel that its because of lack of communication on the parents with those girls that allowed them to make the decisions they did. You are a great parent for deciding to take the initiative so dont beat yourself up for it. We live in a different world than when you and I were in school. She will remember this and keep it with her.

Also, it is with faith in God, communication, love and keeping your daughter (especially girls) full of self esteem and love for themselves that will allow themselves to love themselves enough to make good decisions. If you've laid out this foundation...You have done your Job.

God bless!

I do not think you jumped the gun at all. Every year it feels like the kids are getting younger and younger when they start to have sex and talk about it. That is so weird to me. I guess since I was in private school we never had to deal with really young kids having sex. I didn't really experience other kids talking about it or having til I got into high school. But now a days they are so young and that scares me. I feel the sooner you talk to your child the better.

I do not think that it is a bad idea at all. Fortunatly, I have not had to go through with the "sex talk" YET...as my children are so very young. My best friend has children that are much older than mine (ages 13 (girl) and 9 and 7 (boys)). She has told them all about sex. She started talking with her children about sex when her daughter was 3. She started this early to make sure that she would be 100% comfortable with talking about the nitty-gritty details when her children got older. Children at age 9 will only listen to a portion of what you have to say during discussions and will only remember what they want to remember. Just a suggestion, but next time ya'll are talking (in general or something specific) bring up sex. Talk about it ALL. Every single aspect of it. Not only the consequences and that sex is only meant for two people who love each other and who have made a commitment to be together for the rest of their lives, but everything. And you have to make sure that you are comfortable telling her. If you are not, then she will be more willing to listen to her friends talk about sex due to they will be comfortable talking about it and it will seem more believable. My friend's daughter knows every little thing about sex. The good, the bad, and the ugly. The more they know from you, the less likely that they will be led astray by peers at school. Her daughter is very open with her when it comes to guys. She has even told boys that ask her out that she is not ready for dating yet. She is also comfortable talking about sex and asking questions when she has them. She will even sit down with me and talk openly about sex. I think my friend has done a great job in educating her daughter about sex. I think that all parents should start at an early age with their children so that it makes it easier when they are old enough to have "real" questions about sex and their bodies. It helps in the long run and it will keep communication lines open.

I don't think it is too early. I have 4 daughters, however I never sat them down and gave them the whole story so to speak. For me it made more sense to let them have it in little pieces. For instance.. when they ask questions I give them whatver information they can take and still maintain interest. So this last summer when my 5 & 7 yr old daughters saw the neighbor boy who is 3 pee in his yard they freaked out and wanted to know what the thing between his legs was. So... I fed them the information about how boys and girls are different... etc. (and of course how he should not have pee'd in his yard) but no one asked WHY they had that thing? They just wanted to know what it was. One day they will want to know more. For now.. they have decided that boys are disgusting and they were absolutely appalled that Daddy and brother and thier DOG!!! has one of those things. Recently they asked me if I am married then why am i not having another baby? I told them that I chose to be done because I already have 5 babies. My 7 year old asked how can I keep from getting a baby in my tummy if i don't want one. So of course, I naturally explained that I have special pills I get from the doctor so I don't get pregnant. She was satisfied with that. One day, she'll ask me more information and until that time I just make sure she knows about how her private parts are "private" to everyone except Mommy and the doctor if Mommy is with her at the doctors office. They know that boys and girls do not show each other thier private parts until they are married. Even that grosses them out.. my 7 year old realizes that Mommy and Daddy must see each other because we sleep together. She once said.. "UGGG SO you and Dad have to see each others stuff.. gross!!" LOL Basically.. having raised 2 daughters successfully (who are 19 and 22)... I've learned that even if you try to tell her all at once, she won't really retain all the information for the long term and will probably ask more questions. The important part is that you are NOT afraid to talk to her openly and she is comfortable talking to you about ANYTHING!!! That will go very far for you in her teenage years if you keep that up! One thing to think about... is puberty and explaining things about her own body.. My sister-in-law started her period when she was 9! If she is going to get the birds and the bees lesson.. she might need the menstrual cycle lesson pretty soon.

J.

I don't believe that you "jumped the gun" at all here in this situation. Kids get so much information from the media, tv, friends etc. Most of which can be false information.
It is important that we as parents talk to them about important issues especially sex. After all don't you wish that your parents would have talked to you more about difficult topics....maybe not but I know I wish that my parents had. Your daughter will most likely feel more comfortable talking to you about sex since you have had this conversation.
I have 2 stepdaughters and wish that I would have had the sex/girl talk with them last summer. I know this should be their mom's job but she doesn't communicate with us and I am sure she hasn't approached the subject!! So that is my goal this summer.
So once again I must say that you did the right thing and keep it up. Communication with our kids is so very important!!!

Dear J.:
Kids usually ask exactly as much as they want to know. You could bring up something like: "Have you already learned about where babies come from?" If the answer is no, you can follow up by "Well, let me know if you want to know more about it." A long speech may be as boring to them as anything long (at that age).

If they ask precise questions, like "Why do boys have a pee-pee?" you could go into sex talk all the way to ED - when all they wanted to hear is "For peeing."

I would tell them about it briefly and then wait for their questions. If they don't have any, they are simply not interested. If they do, they will steer the conversation.

Keep in mind that they may see things on the Discovery channel, so they probably know more than you would like to realize. As long as you inform them (with facts, not threats or negatives) and point out the purpose of 'normal' sex, you are doing fine. I would stay away from 'perversions' in your informative talk until they are older, but you may want to warn them that some people are out there who are abnormal. That goes more with the "Don't talk to strangers" than the "Sex" talk...

If it makes you feel any better, both your girls probably 'explored' their own bodies already at those ages, so you are not jumping the gun. You can choose the moral/religious or the technical/biological explanations, ideally a bit of both.

Regards,
W.

no ma'am you did not jump the gun, my mother informed me on the subject at the age of 5, after it held no mysterious fascination i believe i was no longer curious. furthermore i am shocked to hear children are having sex that young!! I am still young and my generation waited until at least 15(and that's really young too). What is this world coming to? scary stuff.

I don't think you jumped the gun at all!! I knew kids in my daughters class last year that already knew about sex, (she is also nine and a third grader now) and we have talked about it in detail as well. She has two much younger siblings, and a couple of older cousins that one of them had already fed her some bad info. I would rather my daughter hear it from me than some little kid!! Kudos to you!! It's our job to talk to our kids....not anyone else's. In this day and age, things are happening earlier than when we were that young. So I totally support what you did!! (My oldest neice had 4 pregnant girls in her JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!!)
Bless you
april

Not at all! I learned about sex when I was 10 and that was 22 years ago! Kids are getting exposed to sex younger and younger, and it is much better to hear it from you than from a friend. I think that you did a good job of addressing it. Since you have already discussed it with her, she will feel comfortable coming to you with anything that may come up in the future.

Nooooooooooo...you haven't jumped the gun at all. You're a great mom for being so concerned and proactive. It is scary how early kids are getting involved in sex. And they are hearing about it from their peers sooner than we'd like to think. It's much better that she get the information from you. Even more important, she now knows that she can talk to you about these things.

My son is 5, and the little guy has shown several signs of sexual curiosity for the past year or two. So we have already discussed our private parts & that God gave them to us to share with our wife/husband when we are married. I haven't gotten into the technical aspects of sex yet, but I imagine we will by age 9 or so. I want it to be something he & his sister & brother always know they can talk about with us...an open concept (but private outside of the home).

Good job for talking to her about it. It sounds like she took it well. And I know it was hard, but don't just "dump and run." This isn't the last time she should hear about it from you. Let it be a topic you discuss periodically. If you hear of a teenage pregnancy or a rape or anything that could strike up the topic, use that to just casual bring it to heart now and then. That is how my mom handled it, and it really helped.

Way to go, Mom!!
C.

It is never too early to talk to your children about sex. I had my first discussion with mine when she was 5 because of some situations we have experienced with family friends that prompted her questions. It opens the door to having more meaningful and detailed discussions as your child gets older, and lets them know that it is a subject they can always come and talk to you about. She is now 14 and we have always been able to have very open discussions about sex as she has gotten older, and I am so thankful now that we started them as early as we did. There are some great books available about talking to your children about sex and appropriate things to say for their age group. There are also books available for your child to look at with age appropriate pictures and cartoons to help them understand. The key is to gear your talk to their age, answer only the questions they ask, and I have always found it most effective to weave God into the picture as well . . . He created sex for men and women to enjoy as a married couple. Dennis and Barbara Rainey are Christian authors who have written several books on raising kids and you would find their advice very helpful. I am sure you can find them on Amazon. Good luck!

Hi J.! Don't worry too much about it. She responded well and it's better she heard it from you guys than someone else. My stepson (age 9) came home and kept asking us what this hand gesture was (that means intercourse) and my husband finally told him. He basically told him the same thing you guys did but I felt he was also too young. But like I said, it's better you than some kid at school. I think your kids will trust you more and be able to come to you with issues they have if you've talked to them about this kind of stuff. She'll be fine...just keep the lines of communication open.

C.

I don't think you did the wrong thing at all. Trust your instincts. I had to get the whole story at 9 because I had started my period. If your daughter received it well, sounds like you did the right thing

Hi J.,
I have a 9 year old son who has begun to hear things around school and I too took the initiative to tell him in the most dispassionate of ways! He was sort of grossed out! But fascinated too that thats how he came about!
I have actually read and heard that the earlier you mention sex factually to them the better, and suppossedly it is less interesting, less shocking, less *anything* because they heard about it when it was so far away from them.
You did the thing that you thought best, more power to you!
I wouldnt worry that her innocense has been taken from her, or her childhood shortened.. they are still them, just with a little more knowledge about the world around them and their bodies.
Take care
A. - mom to Dominic (9) and Julian (6)

Not at all!!! I present classes to parents on how to "Talk the Talk" with their child. If she has ever watch TV, then she may have seen the act or what may lead up to it. The last thing you would want is for the media or her peers to educate her on sex, love, and relationships. As a parent you want to be able to instill your morals and value pertaining to sex before anyone else can. I have two girls age 2 & 6. When my oldest was five, she started asking questions, that's when I knew it was time to inform her. Some might say that was too early, but I say when your child start showing an interest or is being exposed to sexually explicit topic(internet, songs, TV); then it's time to talk. I also share with parents that it is important to cover all aspects of sex. More and more of our children is engaging in oral sex as early as elementary. Believe me it is happening in the houston area. I could go on & on, but it is so many trends that are around now that is becoming the norm for alot of teens and it's our duty as parents to educate our children.

Don't worry. You did the right thing.

I'm so glad you feel better about it. My mom told me at 10 and I already knew about it from my friends...and all my friends were from christian families! It's sad that we have to worry about this kind of thing but it's better to have the 'talk' then for them to be misinformed by their friends.

S., mom to four little girls

Peace and Bless your heart. You did a great job and we all should not wait until our children are teenagers to tell them about life. Because there are children out in the world that have experienced, participated and seen it all at 7 years old and younger. I talked with my son when he was 5 years old. We have to also remember to teach our children self-respect and respect for others, instill morals and keep their self-esteem high. Sometimes we leave everything upto the teachers and other adults outside of the home. We are our children's first and main teacher in life. When we teach our children young it sticks with them for life.
Love, Blessings and ten thumbs up to you!
Sistah Rfuaw

J.,

Even though you feel awful about the sex talk, you have done the right thing. Just make sure that you keep the door of communication open with your daughter.

Now that you have given her the information, make her feel comfortable enough that she can come back to you and ask questions. She will be your guide.

You sound like a wonderful caring mom, so don't worry. Be involved with your children, and talk, talk, talk to them!

A Grandmother